Honorific Titles...

[will2power]

As I go over the things I have enjoyed about BDSM, I am finding more and more things I don't like about the people I have spoken with online. I am finding as I get older, there are a lot more aspects of "Protocol" that I like less and less.

For one, I don't like to be called, "Sir" or "Master" or "Lord" or any of those other self-styled honorific titles anymore. Years ago when I first started, I liked it, but as I have grown into things and become my own person, I find it distasteful. I'm not saying that to put down other people. I am just finding that being called that makes me feel--well, silly...

It may be that the peson calling me that is my wife. My days of playing with mulitple partners are behind me, which is something that I do miss, but I made a committment to my wife.

And now that she is my wife, I don't like the idea of her calling me "Sir" or anything like that.

Has anyone else ever felt like this?

 

[CutieMouse]

I can deal with "Sir" or "M'am" in very speficic situations (and it's been a journey to even get comfortable with that), but I don't do titles. I'm happy for people who are happy with "Master/Lord/Daddy/Mistress/Grand Poohbah of the Exaulted Order", but for myself... ehhh.

I'm far more likely to use an endearment (Sweetheart/Darling/Dearest/My Heart/etc), or a Lover's first and middle names strung together, than an honorific, and endearments are generally reserved for a single specific (special) person in my Life.

It is interesting that the shift in attitude occured when the one calling you Sir became the one you're married to...

 

[myinnerslut]

A and i used Sir for many months before he turned around andsaid he just didnt like it anymore. i still slip up and call him Sir sometimes, especially if i am very turned on or think i am in trouble, but for the most part now i just use his name.

 

[BiBunny]

I don't mind using titles for people when I am the sub, but I haven't found a good one to use for myself when I top. "Ma'am" sounds too old. "Mistress" sounds goofy. "Goddess" makes me feel like someone should be worshipping at my temple and tithing at least 10% of his/her income. (Ok, on second thought, maybe that does sound good.) "Princess?" Ugh. I would like *something* for people to call me, but my options aren't looking good at this point.

I'll say, though, that it's entirely up to you as to whether you want to use titles or not. There's no right or wrong way to do it.

 

[Netzach]

BiBunny, I was Miss and now I like Ms. How weird, I know.

 

[Shankara20]

Has anyone else ever felt like this?

There are many camps with divergent views on titles covering the wide spectrum between love of the power they hold to destine for the restrictions that place. It appears to be a very personal decision and I try to respect whatever people choose. I am glad that we don't seem to play title games in our postings here - this not being a roll playing forum

As a switch I have played with both the joy of using one when I bottomed and the stress I felt coming up with one when I Topped. When I first started playing 12 years ago I wanted my Top to have one when I bottomed and don't want one when I Topped - go figure.

I do not use one any longer. There are several threads about the use of "Daddy" as a title that hold my thoughts about me using it, but only in defined and developed relationships.

Welcome to Lit and just call me Shank

 

[BiBunny]

BiBunny, I was Miss and now I like Ms. How weird, I know.

Oooh, thanks, Netz. I like Miss and Ms. I think I'll borrow them.

 

[graceanne]

I call K by his name. *shrugs* Sometimes when we're having sex he'll ask me to call him something else, but if he did while I wasn't turned on, I'd laugh. Besides the whole Sir and Ma'am thing isn't a kink or fetish thing to him. He's southern, he calls everyone Sir and Ma'am, including me. *shrugs* Heck, my kids are picking it up, which kinda makes them stand out in the oh-so-casual west coast.

 

[myinnerslut]

sorry for the hijack... gracie, your pm box is full.....

 

[the captians wench]

I call K by his name. *shrugs* Sometimes when we're having sex he'll ask me to call him something else, but if he did while I wasn't turned on, I'd laugh. Besides the whole Sir and Ma'am thing isn't a kink or fetish thing to him. He's southern, he calls everyone Sir and Ma'am, including me. *shrugs* Heck, my kids are picking it up, which kinda makes them stand out in the oh-so-casual west coast.

I was raised with "sir" and "ma'am" as well. All of my customers are sir or ma'am, my bosses, my parents, grandparents, some of the crew that have worked there for eons, any one in a position where my mind transfur them to the respect of an elder.

Some times I like using Master. Some times the person who demands it of me can send me to a place where no other word feels right to call him. And other times it's a duity required of me by the one I am playing with at the time. It's funny to me tho because the one I love to call Master, hehe my Master even, does not hold the same fondness for the fraze as I do. Every great while I'll call him master, or he'll refur to himself as master, but those times are rare and few.

But for the most part I call the one who owns me Love. It's always fit for us. And while I'm in trouble, or in play or something I may call him sir, for the most part love is the tital that I use for him. It just feels best most of the time.

 

[graceanne]

Ooops. I'm normally better at keeping up on it. It's clear now.

 

[graceanne]

I was raised with "sir" and "ma'am" as well. All of my customers are sir or ma'am, my bosses, my parents, grandparents, some of the crew that have worked there for eons, any one in a position where my mind transfur them to the respect of an elder.

Some times I like using Master. Some times the person who demands it of me can send me to a place where no other word feels right to call him. And other times it's a duity required of me by the one I am playing with at the time. It's funny to me tho because the one I love to call Master, hehe my Master even, does not hold the same fondness for the fraze as I do. Every great while I'll call him master, or he'll refur to himself as master, but those times are rare and few.

