How can I work on being better while I'm on top?

[PowerLifter84]

When I'm on top, I don't feel like I bring much to the table. My girlfriend loves to hold on to me and it seems near impossible to position myself so that I can thrust easier into her and actually develop some type of rythm.

I know porno movies can be a pretty lame comparison since porn is different than 'relationship sex' but it seems easy for the guy to find a good postion and develop a rythm. Why is it difficult for me?

What are some good tips that I should try? Like I said before, she loves to put her arms around and hold me, which makes it seemingly very tough for me to do much. She still comes while in that position but I feel like I can do more to make it that much more pleasurable.

Thanks

 

[Emerald Eyed]

I know I personally pull him to me when he is on top. It helps me cum

 

[SweetErika]

When I'm on top, I don't feel like I bring much to the table. My girlfriend loves to hold on to me and it seems near impossible to position myself so that I can thrust easier into her and actually develop some type of rythm.

I know porno movies can be a pretty lame comparison since porn is different than 'relationship sex' but it seems easy for the guy to find a good postion and develop a rythm. Why is it difficult for me?

What are some good tips that I should try? Like I said before, she loves to put her arms around and hold me, which makes it seemingly very tough for me to do much. She still comes while in that position but I feel like I can do more to make it that much more pleasurable.

Thanks

Can you be a little more precise about your typical position, PowerLifter? Is your chest in contact with hers, or are you up on your arms, sort of like doing a pushup on your knees?

What is your gf hanging onto (your neck, shoulders, ribcage, lower back, ass)? I'm assuming she's holding you to be close... are you two willing to modify a little so she can still be close (just maybe not full body contact the whole time) and it'll be easier and perhaps more pleasureable?

 

[PowerLifter84]

I'm on my knees and have my arms around her head with my elbows on the bed to keep me propped up. Her arms go from being around my neck to upper and lower back, pretty much like a hug.

 

[SubNebGuy]

sounds like basic missionary position except you're leaning down. my wife prefers it this way because I can do so much thrusting.
as long as your g/f isn't wrapping her legs around your hips, you shouldn't have much trouble moving your hips to thrust. that's where it should come from...the hips..not the entire body.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Well, being Catholic, I'm an expert ont he Missionary Position!

OK, bad joke. Anyway, the issue here seems to be that she wants the closeness of full body contact, which makes it hard for you to achieve good penetration. I'm sure her reasoning is two-fold. First it's more intimate, and second it gives her clitoral stimulation. There are ways to achieve both of these goals while allowing better penetration angle. Here are a couple ideas:

1.) Put a pillow under her butt. This comfortably tilts her pelvis up giving you a better angle.

2.) Have her wrap her legs around your lower back. This again tilts the pelvis up, but is very intimate.

3.) Lift her legs onto your shoulders. If she's very flexible this can be very intimate and give her direct g-spot stimulation as well as clitoral stimulation.

4.) If all e;se fails, switch to a postion where you sit facing each other.

You're right though, porn isn't "relationship sex". Very well said.

 

[Eilan]

You're right though, porn isn't "relationship sex."

Way to burst my bubble.

My hubby and I don't tend to do a typical missionary position when he's on top. I kinda like it when he grabs the headboard. He's usually more upright so he (or I) can have better access to my clit.

 

[PowerLifter84]

Thanks.

Next time I'll suggest that she put a pillow underneath and we'll try that.

 

[LadyJeanne]

This should give you some ideas:

http://www.canal96.com/extra/strange/kamasutra/

 

[PowerLifter84]

There are some wild positions!

 

[Kelly_Liscious]

What are some good tips that I should try?

Grab her arms and place them over her head.

You should develop a good rhythm.

 

[rosebud5446]

try putting a pillow under her butt, it should help the angle, and make it easier for you

 

[vato]

Why not put your hand/arm under the small of her back instead?

