how do i ?

[pandoravampire]

Ive been having a relationship with someone for a short time, the guy is good company and so far, its been a lovely and low key. The sex is ok, but its vanilla.
The last time i tried to introduce chocolate to vanilla, it was not a success, but that was with my husband, who'm ive since separated from (see what i mean about not a success?)
I enjoy this current relationship, its no strings attatched as sort of friend/fuck buddy. Neither of us have a lot of time outside of work and for me, my children, so i dont feel i can commit to someone who's looking for that someone special, as im not able to provide this. Right now, i dont want anyone stepping into the family part and rocking what is a settling down boat now. So on the 3rd date with this man, explained that there is only a small part of my life accessable, thats when i get to be ME, not me the mum, me the working woman etc.

So i have a nice new friend, who has been out of a relationship for 8 months, feels that he does not want to commit having just started a new business and also has little HIM time to offer. For us, the arrangement is reciprocal and enjoyable too.

But the sex - whilst ok, is not bdsm. And i dont seem to be able to go back. Well i do, coz thats what ive been doing i guess, but it lacks depth of mind body and spirit. It lacks creativity, and it certainly lacks that feeling of being on top of the world for a few days post playing. I think im having chinese food sex at the moment, 1/2 hr later, and im hungry again.

Im not into casual sex, nor into public play, so i would kinda like to have a go at turning this one if i can. But how do i broach the subject? I dont want to scare the guy off.

Any ideas then?
ps. a switch in a hettie set up.

 

[Etoile]

Hi PandoraVampire!

You might want to check the BDSM Library. We have had many threads in there about this very subject.

 

[Dstorage]

Rent "Basic Instinct" sometime. I never saw it but apparently there was a bit of bondage with scarves in it? Rumor has it that long scarves were hot sellers for quite a while when this movie came out.

Anyway, it opens the door to a friendly wager sometime where the loser gets tied up...

 

[catalina_francisco]

Only you can decide, but there are lessons to be learned from past experiences and as you have said, you already have had one experience of trying to turn a vanilla into something they weren't and it didn't work and likely cost you a lot of energy and heartache into the bargain. You may get lucky, but do you really want to take the chance of going over old territory again now you have discovered what it is you really need and want? I know it is often easier to go where it feels familiar, but it sounds from your words it is not where you want to be. Draw strength from the self knowledge you have gained and go for what is going to really make you happy long term or for however long you want it to...like losing weight, it is a matter of willpower and changing your diet and you are on your way.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

apparently there was a bit of bondage with scarves in it?

Actually, as a side note, silk scarves are not recommended for use in bondage! (I'm not directing this at you, Dstorage, your comment just reminded me of this.) When knotting scarves, it is VERY easy for the knots to become so tight that they cannot be easily undone in an emergency. If you are going to play with scarves, it is advisable to have a knife or strong scissors handy in case of emergency.

 

[ReadyOne]

ll due respect to the gentleman, neither of you are together for more than sex. If he doesn't come around, there are others to take his place. Don't be afraid to talk to him about it. Maybe give him a story to read, a then say "I'm into things like this; are you interested?"

 

[graceanne]

What worked for me was having my husband read one of my stories. It turned out that he likes the whole bondage thing, but he didn't think I would, and so was afraid to bring it up! LOL So you'll never know till you ask.