How are you wired?

[sadangel]

She sounds really tacky. She probably thinks its funny. That stinks.

Thanks. It does stink, and sadly no one knows what to say afterwords. She starts, "oh, I'm just kidding, she knows it". I don't know it, because it's what she says in private too. Anyway....thank you for understanding.

There's no respect in that surely a person should at least be treated with respect

Thank you. I know I try to treat not only her, but everyone with respect. Just seems that it rarely comes back my way. Not always, there are some that have more than shown me respect and kindness, maybe even when I didn't deserve it!!

 

[unpredictablebijou]

It's been a few mayhem-filled days since I've been able to catch up on this thread.

Sadangel, your situation breaks my heart, even though I know I don't understand the details of what's happening. I think so much of the bottom line of all this D/s and M/s dynamic and everything it entails is this: If you're unhappy, then it's wrong. If you're unsatisfied, if you don't feel whole, loved, valued, even if that love and value comes from some sort of mad abuse or pain or strangeness, then it's wrong and needs to be fixed.

I hope this place at least helps in that you will find sympathy, compassion, understanding here, if not good advice. No one should presume to understand your situation entirely, but we all have our commonalities. A need for wholeness and compassion is universal. A need to feel valued, desired, connected, in whatever form those things take, is a strong commonality among us all. I really hope you move toward that, one way or another.

***

ahem. I'm still waiting for that One Little Flying Machine to answer the survey.

and much, much gratitude to those who are helping me piece this out. It really is time to work on a Dom version of this profile, I think. I'll noodle on it in my copious spare time, (I'm informed that I really need to get a Real Life, beyond running the small business, two mates, seven pets, weekly classes, workshops, family gatherings and a couple of Interesting Additional Projects...) but any and all suggestions will be met with abject gratitude...

bj

 

[UnderYourSpell]

If one mentions the word 'Switch' is one leapt upon and ground into many pieces never to be seen again?

 

[BiBunny]

If one mentions the word 'Switch' is one leapt upon and ground into many pieces never to be seen again?

Nope. Not usually, anyway. Or at least not by me.

I'm a switch.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

When I was browsing some of the threads a while back someone implied it was a bad thing. I have been known to switch on occasion although I do prefer to be sub and switching isn't usually my idea but one aims to please and apparently I am pretty good at it once I get started

 

[rida]

When I was browsing some of the threads a while back someone implied it was a bad thing. I have been known to switch on occasion although I do prefer to be sub and switching isn't usually my idea but one aims to please and apparently I am pretty good at it once I get started

I'm starting to think that also when it comes to be a Dominant or a Switch or a submissive, it is mostly a question of gradations rather than black and white. A sort of continuum between the two extremes.

Personal preferences and other aspects may at the end determine whether someone is going to explore the other side or not and take on the definition of Switch.

 

[Kikori]

I want to feel successful by knowing that I've pleased you. 10

I want to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but can't admit. 10

I want to feel stronger and prove myself through enduring ordeals and pain.
-physically only 1
-mentally/emotionally only 4
-both Pain doesn't help everyone grow. It will only be a form of proof, that only needs proving once.

I'm worthless, and I deserve to be punished.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both 0 I'm not worthless. Calling one's self worthless is just part of a submissive 'act', unless there is actually a healthy dominant-submissive couple who uses this word seriously.

I don't want to have to take any responsibility, so I want you to control everything. 5 Half true. I want the responsibility of caring, but not the laziness of doing nothing.

I want to be so desirable that you have to take complete control of me. 10

I want to be a pure object to you, a toy with which you amuse yourself. 2 Only in a fetish; I won't be involved with sex unless it's with someone I care about and love.

I want to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless. 0 Nor do I want to do this.

I want to prove my worth by suffering for you.
-physically only If need be. 8
-mentally/emotionally only 10
-both Yes, I do see this differently than the previous "ordeals of pain" bit earlier.


I want us to blend into one person.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both 10


I want to prove I love you by doing difficult things.
-physically only 6
-mentally/emotionally only 5
-both

I want to feel completely helpless and vulnerable.
-physically only 10
-mentally/emotionally only 4 I'll take being bound enough to not have a chance to defend myself, but not enough to make me question my trust.-both


I want to serve in any possible capacity as a sexual object 10

I want to serve you in any possible capacity including house chores 11

I want to be praised and/or rewarded when I succeed in pleasing or accomplishing a task 12

I want to be treated as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please/perform a task 0 If this is objectification, then I don't agree with it.

I want to feel cherished and cared for 9 I also want to do this, though I do have moments of independance.

I want to be guided and nurtured into becoming what you want me to be 10..0,00,000 ^_^ If I can truly be perfect for her, no matter the role, I couldn't be happier.

