How do I reduce my neediness?

[jaF0]

So after all these one night stands
You've ended up with heart in hand
A child alone
On your own
Retreating
Regretful for the things you're not
And all dreams you haven't got
Without a home
A heart of stone
Lies bleeding

And for all the roads you followed
And for all you did not find
And for all the things you had to leave behind



Your childhood eyes were so intense
While bartering your innocence
For bits of string
Grown-up wings
You needed

But when you had to add them up
You found that they were not enough
To get you in
Pay for sins repeated

And for all the years you borrowed
And for all the tears you cried
And for all the fears you had to keep inside




I never wanted to know
Never wanted to see
I wasted my time
Till time wasted me
Never wanted to go
Always wanted to stay
'Cause the persons I am
Are the parts that I play
So I plot and I plan
Hope and I scheme
To the lure of a night
Filled with unfinished dreams
And I'm holding on tight
To a world gone astray
As they charge me for years
I can't pay



(Excerpts from Beieve -- Savatage. Paul O'Neill February 23, 1956 – April 5, 2017)

 

[AchtungNight]

Share with them alternative perspectives on the rewards and criticisms they got for sharing their needs. The ignorance too. Quote from my therapist- “Well, AN, maybe people didn’t have time to give good ratings to your stories. Or they saw the already high ratings and praise comments and felt all was good. They couldn’t say more. Or didn’t want additional praise on your head. You don’t have any proof but your paranoia that the majority of your readers didn’t like your story. And these little bits of criticism will help you improve in the future, right?”

 

[FlyingThruLife]

Share with them alternative perspectives on the rewards and criticisms they got for sharing their needs. The ignorance too. Quote from my therapist- “Well, AN, maybe people didn’t have time to give good ratings to your stories. Or they saw the already high ratings and praise comments and felt all was good. They couldn’t say more. Or didn’t want additional praise on your head. You don’t have any proof but your paranoia that the majority of your readers didn’t like your story. And these little bits of criticism will help you improve in the future, right?”

I have read hundreds of stories on lit, and loved the vast majority of them. I am sad to say that before coming here though, I may not have given the stories very many reviews or ratings. I totally understand how that can be difficult for an author.

The same way I think it applies to your story Minx. I think sometimes people will take certain things for granted, and then not be as grateful outwardly as they feel inwardly.

 

[K155]

Hi!

Similar situation with me, but I don't think if myself as needy - I see myself as having exacting standards of how I want to be treated.

That's not to say I don't get antsy but on the whole it's good.

If you'd like to pm me we could speak a little more frankly on it, but I'm happy to be a sounding board if you need one. I cant talk to anyone in real life about my situation, so would be nice to...

Xxx

 

[IrisAlthea]

I recently got in back in contact with a long term on and off international playmate. His life doesn't allow him much time for me. Every time we play and we don't talk the next day I hit a serious low.

I have a tendency to overthink and get in my own head and spiral.

Any tips on how to stop the need to be needy?

It may be that it is just not a good fit but I think it’s worth taking a look at what causes the overthinking and the spiral too.

Are they promising to get in touch and then don’t or are you getting your hoped up all on your own?
Would it help to have a set time for when you’ll next get in touch?

As for grief, for people and for things that don’t turn out the way we hoped, there is no timeline either for when it will get in touch and I’m not sure if it ever gohsts us for good.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

I have a tendency to overthink and get in my own head and spiral.

Any tips on how to stop the need to be needy?

Laugh more , focus

Then step outta the shadow that’s there in your head. Laugh more , focus

Open the window to see what you want to see , not what you’re expecting to see.

Sleep is magic , it will cure U !


finger

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

They do say laughter is the best medicine.
Sleep is fantastic, but I seem to have offended Sleep recently because it's been avoiding me as much as it can recently.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

magic it’s so simple to believe in it. Baby steps

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

magic it’s so simple to believe in it. Baby steps

And how does the 'fuck off Anxiety, come back Sleep' spell go?

 

[Fingerfuxs]

first your gonna need some ruby red shoes hahaha

then you are gonna need the toe nail clippings of 5 flying monkeys

then you

 

[CincyGurl66]

I know this thread has been dead for a while but just wanted to say thanks to the

I need to stop being needy. It's fucking with my ability to emotionally regulate.

So, a bit of context, I am married in a quite vanilla relationship. My husband is more than content with me partaking in online, preferably international play.

About a decade ago I had an amazing Master who passed away. It kinda broke me, and suppressed my libido. It was fucked up.

I recently got in back in contact with a long term on and off international playmate. His life doesn't allow him much time for me. Every time we play and we don't talk the next day I hit a serious low. Everyone else I have recently met starts out giving me a lot of attention, then it fades off to intermittent. I have a tendency to overthink and get in my own head and spiral.

Any tips on how to stop the need to be needy?

I know this thread has been dead for a while but I just returned to lit a few weeks ago and have this issue. I have found being up front about after-care and how its important to me helps. It is often ignored but some men are very willing to talk sweet after a role play session or mutual masturbation. It’s nice, during the comedown, to just make sure we make each other feel appreciated in a real way. For me, that’s how you can also make nice online friends bc you actually are checking in with the “real” them and feeling appreciated is always a nice thing. With all that said, I have underlying mental health issues that I talk to a therapist about and manage with medication. My neediness comes from a core place and I address that with my appropriate support system. If you feel your neediness is overwhelming, please consider speaking to a professional. You are not alone with your feelings. You are not broken or weird or anything negative. I think you are very strong for being so open. Thank you.

