How do i let her know

[Mackay]

Hi guys im back i know its been a while and probly no one remembers me but thats ok Im just glad to be back with all you great people.

I have a small problem. I have been seeing this girl for a few weeks. Her and i knew eachother in higschool and we both kind of had a thing for eachother but nothing ever happend. Well to cut to the point things got a little out a hand and we ended up sleeping together. She knows that i am not looking for anything serious right now and she knows i am seeing other girls. But I think since we slept together she thinks its time to get serious. How can i tell her with out Hurting her that i dont want a comitment. I know it makes me sound like a prick but thats just how i feel.

Thanks for any help in advance
Mackay

 

[Wiggles]

.

 

[lilpriss]

Ok, so you say she knows you aren't looking for anything serious rght now...

How does she know? Have you told her?

Or are you leading her to believe that you MIGHT end up only wanting to date only her?

I mean have you said to her, "I had a pretty fun DATE last night with _______... are we still on for Friday?"

Put simply don't send mixed signals.

For example don't bring her home to meet the family and don't call her daily or even more than three times a week if you aren't looking for a relationship.

Tell her, "I'm not looking to get serious right now so if you are, we need to put a halt to this. I don't want to hurt you."

You won't have to wonder if she knows your intentions then.

 

[hogjack]

Tell her straight out?

No, way.

Lie, lie and lie again.

Here, try this, "Um, honey, these last few weeks have been really special to me. I hope they've been special to you, as well. We need to talk. I haven't told you this because, well, I just couldn't find the right moment but I...

• ...will soon be taking a vow of chastity and am dedicating my life to an apocolyptic guru who is starting an end-of-the-world commune in a remote part of Siberia.
• ... am unable to continue our relationship due to a rare disease. Yes, honey, I've gone to three specialists so far and they all confirm that oxygen and light are hazardous to my health so I'll be moving into a windowless cabin many feet above sea-level where the oxygen is thin. I can't let you sacrifice with me.
• ...I...I've been living a sham. Though I care for you deeply I must pursue my dream of being the Pope. It's gonna take up a lot of my time, I'm tellin' ya. You understand, right?

 

[Wiggles]

.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

hmmmm....

You could string her along without lying to her, and possibly maintain the sexual relationship. You could play it up by saying that you still want o see her, but you don't want to 'ruin' it by moving to fast. All you risk doing is ruining her life, but it could be done...

 

[Mackay]

Thanks guys for all the adviice its so good to be back on the list I have read all your replys but im not sure of what exactly to do yet but thanks you guys are great

 

[lilpriss]

I'll tell you what to do, if you want to stay friendly with the girl be straight wiht her. These guys are thinking with their cocks.

AND if the situation were reversed they'd be devastated.

Think about that...

Swap the roles... You're falling hard for a fabulous chick... you are under the impression things are progressing nicely and when she realizes you are falling in love with her she drops yo like a hot potato...

That would suck.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I'll tell you what to do, if you want to stay friendly with the girl be straight wiht her. These guys are thinking with their cocks.

AND if the situation were reversed they'd be devastated.

Think about that...

Swap the roles... You're falling hard for a fabulous chick... you are under the impression things are progressing nicely and when she realizes you are falling in love with her she drops yo like a hot potato...

That would suck.

Hey, I at least pointed out the negative outcome of playing headgames with her...do i get any points for that?

 

[SexyChele]

I'll tell you what to do, if you want to stay friendly with the girl be straight wiht her. These guys are thinking with their cocks.

AND if the situation were reversed they'd be devastated.

Think about that...

Swap the roles... You're falling hard for a fabulous chick... you are under the impression things are progressing nicely and when she realizes you are falling in love with her she drops yo like a hot potato...

That would suck.

Man, took the words right out of my mouth! Exactly - put yourself in her place. You find you really like this girl, she maybe has told you that she's seeing other guys, but she sleeps with you. Of course, you believe you are the hottest thing in bed ever, and what girl wouldn't want you. Then she levels the boom: you ain't all that, and besides, these other guys are giving me what I want just as much, if not more, than you. So get used to it and deal with it.

What does she become? Major bitch!

Sorry, but there really is no way you are going to avoid the "prick" label here. Before you sleep with a girl, you have to realize the potential for her emotinal involvement. Things never, ever "get out of hand" by accident. I believe you and she knew exactly what you were doing, period.

Be honest with her. Tell her you are not ready for a relationship/committment. Leave it up to her. I wouldn't do the "friends" thing. Let her decide if she wants to continue. Chances are, if she has developed feelings, she'll want out.

