Hot Topic

[homunculus]

I wonder if anyone, particularly but not exclusively women, can help me understand what to do during my so's pms to avoid anger and ugly scenes. I know that reassurance and patience and love generally are big parts of the answer, but when she is going through this any little thing can trigger an outburst, which can, it seems, trigger panic, which can make it very difficult to get through with love and so forth. Do we just avoid each other? Do I just take it? Medicine doesn't help. I'm tired.

 

[Lynxie]

You say that medicine doesn't help, but what have you tried? There are numerous treatments for treating severe PMS. For some women, finding the right birth control can alleviate mood swings. Others have success taking selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors like Paxil or Zoloft (primarily for treating depression and anxiety, but also prescribed for extreme cases of premenstrual syndrome). Has she talked extensively with her doctor about all her options? I know her outbursts and mood swings are rough on you, and they're probably even harder on her. No woman enjoys becoming a monster once a month. Keep researching treatments...don't give up hope.

Here's a website that might be useful. There are plenty more just like it if you google PMS. Definitely have her consult her doctor, though.

 

[fgarvb1]

Bluebell ice cream, preferably chocolate and flowers.

If you hear ANYTHING other than, Why thank you, honey...RUN!

 

[Bobmi357]

This is why I feel every man should undergo military training. The need for a handy foxhole or bombshelter during this time is great.

Rules for surviving PMS.

1) Never mention sex during the PMS TIME.
2) Never say anything bad about your inlaws during the PMS TIME.
3) Never say anything to your spouse/so unless responding to a comment she's made.
4) Keep a pint of emergency Hagen Daz Chocolate Chocolate Chip Ice Cream handy, if the situation gets out of control, hand over the pint and immediately retreat to your shelter.
5) DO NOT MENTION FOOTBALL, BASKETBALL, BASEBALL, NASCAR, HOCKEY or any other sport during PMS time.

How to detect eruptions before they happen.

1) Seed the Spouse/SO with a generous supply of tilt meters and seismographs.
2) Check continually for explosive outgassing!
3) Update your local evacuation plan.
4) Bounce lasers off your Spouse/SO to see if there are any subtle bulges.
5) Listen for magma displacements
6) Monitor her CO2 and SO4 Levels.
7) Look for Steam and melting ice caps.
8) Watch for earthquakes in increasing magnitudes.

But seriously. Unless she turns into a raving axe murderer, just be patient, calm and never yell back no matter how tempted you might be. She's armed with nuclear weapons and you have only a spear

 

[EJFan]

I wonder if anyone, particularly but not exclusively women, can help me understand what to do during my so's pms to avoid anger and ugly scenes. (clip) Do we just avoid each other? Do I just take it? Medicine doesn't help. I'm tired.

i don't want to sound sarcastic or unfeeling toward your honest question BUT... this is why i'll never get married. well, one reason at least.

i grew up primarily under my mother's care (parents divorced when i was about 3) and her PMS was positively dreadful. it's still bad now and she hasn't had any "M" to be "P" about in years.

sorry for the downer but i do genuinely wish you luck on this and i'm happy to hear you're trying to do the best for your wife and marriage.

 

[homunculus]

but seriously

Thanks, particularly to Bobmi and Lynxie. She is already taking an antidepressant. And she doesn't like ice cream (that's probably at the root of her problems!). Concerning the pill and pms, I'm very confused. She claims that the pill makes things worse, and that it involves a risk of cancer. I wonder what experiences women here have had with it?

 

['lil rose]

I feel for you! My mom whent thru the same thing (try to imagine a headstrong teenager in a mine field, and you thought you had it rough!) She ended up being diagnosed with endromisios (check the spelling on that I know it's not right)
As far as using the pill I can say that for myself I never liked it. It made me feel fluish so I stoped taking it.
I can give you a few ideas on how to alleviate her symptoms tho, about a week or so before she starts she can eat more veggies things like brocolli, spinich, and asparagus seem to help me but I am animic so I need them anyway you may need to play around with a few different foods to see what works best or even take one of those one-a-day vitamin things sometimes something as simple as having a dip in one of your vitamin levels to set someone off.

Hope things work out for you guys!

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks, particularly to Bobmi and Lynxie. She is already taking an antidepressant. And she doesn't like ice cream (that's probably at the root of her problems!). Concerning the pill and pms, I'm very confused. She claims that the pill makes things worse, and that it involves a risk of cancer. I wonder what experiences women here have had with it?

