Historical Erotic/Pornographic Fiction

[jon.hayworth]

I have written a Historic Fiction story "Juliana's Last Stand" in Erotic Couplings - at the moment in new stories. I have had 2 very positive e-mails (thanks Andrew and James Lacy.
I would like more feedback does this genre work?

jon.hayworth

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

jon,

This was an interesting and, for me at least, entertaining piece of work. Your expertise on the period seems extensive and was well used.

Most of the problems I noted had nothing to do with erotica but with writing. Paragraph three, for instance, comes very, very close to resembling one of those dreaded "info dumps". You might want to try spreading that incident out over several paragraphs.

You seem to have a little trouble with grammar which in the real world isn't there to please little old English teachers, but to make the text clearer for the reader. In the following excerpt, I'll place (parenthesis) around things I've added or changed.

She shivered(,) OR (AS) his question brought back her dream. Would she survive(?) Would she again leave the arena victorious(?) Would the Gods be with her tonight, or would she be (OMIT "would she be" ADD "WAS SHE") fated to be carried off by Charron(?)
--
She climbed back onto the pallet, pulled the covers from him and straddled his body. She knelt (WITH HER) legs astride of his legs.(YOU MIGHT OMIT "of" & "legs" MAKING THE SENTENCE, "SHE KNELT WITH HER LEGS ASTRIDE HIS.")

She reached for the (UNLESS THE BOTTLE HAS ALREADY BEEN MENTIONED, CHANGE "the" TO "A") small(,) earthenware bottle.
(AND IN CLOSING, LET ME NOTE THAT THE LAST THREE SENTENCES IN THIS EXCERPT ALL BEGIN WITH "SHE". IT'S AN EASY THING WO SLIP INTO BUT CAN THROW READERS OUT OF THE STORY. WHAT TO DO OR NOT TO DO ABOUT THAT, AND EVERYTHING ELSE I'VE MENTIONED, IS PURELY YOUR CALL.)

Hope some of this helps. RS
--

 

[jon.hayworth]

Rumple Foreskin, Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for the feedback.
Yes I do remember my English classes when I was a kid (too long ago), the trouble was I always wanted to be doing some writing. I was OK with tenses and not too bad with placing the posessive apostrophes. And I knew a noun from a pronoun; and an adjective from an adverb.
So I decided I was fine and did my own thing.

Thank you once again

jon

 

[rigged4dive]

Mechanical issues asside, I liked it. Love the main character.

I just wish you hadn't killed her off. Would have loved to see her serialized.

An erotic and historicaly accurate Red Sonja.

 

[VeraGem]

An erotic and historicaly accurate Red Sonja.

Robert E. Howard did a great job with Historical Fiction, though he is most known for his fantasy work: Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja, King Kull. (All of which were, in my opinion, butchered by Hollywood.)

On the other hand, some of his less known stuff is what got me started on several pieces I have yet to finish. Solomon Kane, set in the Middle East during slave raiding times is one of my favorites. I think Howard did more research than writing, finally hiring or cajoling others into doing the research for him.

The problem with Historical Fiction, as I see it, is twofold. First, not to bore the readers with so much detail that they think they're in a history class. Second, not to screw up and make up the historical facts as you go along. (That can be okay - but check the facts after you're done and make corrections.) Silly crap like that is why I hate both 'Mummy' flicks - they're about some other planet, not Ancient Egypt. Ruined the movies for me plot-wise, though the scenery was great. I just found myself looking at the scenery and thinking "wrong, wrong, wrong..." about every single plot device.

(The worst one was mummification for punishment - mummification was an honor, a way to ensure the survival of the KA, or soul. A nasty bastard like that would more likely end up in the desert eaten by jackals. And the Jackal headed God, Annubis, was no demon but a guardian of the dead - nothing to do with scorpions. Imhotep was a great and honored man, possibly predating Hypocraties with his medical discoveries - Imhotep was painted as an 'evil wizard.')

See? I'm throwing in details all at once - you should be bored by now...

 

[jon.hayworth]

Rigged4Dive and VeraGem,

My thanks to both of you for taking the time to reply to my message.

As to R4D's comment shame I killed her off - well as the original artefact was a burial I would have had to use, (what I would regard as excessive) artistic licence not to kill her off. Bringing us back to the thread "happy endings".

Maybe I should have started at an earlier time in her life and gone for a full length novel starting from the point of her capture or even her childhood. By the feedback I have recieved this may become another project.

jon