How 2 get hubby

[Avery_Chisholm]

to initiate sex more? i've tried telling him but he's constantly forgetting

 

[Halo_n_horns]

to initiate sex more? i've tried telling him but he's constantly forgetting

Your hubby "forgets" to initiate sex??? Tell him you have plenty of volunteers here at Lit who will happily remember to initiate sex with you as often as you like.

But seriously ... he "forgets?" WTF?!?!?! Does he forget to beat off when the urge hits as well? I could go on with the material you've given very easily, but I really should stop at "WTF" or this will get pretty crude pretty quick.

 

[jacintexas]

Why wait for him?

 

[Noor]

get him checked out, this is not a good thing, having sex on the brain is a male trait

If it were me, I would leave silly messages everywhere starting with the traditional lipstick on the bathroom mirror, then "sexual healing" in the car cd player, set to go on when the car does, little suggestive notes and then a few phone calls at work describing what you have in mind for him.

and of course if that doesn't work, you can ask if he'd like to watch you have sex...

 

[Flyin_Free]

Why wait for him?

Sometimes it's nice when somebody else initiates sex.

Yes, the end result is the same no matter who starts it but it makes you feel more wanted if your partner initates it occasionally.

 

[emap]

Well there are two options that spring to mind instantly.

First, perhaps he is overworked and stressing bad and just isn't in the mood for sex right now.

Second, perhaps he is a little submissive and doesn't like to roll over and get on, instead he prefers you do the rolling over and getting on.

 

[M's girl]

to initiate sex more? i've tried telling him but he's constantly forgetting

Not initiating sex is not something you don't do because you forget, I'm afraid. There may be so many reasons for him to not take the first step.

Like emap said; it could be stress (from work or the relationship).
It could be he is having an affair and his mind is not on having sex with you, but when you persue he feels he cannot refuse since he is supposed to have sex with you.
There can be a medical issue or reason, in which case he needs to go see a doctor.

or....

He might like it too much to not have to initiate sex and have you do it. Feeds his self esteem and ego. But if that's the case he needs to tell you that and you need to agree on that being OK for the time being.

I know, because I sort of had the same issue with M for a while. In his former relationship he was always bullied and turned down, for everything, so also for sex. When he met me I told him over and over again that it was OK, that I wanted him. That I loved him and that I wanted sex all the time and would be so glad if he initiated more. He listened and said he understood how things were different now. But I guess the issue he had built up over a period of almost 10 years was stronger than him believing me in that it would be OK, wonderful even, to be more initiating / aggressive. Things are getting better but sometimes I still feel is takes the safe road if ever he does not feel comfortable enough for whatever reason....

 

[VelvetDarkness]

The other posters are just throwing guesses at you here. Basically, if you don't know why he won't initiate, nobody here can advise you on how to address the problem.

 

[M's girl]

The other posters are just throwing guesses at you here. Basically, if you don't know why he won't initiate, nobody here can advise you on how to address the problem.

Very true, but that's often the case here, even if we know (a little) more. Plus, if someone tells (even) far more it still remains that we only hear one side of the story

 

[Halo_n_horns]

The bunch of ya are kinda funny here. The woman said that he "forgets." That's either some really bad Alzheimer's or he's making excuses because he doesn't want to reveal the reason why he doesn't want to have sex with her.

The first clue is she said he "forgets." How the hell would she know that if he didn't come right out and say it? Whatever his reason is, he's fully aware of it and he's keeping her in the dark.

The two of you need to have a serious conversation, be ready for whatever comes out in the open, then move on from there. I'm sure that we could all sit here and type out a million different possibilities, but until he shows some testicular fortitude and comes out with the real answer he's just yanking everyones' chains.

I really think this one is a little too obvious.

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

The bunch of ya are kinda funny here. The woman said that he "forgets." That's either some really bad Alzheimer's or he's making excuses because he doesn't want to reveal the reason why he doesn't want to have sex with her.

The first clue is she said he "forgets." How the hell would she know that if he didn't come right out and say it? Whatever his reason is, he's fully aware of it and he's keeping her in the dark.

The two of you need to have a serious conversation, be ready for whatever comes out in the open, then move on from there. I'm sure that we could all sit here and type out a million different possibilities, but until he shows some testicular fortitude and comes out with the real answer he's just yanking everyones' chains.

I really think this one is a little too obvious.

