Holiday Ghosts

[MissTaken]

Thanksgiving was a beautiful day with my family.

My family on my mom's side is very close knit. It always has been.
My mother had five brothers and sisters. My grandmother and I were especially close as she felt I was a throw back to her generation and shared many of her dreams.

Now, Thanksgiving is bitter sweet.

We gather, we eat, we joke and hug.

WE also share stories about the times when we were all together. We talk about the gaping holes left in our lives by those who have gone before us. My mother now has three brothers and sisters left. The two who passed, passed unexpectedly and at young ages...41 and 51.

So, yesterday, I remembered my uncle. 51 years old, in his wheelchair as he was a quad, at our last Christmas gathering with him. My son was four years old and had finally become comfortable with the needs of Uncle T. I remember my son serving Uncle T chips and dip. I also remember the big smile on my son's face as Uncle T asked for more and more. Then, how heroic of Uncle T to eat the final chip that had been dipped in whipped cream! "That was teh best one of all!" he said to my lil man.

How are your holidays when you are feeling such conflicting emotions?

Our losses seem amplified at this time of year.

Who would you want to hold close, right now?

Uncle T and Auntie A....I miss you terribly.

 

[MissTaken]

*bump for the evening crowd*

 

[calypso_21]

Thanksgiving was a beautiful day with my family.

How are your holidays when you are feeling such conflicting emotions?

Our losses seem amplified at this time of year.

Who would you want to hold close, right now?

I never think about the losses. I do however remember the wonderful memories of holidays past. I have so many treasures to cherish.

Dealing with conflicting emotions happens all the time. Rarely does a day go by when I don't have a multifaceted day. It is fun to just ride the ride and not get bogged down in the mire of negativity.

This is the season for thankfulness and giving... and when you put out these ideals you open yourself up to so many wonderful opportunities.

There is not one person I want to hold close right now that I don't already keep close to my heart on a minutebyminute basis.

 

[tswyk]

Thanksgiving was a no brainer for me - just one of my sisters and I - very lowkey.

But this Christmas will be the first one without my uncle - I've written about him several times on this board. He died at 62 this summer and he was always one of my favorite people - especially in the last 3 years.

I'm dreading it, in a way. The pain will be strong, he was such a great sport - wonderful to be around.

Hopefully we'll all remember the last time most of us were together - the night before he had brain surgery. His mother, my dad and other uncle, and his kids and grandkids were all together.

Stories were told - laughter was the main course - and it was a memory for a lifetime.

Uncle B - I miss you...

 

[Wiggles]

The holiday's just aren't as sweet without my grandma. She seems to have been the glue that held our family together.

It's just not the same.

 

[marksgirl]

Both my greatgrandfather and greatgrandmother died on Thanksgiving day, only 10 years apart. He went first and she joined him 10 years later.......I always think of them on Thanksgiving and give thanks that I was lucky to have gotten to know them both, not to many people get to know their greatgrandparents.

 

[Freya]

Our family glue has been slipping for a couple years now. First my mom left (and now spends Christmas in Florida), and now with my dad being sick, we aren't going to be where we should be. Frankly, if he passes before Christmas, I won't be celebrating it - and if he lives through this one, this will be my last. Christmas isn't Christmas without my parents - and if they aren't here, I can't be bothered with the whole pile of bullshit anymore.

 

[Bidin~Time]

The things I miss during the holidays:
My grandmother's homemade sweet gerkins.
The look of admiration on Grandad's face when he announced she made the best lemon meringue pies in the county. (and she did)
My mom's excitement at watching my sisters and I open Christmas gifts.
Dad drinkin 3 pots of coffee before noon because he'd been up all nite putting together toys.
My Gran's ability to make the most trivial gift seem like a long-awaited treasure.
Giggling with my best friend as we watched "A Christmas Story" and laughed til we cried.
High School concert band Christmas concerts.
Griping over having to go to his mother's AND my mother's houses the same day for holiday dinners.

Geezz I'm quitting with that much before I start spoutin about them good ole days.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Our family glue has been slipping for a couple years now. First my mom left (and now spends Christmas in Florida), and now with my dad being sick, we aren't going to be where we should be. Frankly, if he passes before Christmas, I won't be celebrating it - and if he lives through this one, this will be my last. Christmas isn't Christmas without my parents - and if they aren't here, I can't be bothered with the whole pile of bullshit anymore.

You said a mouth full. My mother was the heart and soul of holidays. She was one of 10 kids, 5 girls and 5 boys. She was the eldest girl, with one brother older that her. She buried them all.

Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations are just another day to me. I have no aunts or uncles on either side of my family. My daughter, son-in-law, and grandson are 3,000 Miles away.

At 67, my mother adopted a 13 month old baby. That baby girl was 9 when she died.

To my 16 year old sister and me, holidays are just not all that meaningful.

Ebonyfire

 

[lickerish]

This year is the first year full of holidays and birthdays without my mom here.. they just feel muted without her.