But for the most part I call the one who owns me Love. It's always fit for us. And while I'm in trouble, or in play or something I may call him sir, for the most part love is the tital that I use for him. It just feels best most of the time.

I'm real bad about not calling people by their real name. Any children I have an attachment to, K, all my friends, all my sib's, and all my cousins, are either sweety or honey. Sometimes I call K babe. And if I'm in a silly mood, and looking to get 'a look' I call him schnookums or cupcake or sweet-ums. He usually calls me either honey or 'pea' (short for sweet-pea).

 

[will2power]

It is interesting that the shift in attitude occured when the one calling you Sir became the one you're married to...

Yes, it is. I take it as a good thing, though. We started as a Dom/sub before we were married. This is our 6th year together.

I think I owe much of it to just getting older and being more comfortable with myself. When I was younger, there was a rush of power in the title for me. As I grew older and more confident, I found that the title meant less to me than the actual pleasure of the relationship.

My wife likes to say it sometimes, and when she does, I don't dissuade her from it. We don't live "24/7" as the term goes, but we enjoy the play still. Now we just have to be careful we don't get caught doing it by our kids...

 

[the captians wench]

I'm real bad about not calling people by their real name. Any children I have an attachment to, K, all my friends, all my sib's, and all my cousins, are either sweety or honey. Sometimes I call K babe. And if I'm in a silly mood, and looking to get 'a look' I call him schnookums or cupcake or sweet-ums. He usually calls me either honey or 'pea' (short for sweet-pea).

I tend to do that as well. I just broke the habbit of calling my ex babe. the crew get used to it eventually, but it is very unprofessional of me. another habbit I should work on breaking.

 

[Shankara20]

Ooops. I'm normally better at keeping up on it. It's clear now.

and I'm normally better at keeping it up.... *sigh*

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i call very few "Sir" they really have to have earned my respect for me to refer to them as that. my "Sir" on the other hand, is Master, Love, Dear, Sir, and sometimes, but very rarely His first name usually around the kids, but even then it's usually love, dear, etc...i can think of 3 right off the top of my Head whom i call Sir, and one of them doesn't like it so i do it more..LOL...but that's another story for another day. i guess it's all in what you like. no right or wrong answers....what works for you etc...

 

[FurryFury]

Here in the Deep South, Sir is used as a matter of course for most that you don't know or don't know well and as a term of respect.

Fury

 

[graceanne]

Here in the Deep South, Sir is used as a matter of course for most that you don't know or don't know well and as a term of respect.

Fury

Yeah, for K saying sir and ma'am is right up there with please, thank you, and excuse me. It's not that he considers it a term of respect, but that he considers it polite.

 

[FurryFury]

Yeah, for K saying sir and ma'am is right up there with please, thank you, and excuse me. It's not that he considers it a term of respect, but that he considers it polite.

I'm a bit more reticent about saying Ma'am because it makes me feel old as fuck and I'd hate to do that to someone else.

Fury

 

[Evil_Geoff]

In my case, I don't require or request anyone to address me by an honorific. janey calls me "Sir" on her own. Being brought up in the South, and having served in the military, it rolls off her tongue naturally. And yes, you can "hear" the Capital S in Sir when she addresses me, as opposed to the term of general respect "sir" others will usually get.

Of course when she gets pissy with me I can hear it spelled "cur" too. *LOL*

I used "Lord" as part of a screen name but it was a "title" I was given in a very specific place and time, and I continued to use it for a long time to honor those who had given it to me. It wasn't a real title, but it meant the world to me because it meant I had earned the trust and respect of a group of people that _I_ had a great deal of respect for.

But when my youngest child became an adult, I retired the screen nick, I came out and have been me ever since. Well I was me before but I use MY name in my screen nick all the time now. *grin*

If someone simply must use an honorific, I don't raise hell about it. A slave or submissive calling me "Geoff Sir" or "Master Geoff" simply tells me that they are required to address me with an honorific by their PYL/lifestyle customs/protocols, or that I have earned their respect and they wish to demonstrate that respect. In either case, I'm not going to tell them to stop. I just ask that if you must call male Dominants "Master", please add my name to it and call me "Master Geoff". The only person I am comfortable with calling me "Master" is someone wearing my collar.

But hey... whatever floats your boat!

 

[graceanne]

I'm a bit more reticent about saying Ma'am because it makes me feel old as fuck and I'd hate to do that to someone else.

Fury

I've lived on the west coast since I was 10. The only people I know who use 'ma'am' and 'sir' are people from the south (and sales people). West Coast-ers just aren't that formal. But heck, I live in a state that you can go into a bank and find all the tellers in jeans. *shrugs*

 

[BiBunny]

I do "ma'am" and "sir" for people I don't know, too. That's one reason I don't want "ma'am" used as an honorific for me. It makes me feel old, even though I'm not exactly over the hill yet.

 

[HottieMama]

i use ma'am and sir for anyone i interact with in public, from the person at Wendy's, to the man behind me in line, and all the way up the chain. It's just what i am used to...Years of retail management drilled it into my head.

My "PYL" is Daddy when it's just us and will be addressed by His birth name in public. He actually doesn't care too much for titles to begin with. His philosophy is that he doesn't need a title to prove His worth.

 

[pellso27]

speaker of the house!

she fuckin ruined it!

 

[HottieMama]

Huh? me?