The concept of a partner who submitts totaly is a real turn on for me, yet I have never found one. Am I looking in the wrong places? I've nevr convinced anyone to try even a little light bondage, am I presenting to submissive an image? Suggestions please...
How do I find a sub
- Thread starter Hugo55
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the captians wench
sewing wench
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Are you looking in kink zones?
It amazes me sometimes how some people think that they have to keep the kink and the "normal" seperate. I had a playmate that kept going back to his straight laced girl friend who was mortified by the idea that he might possibly get a kick out of wearing her underware because that's the kind of girl you take home to mother.
I happen to think I'm quite persentable to the parental units. I'd even take my collar off.
Not that this is directed at you really. Just me rambling.
It amazes me sometimes how some people think that they have to keep the kink and the "normal" seperate. I had a playmate that kept going back to his straight laced girl friend who was mortified by the idea that he might possibly get a kick out of wearing her underware because that's the kind of girl you take home to mother.
I happen to think I'm quite persentable to the parental units. I'd even take my collar off.
Not that this is directed at you really. Just me rambling.
be_ignited
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I don't know that anyone here will really be able to answer your questions as:
1) We don't know where you're looking, and so can't tell you if you should be looking elsewhere.
2) We don't know if you're presenting "too submissive an image" as we have no idea what image you're presenting.
Perhaps a rephrase and some more pertinent information would help.
Hisscarlett
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there are online sites such as collarme.com, fetlife.com and alt.com that allow you to post personal ads - craiglist apparently does too
i would suggest that the best way to meet someone for play is to become part of your local scene - if you google your city and "munch" you should come up with a long list of events - these are not places to leap on the first sub you meet but places to meet others in the same lifestyle and a play partner may emerge
whatever route you take i wish you well on your journey
i would suggest that the best way to meet someone for play is to become part of your local scene - if you google your city and "munch" you should come up with a long list of events - these are not places to leap on the first sub you meet but places to meet others in the same lifestyle and a play partner may emerge
whatever route you take i wish you well on your journey
Hotch
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I've never looked for a kink specific partner, it's just not a good gauge of compatibility in a relationship. I'd much rather build a relationship that I can take in the direction I want to go.
You may want to look at your approach. YOU’RE turned on by someone submitting to you, but where does that leave them? Are they supposed to be happy because YOU’RE turned on? See where I’m going with this? It’s hard to convince people to try something they’re uncomfortable with if they don’t see a benefit. Even people who are in abusive relationships had a hook set in them before their abuser turned the tables.
I can’t give you specifics, because every situation is different, but if you turn your focus onto them and away from yourself, you’ll get better results. This sounds submissive doesn’t it? Well, it’s not. It’s the psychology behind getting people to do what you want. You evaluate the situation and you use your partner’s needs and desires to bend them to your will. If you can do this in a way that leaves your partner fulfilled and feeling good about herself and your relationship, then you mastered be a Top.
You may want to look at your approach. YOU’RE turned on by someone submitting to you, but where does that leave them? Are they supposed to be happy because YOU’RE turned on? See where I’m going with this? It’s hard to convince people to try something they’re uncomfortable with if they don’t see a benefit. Even people who are in abusive relationships had a hook set in them before their abuser turned the tables.
I can’t give you specifics, because every situation is different, but if you turn your focus onto them and away from yourself, you’ll get better results. This sounds submissive doesn’t it? Well, it’s not. It’s the psychology behind getting people to do what you want. You evaluate the situation and you use your partner’s needs and desires to bend them to your will. If you can do this in a way that leaves your partner fulfilled and feeling good about herself and your relationship, then you mastered be a Top.
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Toa_lin
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Not trying to be a thorn in anyone's side. But i'm pretty sure if you take the time to thoroughly look throuhg the threads here. You'll find that many PYLs have similar sentiments.
rosco rathbone
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That's how most of the ones I've known operate.
But I'm a selfish bastard and I attract my opposite.
Hotch
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That's the trouble with society today, everyone wants the bling, but nobody wants’ to put in the work to earn it.
rosco rathbone
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That's the trouble with society today, everyone wants the bling, but nobody wants’ to put in the work to earn it.
Your assessment is cogent, sir.
Netzach
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This was possibly the biggest disaster in my life. Going into a relationship assuming you can change someone's sexuality is never recommended until people talk kink.
It's not the only thing I need, but without some overlap about sexuality and sexual interests, there's a disaster waiting to happen.
It doesn't sound like this person is IN a rel, which is probably better than trying to persuade the same woman to get into it who isn't into it. I'd try some key words when you're looking for someone, I don't know if you're just meeting women and dating, being set up with friends, or using personals.
If you're using personals key words like "sexually adventurous" "respond well to direction" and things like that might draw out women open to it.
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Zoots_owner
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In addition to looking in kinky places, it's quite possible to discover* your own. People with natural dominant streaks seem to be a bit scarce, but I don't think there's any lack of natural subs. I'd guess that the majority of women in post-industrial countries would at least be up for some experimentation with it. From that point forward, it's just a matter of degree. It may take time to discover how deep it goes, though... possibly several years!
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I want to emphasize the word "discover," because trying to make someone into something they're not is a bad idea.
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I want to emphasize the word "discover," because trying to make someone into something they're not is a bad idea.
Hotch
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Having a bad experience sharing aspects of your sexuality with someone who's unreceptive is no different then starting a relationship based on D/s only to find out you’re in conflict with other aspects of life. Part of getting to know someone is learning about their desires. If their desires are not compatible with yours, you move on. There are more people open to exploration then just those who put an identity on their sexuality.
