How do I ask for foreplay?

[kitten512]

Ok first I love my man with all my heart, the problem is our sex life is well dull. First he has a very short stamina, whereas I have turned into a sex addict with him. This also may be because I very rarely get totally fulfilled. I of course can't tell him that I don't orgasm all the time, it would kill him.

Unfortunately, he is kinda the wam bam type. Sometimes, I am not even wet enough and he starts in. No foreplay, he wants me to blow him, but NEVER goes down on me. Again, I love him with all my heart, I just don't know how to tell him that I am unfulfilled. I WANT MORE!! I am multiorgasmic and damn I am just wanting one at least. Any advice on how I can talk to him about all this?

 

[MiaPassion]

It won't solve the problem in general, but try domination and order to him to make a cunnilingus for you

 

[SweetErika]

This also may be because I very rarely get totally fulfilled. I of course can't tell him that I don't orgasm all the time, it would kill him.

Just for our clarification, does this mean that you've been faking it (or telling him you have come, even when you haven't, if he asks), or have you just been leaving it up to his imagination to figure out when you orgasm?

Unfortunately, he is kinda the wam bam type. Sometimes, I am not even wet enough and he starts in. No foreplay, he wants me to blow him, but NEVER goes down on me. Again, I love him with all my heart, I just don't know how to tell him that I am unfulfilled. I WANT MORE!! I am multiorgasmic and damn I am just wanting one at least. Any advice on how I can talk to him about all this?

If you haven't been lying or faking it, why not tell him something akin to the above? For instance:

Honey, I love you so much, but sometimes I don't get enough foreplay before we have sex. I'm crazy about the idea of you using your hands and mouth on me, toys, and [whatever else you want] to make me sopping wet and get me to come before, during or even after intercourse. Could we play around a bit to see what might work better for both of us?​

 

[infinity706]

Well, you could just be like a lot of the women I know and directly ask him to eat your pussy. Most men and women I know expect it as a standard part of sex, as much as kissing.

 

[AliveInside]

I think if you tell him how much it would turn you on if he went down on your or used his hands on you more he might get really excited about the idea. Chances are it just hasn't occurred to him that you want more. If you tell him what excites you it's possible it will turn him on as well.

 

[silverwhisper]

kitten, in addition to all the advice you've already received, i really think you need to stop faking. faking is terrible b/c it makes your partner think that whatever he's doing is really working, when it isn't.

if you intend to have a future with this man, you really owe it to both of you to make sure he's getting the right feedback, don't you think?

ed

 

[JMaxwell69]

You could tell him that you read a study indicating that men who orgasm without their partner are 20 times more likely to develop testicular cancer. Just kidding.

But seriously, a sense of fairness is pretty well engrained in most primates. It shouldn't be unreasonable to ask for reciprocation of oral, and, if it is, well... that's problematic. Perhaps you could try oral with inherent reciprocity. (i.e. 69 position)

I agree faking is problematic. If you are really good at it, he may be under the impression he is the superstud of all time.

 

[Lil_Squish]

I think Erika hit the nail on the head with her response idea.

You need to be honest with your partner. I'm sure he would love to please you, but how is he meant to when he thinks he's doing all the right things?
I know if I wasnt doing enough, or doing something wrong with my partner, I'd want her to tell me, so I could do what she needed or wanted.

Honesty and communication are huge parts of sex. Talking and experimenting will be the steps you two need to take so that you both end up getting what you need. Be honest with him, tell him you love him, but don't shut him out of your mind.

 

[sxyoldguy]

As much as I hate to admit it that could have been me when I was young. My wife used to get me so worked up that I couldn't wait. It was slam bam .....

It wasn't until I figured out that it was more about pleasuring her than myself that things got really good. Hell of a lot more fun too.

Fortunately I figured it out. We've been married for 43 years.

Talk to him!

 

[kitten512]

Ok I have asked him about eating me and he said that just wasn't his thing...so what do I do? I told him we need more foreplay but I really don't think he gets it. I don't want to anything between us, but this is a major issue for me.

 

[RunningJib]

May I ask what do you want?

Ok first I love my man with all my heart, the problem is our sex life is well dull. First he has a very short stamina, whereas I have turned into a sex addict with him. This also may be because I very rarely get totally fulfilled. I of course can't tell him that I don't orgasm all the time, it would kill him.

Unfortunately, he is kinda the wam bam type. Sometimes, I am not even wet enough and he starts in. No foreplay, he wants me to blow him, but NEVER goes down on me. Again, I love him with all my heart, I just don't know how to tell him that I am unfulfilled. I WANT MORE!! I am multiorgasmic and damn I am just wanting one at least. Any advice on how I can talk to him about all this?

