How do you become a good master or mistress?

[naughtycole]

How do you become a good master or mistress?
Would like to learn or if u have any ideas e mail me
I have been asked if IM a master and I try but I know my limitations.
I need all the help and advise I can get.
Email address removed in accordance with forum policy.

 

[snoozebutton]

May sound strange but get to know her first. I found that by getting to know each other first you share all your hopes and dreams up front. And that really helps you to be the best Dom for her. It's so much more a mental and emotional bonding than it is physical contact. When she searches your eyes it's what she sees there that puts her at ease. Hope that helped.

 

[~Dream~]

snooze said a lot there

Be yourself ,be Honest at all times,and COMMUNICATE with Her ,That's how I got my Master...I got to KNOW Him 1st and see HOW He reacted to me..

 

[Ricckk]

How do you become a good master or mistress?
I have been asked if IM a master and I try but I know my limitations.

Very complex question, or it least I feel it should be seen as complex.

First, like 90% of the topics on the board, it is a matter of semantics. Ask the board "what is a Master?" and you will get thirty different answers, not to mention flaming, accusations, and insults.

So I submit that along very loose paremeters, YOU must decide what being a "master" means to YOU. That you have mastery (control) of an individual or individuals? What level of control is the determining factor? That you have a certain (undetermined) level of knowledge about a subject? about an activity? about yourself? Quite often you can hear of someone being called a "Master" (by him/herself or by others) because he or she knows how to wield a crop or can tie a certain kind of knot, but this same individual turns out to be a psychopath. Is that person a Master? A good Master?

In other words, my opinion is that you must look within yourself to determine what being a master is to YOU before you can determine if you can think of yourself as one. And then you must determine what "good" means to you. Would it be oxymoronic if your submissive is the one that determines this? Would the sub then be controlling you?

My personal take on being "good" (for myself only) is to try to know myself, understand myself, my strengths and challenges, to strive for growth, and to ALWAYS consider how my actions (physical, verbal and non-verbal) affect other people, ESPECIALLY the one who considers me her master. For ME it means I first have a kernel of mastery over myself and that I am providing some POSITIVE benefit (protection, growth, strength, etc etc ect) to my submissive.

But as I have said before... what the hell do I know; I don't consider myself a "Master", my submissive is the one who honors me with that "title".

 

[Skitten]

You should know her or him first know him more than you have ever really known anyone else. And to share everything with them about yourself and your feelings. Be open and honest with them. Show them respect. I am sure there are a lot more things but theese are some that should come first. Because how can you be a good Master if you really do not know you subs and how they work or what they are all about.

 

[NemoAlia]

Add to that good advice all of the advice given in the threads listed under "Domination" in the BDSM Talk Library, and you'll have a good start!

 

[Andreina]

In my humble opinion understanding your wants and needs is key to becoming a good dom/me. Equally important, however, is to understand the wants, needs and limits of your sub.

There is and there can't be a single recipe to become a good dom/me - it would be boring. Experimenting is fun and mistakes will be made from both sides, but at the end of the day if you have met somebody who is on the same level as you it is all about trying to reach new limits.

 

[zipman]

How do you become a good master or mistress?
Would like to learn or if u have any ideas e mail me
I have been asked if IM a master and I try but I know my limitations.
I need all the help and advise I can get.
Email address removed in accordance with forum policy.

As Rickk said, this simple question requires a pretty complex answer.

My recommendations would be:

1) Research - read books, forums whatever you can get your hands on about technique and the psychology of BDSM
2) Think about what you really want, what excites you, what turns you on and why it does
3) Talk to your partner about what they really like, what they want and why
4) Communicate more about what you will do together, discuss safety, limits and safewords
5) Go slowly, think of BDSM as a journey that you are on, and don't waste your time trying to compare yourself to others
6) Always talk afterwards about what you liked and what she liked. Find out what she didn't like and why
7) Continue to communicate throughout your relationship. Things change
8) Keep learning. When you stop, you stagnate, there is always more to learn.

Of course, this is the quick answer.