Honesty on the Lit boards

[pink]

i will mainly be talking about men, but this could just as easily be about women too.

This topic isn't a game, like all the other games on the playground. i've recently become aware of someone who was hurting Lit women by lying to them. This situation is NOTHING new to Lit, it happens constantly and everywhere.


Luckily, this particular man and i never got serious, i did meet him last year and honestly, some sexual playing took place. He promised me we'd meet again but luckily we never did. Today, i was approached by a beautiful Lister lady who knew of me meeting him and we started talking via PM.


i learn that this man, this man i considered somewhat of a friend, was playing predator on Lit. He got busted cybering 3 different women on Lit, all at the same time. i know men act this way but here's what i don't understand, why lie about seeing more than one woman? Why not be honest, and not tie yourself down. Just say i see more than one person, why play games and hurt individuals?


i know this topic will not be popular here, the playground is all about fun but i think the worst of this problem goes on here. i could be wrong.


Tell us your stories ladies or men? Tell us how you feel? Let's talk about this problem that plagues Lit.

 

[blueyz22]

I've had similar discussions with some friends, both male and female.

If you are a really hot guy and you are honest and up front about wanting to date other people, I guarantee some women will be okay with it. The problem is that many men are selfish and they don't want the women they're with to be with other men.

I've also known women that cheat and I don't really get it. Especially if you're married to a really nice guy that doesn't cheat on you.

I guess some people just want to have their cake and eat it too.

There would be much less hurt if people were just honest about what they wanted.

 

[AboutFace]

I love you for starting this. I was sucked in by this man... and this beautiful woman has healed wounds in a way that no one else could. I was really glad to talk with you and to find out exactly how much I had been deceived. It was very theraputic, as odd as that may seem.

Honesty is all that was ever asked and should ever be asked. No one will force anyone to say I love you.... no one will force anyone to promise more than what is really felt. Playing around, flirting, and whatever is FUN. Just be honest that it isn't an exclusive relationship from the beginning or from when it starts to fade. Many feelings will be saved by doing so.

This man swore that no sexual contact took place. He swore that I was the one he loved... the only one that he wanted.... and then went about finding others to fulfill short term and long term ego stroking. He kept saying, accusingly, that I "didn't trust him".... making it my problem. You know? I didn't trust him completely and never could again. (and he's already tried to get back into my good graces.... but has completely succeeded in drawing back in the other that he caused pain) He says that he's not doing any of it any longer... but he had already asked L to lie once before when he was caught... and also had asked pretty much the same of me. He then tries to start sweet talking us as friends..... and start the process slowly over again for his own benefit. This isnt' a friend... this is a person with a problem.

Guys.... be honest. Don't be jerks.

Pink.... I'm very glad that your feelings didn't get sucked in. I'd give my body to have my heart left out of it.

 

[pink]

I've had similar discussions with some friends, both male and female.

If you are a really hot guy and you are honest and up front about wanting to date other people, I guarantee some women will be okay with it. The problem is that many men are selfish and they don't want the women they're with to be with other men.

I've also known women that cheat and I don't really get it. Especially if you're married to a really nice guy that doesn't cheat on you.

I guess some people just want to have their cake and eat it too.

There would be much less hurt if people were just honest about what they wanted.

i'd much rather hear the painful truth myself, than to be lied to. When someone tells you the truth, it means they respect you as a person. To me, that means a whole hell of a lot.

.

 

[AboutFace]

i'd much rather hear the painful truth myself, than to be lied to. When someone tells you the truth, it means they respect you as a person. To me, that means a whole hell of a lot.

.

And when they lie to you.... and string you along.... they only want something from you for their own personal gain. You are no longer a person, and most definitely not a friend.

 

[pink]

I love you for starting this. I was sucked in by this man... and this beautiful woman has healed wounds in a way that no one else could. I was really glad to talk with you and to find out exactly how much I had been deceived. It was very theraputic, as odd as that may seem.

Honesty is all that was ever asked and should ever be asked. No one will force anyone to say I love you.... no one will force anyone to promise more than what is really felt. Playing around, flirting, and whatever is FUN. Just be honest that it isn't an exclusive relationship from the beginning or from when it starts to fade. Many feelings will be saved by doing so.

This man swore that no sexual contact took place. He swore that I was the one he loved... the only one that he wanted.... and then went about finding others to fulfill short term and long term ego stroking. He kept saying, accusingly, that I "didn't trust him".... making it my problem. You know? I didn't trust him completely and never could again. (and he's already tried to get back into my good graces.... but has completely succeeded in drawing back in the other that he caused pain) He says that he's not doing any of it any longer... but he had already asked L to lie once before when he was caught... and also had asked pretty much the same of me. He then tries to start sweet talking us as friends..... and start the process slowly over again for his own benefit. This isnt' a friend... this is a person with a problem.