I think this is the best way to begin. to articulate what you want. And rather than saying "go down on me." Consider telling why as oppose to what.

Also, I think you should have this discussion before you two are in bed.

 

[Lil_Squish]

Ok I have asked him about eating me and he said that just wasn't his thing...so what do I do? I told him we need more foreplay but I really don't think he gets it. I don't want to anything between us, but this is a major issue for me.

Did he say why? Is it the taste, the texture, the thought of it that puts him off? Is it a past experience with it?

There are many more ways to please a woman other than just going down on her. Toys and hands are a few obvious ones that spring to mind.

If he doesn't "get it" you need to explain it to him. Explain to him that you take more time to become aroused. Explain to him that just because hes hard and ready, doesn't mean you're ready as well.

Foreplay is one of the best parts of sex. The orgasm is great too...but foreplay and experimentation can go for hours and hours with pleasure.

 

[silverwhisper]

OK i have asked him about eating me and he said that just wasn't his thing...so what do i do? i told him we need more foreplay but i really don't think he gets it. i don't want to anything between us, but this is a major issue for me.

"wasn't his thing"? no offense, but you really aren't making your guy sound like a real prize. he sounds very selfish, in fact. IMX, it's hard to be a good lover if one is selfish.

and as lil squish mentioned: cunnilingus isn't the only way to pleasure a woman. there's toys, too.

i can't think of anything helpful or positive to add right now.

ed

 

[viper2000]

Not his thing because hes not confident or into it?? I think its good you communicated it to him mention it during sex get a educational video until he gets the picture.

 

[Firebrain]

You know, this guy is doing nothing for your low self esteem (we've all been there).

If you want to spend the rest of your life being unfulfilled, stay with him. If you don't....there are guys who are ten times better, and you'll feel ten times better for being with them (not just in the bedroom).

Whether he thinks you're satisfied or not; the point is that he's not bothered enough to ask.

 

[TypicalDeviant]

The hypocrisy of a lot of guys regarding oral sex is astonishing. "I won't date a girl unless she blows me, but I won't ever eat fish, (hurr durr)".

I was fortunate enough to be told at an early age by a couple more experienced guys that if you wanted a girl to keep you around, you had to be good at going down on her.

Now, oddly enough, I know a guy who doesn't like blowjobs. And, while I used to know a girl who didn't like guys to go down on her... I changed that pretty quick.

If your guy is "perfect in every way" and won't satisfy you in bed, then you need to have a long, candid discussion with him about what you want to go on. You need to tell him you've been faking, or at the very least, stop faking. Tell him WHY you were doing it. Then, once he's agreed to treat you like the woman you are and deserved to be treated as, make a weekend out of teaching him what you like.

Take a shower together and wash each others' bodies, slowly. You'll find the parts on both of you that liked to be touched. Then, transition to your bed, kiss and caress for a bit. Once you're aroused, guide him down and let him go down on you. If he's not a natural, give him some hints.

DON'T FAKE IT. If you don't orgasm, but it felt good, then say so. He can't expect progress over night. It took me a couple years to turn my fiancee from a very soft moaner to a screamer, and if you ask her, it's because I got better.

Now, if he's not "perfect in every way"... ... ... Leave him and find a new guy who understands that sexual pleasure is a two-way street. I mean, this is 2010, who doesn't go down on a woman these days?

 

[BrazenFellow]

Well said, TypicalDeviant!

And likewise, Erica, Firebrain. Always solid advice ('course, that just means I agree with you) from you two.

Since all the solid advice has already been given... am I the only one who saw the thread title and thought "Why do you need to *ask* for foreplay?"

 

[Georgexnxx]

Perhaps get creative with him. I don't know either of you, but this worked for me. My wife and I had sex, but it only lasted for a few minutes. She wasn't much into foreplay, mainly from her upbringing in a bible belt family where she was told from an early age that sex was only for one thing, procreation. So, pretty much when we had sex, she laid on her back, spread her legs and when I was done.... once... she was finished. In the bathroom to clean up, a kiss goodnight, and snoring.

Well, one night, I got home from work earlier than she did, and put a sign on the outside of the front door, that said "YOU ARE NOW ENTERING A CLOTHES FREE ZONE!!! DISROBE UPON ENTERING!" She thought I was kidding, until I came into the living room wearing nothing but a smile... It took her a little while to look at me freely, but eventually she relaxed... We cooked and ate dinner nude, then cuddled up on the couch to watch TV nude.. the entire night. Lots of rubbing, petting, stroking, fingering... eventually sucking and licking, and lots of fucking...

Once we had kids, it was impossible to do that again in the same way, but we still manage Naked Movie Night in our bedroom now and again. She still has some issues if we just want to have sex, but Naked Movie nights are special, and last hours...