 

[unclej]

when i read this thread i realized once again how incredibly fortunate that i am. i have four brothers and three sisters all still living and healthy. and all of them have kids. we don't have any grandparents left but the last one passed over ten years ago. we had fifteen in the house yesterday and this year no outside guests that were invited were able to make it so it was all family. nobody got punched, none of the petty bullshit that so often pops up when we get together. my daughter couldn't make it this year and she was missed but other than that it was great and i hope yours was too.

 

[Ishmael]

All of the holidays bring remembrances for me. Talking about days past and how this happened to who, and when it happened.

Birthdays, Christmas, Thankgiving, Easter, and many of the lessor holidays each bring special thoughts with them joyous and nostalgic.

Of all the holidays only New Years is almost unbearable. My youngest brother died on New Years morning some years back. He was realtively young. A captain for a major Airline. A beautiful and loving fiance'. He had the world as his oyster when he was stricken by a particularly aggressive form of colon cancer. He probably lived a month longer than would have normally been the case but he was determined to make it to the New Year. And he did.

We did everything together. Hunting, fishing, sailing, you name it. When he visited we'd go rent an airplane and go flying. Three dimensional freedom.

New Years is still a very rough day for me.

Ishmael

 

[ksmybuttons]

I am now the matriarch.

As a child we spent Christmas as just the immediate family. My grandparents lived far away and that was the way of it.

My mother died just before we got married and my father and 2 remaining grandmothers the first year.

We would spend the holidays with my husband's family. Now, they too, are gone.

I take out the holiday decorations and they are all there. Memories are in the ornaments and holiday dishes, the food we eat and the way we spend time.

The memories are good. It is much more a time of memorial for me then any other time of the year.

 

[Guest]

All of the holidays bring remembrances for me. Talking about days past and how this happened to who, and when it happened.

Birthdays, Christmas, Thankgiving, Easter, and many of the lessor holidays each bring special thoughts with them joyous and nostalgic.

Of all the holidays only New Years is almost unbearable. My youngest brother died on New Years morning some years back. He was realtively young. A captain for a major Airline. A beautiful and loving fiance'. He had the world as his oyster when he was stricken by a particularly aggressive form of colon cancer. He probably lived a month longer than would have normally been the case but he was determined to make it to the New Year. And he did.

We did everything together. Hunting, fishing, sailing, you name it. When he visited we'd go rent an airplane and go flying. Three dimensional freedom.

New Years is still a very rough day for me.

Ishmael

Sorry, Ish. Hopefully time will heal that particular hurt. Memories get less painful, sweeter as time passes. In time his memory will bring a smile, not tears.

 

[MissTaken]

I am now the matriarch.


The memories are good. It is much more a time of memorial for me then any other time of the year.

Yes. Exactly.

I hope never to forget and yes, I know that the pain ebbs, but I also hope I never stop missing them badly enough to weep....just once in a while.

Their memories are fresh.

Licky and Ish.... many hugs.

I was thinking of you, Lickerish, as I am sure this holiday will be particularly difficult.

 

[lickerish]

Thank you MissTaken, for thinking about me.

Every holiday has been difficult.. and mine was the first birthday without her, she passed about 2 weeks before. We always have had Thanksgiving and Christmas at my parents house.. now that she's gone, we won't be doing that anymore. I really only have my dad and sister now, and my sister has her own live which now revolves around her boyfriend, their child and her 'inlaws'.

The hardest part, I think, is watching my dad go through this. She was his partner for 37 years of marriage, and even more years of dating through their youth. I want to help him through this, be there for him, but he's not an emotional person.. and is stubborn (like me ) and acts like nothing is wrong. I called him the other day and ended up talking about my mom.. and I could hear the tears in his voice, he ended up hanging up with me.

I have dreams of her often.. and I think about what she was like when she was with us. How she hated getting her picture taken; her facial expressions; her laugh; her love for her 3 acre garden; how prim and proper.. yet full of life and love for one and all she was. She was a beautiful woman, and I miss her terribly. I can't stand the fact, when I drive to my dads house, that I have to drive by the mound of dirt that holds my mom beneath.

*sigh* So yeah, I can relate to all of you how sad the holidays are without the one(s) you love. It's difficult having only memories.. because they aren't tangible enough.

 

[intrigued]

My grandmother. She was my grandmother, my mother, my sister, and my friend, and the only feminine influence I ever had. She died when I was 13, and has lived inside me in everything about me that is the most true to me ever since. I miss her horribly. I'm told I am the spitting image of her, in appearance and character. God, how I miss her.

Christmas is always difficult for me, last year was the worst because it's when my husband and I separated, and this year is threatening to be equally as bad. Were it not for my kiddies and the fact that I truly enjoy what Christmas is about, and all the side stuff of decorating and making things and just how beautiful everything is at Christmas, I'd scrap it. Its all in the heart anyway.

My heart goes out to each of you.

 

[MissTaken]

My aunt kept the following poem at her bedside during her last few weeks with us:

I Am Not There

Do not stand at my grave
and weep
For I am not there
I do not sleep.

I am a thousand
winds that blow.
I am the diamond's
glint in the snow.

I am the sunlight
on ripened grain.
I am the gentle
autumn's rain.

When you awaken
in the morning's hush
I am the swift,
uplifting rush
Of quiet birds
in circle flight.
I am the soft stars
that shine at night.

