House of Refuge

[Skip1934a]

Can I hide here for a few days? I need a time out from life.

 

[MrsDeathlynx]

Anyone can hide here or talk, the choice is yours.

 

[Skip1934a]

Anyone can hide here or talk, the choice is yours.

I did my talking at FtF's place, page 522, post # 13036. Now I just need to hide. Thanks for the refuge, dear lady.

 

[MrsDeathlynx]

I don't think you need to hide, I just think you need to give people time to deal with the situation and see how it goes.

 

[Skip1934a]

deleted

 

[MrsDeathlynx]

I'll respond to that tonight when I get home from work, but right now I have to jet.

 

[Skip1934a]

deleted

 

[deathlynx]

Everyone is welcome to seek Refuge here...And no, I've never really felt so deep about someone as that, but I do understand the desires...the important thing is temperance...*hugs for Skip*

 

[Skip1934a]

deleted

 

[starrkers]

As one on the outer from a large section of her family, mainly due to the actions of another, I feel for you, skip. http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y286/starrcats/smilies/hug.gif
But it's now out of your hands, and all you can do is sit back, hope and try not to dwell on it all too much. (Easy to say, I know).

 

[Skip1934a]

As one on the outer from a large section of her family, mainly due to the actions of another, I feel for you, skip. http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y286/starrcats/smilies/hug.gif
But it's now out of your hands, and all you can do is sit back, hope and try not to dwell on it all too much. (Easy to say, I know).

Thanks, starr.

 

[Skip1934a]

deleted

 

[Skip1934a]

ditto

 

[Skip1934a]

deleted

 

[deathlynx]

Skip, I certainly understand how you hurt due to the loss, but at the same time there's other things in the consideration...If you'd like to talk about it some in PM feel free to send away

 

[Skip1934a]

deleted message

 

[Gi_Venus]

Hi everyone, I am a mess and all over the place emotionally. I am having severe depression at times and panic attacks. I do not want to go to a psychiatrist because they tend to be conservative in dealing with people like me(transgendered) The medical community as a whole is pretty ignorant about gender issues. I do not want to be cloudy headed.....I like being clear. I do not want meds....but everyone is trying to pressure me, sigh....my family instead of accepting my nature has decided to call me delusional and bad mouths my therapist thinking he put "these ideas in my head". I have spent years in pursuit of clarity, learning to step outside of ego to see the "truth" in situations...not my truth but from that of the observer. There in lies my despair...for I am a dreamer too.....with the light of pragmatism I cannot see a good end for me yet, time and again my dream has proven true....often it becomes...a different dream.....when I cannot see the dream I falter.
So throw hormones in the mix and you have........Me. eep!

 

[MrsDeathlynx]

Hi everyone, I am a mess and all over the place emotionally. I am having severe depression at times and panic attacks. I do not want to go to a psychiatrist because they tend to be conservative in dealing with people like me(transgendered) The medical community as a whole is pretty ignorant about gender issues. I do not want to be cloudy headed.....I like being clear. I do not want meds....but everyone is trying to pressure me, sigh....my family instead of accepting my nature has decided to call me delusional and bad mouths my therapist thinking he put "these ideas in my head". I have spent years in pursuit of clarity, learning to step outside of ego to see the "truth" in situations...not my truth but from that of the observer. There in lies my despair...for I am a dreamer too.....with the light of pragmatism I cannot see a good end for me yet, time and again my dream has proven true....often it becomes...a different dream.....when I cannot see the dream I falter.
So throw hormones in the mix and you have........Me. eep!

If you don't want to do meds, I used to be like that too for my bipolar, there are herbal teas that you can drink. Try some Celestial Seasonings brand Tension Tamer tea, I use two teabags without sugar or milk or anything. But if your doctor suggests meds, which I finally had to take, it's not necessarily a bad thing. Just make sure you get on the right one and they aren't addictive, I can tell you from personal experience that Paxil is not one you want to be on if you have panic attacks.

Take a chance and sit back, try not to let others bother you. Or if there is nothing you can do about a situation, I got this one from my mom who comitted herself to deal with her anxiety at one point, learn the key phrase "It's not my problem". This one has helped me a lot, sometimes I can't always say it but it does help.

I don't really know you but from dealing with my situations I have to ask and please do not think me rude...Perhaps you have not yet fully accepted what you are, not saying it would be any fault of yours as people around you and how you were brought up can influence how you deal with things. If you grow up hearing that one thing is wrong then you will believe it is, human nature. Even knowing is one thing, accepting completely and trying to deal with it is another thing.

