Herpes

[Aellio]

So recently I got diagnosed with herpes. I have been sexually (and unprotectively) active with two different partners over the past few months.
I'm not sure if it was transmitted to me orally or sexually but I have let my fwb know. I can't get a hold of my ex.
But I'm wondering. Who would love a girl with herpes? Who would have sex with her? Who would give her oral?
Also having some work issues. Sunday I had a fever due to me also being sick with 1) mono and 2) broncits. The mono may have flared up, though it had died down for a bit. So now I'm stuck with two diseases that stay in your system forever. The mono isn't as bad cause at least I can tell when I have a fever typically. And then I don't go out anyway.
But anyway I had to go into work cause I couldn't call in. Long story short we were busy, I was dizzy, overheated, and grouchy. Rude to customers as well. Got talked to by the manager today. I have one chance to prove I can do better. If I can't do it I'm fired.
I can't afford to lose this job with the recent mounting of pharmacy costs (my parents paid for the herpes meds but I don't have the money to pay them back), car insurance, cell-phone, textbooks, school, and such.
I take the blame for a lot of it. I couldn't fake it. I can't take care of myself apparently. But I know that choosing death wouldn't be right either. Help?

 

[Run_8]

Relax-Take a deep breath, and calm down! Herpes isn't the end of the world, by any stretch of the imagination, even though it might feel like it right now. Facts are facts, and the facts say that 1 out of 6 people in the US already HAVE herpes. Most just don't even know it. It will not go away, but it isn't a deal breaker as you might believe. There are some people, who will be turned off by the idea, and won't risk contracting it from you-But, again, chances are very good, that the person you want to be with already has it!

I do not have herpes (that I know of anyway-never had any signs), however my wife of 7 years does-She was honest about it up front, and we used condoms at first-but we stopped that years ago unless she's having an outbreak, then we just refrain from sex for a while, or go back to using condoms. It just isn't that big of a deal for me-After all, nearly all people have Herpes type I (cold sores) and it's not much different from type II (genital). Just a difference of where the outbreaks occur-Frankly, I'd much rather have the sores on my dick than on my mouth-cold sores suck! Funny how no one stigmatizes someone with a cold sore (which is herpes) but some still shun those who have genital herpes.

To answer your question, I love my wife to the core, and we have a very active sex life, and I knew going in that she has this-Doesn't prevent any activities, including oral-I love going down on her-Just don't do it when she's having an outbreak. (which we've noticed is fewer and farther between than in the past-It does get somewhat better with time) And sometimes it's kinda fun to have sex using condoms, just because it's something different.

None of this probably makes you feel any better, but if you hang in there, you'll see it's not that big of a deal in the big picture. Just something you'll have to deal with, and unfortunately communicate to future partners. Please be honest about it-It's easier to tell someone about your condition before sex and risk having them pass, than it would be to have to answer later, that you knew about it, and still gave it to them. Just be honest, and careful, and it will all be fine. Don't let this little thing get the best of you, and distract you from life-Work well, be happy, and give yourself time to adjust. It will be ok! Hope that helps, hang in there!

 

[SweetErika]

So recently I got diagnosed with herpes. I have been sexually (and unprotectively) active with two different partners over the past few months.
I'm not sure if it was transmitted to me orally or sexually but I have let my fwb know. I can't get a hold of my ex.
But I'm wondering. Who would love a girl with herpes? Who would have sex with her? Who would give her oral?

I'm sorry for the condition and that you're feeling so bad, but the answer to your questions is "plenty of people." Did you know there are even whole dating sites specifically for people with HSV?

I have a similar story as Run. I contracted HSV 1/A (cold sores) when I was little, probably from my mom kissing me. My husband has always known I've had it, and he's never gotten a cold sore in 12+ years. I've had it long enough that I'm very familiar with the first symptoms, so if there's even a chance I'm getting one, we're really careful about kissing, sharing drinks, oral sex, etc. Yes, it can be passed between outbreaks, but the great news is that the longer you have the virus, the fewer outbreaks you'll have, and the drugs are good at reducing the risk. Add in things like condoms and dental dams, and the risk of transmission is pretty low. Know yourself and know the facts so you can avoid contact during an outbreak and educate your partner(s).