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

I know this thread has been dead for a while but just wanted to say thanks to the

I know this thread has been dead for a while but I just returned to lit a few weeks ago and have this issue. I have found being up front about after-care and how its important to me helps. It is often ignored but some men are very willing to talk sweet after a role play session or mutual masturbation. It’s nice, during the comedown, to just make sure we make each other feel appreciated in a real way. For me, that’s how you can also make nice online friends bc you actually are checking in with the “real” them and feeling appreciated is always a nice thing. With all that said, I have underlying mental health issues that I talk to a therapist about and manage with medication. My neediness comes from a core place and I address that with my appropriate support system. If you feel your neediness is overwhelming, please consider speaking to a professional. You are not alone with your feelings. You are not broken or weird or anything negative. I think you are very strong for being so open. Thank you.

So much has changed since I started this thread, and it's nice to have the opportunity to note my growth.

I agree how with important aftercare is. Not only is it important to relax and make sure both parties are okay it is important connection time. Like any relationship, time connecting is essential.

I'm still working on my neediness, and one very important step is I don't waste my time on people who don't deserve it. I am now seperated due to unrelated issues. I stopped talking to the on and off playmate. I met a wonderful Master who treats me with a beautiful combination of cruelty and kindness.

Yes I still have trust issues. Yes I still am particularly needy at times. However, Master is helping me recognise these issues and work on them. I am comfortable.

How I reduced my neediness is to stop needing the wrong people.

 

[CincyGurl66]

LOL I didn’t even realize there were many more replies before mine. Sorry about that!

 

[poppypopper]

I need to stop being needy. It's fucking with my ability to emotionally regulate.

So, a bit of context, I am married in a quite vanilla relationship. My husband is more than content with me partaking in online, preferably international play.

About a decade ago I had an amazing Master who passed away. It kinda broke me, and suppressed my libido. It was fucked up.

I recently got in back in contact with a long term on and off international playmate. His life doesn't allow him much time for me. Every time we play and we don't talk the next day I hit a serious low. Everyone else I have recently met starts out giving me a lot of attention, then it fades off to intermittent. I have a tendency to overthink and get in my own head and spiral.

Any tips on how to stop the need to be needy?

You have any desires for a female friend?

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

LOL I didn’t even realize there were many more replies before mine. Sorry about that!

Nothing to apologise for lovely

 

[Strixaluco]

How I reduced my neediness is to stop needing the wrong people.

This is so often true. You don't even feel needy when you have a partner that takes your needs into account - then it's suddenly very proportionate and all.

 

[jaF0]

I stopped my reliance on people by stopping my exposure to people.

Far more peaceful.

 

[Strixaluco]

Humans aren't meant to be 100% self-reliant.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I think the right person won't find you being "needy"..

 

[Zephreck]

I think the right person won't find you being "needy"..

I agree with this. We all need someone in our lives sometimes. It is difficult to find someone compatible and I think we all make bad decisions and then deal with the consequences. If you can find the right person I think you will not seem "needy" to them at all.

 

[Strixaluco]

I agree with this. We all need someone in our lives sometimes. It is difficult to find someone compatible and I think we all make bad decisions and then deal with the consequences. If you can find the right person I think you will not seem "needy" to them at all.

When you finally do, it can take a good while to feel and believe even deep down that you're not seen as overly needy, though. It takes time to wipe out the effect of the past.

 

[jaF0]

I often don't even see another person for days or weeks at a time. If I do, it's usually at a distance in a passing vehicle. My limits of reliance on others is through a PC screen or the few minutes a month when I'm in town shopping. I 'need' people to put stuff on shelves and take my payment for the items I remove from those shelves.



I understand people won't understand that.



But it's what life has taught me.


.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I was raised in a family with addictive personalities.
My dad was an alcoholic.
My sister gambled then was a crack abuser.

I over ate. Mostly stress eating.
I have a very sensitive personality and other people's stress can bring it on, too.

I lost a lot of weight and became the center of attention. My ex accused me of being sexy to attract men. I developed bulimia (another addiction) and instead of overeating, i would eat very little and throw it up.

After counseling, I have a healthy food relationship most of the time.

If my old emotions are triggered, I turn to sex.
Masturbating morning and night. On this site and others such that I miss work and work deadlines.

I need to get back my control through meditation, adult coloring, journaling, etc.

I need to get my needs back under control.

 

[curioustxn]

So much has changed since I started this thread, and it's nice to have the opportunity to note my growth.

I agree how with important aftercare is. Not only is it important to relax and make sure both parties are okay it is important connection time. Like any relationship, time connecting is essential.

I'm still working on my neediness, and one very important step is I don't waste my time on people who don't deserve it. I am now seperated due to unrelated issues. I stopped talking to the on and off playmate. I met a wonderful Master who treats me with a beautiful combination of cruelty and kindness.

Yes I still have trust issues. Yes I still am particularly needy at times. However, Master is helping me recognise these issues and work on them. I am comfortable.

How I reduced my neediness is to stop needing the wrong people.

Neediness often stems from insecurity. The cure is often in self-confidence.

 

[Strixaluco]

I need to get my needs back under control.

Just something to ponder... (not expecting you to answer me) Are your emotional needs met?

I notice I crave things less when I am with my partner and I am emotionally fine and balanced. Addictions are usually symptoms, not the core issue.