Is there such a thing as a submissive dominant?

I know I'm naturally, inherently submissive. However, I feel I'm whatever kind of submissive will break zones of comfort to help and please others... in a sexual example, I'm submissive enough to allow almost anything to be done to me. However, knowing my partner has a part of their body that would turn them on far more (such as neck biting or touching a certain part a certain way), I'll see their pleasure and try to add to it (without permission) by doing whatever I know pleases them. A possible result is I take over, though for their pleasure.

So, I'm curious. Am I a submissive dominant, a switch, or just someone who is focused on his partner's pleasure instead of his own?

 

[ataxia.girl]

Alright where are cutie's answers to this survey? i can't find them.

 

[daddiespet]

I want to feel successful by knowing that I've pleased you. 10

I want to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but can't admit. 10

I want to feel stronger and prove myself through enduring ordeals and pain. 10

I'm worthless, and I deserve to be punished. 0

I don't want to have to take any responsibility, so I want you to control everything. 8

I want to be so desirable that you have to take complete control of me. 10

I want to be a pure object to you, a toy with which you amuse yourself. 10

I want to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless.0

I want to prove my worth by suffering for you. 5

I want us to blend into one person. 9

I want to prove I love you by doing difficult things. 8

I want to feel completely helpless and vulnerable.
-physically only 9/10
-mentally/emotionally only 5/6
-both 7/8

I want to serve in any possible capacity as a sexual object 10

I want to serve you in any possible capacity including house chores 10

I want to be praised and/or rewarded when I succeed in pleasing or accomplishing a task 10

I want to be treated as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please/perform a task 9

I want to feel cherished and cared for 10

I want to be guided and nurtured into becoming what you want me to be 10

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Alright where are cutie's answers to this survey? i can't find them.

She posted early on to say the thread was interesting but she wasn't going to post her answers publicly. I respect that; so long as the questions are inspiring dialogue it's all good.

Nice to see that more people are into this. I haven't had time to work on the Dom version yet; been busy lately. But it's still on a back burner. Maybe someday.

Or someone else could do it, of course. I'm open to suggestions.

bj

 

[curvacious]

I want to feel successful by knowing that I've pleased you. 10

I want to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but can't admit. 8

I want to feel stronger and prove myself through enduring ordeals and pain. 7

I'm worthless, and I deserve to be punished. 0

I don't want to have to take any responsibility, so I want you to control everything. 8

I want to be so desirable that you have to take complete control of me. 8

I want to be a pure object to you, a toy with which you amuse yourself. 8

I want to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless.0

I want to prove my worth by suffering for you. 6

I want us to blend into one person. 5

I want to prove I love you by doing difficult things. 7

I want to feel completely helpless and vulnerable.
-physically only 9
-mentally/emotionally only 5
-both 6

I want to serve in any possible capacity as a sexual object 8

I want to serve you in any possible capacity including house chores 6

I want to be praised and/or rewarded when I succeed in pleasing or accomplishing a task 8

I want to be treated as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please/perform a task 4

I want to feel cherished and cared for 10

I want to be guided and nurtured into becoming what you want me to be 10

 

[Mistress_Belladonna]

Just found this thread, I'm working my way through it from the beginning, so this is probably old hat to the rest of you!

I love games!!! :-D And since I'm very new to this, everyone's insights are really intriguing too!

===============================

I want to feel successful by knowing that I've pleased you. -----------10

***I always love to please! ;-)

I want to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but can't admit.--10

***Though I prefer "persuaded" ;-)

I want to feel stronger and prove myself through enduring ordeals and pain.
-physically only -------------------- 10
-mentally/emotionally only--------- 10
-both ------------------------------ 10

***I love feeling challenged, but in true conflict I am dangerous, so would have to insist in the strongest terms that limits were strictly adhered to so there would be no mistakes.

I'm worthless, and I deserve to be punished.
-physically only ----------------------- 0
-mentally/emotionally only ---------- 0 (I feel worthless every now and then, but that's punishment enough!)
-both --------------------------------- 0

***In role play, for me this can be incorporated and really enhance mental stimulation that then reflects erotically, but I don't ever want to truly feel worthless or make someone else feel like that. This world and most of the people in it do their level best to crush us... they don't need any more help from me!

I don't want to have to take any responsibility, so I want you to control everything.--------------------- 3
***this might be fun once in a while! But I prefer being the one responsible for any mayhem! ;-)

I want to be so desirable that you have to take complete control of me.-- 10

***Who wouldn't want to be so desirable you can't resist?! ;-)

I want to be a pure object to you, a toy with which you amuse yourself. -- 0

***I'm a person. I've been an "object" most of my life and I'll kick anyone's ass that tries to put me back in that box!

I want to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless. ----- 0

***See above! ;-)

I want to prove my worth by suffering for you.
-physically only ----------------- 3
-mentally/emotionally only ----- 3
-both ---------------------------3

***I can think of many other much more satisfying fun ways to prove my worth to someone. Though an occasional romp in those fields might be fun.


