Hilarious pick up lines....

[GrnEyedGrl]

Online or in person, some of us have gotten some really absurd pick up lines. Some make us run the other way, some make us laugh hysterically, some make us get instantly wet or hard....

Share your pickup lines here or some that you've heard. This could get really funny!

 

[GrnEyedGrl]

Him: Good morning beautiful. The weather report on Fox 59 says we should get 6 to 7 inches tomorrow.

Me: Good morning. Really? That's odd. I am listening to the radio and they said flurries with less than an inch of accumulation.

Him: They weren't talking about OUR forecast. They were talking about yours

 

[Jackotheshadows]

Old, bad but funny:

Are you legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all night long.

Lovely dress, it'd look great on my floor.

Wish I had a swing like that in my backyard.

Must be jelly, 'cause jam doesn't shake like that.

Was your daddy a thief, 'cause he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

If I told you you have a gorgeous body, would you hold it against me?

And the killer, of course......

Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?

 

[IhateClowns]

How do you want your eggs in the morning? Scrambled, over-easy, or fertilized?

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Hi, wanna order a pizza and have sex?
What's the matter, don't you like pizza?

 

[GrnEyedGrl]

How do you want your eggs in the morning? Scrambled, over-easy, or fertilized?

That one made me laugh out loud!

 

[IhateClowns]

Ahem! Please be unique and different, say YES.

 

[LZB]

waiting for a cashier to come backa man says to me, "I like you breastisis" I look at the register and say "Oh..." like I have no idea how to respond. He adds "That was a compliment."
And the other day I had a man lean over as he passed me on the street to try to see down my shirt and grunt, which later made the guy hanging out his car window as he drove by screaming "Hey!" seem like a real word smith.

 

[IhateClowns]

My want and need for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

 

[Wrylee]

I was seated at a large, dinning room style table, in a San Francisco "fern bar" when a very attractive women a few years older than me tapped me on the shoulder, smiled and with really intense eye contact asked me, "is that lap taken?"
I literally has nothing to say, I am a bit shy at first and could only smile. She said to the table, "I guess the cats' got his tongue".
At that I smiled and said, "not really, I thought your question was clitorical". Everyone at the table laughed and this 'line', unplanned as it was, worked wonderfully.

 

[GrnEyedGrl]

I was seated at a large, dinning room style table, in a San Francisco "fern bar" when a very attractive women a few years older than me tapped me on the shoulder, smiled and with really intense eye contact asked me, "is that lap taken?"
I literally has nothing to say, I am a bit shy at first and could only smile. She said to the table, "I guess the cats' got his tongue".
At that I smiled and said, "not really, I thought your question was clitorical". Everyone at the table laughed and this 'line', unplanned as it was, worked wonderfully.

That's awesome! Worthy of a Lit story!

 

[mulehead61]

A guy I knew once picked up a girl at a bar using....

"can I put my pole in your pond?".........

 

[IhateClowns]

Hey baby. Why don't you sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart?

 

[misfortunex]

Whats the difference between lunch at ceasers palace and a blow job?

me *shrug*

Wanna have lunch?

 

[misfortunex]

and at a meeting today.......................

Him-"We should go for a when we are done and discuss this further"

Me-"Well if we are done what will be left to discuss"

Lame piece of shit

 

[sno_22]

This one was on a cartoon I was listening to this week, I turned around to see what was going on..."If you were a booger, I'd pick you first"

 

[IhateClowns]

I want to kiss you passionately on the lips, and then move up to your belly-button.

 

[IhateClowns]

I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I sure can make your bed rock.

All of these we used to use in the fraternity. Sadly they worked quite well. Most of the women just looked at us like we lost our minds, but it at least opened up conversations.

 

[trick1962]

"My face leaves at 5, be on it!"

"Lets play circus, sit on my face and I'll guess your weight!"

 

[Somehowyou]

I had a waitress tell a girl "Excuse me miss. That guy at the end of the bar would like to buy you an automobile."


Great ice breaker as she laughed and we ended up having drinks and making out.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

The typical lines of

When they made the alphabet they should've put U & I together

Fuck me if I'm wrong but is your name Gretchen (or some other uncommon name)

Are you a thief, cause you just stole my heart

 

[cowslinger64]

One of my favorites is: those are very pretty shoes, I'll bet they looked great when they were new.

 

[smotherman]

Why don't you sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart?

 

[smotherman]

My face is leaving in 15 minutes...be on it!

 

[Rosemaryythyme]

Him: Good morning beautiful. The weather report on Fox 59 says we should get 6 to 7 inches tomorrow.

Me: Good morning. Really? That's odd. I am listening to the radio and they said flurries with less than an inch of accumulation.

Him: They weren't talking about OUR forecast. They were talking about yours

I laughed so hard over this one....I started crying