I usually have one arm (my left) under her shoulderblades, (holding onto her left shoulder with my left hand.) The other hand/forearm is directly under her spine, right at the base of her back. I can pull us together, squeeze her ass etc.

My wife usually wraps her legs around me, and it's a perfect chance for me to rub her asshole with my middle finger, as she grinds her clit into the base of my penis.

It's a great position, and we both get off every time.




Another of our favorite 'me on top' positions starts with her laying on her stomach with her legs together.
I usually begin by licking/kissing around her ass cheeks, and slowly work my way down, towards where her ass meets her legs.
It's usually at this time that she lifts her ass up in the air, giving me access to her pussy/ass. I lick both in this position for a few minutes.
After she's good and wet, I lift her ass up until she's on her knees, with her breasts/shoulders still touching the bed.
I pay quite a bit of attention to her ass (with my tongue) while I reach around and finger her clit. This usually gets her going really well, and I proceed to spread her legs, and move my tongue down to her clit.
I'll rub/gently push her asshole with my thumb as I concentrate on her clit. Now I usually push her ass back down, so she's not on her knees anymore. At this time she's really pushing her ass in the air, and I reach around and play with her clit with my finger while I lick her pussy/ass like an ice cream cone. I start at the clit, and lick (with my tongue flat and wide) all the way up to the little dimple above her asshole, all the while fingering her clit.
Now it's time for penetration.
With her ass slightly in the air, I continue to finger her clit as I position myself above her. My legs are spread wide, on either side of hers (still clamped tightly together).
I spread her lips wide (with the same hand that was fingering her clit) as I enter her.
I keep that hand under her waist, playing with her clit as I penetrate, withdraw and repeat.
This position squeezes my cock pretty hard, and it does not take me very long to cum this way. (hence me giving her so much attention beforehand).

From the first lick to the first penetration is probably about 30-45 minutes.

It's not always a set routine (like the steps above) but the order in which these events take place just seems to come pretty naturally, and it's usually pretty close to what I've described above.

Fuck, I really enjoyed typing that.

vato.

 

[lemmesee]

This is a problem for me in the other direction....I prefer to have my cum in ANY other manner than on top....on top, I tend to cum too quickly....and on top of that (pardon the pun), my lady-friend likes to put her hands on my buns, and pull me into her....as soon as she does that, I have my ejaculation....she would like me on top much much more than we do, but I'm uncomfortable with it for this reason....

 

[TBKahuna123]

Fuck, I really enjoyed typing that.

vato.

Not half as much as I enjoyed reading it! That, gentlemen, is how we do that!

 

[PowerLifter84]

Why not put your hand/arm under the small of her back instead?

I usually have one arm (my left) under her shoulderblades, (holding onto her left shoulder with my left hand.) The other hand/forearm is directly under her spine, right at the base of her back. I can pull us together, squeeze her ass etc.

My wife usually wraps her legs around me, and it's a perfect chance for me to rub her asshole with my middle finger, as she grinds her clit into the base of my penis.

It's a great position, and we both get off every time.




Another of our favorite 'me on top' positions starts with her laying on her stomach with her legs together.
I usually begin by licking/kissing around her ass cheeks, and slowly work my way down, towards where her ass meets her legs.
It's usually at this time that she lifts her ass up in the air, giving me access to her pussy/ass. I lick both in this position for a few minutes.
After she's good and wet, I lift her ass up until she's on her knees, with her breasts/shoulders still touching the bed.
I pay quite a bit of attention to her ass (with my tongue) while I reach around and finger her clit. This usually gets her going really well, and I proceed to spread her legs, and move my tongue down to her clit.
I'll rub/gently push her asshole with my thumb as I concentrate on her clit. Now I usually push her ass back down, so she's not on her knees anymore. At this time she's really pushing her ass in the air, and I reach around and play with her clit with my finger while I lick her pussy/ass like an ice cream cone. I start at the clit, and lick (with my tongue flat and wide) all the way up to the little dimple above her asshole, all the while fingering her clit.
Now it's time for penetration.
With her ass slightly in the air, I continue to finger her clit as I position myself above her. My legs are spread wide, on either side of hers (still clamped tightly together).
I spread her lips wide (with the same hand that was fingering her clit) as I enter her.
I keep that hand under her waist, playing with her clit as I penetrate, withdraw and repeat.
This position squeezes my cock pretty hard, and it does not take me very long to cum this way. (hence me giving her so much attention beforehand).