Insert standard disclaimers here
It doesn't sound like this is "normal" PMS. I know it varies from woman to woman, but if you're really walking on eggshells and she's still having extreme reactions, the meds aren't helping (but is she on them for depression or PMS?), she needs to go back to the doctor and likely consult a specialist or two. I'd imagine she needs to have her hormone levels checked mid-cycle and while she's experiencing PMS, and may need to try different medications and dosing schedules.

The pill...some pills may make things worse, but there are hundreds of different brands and hormonal combinations. Some doctors even recommend taking a monophasic pill continuously to avoid hormonal fluctuations and the period/PMS altogether. At one point, I was on a pill that made me behave like your wife (think very angry, complete basket case) all the time, but I was back to myself as soon as I changed to a different pill with a lower dose of hormones. I stopped taking one of the lowest dose pills this summer, and have only noticed the physical symptoms of PMS last longer...the emotions are fine. Yes, it can increase the risk of some types of cancer, and there are some other serious risks and side effects, but it may be something she needs to look into with a specialist to regulate her hormones.

EJFan and other men who are terrified of PMS...in general, you can expect a few days of crankiness, being emotional (e.g. crying more easily), fatigue, complaining about not feeling good and cramps, and cravings. Normal PMS isn't that bad, and you might not even notice if she didn't tell you (I have a strict policy of warning though). Of course there are some extreme cases, but I think it's trumped up and used as justification/an excuse more often than not.

 

[homunculus]

It's real

Thanks for all the information about the pill. I didn't realize that there were so many variations and approaches. I will have to do more research on the topic. All the women I have known intimately have used other forms of birth control...But I want to stress that pms is real, and serious. I am sure it is not a big deal for most women, as you indicate. And, yes, one doesn't want to perpetuate those stupid stereotypes of women who can't be president or whatever because of pms. But nonetheless, I think my so has lost work and friends and otherwise had a hard time because of the extreme changes in mood and that occur monthly. Or is she just using that time as an opportunity to let out anxieties, etc. I don't know.

 

[Volz]

Nope, not a doctor here...

But she might want to see one.

I was on the Depo shot for 7 years (God, I love it!) and I had no periods, and VERY little PMS. I went off the shot in early Dec. (we're trying to conceive) and boy has my PMS levels gone through the roof. My PMS is BAD and I never realized how bad because I was on the shot for so long. I'm slowly working my way through it. Some of it for me is mind over matter. I know it's coming and I really try to control it. And I do give my husband fair warning.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Once a month for a week I keep my wife doped up on horse tranquilizers. Works like a charm.

Seriously though, someone earlier in the thread said something about not mentioning sex. That's a horrible idea. Female orgasms relieve many of the symptoms of PMS. So while your SO is in her cycle, go out and give another woman a bunch of orgasms. Your symptoms should dissipate.

Ok, ok. Giving your SO the orgasms should help dramatically. Talk to her about it BEFORE she hits her next cycle and warm her up to the idea so she's more receptive of it during the cycle.

 

[homunculus]

Know

Thanks for the info re Depo shots--I'll check that out as a possibility. I guess you all are picking up that my so is not seeing the right doctor. It's a catch 22; talk to her about pms when she isn't having it and she says it's no big deal, she can handle it, and when she is has pms, there is no talking about it unless she brings it up. That is, if I say you are acting this or that way because of pms, she gets very upset... I'm insensitive, I don't understand, I am blaming her...etc.

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks for the info re Depo shots--I'll check that out as a possibility. I guess you all are picking up that my so is not seeing the right doctor. It's a catch 22; talk to her about pms when she isn't having it and she says it's no big deal, she can handle it, and when she is has pms, there is no talking about it unless she brings it up. That is, if I say you are acting this or that way because of pms, she gets very upset... I'm insensitive, I don't understand, I am blaming her...etc.

My guess is that if she's anti-pill, she's going to be WAY anti-Depo. I may be wrong, but I believe a greater number of women experience severe side effects (mood disorders, a lot of weight gain, etc.) with Depo than the pill. There are lots of other options like the patch and maybe even the NuvaRing, so you're right about getting her to a good doctor. Would she maybe go for an appointment to educate YOU on hormonal changes, birth control options, depression, etc. because she was right, you didn't understand? Or what would happen if you told her you loved her and are absolutely not blaming her, but this is really important to you, so you'd really appreciate it if she'd tell you what you can do to help her get through that week and come up with some solutions together? Even at my bitchiest, I'd imagine those would sound like very reasonable, loving offers. If she won't accept either, you might have to take a harder stance and tell her you're concerned about her and the impact this is having on your marriage.