My $0.02...

 

[Quoll]

Just a few loose thoughts.

How old is your guy?

Most young, no, make that inexperienced, guys wont admit that they are inexperienced, they are more likely to say that they are just not into that sort of thing, especially if their partner seems to be a fair way ahead of them in knowledge or experience. Unfortunately it still makes them look like insensitive pricks.

Perhaps you could feign a bit of ignorance and ask him to help you explore some "new" thing you heard about.

Bite the bullet (metaphorically speaking) and show him what foreplay is (you just read about this great technique in cosmo or some other magazine), keep him on edge for as long as you can, explore his body, give him a practical example of the benefits of foreplay (remember it's a learned art not an innate skill). Ask him which bits feel good, great, mind-blowing etc.

This is a good time to do to him some of the things you want him to do to you (if he really is inexperienced he'll most likely copy what you do until he learns his own techniques).
When you think he's had as much as he can take, try a little bit of sexual blackmail, before you give him his orgasm let him know that next time it's your turn to try and discover what turns you on. If you've done it right he'll probably agree to you chewing off his left testicle just so long as he gets to finally orgasm.

If he after all the advice given in this thread he still wont at least try to lift his game, I'd be inclined to to tell him he's a dud root and you really can't imagine spending the rest of your life being sexually unfulfilled.

Good luck.

 

[kitten512]

Update***

OK, so I want to let everyone know that this man is truly the love of my life, he is wonderful to me and to my kids and treats them as his own. There is no one else in the world I want to be with.

That said, my man is bipolar, so he is on meds, also he is a bit overweight and for some reason, either the meds or his bipolar, he just doesn't have a high interest in sex. Therefore, he has a low sex drive. I love him and I know he loves me, but there is so much more that we could have together. I am a very sexual person and I am multi-orgasmic, but it takes work to get me there. He is just not into that work and I truly don't know what to do. If I don't have a major orgasm soon with him I am going to explode. I want him so bad, but when we do have sex, literally it last about 5 minutes. I am usually just warming up when he is done.

I have tried to bring it up and he gets really upset, he feels like he isn't a man or it is a hit on his manhood. I don't want that, but I want us to be the happiest we can be and right now there is just something majorly lacking! WHAT DO I DO?????

 

[Kikori]

If he literally can't give it to you, that pretty much leaves few options. Achieve it yourself, use toys, treat him like a toy (grinding over him, etc) if he'll allow it, or in the most extreme case talking to him about your need for orgasms in an effort to seek someone to satisfy only your sexual needs. :<

 

[Rockitballs]

If he is getting upset it sounds like he is having confidence issues. Try to be very supportive of him during sex and at other times, everyone likes a little pep talk now and again.

 

[Neast19]

Could always try a bit of role play. Find out what gets hit boat really floating and see if you can arrange it. Maybe dressing up as a nurse or a naughty school girl might pick up his libido enough to get the ball rolling slightly faster and in your direction.

You could show him how you like to be touched, and how you bring yourself to orgasm. Many guys get off on watching their woman pleasing themselves, and If he see firstly how much you enjoy it, and second how you actually do it, he might be willing to give it a try himself.

 

[Firebrain]

"He's just not that into it." You've kind of said it yourself. He is not willing to give you what you want (or is perhaps incapable, I don't know; the last time I checked, being bipolar didn't mean you couldn't move your fingers). So you put up with the situation as it is, or you leave him.

 

[satindesire]

I saw this on another website and thought it bore repeating:

What school doesn't touch you...How to spot a douchbag:

Young ladies, you're in your teens now and already you have no doubt run into some guys who are being suspiciously nice to you. Likely you have figured out that in many cases, this has nothing to do with them being nice guys and everything to do with them desperately wanting you to touch their boner.

What you may not realize is that over the next few years, a string of rejections will cause many of these men to start hating you. Some of them hate you already, because they grew up hating their mothers and it kind of carries over. Boys are like that.

Now, some of these men will then become members of the Pick Up Artist Community, also known as the Seduction Community. This is a loose club of guys who see females as a collection of walking masturbation aids. They have websites and seminars and chat rooms where they trade tips on how to manipulate you into having sex with them.

They believe the male/female relationship is adversarial in nature, and that sex is a way of conquering you. Thus many of their techniques work by playing on your insecurities, like "the Neg," where they first engage you in conversation, then drop subtle criticisms that will undermine your self-esteem and subconsciously make you want to gain their approval (by letting them touch your boobs). Believe it or not, it works--if you're not ready for it

This is just one type of douchebag; this class will cover several varieties. And, while we're not telling you not to sleep with these men, the lesson you will learn from this course is that they will put the same effort into making you happy as they do the semen-encrusted sock under their bed.