Hi, I'm new...and I need your help

[slitherish]

Hi everyone, I'm here because I feel like something is missing. I stopped feeling sexy quite a few years ago when my husband and I were having problems. He used to reject me a lot. It got to a point where we wouldn't have sex for months. I became very afraid to approach him for sex because the rejection was destroying me. My confidence took a massive hit. I went from stripping in the living room and feeding him my pussy, to being nervous about a kiss.

Things are great with my husband now. We have always maintained an open relationship ( not the source of our problems) and I'm lucky enough to have an amazing causal boyfriend. I'm having sex with the both of them (separately) and it's all working out.

However, I feel like I've lost all of the things that made me feel so naughty and so amazing. I'm not bold in my actions and I haven't put on anything that makes me feel sexual in a long time. I kinda look like I teach first grade. Not even in that cute hot way, more like in a plain tv dinners kind of way.


I don't feel connected to any of it. This goes beyond a simple makeover or inspirational quote, I have lost the primal, decadent urges that made up so much of who I was. I'm trying so hard to make myself feel the way that I did. Corsets, sex toys, spankings and the number of other things I've tried aren't helping me. It's pleasurable and I'm grateful but it isn't enough.

Has anyone ever felt this way?

 

[RawHumor]

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I suspect that your problem isn't carnal but emotional. In other words, instead of trying new toys or positions or outfits, try to connection emotionally with your husband. Have a romantic dinner out... or a make out session on the couch without it turning to sex (until/unless the arousal level gets that high).

 

[slitherish]

Thanks for the response. We do all of those things and more. The more I think about it, the more I wonder if maybe this issue with my sensuality is something that I need to explore on my own instead of as a couple.

 

[JonathanBair]

Yes talking to your hubby would be a good idea. Sit down and both of you share and keep a open mind how the other is feeling about things, or there is always marriage consoling.

You being scared to ask him for fear of rejection is normal. There is something missing where your not conecting as you know. I think talking openly may help and can lead into make out sessions.

 

[jennyxiaoxoxo]

-----

 

[JonathanBair]

It can be hard. I went threw it with my ex wife... I wanted to talk she closed her mind and wanted others.. So that was that inn my book.

 

[sybarite_1]

Hi everyone, I'm here because I feel like something is missing. I stopped feeling sexy quite a few years ago when my husband and I were having problems. He used to reject me a lot. It got to a point where we wouldn't have sex for months. I became very afraid to approach him for sex because the rejection was destroying me. My confidence took a massive hit. I went from stripping in the living room and feeding him my pussy, to being nervous about a kiss.

Things are great with my husband now. We have always maintained an open relationship ( not the source of our problems) and I'm lucky enough to have an amazing causal boyfriend. I'm having sex with the both of them (separately) and it's all working out.

However, I feel like I've lost all of the things that made me feel so naughty and so amazing. I'm not bold in my actions and I haven't put on anything that makes me feel sexual in a long time. I kinda look like I teach first grade. Not even in that cute hot way, more like in a plain tv dinners kind of way.


I don't feel connected to any of it. This goes beyond a simple makeover or inspirational quote, I have lost the primal, decadent urges that made up so much of who I was. I'm trying so hard to make myself feel the way that I did. Corsets, sex toys, spankings and the number of other things I've tried aren't helping me. It's pleasurable and I'm grateful but it isn't enough.

Has anyone ever felt this way?

First rule out any medical problems. Yes, even women can get low testosterone. Yes, even women have testosterone.

Spend time just looking at men. Beaches, swimming pools, gyms.

If your husband won't go to counselling or refuses to give you the relationship you want, HE IS NOT MEETING YOUR NEEDS.

Mentally tear up the spiritual contract between you, let him go with much love and respect, place him on a cloud that drifts away as you forgive him, and say GOODBYE.

Then do the same thing on the physical plane.
There are billions of men on this planet who CAN meet your needs.
You have to search them out, do due diligence by interviewing them and YOU select THEM. Approach men you find hot, comment on something they are doing or comment on the venue you are in. Comment on what they are wearing. Ask them for shopping advice for a relative.

Make a list of qualities you want in a man.
Always have that shopping list in your head.
Be a fussy bitch. You deserve what you want and need.
Reject the ones who cannot meet your needs.
You will know after three dates...and for the love of all that is holy, do not give them vaginal access until you have vetted them as what you actually want.

Good looks is 5% of what they are. You have to talk to them to find out the other 95%. If you find out that they are drug addicts, broke, gamble everything away, uneducated, can't keep a job, have a string of kids they never see nor financially support, have a contagious disease, are a hit man, habitually beat up their sex partners, are pedophiles, treat you and their family members horribly, a professional criminal etc. Then dump them girl.