And next time? Think with that brain that's between your ears, rather than the one that's between your legs. You will hurt less people that way, and get yourself into less problems. K?

Good luck to you!

 

[lilpriss]

NO, Johnny Mayberry you don't get any points for anything... your attitude leads me to believe you are an oppurtunist prick. Sorry, but that's the way I feel. I never claimed to be politically correct.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

NO, Johnny Mayberry you don't get any points for anything... your attitude leads me to believe you are an oppurtunist prick. Sorry, but that's the way I feel. I never claimed to be politically correct.

Hey, at least you're honest...



My 'attitude', as you put it, is that you can't make anyone behave the way you want them to. All you can do is point out the consequences. Like I said, he can do what he likes, but I hope he doesn't mind breaking her heart...and I hope she's got some good friends to pick her up after this jerk is done with her.

I personally wouldn't lead someone on in the name of sex...truth be told, I recently gave up a sexual relationship because I thought it endangered the friendship. Call me a prick if you like, but remember that you don't know me at all.

 

[Lust Engine]

Be straight forward and honest. Call me a boy scout in matters like this but truth is probably the best solution I can think of. Being honest with oneself and then being able to communicate those feelings to the other person will spare BOTH parties any lingering pain.

You don't want to feel like a schmuck for leading her on and she doesn't need to be lied to. It's the painful (albeit short term pain) to what's best to BOTH parties involved.

 

[lilpriss]

JM, what you call an "attitude" would be an opinion that I happen to agree with. I was referring to the attitude insinuated in your first post... which, my friend, said nothing about whether or not you were serious. If the, "ruining her life" comment was sarcasm... it wasn't conveyed all that well.

When I first read Mackay's post I seriously wondered if it was written by the guy I've been seeing... which is probably why I reacted so harshly to your reply.

And you're right, I don't know you at all... nor do you I.

Mackay I truly hope that you dont' lead her on.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

JM, what you call an "attitude" would be an opinion that I happen to agree with. I was referring to the attitude insinuated in your first post... which, my friend, said nothing about whether or not you were serious. If the, "ruining her life" comment was sarcasm... it wasn't conveyed all that well.

When I first read Mackay's post I seriously wondered if it was written by the guy I've been seeing... which is probably why I reacted so harshly to your reply.

And you're right, I don't know you at all... nor do you I.

Mackay I truly hope that you dont' lead her on.

No hard feelings? I think it is a shame thatsomeone would even ask the question..do the feelings of other people not matter anymore?

 

[SlickTony]

I knew there was a good reason I didn't have sex while I was in high school.

 

[UnseenChagrin]

Hey D-

If you need to talk you've got my SN. Just because I'm in VT doesn't mean you can stop talking to me!

You are a sweetheart and I know you don't like to involve yourself in situations that turn out bad. However, you DO need to be completely honest with this girl. If she knew beforehand what you were "not" looking for then she should be somewhat alright with this. Don't carry it on just because the sex is good.

"The Princess Bride"

 

[RoyalPurpleVelv]

Ok I'm going to throw my 2 cents worth in...

She knows that i am not looking for anything serious right now and she knows i am seeing other girls. But I think since we slept together she thinks its time to get serious.

That's a lot of you knowing what's going on in her brain. Are you completely sure she "knows" you're not serious and you're seeing other girls. If you call her every day or some of the other "signals" that were mentioned in earlier posts she may think otherwise. From listening to my friends' constant speculation on what's going on in the minds of the guys' they're seeing, she may read more into how much attention you give her than your words. Assuming what another person thinks is never a good idea.

There is no such thing as accidental sex. At some point both you and she made the concious decision to have sex. So if you're really not interested in a relationship you have to tell her. Face to face. Who knows maybe you'll get lucky and she doesn't have a problem having sex with you without getting "serious," not very likely, LOL, but maybe.

 

[schwaantz_nj]

crying over spilled milk

The time to think of this was before you boned her!

Now that its over and done with there is not much you can do. There are several different ideas stated above about how to break it to her. The fact of the matter is all of those bits of advice do not account for one huge variable...her reaction. Unless you can predict her reaction, which you cannot and neither can anyone on this board, you might as well roll the dice and just blurt something out. Good luck

 

[Mackay]

Thanks Every one

Well it all worked out. We both sat down and talked. She dose want something more serious but knows that i dont. We are still friends and still plan to hang out. But the sex is no more (and thats OK with me) thanks for all the advice