I can't afford to lose this job with the recent mounting of pharmacy costs (my parents paid for the herpes meds but I don't have the money to pay them back), car insurance, cell-phone, textbooks, school, and such.

Are you on Valtrex or generic acyclovir? Acyclovir has to be taken much more frequently, but it's pretty cheap. It might be something to talk to your doctor about if costs are a concern.

I take the blame for a lot of it. I couldn't fake it. I can't take care of myself apparently. But I know that choosing death wouldn't be right either. Help?

No, death is certainly not the answer, and if you're feeling suicidal, you need to seek help immediately. You'll get through all of this. Can you talk to your parents, a family member or close friend about how overwhelmed you're feeling?

 

[bgr]

go easy on yourself

I have had herpes for 17-18 years. So has my wife..we dont take medication and our out breaks are very rare..once a year maybe..it depends on the stress. The stress you are putting yourself under is feeding on its self and the virus..so take a chill pill and relax. Neither of us can pinpoint who we actually got the virus from and we met through one of the herpes social sites. The site no longer exsists but it truely helped us. We have been married for soon to be 14 years we have had a child vaginally delivered(this was after I went through a reverse vasectomy... we consider oursselves very lucky). I have no problem with giving her oral sex and generally do everytime we do it..especially if i cum first.
When I first learned of the virus I thought it was the end of the world..withdrew into myself went celebate for a year kicked myself often figured I would never find someone who would understand. Before going celebate the pressure telling my sexual partner would cause an outbreak hence giving up sex accept for masturbation. Evaluate youself and muscle through it...you can do it and there is someone out there for you who is just waiting to find you.

 

[Mac98]

At least you don't have AIDS. Tell yourself that. I know of 3 people who have Herpes and all three of them have a disease-free partner. If you're responsible enough to maintain a healthy relationship, you should be responsible enough to make sure you don't spread it.

Also, I don't think your manager can fire you for not producing well enough when you're sick. In fact, if you have mono, I don't think you're even supposed to be in and you could turn this whole thing around on him. I would say go to workers norms (I don't know what it's called in the US) and see what can be done cuz there's no way he can do that. It's not your fault and you were at least nice enough to go in even when you were feverish and contagious.

And don't worry about the Herpes. Sure it sucks, but your life isn't over. Shit happens. But believe me, those who'll be turned off by it are not partners you would've lasted very long with anyways. Someone who'll accept you despite that will at least have proven he loves you that much.

Good luck with your money troubles.

 

[Aellio]

Wow a lot of responses and msgs did I get
Thank you all for your help. And words of comfort and advice. I guess at 19 years old I feel like everything like this is the end of the world. Plus I deal with some depression. Don't worry I do go to counseling. But I won't be able to go til Monday. So I have to deal until then. I also need a trip to the dentist. Gums swelling. Also insanely afraid I may have oral herpes as well.
I've been talking to some people, there is apparently protection for oral as well called a dam perhaps?

Run_8 Wow.. thanks for giving me hope and helping me chill out. I'm sorry I'm not responding more in detail to everyone here, including you, but I have things to catch up other than Lit.

Erika-Right now I'm on a 10 day trial (twice a day pills) of Valacylovir. Which cost $106.09 or something.. I can't afford that. I'll see about the Alacylovir.
My siblings don't respect me. In my family me having sex was taboo. I would take it back if I could too now. My mom.. is sick a lot. I don't want to stress her out and my dad works a lot.. and I can't talk to him about this.

BGR-Thank you very much for the story, and advice. It means a lot to me.

Mac98-True, it could be worse. Hey there's only 2 people I've slept with. I got a pap smear, thus tested for everything else.
I work at a small family owned place. I took 2 weeks off for mono already. Plus obviously when its -10 degrees out its sooo rude to shut the drive through window while counting your money and not always saying thank you when there are 10 people behind you. Okay so I know its my fault a lot too. I should know the menu better.
Thanks for the good wishes.

 

[SweetErika]

Wow a lot of responses and msgs did I get
Thank you all for your help. And words of comfort and advice. I guess at 19 years old I feel like everything like this is the end of the world. Plus I deal with some depression. Don't worry I do go to counseling. But I won't be able to go til Monday. So I have to deal until then. I also need a trip to the dentist. Gums swelling. Also insanely afraid I may have oral herpes as well.
I've been talking to some people, there is apparently protection for oral as well called a dam perhaps?