This guy is asking a question about why he isn’t having any success. I addressed what I feels is probably the core of his problem. If you’re not catching fish, it doesn’t mean there are no fish in the lake, it means you don’t know how to fish. Even if he finds someone who’s already in touch with their submissive side, what good is it going to do him if he’s asking questions like “am I presenting to submissive an image?”
This guy is asking a question about why he isn’t having any success. I addressed what I feels is probably the core of his problem. If you’re not catching fish, it doesn’t mean there are no fish in the lake, it means you don’t know how to fish. Even if he finds someone who’s already in touch with their submissive side, what good is it going to do him if he’s asking questions like “am I presenting to submissive an image?”
Dominant_Chef
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You are being serious... you can't work out why you can't find a sub with a name like Hugo...
Fuck me, stupidity is ripe on these boards.
the captians wench
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Because Dominant_Chef is just so creative.
Zoots_owner
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Dominant_Chef
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Because Dominant_Chef is just so creative.
Hush you plumper.
Lancecastor
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It's important to remember that expressed as a percentage of the total population, there are very few single people in your community interested in BDSM, and of that small number, only a certain number will find you appealing that you also find appealing.
It's a bit like saying you only want to meet a left-handed redhead that is 5'9 and weighs 135lb, has a 36C bra size and smokes menthol cigarettes occasionally.
The other thing to keep in mind is that women who "know" they are submissive and are open about it are a small fraction of those interested in BDSM...and of that small number, a good percentage of them are genuinely emotionally fucked-up in some way, using or hiding behind BDSM to feed their dysfunction.
So, if you're interested in a sub who is also a stable, functioning member of society, the number is smaller still.
For all those reasons, the places others in this thread have suggested tend to be bogus and disappointing in my view, but that's because I'm interested in submissive women who aren't fucked up...but I need an emotional/intellectual connection in my relationships, and not everyone does...those who are satisfied by physical play without emotional connection will find the fet forums etc a potentially good place to look.
Now here's the good news...you can probably discard looking for a sub in the kinky places and stick to the mainstream.
If you go google Women's Top Ten Fantasies, you'll find hundreds of articles with lists of the things that makes the ordinary woman wet...all of them qualify as kinky and many of them qualify as submissive.
What you ought to try is being mildly D in the vanilla world...and if you tune in, you'll discover that virtually every woman that finds you attractive will want you to make her your personal fucktoy...because what you'll soon realize is that most guys are afraid to really pull on her nipples, won't spank her, won't push her up against a wall in a dark alley and fuck her hard from behind or pull her hair or tie her to the bed, etc etc...
I don't look for subs. I look for women that like me...because if they like me, they like the D in me and they're going to do what I want anyway.
In the end, you just need to be who you are and pay attention to what's going on around you.
It's a bit like saying you only want to meet a left-handed redhead that is 5'9 and weighs 135lb, has a 36C bra size and smokes menthol cigarettes occasionally.
The other thing to keep in mind is that women who "know" they are submissive and are open about it are a small fraction of those interested in BDSM...and of that small number, a good percentage of them are genuinely emotionally fucked-up in some way, using or hiding behind BDSM to feed their dysfunction.
So, if you're interested in a sub who is also a stable, functioning member of society, the number is smaller still.
For all those reasons, the places others in this thread have suggested tend to be bogus and disappointing in my view, but that's because I'm interested in submissive women who aren't fucked up...but I need an emotional/intellectual connection in my relationships, and not everyone does...those who are satisfied by physical play without emotional connection will find the fet forums etc a potentially good place to look.
Now here's the good news...you can probably discard looking for a sub in the kinky places and stick to the mainstream.
If you go google Women's Top Ten Fantasies, you'll find hundreds of articles with lists of the things that makes the ordinary woman wet...all of them qualify as kinky and many of them qualify as submissive.
What you ought to try is being mildly D in the vanilla world...and if you tune in, you'll discover that virtually every woman that finds you attractive will want you to make her your personal fucktoy...because what you'll soon realize is that most guys are afraid to really pull on her nipples, won't spank her, won't push her up against a wall in a dark alley and fuck her hard from behind or pull her hair or tie her to the bed, etc etc...
I don't look for subs. I look for women that like me...because if they like me, they like the D in me and they're going to do what I want anyway.
In the end, you just need to be who you are and pay attention to what's going on around you.
mmmmmmmmmmmmm
Well you don't say much about where you looked or how you have gone about things. I mean you don't go food shopping in a shoe shop. As for convincing someone to submit to you that has no idea what submission is well thats going to prove a recipe for disater. I have been a sub since I was 17 and I take some convincing before I will submit to anyone. I think perhaps you should go learn a little bit about what bdsm is all about before you begin your quest of inflicting yourself on someone else Steel_Door.com gives some excellent insights into the art and lifestyle of BDSM.
I wish you luck and your potential prey alot of patience.
DragonAnn
Well you don't say much about where you looked or how you have gone about things. I mean you don't go food shopping in a shoe shop. As for convincing someone to submit to you that has no idea what submission is well thats going to prove a recipe for disater. I have been a sub since I was 17 and I take some convincing before I will submit to anyone. I think perhaps you should go learn a little bit about what bdsm is all about before you begin your quest of inflicting yourself on someone else Steel_Door.com gives some excellent insights into the art and lifestyle of BDSM.
I wish you luck and your potential prey alot of patience.
DragonAnn
