How do I punctuate this?

[glynndah]

I want to add a couple of sentences to a bit of narration. I'm not sure how to properly punctuate it. Nothing seems quite right.

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want” filled the room.

The bold part is what I need help with.

Please note this is NOT the actual sentence in question, but the form is the same.

A from the good little witch.

 

[slyc_willie]

Maybe . . . .

"Do that to yourself; do it to her, too! Do whatever you want!"

 

[lovecraft68]

The above

"Do that to yourself; do it to her, too! Do whatever you want!"

looks good, but I would suggest adding this

"Do that to yourself; do it to her too for all I care. Just do whatever you want!"

 

[Saxon_Hart]

What Slyc said... Of course if he is really angry he might throw a fuck in there i.e. "Do whatever the fuck you want!" You do have me curious to read the story just from one line...Let us know when it comes out.

 

[glynndah]

No, that's not the line at all. Sorry, guys. I just wanted to know where to stick in the capital letters and the punctuation marks when it's in that form. None of the ways I tried looked quite right.

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want.” filled the room.

His shout of “do that to yourself. do it to her, too. do whatever you want." filled the room.

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want,” filled the room.


His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want” filled the room.



Any suggestions?

 

[lovecraft68]

No, that's not the line at all. Sorry, guys. I just wanted to know where to stick in the capital letters and the punctuation marks when it's in that form. None of the ways I tried looked quite right.

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want.” filled the room.

His shout of “do that to yourself. do it to her, too. do whatever you want." filled the room.

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want,” filled the room.


His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want” filled the room.


Any suggestions?

How about do it yourself?

Just kidding

I think Do that to yourself. do it to her, too! Do whatever you want!

I'm adding the exclamation points because you're mentioning he is shouting.

 

[slyc_willie]

No, that's not the line at all. Sorry, guys. I just wanted to know where to stick in the capital letters and the punctuation marks when it's in that form. None of the ways I tried looked quite right.

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want.” filled the room.

His shout of “do that to yourself. do it to her, too. do whatever you want." filled the room.

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want,” filled the room.


His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want” filled the room.



Any suggestions?

Ah, since you put it that way . . . .

Personally, I would avoid it altogether.

His shout filled the room. "Do that to yourself; do it to her, too! Do whatever you want!"

That would read better to me, personally.

(Yes, I know I included my altered punctuation. )

 

[PennLady]

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want.” filled the room.

I would write it like this:

His shout of "Do that to yourself! Do it to her, too! Do whatever you want!" filled the room.

At the end, if you wanted a comma instead of an exclamation point, that'd be fine, but "filled" would still be lower case.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

I would change it like this:

His shouts filled the room. "Do that to yourself! Do it to yourself, too. Do whatever you want!"

or

His shouts filled the room.

"Do that to yourself! Do it to yourself, too. Do whatever you want!"

 

[glynndah]

I would write it like this:

His shout of "Do that to yourself! Do it to her, too! Do whatever you want!" filled the room.

At the end, if you wanted a comma instead of an exclamation point, that'd be fine, but "filled" would still be lower case.

Thank you. I think this is what I need.

 

[oggbashan]

I think your problem is with "shout filled the room".

A shout is usually brief, yet you have three sentences.

You could have 'His anger filled the room' followed by:

"Do that to yourself! Do it to her, too! Do whatever you want!"

Or follow those three sentences by 'His shouting filled the room.'

 

[glynndah]

I think your problem is with "shout filled the room".

A shout is usually brief, yet you have three sentences.

You could have 'His anger filled the room' followed by:

"Do that to yourself! Do it to her, too! Do whatever you want!"

Or follow those three sentences by 'His shouting filled the room.'

The sentence in question is not exactly as presented. That's not the verb I plan on using or the correct quote. It's just the same sort of basic structure.

SUBJECT PREPOSITION "Multiple sentence vocal utterance with several possible punctuation choices. It could be this. Or this. Or this," VERB.

It's the underline, italicized portion I was referring to.

However, in order not to drive myself crazy {Well, crazier than I already am}, I'm going to take PennLady's suggestion and step away from the story before my latent OCD kicks in and I start rewriting the entire thing.

 

[Handley_Page]

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want” filled the room.



Any suggestions?

Here's mine:

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want” filled the room.

I see it as three sentences.

 

[PennLady]

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want” filled the room.



Any suggestions?

Here's mine:

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want” filled the room.

I see it as three sentences.

That's pretty much what I did, but the last phrase before the close quotes needs some kind of punctuation, I think. I dunno, I think it reads better with one, at least.

 

[Handley_Page]

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want” filled the room.


I don't see any more punctuation than the minimum.
Of course, a lot depends upon where the stress of the three sentences is best place by the character. If the last:-

His shout of “Do that to yourself. Do it to her, too. Do whatever you want!” filled the room.

 

[jomar]

I was wondering if it was 'this' instead of "that"

What does Strunk and White say?