How do I reduce my neediness?

[Bigboobbabe]

Just something to ponder... (not expecting you to answer me) Are your emotional needs met?

I notice I crave things less when I am with my partner and I am emotionally fine and balanced. Addictions are usually symptoms, not the core issue.

Right you are. And for the past 8+ weeks, no.
Counselor 2x a month for Ptsd associated with childhood trauma.

 

[Strixaluco]

Right you are. And for the past 8+ weeks, no.
Counselor 2x a month for Ptsd associated with childhood trauma.

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

Neediness often stems from insecurity. The cure is often in self-confidence.

This is true.

I love my mum but too much time around her erodes my self confidence and self esteem. I just spent 10 days with her.
Master has been dealing with all sorts of bullshit from me since I left to visit with her. I am hypersensitive, everything I hear or read from him is filtered through a layer of negativity so all I see and hear is negativity even when it's not there.

I am glad he is patient enough to be prepared to help me through this while my self confidence regains it's strength

 

[Strixaluco]

This is true.

I love my mum but too much time around her erodes my self confidence and self esteem. I just spent 10 days with her.
Master has been dealing with all sorts of bullshit from me since I left to visit with her. I am hypersensitive, everything I hear or read from him is filtered through a layer of negativity so all I see and hear is negativity even when it's not there.

I am glad he is patient enough to be prepared to help me through this while my self confidence regains it's strength

 

[JennyCapricorn]

This is true.

I love my mum but too much time around her erodes my self confidence and self esteem. I just spent 10 days with her.
Master has been dealing with all sorts of bullshit from me since I left to visit with her. I am hypersensitive, everything I hear or read from him is filtered through a layer of negativity so all I see and hear is negativity even when it's not there.

Oh sweet little Minx. That’s horrible. <hugs>

I am glad he is patient enough to be prepared to help me through this while my self confidence regains it's strength

You’re lucky for that.

 

[lovecraft68]

This is true.

I love my mum but too much time around her erodes my self confidence and self esteem. I just spent 10 days with her.
Master has been dealing with all sorts of bullshit from me since I left to visit with her. I am hypersensitive, everything I hear or read from him is filtered through a layer of negativity so all I see and hear is negativity even when it's not there.

I am glad he is patient enough to be prepared to help me through this while my self confidence regains it's strength

Yeah, parents install the buttons, and they know how to push them, don't they? My wife talks to my mother way more than I do because with my wife my mom puts on 'the act' and avoids the shit she gets into with me.

I admit I am not too familiar with your situation. I do understand self loathing which is not that far off from lower self esteem, they can lead to self destructive behavior and bad choices. Fortunately for you, you are dealing with online long distance play and not getting in with the wrong person in real life.

I wonder, if the fact you seek actual relationships online is the issue. Because as you said, most seem to want to play initially then get bored and move on because online is pretty much the definition of NSA.

Maybe you're better suited to doing some role plays, play out a game, have fun, then move on yourself to the next game. You have a husband so there is consistency and contact in your life even though he's not into what you're into. You're better off than many in that regard, most guys are so jealous and insecure themselves they wouldn't want to allow what you do.

Maybe focus on you don't have it as bad as you feel sometimes, and that you, not anyone else, is in control of what you want, don't rely all the time on the other party.

I know this is all easier said than done, just my opinion on the matter. Good luck.

 

[curioustxn]

Right you are. And for the past 8+ weeks, no.
Counselor 2x a month for Ptsd associated with childhood trauma.

A childhood trauma can have a negative impact on a person's whole life.

 

[jaF0]

I won't quote the post(s), but I see terms here that are not conducive to self respect, something of which I have none. My situation is quite unique and not one I recommend to anyone. But when there are two, they must be equal. One cannot be above the other. Degrading and demeaning terms for either have no place.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

A childhood trauma can have a negative impact on a person's whole life.

Yes, it does.
I can often control it. But if I get off-kilter, I go totally off the rails.

 

[curioustxn]

Yes, it does.
I can often control it. But if I get off-kilter, I go totally off the rails.

A man once told me: "Yesterday is past, and we can't change that - - the future is not here yet, and we can't do anything about that - - the only thing we have any control over is today."

There comes a point in life where we have to put things in perspective, let go of the past, and tell ourselves: "That was then, and this is now."

We can't fix the past, we can only live today, and the future is what we make it.

I don't know if that makes any sense..........

 

[Strixaluco]

A man once told me: "Yesterday is past, and we can't change that - - the future is not here yet, and we can't do anything about that - - the only thing we have any control over is today."

There comes a point in life where we have to put things in perspective, let go of the past, and tell ourselves: "That was then, and this is now."

We can't fix the past, we can only live today.

I don't know if that makes any sense..........

It makes on its own, but not necessarily regarding her situation.

 

[MiaBabe23]

I’m no help whatsoever, other than to offer hugs of understanding, and express agreement with many points so well made here
And to hope you know you deserve all the love and affection he and everyone shows you, which you might not always feel is true, but hopefully deep down you know is

 

[linkierox]

I need to stop being needy. It's fucking with my ability to emotionally regulate.

So, a bit of context, I am married in a quite vanilla relationship. My husband is more than content with me partaking in online, preferably international play.

About a decade ago I had an amazing Master who passed away. It kinda broke me, and suppressed my libido. It was fucked up.

I recently got in back in contact with a long term on and off international playmate. His life doesn't allow him much time for me. Every time we play and we don't talk the next day I hit a serious low. Everyone else I have recently met starts out giving me a lot of attention, then it fades off to intermittent. I have a tendency to overthink and get in my own head and spiral.

Any tips on how to stop the need to be needy?

The thing of being needy is that because you want to be loved, fiercely. Who doesn’t? It’s just yours is higher than some doesn’t mean you have to stop it. You just need to find the one who be there for you. I’ve just experienced this (the urge to stop being so needy) myself, and the moral of the story is you need to put yourself first. Even when you’re needy, you also put yourself first and ask for what you need. So what makes the difference is when to put yourself first, and what does putting yourself first mean in each scenario. Once your body endures enough, you will know what to do. In my case, I wanted more but he couldn’t give it to me, so I chose to stop. Even though it sucked, I put myself first here by finding the one who will be there for me whenever I feel “needy”. I knew I would be miserable with him anyway, so why not find something better?

I’m also an overthinker myself, but THERE. ARE. EVIDENCES. to make you think that. Don’t doubt yourself. Even if you’re wrong, there are definite things that you make you irk.

I want to give you a virtual hug so much, if that’s okay with you. I wish you all the best

 

[Bigboobbabe]

A man once told me: "Yesterday is past, and we can't change that - - the future is not here yet, and we can't do anything about that - - the only thing we have any control over is today."

There comes a point in life where we have to put things in perspective, let go of the past, and tell ourselves: "That was then, and this is now."

We can't fix the past, we can only live today, and the future is what we make it.

I don't know if that makes any sense..........

Very much!

I added a new poster to my rotation.

If you don't leave your past in the past, it will destroy your future.
Live for what today has to offer, not what yesterday has taken away.

I am doing this. Consciously.

 

[jaF0]

Yesterday took away today. And tomorrow. All of them.

 

[rubinored]

Hi MissMaiden. I've just stumbled across this thread but what I've read reminds me so much of a friend of mine. I've supported her as much as I can and I continue to do so whenever she wants me to. I'm absolutely not a therapist but I take time to listen to her and give her advice when I can. She is prone to real dips in mood and has made unwise choices. But, in my eyes she's a truly amazing person who will always have my love no matter what.