It's called a dental dam. If you've ever had any major dental work done, it's just like that rubber sheet they put across your mouth. You hold it over your vulva and then receive oral sex. You can put a couple of drops of latex-friendly lube (silicone is a good choice) on your clit beforehand.

And your name clicked for me, so I verified you were the young lady seeking advice while your mentally ill boyfriend/fiance was in jail for hurting a nurse before Thanksgiving. Look on the bright side: at least you're not being tied down by him anymore! Seriously, however the breakup happened, this is a very good thing for you, as it sounds like a fiance with such problems (or fiance at all) is the very last thing you need at a time like this. Now you have the opportunity to find partners who are healthy and happy. It sounds like this is a good time to commit to doing the right things for yourself in terms of sex, love and relationships.

Erika-Right now I'm on a 10 day trial (twice a day pills) of Valacylovir. Which cost $106.09 or something.. I can't afford that. I'll see about the Alacylovir.

You should be able to check the price of acyclovir through this link. I checked for you, and it looks like 100 acyclovir is a mere 11 bucks (but you have to take it more often than Valtrex; still, a 10-day script might cost $11 instead of 106). Even if you can't shop at Costco, that should give you an idea of how much it costs, and some pharmacies will even match prices if you can find the drug cheaper at another store.

Sometimes it's cheaper to get a 90-day prescription of a drug at some pharmacies or have it filled by a US mail-order pharmacy (not one of those scam internet-only pharmacies that doesn't require a faxed prescription from your doctor), too.

If you have co-pays, another trick is to ask your doctor to write the script for the maximum amount you can get in 30 or 90 days. Like I have a $10 on most generics, so my doc will often write a script for 3-4 times a day for a month, even if I only use the medicine once in a while. Then that one prescription/copay lasts me for many months.

If you don't have drug coverage with your insurance, you can look into one of the Patient Assistance Programs through the drug company that makes Valtrex. You just print out a form, have your doctor fill it out, and it's either shipped to you, the doctor or you're given a voucher for the pharmacy. Ask your doctor if s/he has samples to help you reduce the cost of your prescription, too.

 

[Aellio]

Well the only major dental work I can remember (I obviously was knocked out for my wisdom teeth) is getting my partial fake teeth done. (long story). Yes, but as my ex-fwb pointed out that isn't as fun for the male cause they can't taste you anymore which made me sad. I suppose I can't taste me anymore either unless I want to get my own herpes? Well at least during outbreaks... I think.
I'm especially worried for my fwb cause he has diabetes and the next time he goes into a DK-diabetic kioasidosis (spelling again) if he has this or anything else it could wreak havoc.
Thanks for the advice on the lube.

Yeah.. Its really hard for me to do that right now. I like my fwb a lot. I even might have had a relationship with him. Admittedly he said something about me scared him from doing that. So I left it be. But now.. I can't kiss him cause I'm afraid the sore on my lip is.. something else, or of what's going inside my mouth. I'll miss kissing him... I could ramble on about his kisses but anyway.
I wish I could take that relationship back and ran when y'll told me too.

And I'm scared I won't have the money to pay my parents back...
I go to Walgreen's Pharmacy. No Costco here. But that wouldn't be bad. I'll look into getting a longer prescription as well. If the pills are smaller I think I can handle that but if they are as big as the pills I am currently taking. Well, I just learned how to swallow pills which I did with a tiny (compartively-like asprin) pill called Zithromax I think. Then I had a mini freakout about the new ones since they aren't chewable/breakable pills/tablets. But the first one went down with milk, the second and third with a bit of effort water.

I already know we don't have co-pay and even if we did the something or other on our insurance started back up again at the start of the new year. We're under (me and my parents) Blue Cross Blue Shield of X state.

I will also look into the Patient Assistance Programs since I may be out of my job.. hopefully not.

 

[SweetErika]

Well the only major dental work I can remember (I obviously was knocked out for my wisdom teeth) is getting my partial fake teeth done. (long story). Yes, but as my ex-fwb pointed out that isn't as fun for the male cause they can't taste you anymore which made me sad. I suppose I can't taste me anymore either unless I want to get my own herpes? Well at least during outbreaks... I think.

