Hi. My name is Muffin. And I'm an assgrabber.

[KillerMuffin]

This is my first time in one of these meetings and I don't know what to do. I guess it started when I was in highschool. You know how these things are. Your friends are doing it and pretty soon so are you. Then you go to college and everyone's doing it. Except it was different with me.

I'd go out at nights and wake up someplace with an ass in my hands and no idea how it got there. I was a real party girl, grabbing ass all over the place. I was out of control.

My friends were worried about me. I was doing worse in class and sometimes even sneaking ass grabs during the day. I told them that I didn't have a problem, that I could quit whenever I wanted. I just didn't want to.

The truth was, I was addicted to it. I still am. I can't control my ass grabbing and it's ruined my life. I need help. That's why I'm here.

*looks forlornly around the room*

At Assgrabbers Anonymous.

 

[Cibo]

*moons Muffin*

 

[KillerMuffin]

*grabs ass*

 

[alexandraaah]

shouting "Welcome, KillerMuffin!"

*grabs your ass as you leave the stage*

My name is Alexandra, and I'm a procrastinator. I just came to the AA meeting to put off going to my other meetings.

 

[badasschick]

Hi.

I'm Badass and I'm an assgrabber.

I can't help myself when The DUDE has an ass like Michelangelo's David, its hard to suppress.

 

[angel's pet]

Hello KillerMuffin

I am angel's pet and I am an assgrabber.
It started in college, waiting of course for the legal age
It was a party
And there was this guy... and this one... and that one...
And pretty soon I was grabbing uncontrollably on the subway, in the produce section of the A&P, waiting in line at the movies...

The feel of rounded, warm flesh under my hands yielding, firm...

Hey wait... I'm not ready to quit... wrong meeting

 

[Wiggles]

*Shakes my booty*

My name is Wiggles, and I'm an ass dealer.

<Hangs head in shame>

 

[alexandraaah]

So, heh, you're all ass-grabbers, eh?

*looks at wrist but there's no watch*

 

[badasschick]

*breaks down.....crying out of weakness.....hands wringing.....body shaking*

 

[TWB]

It all started when my ass got grabbed a few times. At first I thought it rude, but then, as time went on, I found I liked it.

No one in my family of origin assgrabbed, and they were what you might call asstotlers. There were stories, praytell about my grandfather's ass binges, wherein he would get all assed up and start chain fondling asses from under the high school bleachers during a big game, but no one talked about them openly.

I guess maybe that makes me genetically predisposed to the keester clasping activities I have now become accustomed to.

My first ass grab was almost a retaliatory grab. I got a cheek tweeked while in the subway, and I turned around and gave a big f-in two handed underhand ass grab with a thrust to boot!

That learned that gal, but it also learned me. From there, it has been a spiral into ass grabbing hell.

 

[Impetus]

I've been coming to Assgrabbers anonymous for a few months now, and I'd say I'm starting to make some progress. Oh, sure, I mean, I'll loose it sometimes. I find myself grabbing my own ass out of spite, just to have some ass in my hand. And earlier this week, I was walking by a bakery and I just...welll...I lost it, ran in and grabbed every loaf I could. I even punched the dough for them.

My most recent assgrab was totally accidental. It was! I was sitting in a movie theatre and this total babe sat down next to me...well I was resting my hand on the seat, and well, I shouldn't have had to move my hand for her, right? I mean, it was her fault, right? Right?

*Bawls* AAAH! I'm a failure!

-I

 

[alexandraaah]

Now this is the type of meeting I could really get into.

Hey, how many meetings can you miss before you're kicked out?

 

[kiwiwolf]

Hey Muffin... have you tried thumbcuffs...?

 

[Impetus]

Now this is the type of meeting I could really get into.

Hey, how many meetings can you miss before you're kicked out?

We don't kick people out here...we grab their asses and drag them into our meetings. Or we get them to grab our asses and just walk in, we know how hard it to break that grip.

-I

 

[riff]

You are a grabass? Had no idea...... heh. It suits you perfect, killerwoman....

 

[Johnny_Boy]

*hangs his head*

I'll admit it, I'm an ass graber. I've been in denial too long. Its also not been healthy on me for the girl side of things. I belive it all started by accident, just a accidental brush, than it became feeling, pinching, and finaly grabbing

*errupts in big sobs, and sits down*

 

[TWB]

Awww, sit your ass down Johnnie, and watch your hands.

 

[Nipple Muncher]

With ass in one hand and...well... ass in the other, I hope someone can hold the door for me! Not that I need help hold'n these fine asses or anything. Isn't that what these meetings are for? Improving grip, follow through, tweaking... right?

 

[TWB]

TWB reads the opening statement at the Assgrabbers Anonymous (AA) meeting:

The heart of the suggested program of personal recovery from ass grabbing is contained in Twelve Steps describing the experience of the earliest members of the Society:

1. We admitted we were powerless over ass grabbing- that our lives had become unmanageable, and the bruising from unwelcome grabees didn't help.

2. Came to believe that the supreme Ass in the sky could restore us to sanity. For some it is the Moon, but you can choose your Supreme Ass.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the Supreme Ass as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to the supreme ass, to ourselves and to another ass grabber the exact nature of our ass grabbing, with as many details as possible, giving proof in whatever way possible, including color glossy photos, as well as movies.

6. Were entirely ready to have the Supreme Ass remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked the Supreme Ass to remove our shortcummings.

8. Made a list of all ducks we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such ducks or ppeople wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory of our own asses, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it with a tight slap on the ass.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with the supreme ass as we understood Him, praying only for our ability to slap his or her ass exclusively, as opposed to the hot new neighbor's ass.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other Ass Slappers and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Newcomers are not asked to accept or follow these Twelve Steps in their entirety if they feel unwilling or unable to do so.

They will usually be asked to keep an open mind, to attend meetings at which recovered Ass Grabbers describe their personal experiences in achieving their goals of abstinance of Ass Grabbing and to read A.A. literature describing and interpreting the A.A. program.