Hey I have a how to quesion here..dont know if you can help me about a friend of mine

[Alex 111]

Hi,im kinda new I guess..ive been lurking around for a pretty long time just reading most of the posts here though so I guess it still makes me a new guy.Umm my friend has a problem and I didnt know the answer so I figured why not try here to see if you all know anything.

Her name is Amber and she was engaged with this guy for over a year and a week before her wedding he manipulated her into haveing sex with him even though she wanted to wait..he kept non stop telling her how it would hurt like hell the whole first time and that he wanted there honey moon to be special and like the movies how she would enjoy it..and she fell for it..well it was a week before her wedding only a week so she decided it would be alright she guessed because she wanted her honey moon to be perfect.So she did it..her first time and the guy just thrusts in full force hurting her like hell..and then dosnet even stop dosent even slow down at all just keeps going all fast her sitting there hurting like hell confused as to whats happening..then after he finishes he just turns around his back to her and trys to go to sleep.She tried to hug him anything with him he just yelled at her to let him sleep and kept his back to him..then she started crying so he yelled at her to shut up and left for another room to sleep on the couch.Thats pretty bad for a first time with the man she loved I think..but it gets worse..the next day,the next day the ass tells her he dosent want to marry her and hes leaveing her for another women and he sat there braging to his friends that he had fineally gotten a virgin in bed,he was a total ass to her.He was all nice and sweet to her til he had sex with her then he acted like an ass.

No need to say she hated her first time and wishes she would have never have did it..she asked me today if there was a way to get her virginity back,I didnt think it was possible but then she talked to me about it somemore and I found out what she ment,she wants to get her innocence back.im totally stumped on this whole thing so I figured mind as well come ask you all to see if you know anything.

Is there a way to actually do this or is it gone forever she really wants to know.

Any help would be appreciated here.Thanks.

 

[Bandit58]

God I'm so sorry

I really feel for this poor girl.....though now she has the chance to find someone who will appreciate her for the beautiful and lovely girl that she is. Even though she can't get her virginity back, she can make the next time her proper first time.

When I was with my lover for the first time (after I left my husband of 23 years who had been my first and only sexual partner) I asked him to remove my wedding ring before we made love. This made me feel like I was starting over, and I did feel like a virgin again, very nervous and shy. I was sexually inexperienced (and he knew it) - he made me feel so loved and cherished, he was so gentle and took his time and it was wonderful.

I hope your friend finds some one like that, she is lucky she didn't wait in a way, because she found out what a bastard he was before she married him.....I know she's hurting right now, just be there for her

 

[BreadMan]

Poor girl, I know she is hurting emotionally right now. She is so much better off without that jerk. Sadly enough her innocence is lost but hopefully she will find a kind patient man that will help her and make their first time the best.

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: Hey I have a how to quesion here..dont know if you can help me about a friend of mine

she asked me today if there was a way to get her virginity back,I didnt think it was possible but then she talked to me about it somemore and I found out what she ment,she wants to get her innocence back.

Do a web search for "born again virgins" -- that might turn up some information on a group or philosphy than can help her. It might also turn up some information on "surgical restoration" -- which I DO NOT recommend!

Physiaclly, her virginity is gone, and while I've seen some mention of the possibility of surgical restoration of virginity I can't see where that would accomplish anything but making her second time as bad as the first.

Spiritually, the "born again virgin" movement might be what she needs -- some connection with others who regret losing their virginity.

Nothing short of a long-term loving relationship filled with good experiences will ever erase the memory opf the pain and humiliation -- although someone holding the asshole down while she smashes his kneecaps with a baseball bat might make her feel better. On a more practical level, counceling or therapy might be indicated if she can't put this behind her.

 

[bunny bondage]

yeah, while physically replacing her hymen is a bit extreme (and impossible, i think, but who knows what medicine is doing these days) the best way for her to reclaim her virginity is to do something symbolic that really means something to her. i like the idea about taking the ring off, but she should pick something that really will make her feel "like a virgin"

and btw, the guy is SUCH an ass, if i see him, i will punch him in the brain.

 

[lilpriss]

That is a horrible thing to happen to a girl! She can't technically get her virginity back, but it may help her to know that even though she's "had sex" now, sex isn't like that at all.

What that was, I think could be construed as date rape, maybe she doesn't think so, because she agreed, at first, but if he knew he was hurting her and he didn't stop, then I call that rape. She may want to contact an attorney, if it's the right attorney you never know what may happen.

I would recommend someone shoving a forearm up the guys ass for retribution, actually. Where does the line form?

 

[Weird Harold]

I would recommend someone shoving a forearm up the guys ass for retribution, actually. Where does the line form?