I want us to blend into one person.
-physically only ------------------ ?
-mentally/emotionally only ------ ?
-both ---------------------------- ?

***I love strong powerful connections with another person, but I honor the individual. Blending is nice in moderation. And I find I come harder, better, faster when a little physical "blending" takes place! ;-)


I want to prove I love you by doing difficult things.
-physically only ----------------------- 5
-mentally/emotionally only ---------- 5
-both --------------------------------- 5

***I love challenges, but not sure how it proves love.

I want to feel completely helpless and vulnerable.
-physically only ------------------------- 8
-mentally/emotionally only ------------- 8
-both ----------------------------------- 8

***With the right person, yeah... it would be AWESOME. Not sure for how long though. So AWESOME for a short time and then I'd have to prove I'm tough again! ;-)


I want to serve in any possible capacity as a sexual object -------------- 8

***I think this could be a wonderful experience or aspect of a relationship, but ixnay on the object-ay.

I want to serve you in any possible capacity including house chores --- 8

***Oh MAN!!! I hate household chores! Sometimes! Ok... most of the time! Can we come up with some other capacity?

I want to be praised and/or rewarded when I succeed in pleasing or accomplishing a task -------------------------------------------------- 10

***EVERY TIME! Get your "appreciation" handy! ;-)

I want to be treated as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please/perform a task ----------------- 10

***See "ass-kicking" ;-)

I want to feel cherished and cared for ---------------------------------- 10

***Give me that and I'm yours forever.

I want to be guided and nurtured into becoming what you want me to be - 10

***Yes... I can get behind guiding and nurturing.

__________________

 

[ihavehope444]

0 = This is not true of me at all.

10 = This is completely true about me.


Note: I've changed the survey to reflect the suggestions and additions offered by various people, and particular thanks to Rida for much of this revised version.

You might also consider, as you think through some of the statements, whether they apply just within sexual contexts or if they are more a "lifestyle" idea. That is, some people love to feel helpless during sexual play but would not enjoy helplessness or lack of responsibility in other areas of life.

Thanks for playing!

***


I want to feel successful by knowing that I've pleased you. 10

I want to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but can't admit. 7

I want to feel stronger and prove myself through enduring ordeals and pain. 0
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both

I'm worthless, and I deserve to be punished. 0
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both

I don't want to have to take any responsibility, so I want you to control everything. 3

I want to be so desirable that you have to take complete control of me. 5

I want to be a pure object to you, a toy with which you amuse yourself. 0

I want to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless. 0

I want to prove my worth by suffering for you. 0
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I want us to blend into one person. Physically - 8, Emotionally - 5
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I want to prove I love you by doing difficult things. both - 9
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both

I want to feel completely helpless and vulnerable. Physically - 10
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I want to serve in any possible capacity as a sexual object 8

I want to serve you in any possible capacity including house chores 8

I want to be praised and/or rewarded when I succeed in pleasing or accomplishing a task 10

I want to be treated as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please/perform a task 0

I want to feel cherished and cared for 10

I want to be guided and nurtured into becoming what you want me to be 7


Wow, I'm not sure those are the answers I expected from myself. It took me a long time, and a lot of reading on Lit, before I really bought into the fact that I don't have to fit into someone else's definition of a sub. More 1/2 sub, 1/2 bottom than anything.

I appreciate everyone else's honesty in defining their own kink. There aren't many places as comfortable as Lit for that. Thanks everyone!

 

[Arkhilokhus]

I want to feel successful by knowing that I've pleased you.
10 – I’m a pleaser, and this is a major motivation for me. “My joy is to see your joy. My ecstasy is in yours.”
I want to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but can't admit.
3 – Not so much, and the idea isn’t intrinsically hot to me, but there are things that I have difficulty admitting that I want.

I want to feel stronger and prove myself through enduring ordeals and pain.
-physically only – 6 or so; I’m just discovering this, but it is enjoyable to overcome a physical challenge
-mentally/emotionally only – 0; I’m rather fragile emotionally, and I crave praise so much that I think emotional challenges could be difficult
-both

I'm worthless, and I deserve to be punished.
-physically only – 0; the ‘I’m worthless’ part doesn’t work for me.
-mentally/emotionally only – 0; see above
-both

I don't want to have to take any responsibility, so I want you to control everything.
5; as much as I like to be controlled, I feel very strongly that subs should make their Dominant’s life better and easier.