Guys.... be honest. Don't be jerks.

Pink.... I'm very glad that your feelings didn't get sucked in. I'd give my body to have my heart left out of it.

He did lie to you, he didn't need to. He and i were never serious, although he talked of coming back to see me again. i thought he was a friend, someone who wouldn't lie or intentionally hurt and disrespect women. He never had to lie.

 

[CelticFlame]

I am cynical and never trust anyone anyway,
hence the words I live by are in my sig line...

That being said it is my belief that this is a
sight that is dedicated to fantasy & play. Truth
is not often found in either. If one thinks of it as
fantasy and nothing more, then I think one will
be fine.

I have learned that nothing here is real, especially
monogomous relationships. Most people come here
to escape what the real world deals them day to day.
I don't think this is the place to find that special someone
or special relationship...

I think that if you go into a relationship here, expect
nothing and you will not be disappointed.

Just my humble observations & experiences.

 

[pink]

I am cynical and never trust anyone anyway,
hence the words I live by are in my sig line...

That being said it is my belief that this is a
sight that is dedicated to fantasy & play. Truth
is not often found in either. If one thinks of it as
fantasy and nothing more, then I think one will
be fine.

I have learned that nothing here is real, especially
monogomous relationships. Most people come here
to escape what the real world deals them day to day.
I don't think this is the place to find that special someone
or special relationship...

I think that if you go into a relationship here, expect
nothing and you will not be disappointed.

Just my humble observations & experiences.

Everyone needs to read this post when they join.


.

 

[keiffers]

not that I've had it happen to me as I have been around the online environment well before the internet became the internet and learned from watching others locally how to avoid being 'sucked' into it, but women do the exact same thing that you notice the men do. Only difference is that society is programmed not to notice it as much when women do it, but more so when men do it............

it is no different than how society reacts to the offense of rape....we only hear about it when it is a man performing the offense, but women commit the same offense on men, except men won't openly admit that it has happened to them due to the whole machismo thing, even going as far as never admitting that it occurred (more so than women)...men do not want to appear weak and upset the 'order'

I'm not trying to stir the pot and make it men against women or vice versa...but it goes both ways. Nothing is truly men only or women only. We ALL do the same things, just some things are noticed more than others is all...

 

[pink]

not that I've had it happen to me as I have been around the online environment well before the internet became the internet and learned from watching others locally how to avoid being 'sucked' into it, but women do the exact same thing that you notice the men do. Only difference is that society is programmed not to notice it as much when women do it, but more so when men do it............

it is no different than how society reacts to the offense of rape....we only hear about it when it is a man performing the offense, but women commit the same offense on men, except men won't openly admit that it has happened to them due to the whole machismo thing, even going as far as never admitting that it occurred (more so than women)...men do not want to appear weak and upset the 'order'

I'm not trying to stir the pot and make it men against women or vice versa...but it goes both ways. Nothing is truly men only or women only. We ALL do the same things, just some things are noticed more than others is all...

i know, i just had a man PM me about his experience here. It does go both ways.

 

[AboutFace]

He did lie to you, he didn't need to. He and i were never serious, although he talked of coming back to see me again. i thought he was a friend, someone who wouldn't lie or intentionally hurt and disrespect women. He never had to lie.

no - he never had to lie.... I can go back and read how many times I asked him to just be honest. All I ever asked him was to keep ONE thing special JUST FOR ME.

Now.... he's gone and started pulling the strings with us again.... the strings to bring us back in.... but I'm not budging. He's not had much contact with me because I think he knows that I won't buy into it all.

Honey - I'm back.... and I'm feeling as good as someone can with a kidney infection and pancreatitis! Thank you!

 

[AboutFace]

Everyone needs to read this post when they join.


.

This woman is one of THE smartest women that I've ever met... and I love her dearly.

 

[keiffers]

but something else to add, you can't judge ALL men (or women for that matter) by the actions of one or two others.....if I did that, then I'd think all women are nothing but backstabbing vindictive bitches who just want to manipulate me....

 

[CelticFlame]

This woman is one of THE smartest women that I've ever met... and I love her dearly.

*blushes* {{{{{AF}}}}} so glad you are back. I only speak from observances and my own experience. It has happened to me too, very recently in fact. But it did not surprise me then and after pondering it much
over the past week, it still does not surprise me. The post I made above is
the lesson I learned from the bad. There is always good in the bad. In my
case it was the lesson I learned...