Most of all if you need to take a step back, never underestimate the power of doing this because I work retail and it's kept me from blowing up quite a few times. I hope I have been of help or I can be of help, it's important to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to be happy.

 

[deathlynx]

All I can offer is an ear to listen and hugs!

 

[Gi_Venus]

If you don't want to do meds, I used to be like that too for my bipolar, there are herbal teas that you can drink. Try some Celestial Seasonings brand Tension Tamer tea, I use two teabags without sugar or milk or anything. But if your doctor suggests meds, which I finally had to take, it's not necessarily a bad thing. Just make sure you get on the right one and they aren't addictive, I can tell you from personal experience that Paxil is not one you want to be on if you have panic attacks.

Take a chance and sit back, try not to let others bother you. Or if there is nothing you can do about a situation, I got this one from my mom who comitted herself to deal with her anxiety at one point, learn the key phrase "It's not my problem". This one has helped me a lot, sometimes I can't always say it but it does help.

I don't really know you but from dealing with my situations I have to ask and please do not think me rude...Perhaps you have not yet fully accepted what you are, not saying it would be any fault of yours as people around you and how you were brought up can influence how you deal with things. If you grow up hearing that one thing is wrong then you will believe it is, human nature. Even knowing is one thing, accepting completely and trying to deal with it is another thing.

Most of all if you need to take a step back, never underestimate the power of doing this because I work retail and it's kept me from blowing up quite a few times. I hope I have been of help or I can be of help, it's important to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to be happy.

What you say is true, one reason I am having difficulty is that of core issues, my therapist believes that really the root problem of almost all that plagues me comes to one thing.... my lack of self esteem. It is his belief that if I deal with this particular issue that much of my anxiety and depression will disappear. Accepting myself as I am deals with the reality of the society in which I find myself and the people that surround me. If I am secure in my belief in myself the social issues become irrelevant at least to my personal experience. LOL but like you say...knowing it is one thing. Yes you have been helpful *hug*. My experience is actually self nuturing, a coming to my true self....I am fearful of others interferring
from their lack of understanding.

 

[MrsDeathlynx]

What you say is true, one reason I am having difficulty is that of core issues, my therapist believes that really the root problem of almost all that plagues me comes to one thing.... my lack of self esteem. It is his belief that if I deal with this particular issue that much of my anxiety and depression will disappear. Accepting myself as I am deals with the reality of the society in which I find myself and the people that surround me. If I am secure in my belief in myself the social issues become irrelevant at least to my personal experience. LOL but like you say...knowing it is one thing. Yes you have been helpful *hug*. My experience is actually self nuturing, a coming to my true self....I am fearful of others interferring
from their lack of understanding.

Trust me I know the deal with lack of self esteem, I have major issues with that myself believe it or not. Yes I do put up pics on lit, use myself in AV's, but I do that in hopes to build up my self esteem. It's helped a little bit but I still have a hard time taking compliments and such. It's a common problem that I don't think anyone has been able to solve, perhaps exposing yourself to situations for a little bit at a time that you normally wouldn't do, that's what I've been doing. But do it in a place that you know people are open, even in private with someone you trust.

I relate to you my own personal situation, mostly because it demonstrates being fearful and dealing with situations that most are uncomfortable with and say is wrong...

I am definitely in love with my husband, he is the most incredible man and I could not ask for anything more. He puts up with my mental illnesses, he does get frustrated but he is incredibly understanding. He has always stood by my side, he has always pleased me both emotionally and physically.

Society brings us up to think that should be enough, that you love one person and one person only. However with me that is not true, I also love my best friend, just like I love my husband. For a long time I was in denial, everyone around me seeing this before I did, including my very own husband. But society makes us think that loving more than one person is wrong, that by loving another one is being unfaithful.

It has taken a bit for me to come to accept that, however I have agreat support network and my hubby understands. He even talks to my best friend a lot, holding nothing against anyone and both telling me that there is nothing wrong with that. It was only when I came to accept this that I started feeling better, that I ended up less depressed as I wasn't repressing my feelings.

Not sure what the point was with that but there was one, lol. I guess you just have to become comfortable with yourself and not be afraid to lean on people, because it is when you share your burden and allow others to help you that you will start on your way to feeling better. Society would not accept me for the way that I am as a whole, but those around me do and that is all that matters.

You have to do things for yourself, I know it's easier said than done but you have friends here that are willing to help you. Don't be afraid to lean on them, don't be afraid to vent or anything of the like. Just be who you are and stand up for that person, because if you life your life in denial you'll end up worse off. If people don't accept you for who you are then they don't really accept you at all, for those who truly do love you will stick by your side no matter what.