Make certain they like sex with a woman as much as you like sex with a man, and as often. This part comes last AFTER you've found out about their life and can see yourself being a part of their life.

Always ask about their happy memories from childhood.
Hobbies. Passions. Goals. Skills. Education. Future plans.

Good luck,
Most women will just stand around waiting for a guy to approach.
Yuck.
If you don't approach the guy you want, he may never approach you and all you get are the ones who get drunk enough to overcome approach anxiety or are players who want to screw the cooch and dump you.

 

[islandjoe2]

First rule out any medical problems. Yes, even women can get low testosterone. Yes, even women have testosterone.

Spend time just looking at men. Beaches, swimming pools, gyms.

If your husband won't go to counselling or refuses to give you the relationship you want, HE IS NOT MEETING YOUR NEEDS.

Mentally tear up the spiritual contract between you, let him go with much love and respect, place him on a cloud that drifts away as you forgive him, and say GOODBYE.

Then do the same thing on the physical plane.
There are billions of men on this planet who CAN meet your needs.
You have to search them out, do due diligence by interviewing them and YOU select THEM. Approach men you find hot, comment on something they are doing or comment on the venue you are in. Comment on what they are wearing. Ask them for shopping advice for a relative.

Make a list of qualities you want in a man.
Always have that shopping list in your head.
Be a fussy bitch. You deserve what you want and need.
Reject the ones who cannot meet your needs.
You will know after three dates...and for the love of all that is holy, do not give them vaginal access until you have vetted them as what you actually want.

Good looks is 5% of what they are. You have to talk to them to find out the other 95%. If you find out that they are drug addicts, broke, gamble everything away, uneducated, can't keep a job, have a string of kids they never see nor financially support, have a contagious disease, are a hit man, habitually beat up their sex partners, are pedophiles, treat you and their family members horribly, a professional criminal etc. Then dump them girl.

Make certain they like sex with a woman as much as you like sex with a man, and as often. This part comes last AFTER you've found out about their life and can see yourself being a part of their life.

Always ask about their happy memories from childhood.
Hobbies. Passions. Goals. Skills. Education. Future plans.

Good luck,
Most women will just stand around waiting for a guy to approach.
Yuck.
If you don't approach the guy you want, he may never approach you and all you get are the ones who get drunk enough to overcome approach anxiety or are players who want to screw the cooch and dump you.

This is very well written, and all true. Well said.

 

[JamesRTickit]

A problem shared

Hi everyone, I'm here because I feel like something is missing. I stopped feeling sexy quite a few years ago when my husband and I were having problems. He used to reject me a lot. It got to a point where we wouldn't have sex for months. I became very afraid to approach him for sex because the rejection was destroying me. My confidence took a massive hit. I went from stripping in the living room and feeding him my pussy, to being nervous about a kiss.

Things are great with my husband now. We have always maintained an open relationship ( not the source of our problems) and I'm lucky enough to have an amazing causal boyfriend. I'm having sex with the both of them (separately) and it's all working out.

However, I feel like I've lost all of the things that made me feel so naughty and so amazing. I'm not bold in my actions and I haven't put on anything that makes me feel sexual in a long time. I kinda look like I teach first grade. Not even in that cute hot way, more like in a plain tv dinners kind of way.


I don't feel connected to any of it. This goes beyond a simple makeover or inspirational quote, I have lost the primal, decadent urges that made up so much of who I was. I'm trying so hard to make myself feel the way that I did. Corsets, sex toys, spankings and the number of other things I've tried aren't helping me. It's pleasurable and I'm grateful but it isn't enough.

Has anyone ever felt this way?

I act as an agony uncle to a number of women. Each one has told me that at a point their partner turned away from them. One woman loves lingerie and stockings and put on a show that most men would die for, and her husband simply ignored it. Something in your relationship, probably the rejection, has damaged or depressed your self worth.

I try and gte my women to play a game - imagine a man is taking you to a very fancy restaurant, and you hope, bed afterwards. You need to dress for this evening. I ask them to go through their wardrobes and find the best clothes that would suit the view of the evening. I suggest they bring the clothes out, put them on and look in the mirror. I tell them to take photos or videos.

If at the end of this process, your fingers find their way to your clit then you are finding the love for yourself that you need.

 

[Joe2310]

I may be young at 32 but I believe it sounds like on a physical level your getting all you want but in a mental state that either isn't truly happy about the open relationship. I'm no expert but you either need to reconnect with your husband on a purely emotional level...love each other and find out your true desires and feelings or find out if your problem is too big for the both of you. I for one almost lost my marriage for a number of reasons...I had to pry it out of my stubborn wife l. She doesn't tell her feelings easily but we now have an emotional connection that is absolutely amazing. We have been together for 9 years and now we are more passionate than ever. If you don't keep the emotional fire burning the physical won't bring no heat as well.