 

[AboutFace]

*blushes* {{{{{AF}}}}} so glad you are back. I only speak from observances and my own experience. It has happened to me too, very recently in fact. But it did not surprise me then and after pondering it much
over the past week, it still does not surprise me. The post I made above is
the lesson I learned from the bad. There is always good in the bad. In my
case it was the lesson I learned...

Oh honey..... seems like we need to talk soon. *hugs* So sorry, honey.....

You have insight that a lot of others don't. You are very loved and appreciated.

 

[Cathleen]

I'm glad you decided to start this thread, whether on the PG, GB, AH, HT et al. It happens everywhere online, offline, both of which are parts of my real life.

I had a doosy a few years back. He contacted me thru my stories and we became friends. (Long distance relationship.) It continued to grow deeper and like AboutFace said when I had questions/doubts/gut feelings about something it was met with "This can't work if you don't trust me." When I did catch him I got the "This is why I don't lie, I'm no good at it."

Oh he was good at lying. Hell he had a PhD in lying. I know of two other ladies here that he pursued and luckily one made a phone call and the house of cards came tumbling down around him. I had already put an end to our romantic relationship and tried the 'let's be friends' thing.

He was living with someone, sort of part time but he wasn't single ('and lonely and wanting to find a wonderful woman to love'). When the house of cards came down things imploded bigtime.

I found out about his lies thru a woman here (she had seen my name in some of his posts). She and I could have traded exact words and phrases. It was insane.

What I found truly disgusting was that he proposed to his live-in girlfriend only a few hours after having phone sex with me. Only a few hours. It grossed me out.

She (his intended) was a nice person and was hurt beyond every thing (as were the other ladies and I) about his sick behavior and she asked me to send my emails to and from/yahoo logs etc. I sent it all.

She married him eight weeks later.


The pronouns do not matter - she/he - it's one human to human.

 

[pink]

I'm glad you decided to start this thread, whether on the PG, GB, AH, HT et al. It happens everywhere online, offline, both of which are parts of my real life.

I had a doosy a few years back. He contacted me thru my stories and we became friends. (Long distance relationship.) It continued to grow deeper and like AboutFace said when I had questions/doubts/gut feelings about something it was met with "This can't work if you don't trust me." When I did catch him I got the "This is why I don't lie, I'm no good at it."

Oh he was good at lying. Hell he had a PhD in lying. I know of two other ladies here that he pursued and luckily one made a phone call and the house of cards came tumbling down around him. I had already put an end to our romantic relationship and tried the 'let's be friends' thing.

He was living with someone, sort of part time but he wasn't single ('and lonely and wanting to find a wonderful woman to love'). When the house of cards came down things imploded bigtime.

I found out about his lies thru a woman here (she had seen my name in some of his posts). She and I could have traded exact words and phrases. It was insane.

What I found truly disgusting was that he proposed to his live-in girlfriend only a few hours after having phone sex with me. Only a few hours. It grossed me out.

She (his intended) was a nice person and was hurt beyond every thing (as were the other ladies and I) about his sick behavior and she asked me to send my emails to and from/yahoo logs etc. I sent it all.

She married him eight weeks later.


The pronouns do not matter - she/he - it's one human to human.

That is absolutely awful, absolutely awful.


and when they use the same phrases with different women, that really gets me. At least, be frickin original.

and you are so right about following your gut. If you feel like something is not right, listen to your instincts ladies, please.

 

[AboutFace]

That is absolutely awful, absolutely awful.


and when they use the same phrases with different women, that really gets me. At least, be frickin original.

and you are so right about following your gut. If you feel like something is not right, listen to your instincts ladies, please.

You know.... they do need a new script. *snip* did the exact same thing with me, Lorilei, and others.... used the exact same words.... the same script.... even the exact same cyber stuff. (well.... he WAS doing 3 of us at once.... so he had to cut and paste)
But - it even came down to telling us exactly what kind of sex he wanted with us.... which of OUR body parts he found the most sexy.... telling us that he couldn't cum from oral.... telling us that it was only US that he wanted to meet and "make love" with. Hmmm..... we see how THAT has turned out. I don't think it would have bothered me as much if he'd been honest.... but mostly ORIGINAL. Wow... you mean you REALLY got off on that?

And.... no - he isn't alone.... he's just the one that inspired this thread and has recently caused hurt. He certainly won't be the last.

 

[Cathleen]

A while back (I don't know when) I went poking around on the Lit Chat and noticed that name. Then saw it on the boards but never interacted with him.

There can be a list that'd go around the world.