*hugs*

 

[Gi_Venus]

Trust me I know the deal with lack of self esteem, I have major issues with that myself believe it or not. Yes I do put up pics on lit, use myself in AV's, but I do that in hopes to build up my self esteem. It's helped a little bit but I still have a hard time taking compliments and such. It's a common problem that I don't think anyone has been able to solve, perhaps exposing yourself to situations for a little bit at a time that you normally wouldn't do, that's what I've been doing. But do it in a place that you know people are open, even in private with someone you trust.

I relate to you my own personal situation, mostly because it demonstrates being fearful and dealing with situations that most are uncomfortable with and say is wrong...

I am definitely in love with my husband, he is the most incredible man and I could not ask for anything more. He puts up with my mental illnesses, he does get frustrated but he is incredibly understanding. He has always stood by my side, he has always pleased me both emotionally and physically.

Society brings us up to think that should be enough, that you love one person and one person only. However with me that is not true, I also love my best friend, just like I love my husband. For a long time I was in denial, everyone around me seeing this before I did, including my very own husband. But society makes us think that loving more than one person is wrong, that by loving another one is being unfaithful.

It has taken a bit for me to come to accept that, however I have agreat support network and my hubby understands. He even talks to my best friend a lot, holding nothing against anyone and both telling me that there is nothing wrong with that. It was only when I came to accept this that I started feeling better, that I ended up less depressed as I wasn't repressing my feelings.

Not sure what the point was with that but there was one, lol. I guess you just have to become comfortable with yourself and not be afraid to lean on people, because it is when you share your burden and allow others to help you that you will start on your way to feeling better. Society would not accept me for the way that I am as a whole, but those around me do and that is all that matters.

You have to do things for yourself, I know it's easier said than done but you have friends here that are willing to help you. Don't be afraid to lean on them, don't be afraid to vent or anything of the like. Just be who you are and stand up for that person, because if you life your life in denial you'll end up worse off. If people don't accept you for who you are then they don't really accept you at all, for those who truly do love you will stick by your side no matter what.

*hugs*

Thank you MrsD LOL I do lean on my friends.....sigh! I need a lot of them and all have been wonderful. I am ingrained in habits of behavior and thought when it comes to those in my immediate family, the dynamic I find myself trapped in is still that of the teenager.....it was when I caused the most trouble, they have kept me there in that time from long ago, my problem is that I gage my sucess by them and their reaction.....not by my own standards.....so even when I am successful if they do not react well, I find myself a failure.....Really to break the dynamic is to stride ahead regardless of what they say, to disregard their disapproval and opinions and to walk my path. It becomes difficult as they are more intent on disrupting me the more independent I become. They hold a flawed image of me......and I am not that person. I have problems with my ex too. I love her deeply....she does not love me anymore but we have a child we are trying to raise. Her sometimes active dislike of me wrecks me and makes me an emotional wreck, I cannot break with her without hurting our child and I need to for my own sanity. So I cry late at night usually and I help her when I can. We are not estranged because she recognizes the good in me for our child, that I have things for him. LOL..I cannot be a prime male role model though.

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

~ Hello MrsD., D., TE., Sir...

I am all too well aware that it's been ages since I've stopped by, and even longer since I spoke about the house issue. I really had hoped it would have been settled - in some fashion - by now... but sadly, it is not and has not.

So many other issues have prevailed themselves upon my time and risen to take a more immediate place in line.

I just wanted to stop in and say a short hello and let you all know I'm still around... just not as highly visible in some places... and bouncing all over the board in others.

And then, due to the extenuating circumstances of so many situations... I just want to hide or leave... or worse.

Hope all is well with you my friends.

Missing you all,
I remain,
Victoria

x 11 for MrsD

 

[TE999]

~ Hello MrsD., D., TE., Sir...

I am all too well aware that it's been ages since I've stopped by, and even longer since I spoke about the house issue. I really had hoped it would have been settled - in some fashion - by now... but sadly, it is not and has not.

So many other issues have prevailed themselves upon my time and risen to take a more immediate place in line.

I just wanted to stop in and say a short hello and let you all know I'm still around... just not as highly visible in some places... and bouncing all over the board in others.

And then, due to the extenuating circumstances of so many situations... I just want to hide or leave... or worse.

Hope all is well with you my friends.

Missing you all,
I remain,
Victoria

x 11 for MrsD

Victoria! Hi sweetie! I see you've scooted off line again, but it's good to hear from you. Anytime you want to vent or need a shoulder, we're here. Hope things get better for you soon.

 

[deathlynx]

Great to hear from you Victoria!
*snuggle huggles for GI!*