I want to be so desirable that you have to take complete control of me.
9; this is very hot! I love the idea of being desired. And a sort of passionate taking and mastering of me sounds wonderful. I hesitate at the idea of *complete* control, though. I do love taking some initiative to please.

I want to be a pure object to you, a toy with which you amuse yourself.
8; I’m not into heavy objectification, but I love being called a toy, and the idea of being amusing to my Mistress is very sexy

I want to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless.
0; See above comments on emotional fragility

I want to prove my worth by suffering for you.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both – 5; I’d do it, but would prefer the suffering part to be absent if possible!


I want us to blend into one person.
-physically only – 10; physical blending is always very nice!
-mentally/emotionally only – 0; one of the great pleasures of love, imo, is the connection to another unique person, not in the sense of finding your complement, but I knowing and relating to someone complete in themselves and distinct from you.
-both


I want to prove I love you by doing difficult things.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both – 5; I’d not want it to be the foundation of a relationship, but in the context of a loving relationship, performing difficult achievements for the one I love can give a lovely mixture of pride and submissiveness.

I want to feel completely helpless and vulnerable.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both – 7; I don’t know if I can sign on to *completely* helpless, but the feeling of openness that comes from being vulnerable in the power of someone I trust is delicious. That goes for both physical and emotional vulnerability.


I want to serve in any possible capacity as a sexual object
8; I’m hesitant to say any, but being used for sexual pleasure is a delightful feeling for me.

I want to serve you in any possible capacity including house chores
7; Not my favorite thing ever, but there is some truth to “obedience is pleasure”. I can take some pleasure even from things I don’t want to do, and being rewarded with a grateful smile lifts my spirits wonderfully.

I want to be praised and/or rewarded when I succeed in pleasing or accomplishing a task
10; Rewards are not necessary, but I thrive on praise. It’s probably my main motivation.

I want to be treated as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please/perform a task
0 – Mild objectification is one thing, but being treated as disposable is another.

I want to feel cherished and cared for
10; This is right up there with praise for me.

I want to be guided and nurtured into becoming what you want me to be
9; I really like this idea, and it’s also true that I have little ambition on my own. I love the idea of having a goal to achieve, and I’ve always loved the idea of being some kind of courtesan or highly trained sex slave. ;-) Still, I do have a little worry about losing my uniqueness.

 

[kara24]

Just want to say that ALL my answers here relate to my sexual relationship, not all of life. Thats just me. For me its a sex thing!

I want to feel successful by knowing that I've pleased you. 8

I want to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but can't admit. 1

I want to feel stronger and prove myself through enduring ordeals and pain.
-physically only 3
-mentally/emotionally only 0
-both

I'm worthless, and I deserve to be punished.
-physically only 8
-mentally/emotionally only 2
-both

I don't want to have to take any responsibility, so I want you to control everything. 0
I want to be so desirable that you have to take complete control of me. 8

I want to be a pure object to you, a toy with which you amuse yourself. 10

I want to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless. 5

I want to prove my worth by suffering for you.
-physically only 5
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I want us to blend into one person. 0
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I want to prove I love you by doing difficult things. 2
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both

I want to feel completely helpless and vulnerable.
-physically only 10
-mentally/emotionally only 5
-both


I want to serve in any possible capacity as a sexual object 10

I want to serve you in any possible capacity including house chores 0

I want to be praised and/or rewarded when I succeed in pleasing or accomplishing a task 10

I want to be treated as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please/perform a task 5

I want to feel cherished and cared for 10

I want to be guided and nurtured into becoming what you want me to be 1

 

[shadysymphony]

I want to feel successful by knowing that I've pleased you. 10

I want to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but can't admit. 10

I want to feel stronger and prove myself through enduring ordeals and pain.
-physically only 0
-mentally/emotionally only 2
-both

I'm worthless, and I deserve to be punished.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both 0

I don't want to have to take any responsibility, so I want you to control everything. 6

I want to be so desirable that you have to take complete control of me. 10

I want to be a pure object to you, a toy with which you amuse yourself. 0

I want to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless. 0

I want to prove my worth by suffering for you.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both 0


I want us to blend into one person.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both 5


I want to prove I love you by doing difficult things.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both 5

I want to feel completely helpless and vulnerable.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both 8


I want to serve in any possible capacity as a sexual object 5

I want to serve you in any possible capacity including house chores 7

I want to be praised and/or rewarded when I succeed in pleasing or accomplishing a task 10

I want to be treated as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please/perform a task 0

I want to feel cherished and cared for 10

I want to be guided and nurtured into becoming what you want me to be 10