From the first lick to the first penetration is probably about 30-45 minutes.

It's not always a set routine (like the steps above) but the order in which these events take place just seems to come pretty naturally, and it's usually pretty close to what I've described above.

Fuck, I really enjoyed typing that.

vato.

I may give this a try! I've never went down on a girl and thinking about bringing it up later on tonight when we talk. My last girlfriend had her first boyfriend go down on her and she HATED it, so I figure he had no clue what he was doing. Same story with this girl. She goes down on me all the time and would like to pay her back, or at least give me the chance and *hopefully* she sees that it's much more enjoyable than her previous expierence.

Only question I have, is there a big deal with the taste? My girlfriend gets REALLY wet (not squirting wet but last night litterarly half of my shirt was drenched) so I would really hate dipping my tounge into a puddle of nastiness.

I read about all the ABCs on the clit and know where her G-spot is, so I'm curious as to how she'll react when both are massaged.

 

[juice0223]

never gone down on her? MUST give that a try my friend.
all girls are different, but chances are she will love it if you do it right.
its not a one time thing either bro, really takes time and effort to learn each other right. every woman is different in terms of sensitivity, climax, specific areas. dont rush it, really care about it and you both will be rewarded sexually. its SO satisfying.

as for the taste, i have to be in the mood but theres not really a chance that if i decide to eat a girl out im not in 'the mood'. i love the taste. love it love it love it. try tongue fucking as well, pretty self explanatory but, its usually a winner. g'luck

 

[SweetErika]

I may give this a try! I've never went down on a girl and thinking about bringing it up later on tonight when we talk. My last girlfriend had her first boyfriend go down on her and she HATED it, so I figure he had no clue what he was doing. Same story with this girl. She goes down on me all the time and would like to pay her back, or at least give me the chance and *hopefully* she sees that it's much more enjoyable than her previous expierence.

Only question I have, is there a big deal with the taste? My girlfriend gets REALLY wet (not squirting wet but last night litterarly half of my shirt was drenched) so I would really hate dipping my tounge into a puddle of nastiness.

I read about all the ABCs on the clit and know where her G-spot is, so I'm curious as to how she'll react when both are massaged.

Provided she's healthy (no infections, STIs, etc.) and practices good hygiene, she'll taste fine. I'd suggest having a sexy bath or shower together before your first time. Even if she doesn't need it, it might be good mentally for both of you (in all likelihood, she worries about her smell and taste WAY more than you might). Don't focus on cleaning for oral... scrub, caress, kiss, lick and suck eachother's bodies, experiment with the water flow (esp. if there's a detachable head...if not, consider getting one), and focus on intimacy and arousal.

My philosphy boils down to this: if you think it's going to be gross, painful, tedious, work, or is obligatory, it will be; if you believe it'll be highly enjoyable, delicious, arousing, and is a privilege/gift she's giving you, it will be that.

Final tip (though there are so many...look in the BM too): Ask for lots of, listen, and respond to her feedback. I didn't really enjoy oral for many years because my hubby kinda thought he knew what he was doing and didn't listen to me. Even when he started, it still took lots of time, listening, feedback, and practice to really learn my body. Look at it as a journey you're starting together with no expectations, and you'll be fine.

 

[Eilan]

I would really hate dipping my tounge into a puddle of nastiness.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I may give this a try! I've never went down on a girl and thinking about bringing it up later on tonight when we talk. My last girlfriend had her first boyfriend go down on her and she HATED it, so I figure he had no clue what he was doing. Same story with this girl. She goes down on me all the time and would like to pay her back, or at least give me the chance and *hopefully* she sees that it's much more enjoyable than her previous expierence.