Do not stand by my grave
and cry.
I am not there.
I did not die.

<anonymous>

 

[ksmybuttons]

This old gospel song is one I sing during the holidays.



Precious Memories


Precious memories, unseen angels
Sent from somewhere to my soul
How they linger ever near me
And the sacred scenes unfold

Precious memories, how they linger
How they ever flood my soul
In the stillness of the midnight
Precious sacred scenes unfold

Precious father, loving mother
Fly across the lonely years
And those old home scenes of my childhood
In fond memory appear

As I travel down life's pathway
Know not what the years may hold
As I ponder, hope grows fonder
Precious memories flood my soul.

 

[Merelan]

I have said it before and will say it again, over and over.

Miss Taken, your heart is so sweet, so wonderful. So full of love and thoughtfulness. If there were a way for you to be here with me this minute I would be soaking your shoulder with the tears I am crying.

Your words, your thoughts, posting this thread, all help me so much right now.

This holiday is hard, harder then anything I ever want to go through. But with your kindness I will make it without totally going out of my mind.

My Mother is dying. They aren't suppose to die are they? Aren't they suppose to be the strong ones? The ones you can call no matter what? Never failing to be there, with a word or hug, or reprimand? And now mine is leaving me, in a sense.

And I am glad, and sad, and angry, and at peace, and in turmoil. There is no way to express how I feel. She has been fighting cancer for 12 years, and winning. But now, now she is tired and wants rest and peace. And she will have it, probably before Christmas, though you never know with my Mom.

It is in her liver now and active so it is only a matter of time, quick time too.

She is the ever wonderful Mommy I have always bragged about. Brave and strong and wanting us not to mourn, but to celebrate her life.

I shared this with Miss Taken and she has been so wonderful, helping me with words and thoughtfulness to deal and cope with having to be the strong one who sees that Mom gets things the way she wants them. Not convential, not my Mother. At her funeral we will be playing circus music as we leave the church. No viewing.

Says she would feel like a meat display.

I love her and will miss her, but she is here in my heart, always and forever, like Miss Taken.

A lady, a friend and a soul that shines like a beacon, a star.

Thank you.

Pardon my rambling but I am sobbing and cannot even see the keyboard.

I shall ask my Mom if I can read this at her funeral. She will like it. I know she will.

Thank you.

 

[lickerish]

Merelan. If I could be there to give you a big hug, I would be.

I'l be thinking of you all through this holiday season

 

[Georgia Girl]

My grandfather.

This was the first Thanksgiving without him. Each year his favorite thing was my mom's dressing. This was the first time she has made it since he passed last December.

We spoke yesterday of the thoughts and the tears while making it. Memories of special things we did to make it the way he liked it. We both cried as we spoke.

I know that each time I think of him he is with me but sometimes, in the quiet moments, I wish I could hold him again.

I look at my hands, so much like his, at my nephews blue eyes, which shine like my grandfathers and know that he is still here with us.

But sometimes...........

 

[MissTaken]

I really think holidays are a time of remembrance.

We gather with our loved ones and embrace our memories.
We share our tears and then, make silly one liners to lighten the mood.

Even though I miss so many people all year round, their absence is pronounced at the holiday season, yet, sometimes, it feels good to have a good weep for missing someone you love.

It reminds me of the depth of my emotions and that love is infinite.

 

[huskie]

Thanksgiving was a beautiful day with my family.

My family on my mom's side is very close knit. It always has been.
My mother had five brothers and sisters. My grandmother and I were especially close as she felt I was a throw back to her generation and shared many of her dreams.

Now, Thanksgiving is bitter sweet.

We gather, we eat, we joke and hug.

WE also share stories about the times when we were all together. We talk about the gaping holes left in our lives by those who have gone before us. My mother now has three brothers and sisters left. The two who passed, passed unexpectedly and at young ages...41 and 51.

So, yesterday, I remembered my uncle. 51 years old, in his wheelchair as he was a quad, at our last Christmas gathering with him. My son was four years old and had finally become comfortable with the needs of Uncle T. I remember my son serving Uncle T chips and dip. I also remember the big smile on my son's face as Uncle T asked for more and more. Then, how heroic of Uncle T to eat the final chip that had been dipped in whipped cream! "That was teh best one of all!" he said to my lil man.

How are your holidays when you are feeling such conflicting emotions?

Our losses seem amplified at this time of year.

Who would you want to hold close, right now?

Uncle T and Auntie A....I miss you terribly.

know how you feel ms taken. now its your time to stand up to bat and start having the famiely dinners. so the kids can remember that.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: Holiday Ghosts

know how you feel ms taken. now its your time to stand up to bat and start having the famiely dinners. so the kids can remember that.

My kids are very fortunate.
My aunts and uncles are their aunts and uncles. There is no differentiation in generations at this point in time.

Generally, all holidays are spent at my aunt's home with everyone, my kidlings included. Thursday was the first holiday without them. *sigh*


But Christmas Day is ours. The family gathers at my house. I feed them as they put together all those toys that Santa's elves didn't have the time to finish! ("SOME assembly required?")