Hey Legs!

[sirhugs]

my " sex at work " story is about an agressive female. It needs one more "5" vote to get its "H" back. Vote if you like it, please.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/s...ry.php?id=72379

I didn't write it thinking about votes- its just a bare stroker that I wrote quickly ( yes, I work in an office, so yes, it is rl based fiction), but I'm pleased with the score so far. I have other " Ross the boss" ideas, but have not decided about them, cause despite the score, I have no feedback. Is this worth exploring further ( my next idea is a " mature" theme- the sexy older divorcee at work seduces Ross- or the other way around?)

is Lorna worth exploring further?

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Sirhugs,

The link didn't work for me. It said "page could not be found".

---dr.M.

 

[sirhugs]

let's try that again!

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=72379

 

[kristydoll]

This story is definately short, sweet and to the point.

Overall I enjoyed, but it did leave me wanting to know a little more about Ross. It started off giving info on him and to how he is and then Lorna took full control of the rest.

I usually like aggressive women - but I think I need to "know" her a bit more. I wasn't sure at the end if I liked her or not. So, to answer your last question - I would read more stories about the antics of Ross at work. Lorna, I'm not so sure yet - got to get to know her better.

kristy

 

[sirhugs]

This story is definately short, sweet and to the point.

Overall I enjoyed, but it did leave me wanting to know a little more about Ross. It started off giving info on him and to how he is and then Lorna took full control of the rest.

I usually like aggressive women - but I think I need to "know" her a bit more. I wasn't sure at the end if I liked her or not. So, to answer your last question - I would read more stories about the antics of Ross at work. Lorna, I'm not so sure yet - got to get to know her better.

kristy

thanks. do you like the idea of a "mature " theme next? Do I get Lorna involved in that, or give her a story of her own? If the latter, with or without Ross?

 

[kristydoll]

thanks. do you like the idea of a "mature " theme next? Do I get Lorna involved in that, or give her a story of her own? If the latter, with or without Ross?

No objections here on the mature theme - but is Lorna "mature"? I'm not sure I got that from the first story, or will that be added with a new character?

I think you can continue with Lorna and Ross or give Lorna her own story - this might help to develop her character further. Like I said before, I would like to learn more of Ross too.

kristy

 

[sirhugs]

the 'mature' character would be another staff member- a widow or divorcee, very athletic and trim, sexy, but seemingly uninterested in men. Working name ella ( but I'll take suggestions). Does she seduce Ross? I think so, but maybe he needs to make the first move.

Lorna is about 40, married, but lonely cause hubby works out of town. So we can have here seduce Ross again, a scene when hubby comes home, or she discovers Ross with Ella ( don't like that name ), or a fourth character.

 

[PaulX35]

A few thoughts

Hi Sirhugs,

Thanks for posting this nice lil' story; I enjoyed reading it.

You use a few twists to make this scene happen, I think. Like her suddenly dressing differently, without really going into the why. Personally, I would expect a character with her degree of sexual aggression to dress up like this more often, so it didn't really add up totally, if you know what I mean.

In that respect, the intro is maybe odd as well: would a boss slap a secretary's ass if it's not the sexually agressive woman we come to know later? I doubt it, so you may want to re-check the consistency of it.

A few smaller things that struck me:
"She tasted of peppermints and strawberry lip gloss."
Maybe a turn on for you, but I much prefer the taste of lips without the strawberry

"...and pushed my face deep into her valley of desire. Her pussy was wet with my cum..."
You have a way with words good enough to not have to opt for "valley of desire", which sounds awfully cheap-novel-ish to me Also, it contrasted a bit with the feel of what followed, I found.

The sex-at-work-theme offers lots of nice emotional opportunities for tension, forbiddenness etcetera. I had the feeling you didn't use them all, even when the sex scene was pretty hot in itself.

Good luck with your writing

Paul

 

[sirhugs]

Paul:

Thanks for the comments. As I said, I wrote it quickly just to get over the urge to act so out of character in real life ( which might get me more than just slapped). I was shocked by the high vote scores. Working in an office, I get the odd story idea, and wondered if you thought the concept is worth further exploration.

The inconsistency at the beginning was intentional- representing the conflict of impluse and action(consequences). The unexpected pleasant reaction is supposed to be fantastical. This is not life as it is, this is the stuff of dreams.

I still need one more "5" to get back above 4.5. It just seems unfortunate to be at 4.48