Only question I have, is there a big deal with the taste? My girlfriend gets REALLY wet (not squirting wet but last night litterarly half of my shirt was drenched) so I would really hate dipping my tounge into a puddle of nastiness.

I read about all the ABCs on the clit and know where her G-spot is, so I'm curious as to how she'll react when both are massaged.

You might try acknowledging that you don't know what you're doing either, since you've never gone done on a girl, and ask your girlfriend if she can tell you when you're doing something that feels good, bad, or neutral.

And for god's sake, don't speak the words 'puddle of nastiness' where she can hear you, or she'll never let you anywhere near enough to taste her. That's part of what makes oral sex hard for women to receive - concern over scent and taste does not make for an enjoyable experience.

 

[LadyJeanne]

ditto

 

[teresawrites2u]

Some women are horrified about a man putting his face near her crotch. Because they think/know it has an odor. They don’t know what it looks like. They associate anything there terrifying because the only time any attention is paid to is they are either on the rag, have a yeast infection or it’s the gyno.

Doesn’t sound very appealing to me at the moment either.

Solutions involve jumping in the shower for a quick and playful rinse off,
get her use to your face down there with her pants, skirt, panties on.
Get her use to not using panties – easy access for you and would let her ‘breath’ more.
Start playing with her! Look at her tell her what it looks like at that you love it!
Promise to lick her lips and clit but that you won’t penetrate her unless she wants you too, so she feels in control.


And if she likes being fingered, show her that you like licking her taste by sucking them an sticking them back in for more.

Most of us just don’t really believe that men want to be down there. Prove to her that you do!

Oh and one of our favorite positions is my ass on a pillow with my knees pulled up to my chest. Puts me on display, gives him control can he can hold my legs and it feels like he’s going to poke a hole out my belly if I’m not warmed up yet.

I suggest that if you really want control from the top. Flip her over, put her ass in the air and press her face to the bed. Grab her hips do what you want to do and at the sametime move her however you want.

 

[midwestyankee]

Here's a suggestion: try settling in between her thighs so you can see her very clearly and just look at her for a while. Tell her you just want to explore with your eyes. After no less than 20 minutes, begin gently exploring her outer lips and mound with your fingers. Tell her how beautiful she is there and how lucky you feel to be privileged to be there with her.

After another ten minutes or so (no less), kiss her mound gently and then kiss her along the sides of her outer lips. Gentle kisses are all that's called for here. Just kiss, no touching now with your fingers. Ask her if the kisses feel good. If she says yes, continue for a while longer but do not penetrate her with your tongue. If she gives you a clear suggestion that she'd like more at this point, slide your tongue in and explore for a while.

If she doesn't give you a clear suggestion, stop and come back up to her face. Kiss her upper body, her arms, her hips, and her belly. She may have reservations about kissing you on the mouth at this point, so take care to pay attention to what she seems to like and desire.

A gentle and admiring session like this may go a long way toward easing her concerns about letting you please her orally. And, if you have any issues with it yourself, such an exercise may show you how enjoyable it can be to have a close-up view of the seat of her pleasure.

Enjoy!

 

[Eilan]

Some women are horrified about a man putting his face near her crotch.

Yeah, and it certainly doesn't help to hear guys crack jokes about fish. As if a cock and balls that have been festering in someone's underwear all day smell like springtime.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Yeah, and it certainly doesn't help to hear guys crack jokes about fish.

This is one of my pet peeves!

I remember hearing guys joke like that back in high school, and I sure did wonder why guys liked sex so much if they thought women smelled bad. And when I heard guys telling each other to go to hell by saying "suck my dick," I thought sucking dick must be gross, humiliating, something to avoid.

So I avoided all sex until well into college. That's when I realized I shouldn't avoid sex - just the guys that crack jokes about fish.