 

[pokerface01]

I had a lengthy response typed out, but it was too unorganized.

Anyways the points are this:

The internet is a breeding ground of lies and half truths. You will be better off taking every word written by a_random_nickname at face value. (which is 0 by the way) It sounds cynical I know, but look at it this way.. people lie in real life all the time, for no reason. People will lie even more when they don't have to worry about what happens when they get caught, it's an easy fix - they just have to log off or ignore you.

You shouldn't look for a relationship here. This is the worst place except for maybe www.iamaliar.com to look for a significant other. I mean, this is an erotica site and you're upset he's treating women as toys. (not to say erotica is about treating women badly, but this isn't exactly the most morally rich area to look for that special someone.)

I'm certainly not defending this guy's actions, and I'm not really superior to him - because I've had multiple chat partners that didn't know about each other (never taking it as far as real life) in the past. Though, I am a bit more mature about how I behave in general and online, now.

There are so many people here that are either looking for a real relationship, or that put on the masquerade of wanting to do so. I know the draw of the internet dating idea.. the ability to be upfront and honest if you're shy, and rejection is a delete button away instead of hours of Ben and Jerry's to erase the experience.

However, if you ask me, and you did - the few people that have met someone online, then met them in person, and then formed lasting relationship.. are the online equivalent of the bug that was lucky enough to miss the zapper.

Do yourself a favor and consider the odds, before throwing yourself at the light... ...of meeting your Prince Charming online.

 

[pokerface01]

On the lighter side, is the cumming from oral thing a test? I think I failed.

 

[AboutFace]

A while back (I don't know when) I went poking around on the Lit Chat and noticed that name. Then saw it on the boards but never interacted with him.

There can be a list that'd go around the world.

Glad that you didn't. Seems like you had enough problem, dear.

Oh - the list would be too long to even begin to contemplate.

 

[keiffers]

I had a lengthy response typed out, but it was too unorganized.

Anyways the points are this:

The internet is a breeding ground of lies and half truths. You will be better off taking every word written by a_random_nickname at face value. (which is 0 by the way) It sounds cynical I know, but look at it this way.. people lie in real life all the time, for no reason. People will lie even more when they don't have to worry about what happens when they get caught, it's an easy fix - they just have to log off or ignore you.

You shouldn't look for a relationship here. This is the worst place except for maybe www.iamaliar.com to look for a significant other. I mean, this is an erotica site and you're upset he's treating women as toys. (not to say erotica is about treating women badly, but this isn't exactly the most morally rich area to look for that special someone.)

I'm certainly not defending this guy's actions, and I'm not really superior to him - because I've had multiple chat partners that didn't know about each other (never taking it as far as real life) in the past. Though, I am a bit more mature about how I behave in general and online, now.

There are so many people here that are either looking for a real relationship, or that put on the masquerade of wanting to do so. I know the draw of the internet dating idea.. the ability to be upfront and honest if you're shy, and rejection is a delete button away instead of hours of Ben and Jerry's to erase the experience.

However, if you ask me, and you did - the few people that have met someone online, then met them in person, and then formed lasting relationship.. are the online equivalent of the bug that was lucky enough to miss the zapper.

Do yourself a favor and consider the odds, before throwing yourself at the light... ...of meeting your Prince Charming online.

I think it's easier said than done.....used to be that bars were where people went to meet their 'significant other' but with the change in technology with the internet coming bout, along with matchmaking sites, the internet has become the '21st century bar'.....this place is no different than a bar....men and women both 'cruise' looking to find that other person that they believe they have waited their entire life for.....basically because they have seen it happen to others.....

but I just hope this thread doesn't become what it seems like already....a bashing site for women against men........as I said already

"you can't judge ALL men (or women for that matter) by the actions of one or two others"

 

[Cathleen]

Pokerface, you expressed yourself very well. I'm cynical, a healthy cynical now. While some do meet here and have long lasting relationships it is an infinitesimal number.

Enjoying ones self is fine and enjoying a few others is fine as long things are above board, imho.

 

[AgntSmth]

I think it's easier said than done.....used to be that bars were where people went to meet their 'significant other' but with the change in technology with the internet coming bout, along with matchmaking sites, the internet has become the '21st century bar'.....this place is no different than a bar....men and women both 'cruise' looking to find that other person that they believe they have waited their entire life for.....

I'd say that sites like match.com are the regular bars, whereas this site is a strip club (or other equivalent). And as with real life, one probably shouldn't go to a titty bar looking for the love of their life. That's not to fault anyone who has done that (online or in real life), heaven knows I've let the thought cross my mind too. But it's probably not the most realistic search.