Yeah, remember outbreaks don't last that long, and you'll get less of them as time goes on. Because I was infected decades ago, I honestly can't remember how long it's been since I've had a cold sore. 5+ years, maybe? And before that, I used to get one or two a year, usually during my period, or times of illness or high stress (so keep your stress level down as much as possible; also look into the natural supplement L-lysine, which can help your immune system).

I'm especially worried for my fwb cause he has diabetes and the next time he goes into a DK-diabetic kioasidosis (spelling again) if he has this or anything else it could wreak havoc.
Thanks for the advice on the lube.

It sounds like your friend needs to take better care of himself and get more of a handle on his diabetes.

Plus, you don't know if he's HSV-positive or not, right? Is he getting tested? Talking to the doctor who manages his diabetes about the risks of a (potential) herpes infection?

Yeah.. Its really hard for me to do that right now. I like my fwb a lot. I even might have had a relationship with him. Admittedly he said something about me scared him from doing that. So I left it be.

Given your recent relationship and breakup, I'd say it's best to spend a good amount of time out of any sexual or romantic relationship for the foreseeable future. With all due respect, it doesn't sound like you're in a good place for that extra layer of potential complications in your life.

I wish I could take that relationship back and ran when y'll told me too.

Good for you for recognizing that. Hopefully it's a lesson well learned.

And I'm scared I won't have the money to pay my parents back...
I go to Walgreen's Pharmacy. No Costco here. But that wouldn't be bad. I'll look into getting a longer prescription as well. If the pills are smaller I think I can handle that but if they are as big as the pills I am currently taking. Well, I just learned how to swallow pills which I did with a tiny (compartively-like asprin) pill called Zithromax I think. Then I had a mini freakout about the new ones since they aren't chewable/breakable pills/tablets. But the first one went down with milk, the second and third with a bit of effort water.

Pay them back $5 or 10 a week, whatever you can afford. Also look at cutting your expenses by ditching your cell phone (or going to a cheaper phone/plan), renting your textbooks, not buying any extras, etc. If you do that, you should have the money fairly quickly.

Call all of the pharmacies within a reasonable distance and check prices on both Valtrex and Acyclovir. Check legit online/mail-order pharmacies, too. Ask if the local ones will match prices.

Acyclovir comes in reasonably-sized capsules. Your parents should have taught you to swallow pills years ago. If it helps, think of floating the boat down the throat (that's what mine taught me) and/or chew some food, stick the pill in it while it's in your mouth, then swallow (I do this with bad-tasting pills and multivitamins). Then you're just swallowing food, like normal.

I already know we don't have co-pay and even if we did the something or other on our insurance started back up again at the start of the new year. We're under (me and my parents) Blue Cross Blue Shield of X state.

I will also look into the Patient Assistance Programs since I may be out of my job.. hopefully not.

Call your insurance company and ask about drug coverage, or look it up on their website.

If you don't have drug coverage, get on the Patient Assistance Program right away, whether you have a job or not.

 

[bgr]

L-lysine

That is good stuff...I usually start chewing those as soon as I feel a hot spot. It cut the healing in half for me...sometimes it has stopped the sore before it comes to the surface. It also comes in an ointment for topical applications.

 

[Aellio]

Yeah, remember outbreaks don't last that long, and you'll get less of them as time goes on. Because I was infected decades ago, I honestly can't remember how long it's been since I've had a cold sore. 5+ years, maybe? And before that, I used to get one or two a year, usually during my period, or times of illness or high stress (so keep your stress level down as much as possible; also look into the natural supplement L-lysine, which can help your immune system).

Well mine has at least lasted a week (Got the pills Monday) thus far, though at first I didn't know it was an outbreak. I probably shouldn't have waited as long as I did to get checked out but I kind of freaked about having a male dr. check me out.
Period.. great *covers face* I already get cramps and sore and now.. argh.
I'll look into it if its not too expensive.

It sounds like your friend needs to take better care of himself and get more of a handle on his diabetes.

Plus, you don't know if he's HSV-positive or not, right? Is he getting tested? Talking to the doctor who manages his diabetes about the risks of a (potential) herpes infection?

He has had it for 16 years. I think he has a handle on it. He recently got a pump so that should help as well. As for taking care of himself he tries. He really does.
He is getting tested today. He's going to the Dr. and will likely mention that someone he was recently sexually active with has herpes and such.