Maybe she could use the same bat she uses on his kneecaps? That has a nice ring of "justice" to it.

 

[Bandit58]

What that was, I think could be construed as date rape, maybe she doesn't think so, because she agreed, at first, but if he knew he was hurting her and he didn't stop, then I call that rape. She may want to contact an attorney, if it's the right attorney you never know what may happen.

I have experienced a date rape, a long time ago (26 years) by the man I eventually married He was drunk at the time and I was a very naive 18 year old who thought she was in love (HAH!). I wasn't a virgin, though that doesn't excuse him......the fact that I tried to push him away and told him to stop, and he just kept going makes it rape whether he knew what he was doing or not. I still remember the shock and the pain.....the thing that hurt the most was, he was supposed to love me and care about me, how could he do this to me...... To this day he doesn't remember it......and I have never brought it up. I wanted to forget it ever happened - and I succeeded for years but things like this have a habit of coming back to haunt you.....

I have never told anyone about this until this year when I left my husband and for the first time ever was living alone and had time to think and analyse what had happened in my life and where I was going next. I started having flashbacks.....thinking what could I have done to change things, if I had broken up with him there and then I wouldn't have married the wrong man.....he emotionally abused me, especially through the later half of the marriage. I told my lover.....who was and still is extremely supportive and has helped me to know what true love really is.

It will take a long time and a lot of love to help her get through this. There are good men out there though, my new relationship proves it. I do recommend counselling, I wish I'd had some when it happened to me

 

[alias]

Wow, Alex, please give her a tight hug for me. I have a somewhat similar story, minus the engagement. I was raped by a good friend who lived up the street from me. That was my technical first time. However, I don't consider it my first time. If someone asks how old I was, who it was, how it was, I always refer back to the technical second lover whom I'm still stuck on 16 years later. She needs to heal emotionally and then I think it'll come naturally to put it aside and feel in her heart that he wasn't her first. He took something away from her, he didn't share an experience with her. Good luck to her!

 

[lovechild27]

Oh man...I hope that guy burns in hell and gets a raging case of herpies. What a dick...

I would recommend therapy for her. As for somethign surgical..It would be extremely expensive (i doubt youd find an insurance compant to cover it) and risky. She should deal with healing her emotions than trying to get her hymen back.

 

[Monazwx]

Oh God . . .

This is so heartbreaking. :sad:

I don't know which is worse, the betrayal of trust or the actual act. To me this was rape because he deceived her and led her on. She should look into a civil if not criminal case against the creep. I mean bragging about it afterward, as if breaking the engagement wasn't bad enough. Gross, gross, gross.

Anyway, even if she doesn't pursue this, she should see a counselor I think. Hymens aren't as big a deal as her trusting someone again. Surgical alterations are an option, but would it really matter? It won't undo what happened.

Ultimately, the decision is up to her, but as long as she has friends like you to support her, I'm sure she'll recover soon enough. Maybe she should come to Lit. and chat. (just a suggestion)

 

[Alex 111]

Hey thanks for all of the replys.Ive been copy and pasteing all of your posts over to her.Well shes starting to think about if she actually has been raped..she just wants to know how it could have been date rape if she fell prey to all of his lies and manipulations about how it would hurt the whole time like hell the first time and he wanted her to have a perfect sex night on there honey moon and all of that other stuff..she agreed to if she said,so any ideas what I shoudl tell her here?

 

[Guest]

 

[Bandit58]

she agreed to if she said,so any ideas what I shoudl tell her here?

I had agreed to it too....I had been waiting for him to come up to our room (we were on a sports trip away from home) and he'd been downstairs drinking in the hotel bar with his mates. I'd been asleep and the next thing I knew he was in the room with me, getting undressed (staggering around the room) and then he was in the bed and just rolled on top of me, pushed into me and kept going......because he was so drunk he had trouble cumming and he got rougher and it bloody hurt, I tried to push him off and told him to stop but he just kept going...... It seemed to go on forever......he was too strong.....to this day I hate the smell of beer. I still remember lying there, feeling violated and ashamed and sore.....I didn't sleep again that night......

To this day I regret that I didn't do anything about it. I was too ashamed and shy.....I didn't want anyone to know. I kept it inside me for the last 26 years. I think it affected my life in very subtle ways, I grew to hate having sex with him (and I was married to him for 23 years). It felt like being raped all over again whenever he would have sex with me. And that's all it was....sex. I had to leave him and meet a wonderful kind loving man before I understood what making love is.

I hope she gets some counselling and legal advice. Don't let her do what I did........

 

[methpez]

I think that all guys should be kicked in the nuts every once and a while just to remind us that we are all bastards at heart. You may then say that we dont deserve that but just wait, im shure we will do someting that deserves it. and yes even us nice guys.