I guess i didn't explain myself too well lmao

we have a very good sex life, its just he rarely ever takes the initiative when it cums to sex and its starting to drive me nuts nothing 3 days of no bj's won't fix

 

[KravMaga]

Why do you think he is not taking the initiative?

 

[footlongish]

Poor man, 3 days without a bj... you must be killing him. /jealous !

What would I have to do to be "punished" that way ?

 

[subwannabe]

I've got the same problem in reverse. My wife just can't initiate sex. If I don't initiate it, it doesn't happen, and to be honest, I am just getting tired of having to do all the work all the time. I have talked to her about it SEVERAL times but it doesn't seem to get any better and she basically admits that she doesn't want to initiate it and can't come up with any ideas either. She really enjoys it when it happens but I am getting to the point where I am tired of having to be the one who gets the ball rolling every single time. I do agree with the others who basically say that you can't find a solution to the problem until you find out what the real problem is to begin with.

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

Why do you think he is not taking the initiative?

i think he likes the whole idea of me seducing him alittle 2 much lol

foot, i dunno inplied band starts when he gets home from work and i go out for girls' nite out he's gonna be awefully lonely

 

[Halo_n_horns]

I guess i didn't explain myself too well lmao

we have a very good sex life, its just he rarely ever takes the initiative when it cums to sex and its starting to drive me nuts nothing 3 days of no bj's won't fix

Neat. I haven't looked like an ass in nearly thirty-seven minutes. *phew* Almost went too long ...

 

[KravMaga]

i think he likes the whole idea of me seducing him alittle 2 much lol

foot, i dunno inplied band starts when he gets home from work and i go out for girls' nite out he's gonna be awefully lonely

Tell him he should read the autofellatio chain......oh my aching back!!

 

[Eilan]

I do agree with the others who basically say that you can't find a solution to the problem until you find out what the real problem is to begin with.

I think that, for some women at least, it can be an upbringing issue. Some women have the idea that sex is something that is "done to them" ingrained in their heads. Only whores, sluts, etc initiate sex.

Yeah, this thread isn't about women. Just addressing subwannabe's post.

Avery, maybe you've just spoiled him by jumping his bones all the time!

 

[KravMaga]

I think that, for some women at least, it can be an upbringing issue. Some women have the idea that sex is something that is "done to them" ingrained in their heads. Only whores, sluts, etc initiate sex.

Yeah, this thread isn't about women. Just addressing subwannabe's post.

Avery, maybe you've just spoiled him by jumping his bones all the time!

Go Rutgers!

 

[emap]

There is a really easy way to get him to initiate the sex more, dress in little, feed him dinner, fawn all over him during dinner, footsies helps there, when he asks tell him no you don't want sex. When you go to watch TV, hop in his lap cuddle up to him and rotate your butt right on him, get him to think of nothing but sex, and always tell him no you don't want sex.

Now this is dangerous because two things can happen, either he fucks your brains out without you asking, or he drops you on the floor and goes to bed mad.

However, since he is your husband you will know when you have crossed the line, well before you cross it is of course alot better time to stop.

Now of course if that method isn't something you could do or know he wouldn't go for it, there is always the notes, phone calls to his work, email with a suggestive picture of you, note with it is a good idea. Of course when he gets home greet him in lingerie, snuggle right up to him and give him the big long I want you kiss and tease him with shots of you bending over and so forth, he will get the idea.

 

[human_male]

You should smack him over the head with a large dead herring and say "What the fucks wrong with you? Don't you know how lucky you are to be married to a woman that actually wants sex?!"

 

[mrs.jeepman6]

I guess i didn't explain myself too well lmao

we have a very good sex life, its just he rarely ever takes the initiative when it cums to sex and its starting to drive me nuts nothing 3 days of no bj's won't fix

Personally to me he just sounds like one of those non aggressive, laid back type of guys who just wants things to slide by and if you want it then just tell him and he will give you what you want. I think I understand this type as I was married to the same type of man until I finally sat him down and told him what I really want and he has been the aggressor that I have wanted all our married life and now sometimes I have to beg off if Iwant to continue having the ability to walk without outsiders stares

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Tell him he's being lazy, that you don't feel desired when you're chasing him all the time and that these days he really doesn't deserve to fuck you.

Male pride will have him ripping your clothes off to re-assert himself in 10 secs flat.

Failing that, if it were me I'd check his pulse