Given your recent relationship and breakup, I'd say it's best to spend a good amount of time out of any sexual or romantic relationship for the foreseeable future. With all due respect, it doesn't sound like you're in a good place for that extra layer of potential complications in your life.
Good for you for recognizing that. Hopefully it's a lesson well learned.

I really liked the sexual relationship I held with my fwb though. He was/is called the Energizer bunny for a reason. Sigh. I saw nothing wrong with being sexually active. Still don't as long as my partner is willing to go through the risks and such. And as long as I am as well. I'm not sure yet. But I still wish it wasn't painful to masturbate. I wasn't sexually active recently so I'm kind of missing it right now so forgive me if I'm a bit touchy on the subject.
Yeah well. All you lit people can say I told you so now. Though it would probably just depress me more.

Pay them back $5 or 10 a week, whatever you can afford. Also look at cutting your expenses by ditching your cell phone (or going to a cheaper phone/plan), renting your textbooks, not buying any extras, etc. If you do that, you should have the money fairly quickly.

I already owe them rent. Also don't know where this magical money is coming from if I lose my job.
I don't think I can ditch my cell phone. After all I bought it. That alone cost me. I have a $40 per month plan. Plus $5 insurance. Now I can ditch the insurance but I don't think I can't have unlimited txt and calling. I don't have internet or games or anything fancy. Trust me. Renting-is kind of risky. I'm probably going to purchase the math book. Plus I have finicial aid hopefully coming through that could pay for that. Right now any extras I have been purchasing have come from tip money. I guess I should stop that. Its hard when there is nothing soft to eat in the house though and you have to go out and buy applesauce or something.

Call all of the pharmacies within a reasonable distance and check prices on both Valtrex and Acyclovir. Check legit online/mail-order pharmacies, too. Ask if the local ones will match prices.
Acyclovir comes in reasonably-sized capsules. Your parents should have taught you to swallow pills years ago. If it helps, think of floating the boat down the throat (that's what mine taught me) and/or chew some food, stick the pill in it while it's in your mouth, then swallow (I do this with bad-tasting pills and multivitamins). Then you're just swallowing food, like normal.
Call your insurance company and ask about drug coverage, or look it up on their website.
If you don't have drug coverage, get on the Patient Assistance Program right away, whether you have a job or not.

The only pharmacy I know of around here besides Walgreens is Costco which costs to get into (or something) Kubat, and Hyvee but I'll look into them.
Well, its not all their fault. They tried, but it never became vital until now. I can do it with milk or plain water typically. I put it in the middle of my tongue drink some water/milk and swallow. Mostly it works and then I finish the water or milk.
I will have my mom/dad do that as I am just under their plan.
I will.

 

[SweetErika]

That is good stuff...I usually start chewing those as soon as I feel a hot spot. It cut the healing in half for me...sometimes it has stopped the sore before it comes to the surface. It also comes in an ointment for topical applications.

Yep. I found it helped, though not as dramatically as you're describing. Everyone's different, but it's fairly inexpensive and worth a try, especially since it has many other health benefits (that link also gives you dosage info). It may also increase semen volume and sperm quality in men, for those who are seeking those benefits.

Zinc is another important nutrient because it has a huge effect on the immune system. Most of us are zinc-deficient. Whenever I have a sore throat or feel a cold coming on, I up my zinc intake and suck on zinc lozenges, per my doctor's advice. This helps avoid or shorten the virus dramatically. Both Hubby and I also took zinc supplements when we were trying to conceive, since it can help fertility in both men and women.

Obviously you should check with your doctor and pharmacist before taking any supplements to ensure you take the proper amount and they won't cause any adverse effects on your particular health or drug interactions. Both Lysine and zinc are very safe with proper dosing, but it's always better to be safe than sorry.

 

[Bandit58]

I am prone to cold sore outbreaks, especially when I am under stress. My Husband has never caught herpes from me and we've been together for 7 years now. If I have an outbreak we abstain from kissing and oral sex for a few days until everything is healed. His immune system is compromised so if anyone was going to catch it it would be him

I also take L-lysine and it has helped reduce the regularity of outbreaks, and if I feel a sore starting I double/triple the dose which seems to shorten the length of the outbreak and helps with healing.

I use Zovirax cream but it's very drying and tends to cause cracking and bleeding, so I don't use it that often. Twice/three times a day maximum during the worst of the sore, then I stop using it but keep up the larger dose of L-lysine for a couple more days.

 

[Kaarnanyx]

I can't help with the Herpes advice so much, but what two cents I can add is geared more towards the prescription end of it. Have you looked into state assistance for prescriptions? I don't know what state you're in but I do know that Oregon has a Prescription plan that helps knock down a large chunk of the costs and it doesn't matter your income amount. It maybe something worth checking into? I hope all works out for you.

 

[jezbel]

I have genital herpes, which I caught from my current (and only) parter when I was 19. I completely freaked out, was really upset, and the stress of it all cause me to have LOADS of outbreaks. It was awful and I was really depressed.

Looking back, I overreacted, because it's really not a big deal at all. And as time goes on, you'll realise that too.

In terms of medicine, I live in Britain, and we have free healthcare on the NHS, so I never had to pay the kind of prices you are paying, but it was really annoying going to the clinic or doctors everytime I had an outbreak (which, as I said, at the time was a lot). Luckily, one of the nice doctors said that (off the record), you can use coldsore cream to treat genital herpes too, and the only reason that they say you shouldn't is because they don't want people self-diagnosing.

I don't know about the rest of the world, but you can buy brands like 'Zovirax' or even cheap pharmacy brands of coldsore cream, at a relatively cheap cost. As someone has already said, there is not really any difference between type I and II herpes, and I have found that the coldsore creams work a treat if applied at the first sign of a tingle.

Relax, and after a while, when you're less stressed out, you will have far less breakouts. I hardly have any now. Maybe 1-3 a year, as opposed to about 3 a month at the beginning!

It's not a big deal really, and as SweetErika said, there are dating websites for it. As long as you use condoms when you are having an outbreak, you'll be fine, and hopefully, when you meet someone new, you wont have had an outbreak for a while and will be far more relaxed about it.

x

 

[Aellio]

Sweet Erika-I will check into both of those. Though the nurse said I don't have to take the pills all the time, depending on how often my outbreaks are though. Deffinately would be taking pills when I'm sick or start to feel them come back though I hope they won't for a while. My ex seems to be worried about me not taking the pills constantly though to reduce the outbreaks.
Yes the herpes culture came back positive for me though he swears on his sister that he is clean. He got blood work done at a hospital with no trace of Herpes.

Bandit-Thanks for the advice

Ka-I don't think Nebraska has one Thanks though.

Jezebel-Thanks so much. You've calmed me down a lot. I was scared cause I am so young that people.. if I tried to date anytime soon I mean would look at me funny. I mean I've only had two partners. I know it only takes one but since its 1 in 8 people

ATTN: The culture or.. whatever the Dr. took from one of my sores was positive for herpes. Also my fwb has it. My ex swears on his sister he was tested recently (blood sample) and was clean but I'm going to try and get actual proof of that. Then again we didn't sleep together after the beginning of January, so its not likely my herpes and outbreak were from him.
Its just confusing. I don't know if my fwb had it for a bit.. he hadn't been tested since 2008. Though he told me that before me he hadn't had sex with anyone for a while so that might be why. Since the relationship was open either of us could have slept with someone else. He did, its possible she has it, but that would mean that someone else she was with could possibly have it as well. I know when you sleep with someone you are sleeping with the people they have been with as well. The time frame does fit though at least for me, for him it doesn't make much sense. He slept with her and after that we did sleep together a few times, but that wouldn't have given him enough time to have his first OB unless of course he didn't get an outbreak but even so the virus doesn't typically show up in a person right away. We didn't have sex for a bit and then I got a bump which I thought was ingrown hair then a rash and then went to Dr.'s and got diagnosed with herpes.
He got tested Wed. for everything, and it came back positive today for herpes.
Its possible he had it for a while and was shedding when we had sex, of course then there is the question of who he got it from, who he's possible spread it to. Since I've only had oral and sexual contact with those two people that narrows it down. I could have given it to my fwb but only if my ex had tested positive. Someone in the past could have given my Fwb it but he never really got any outbreaks.. or it was oral and he didn't notice it. Or the person he slept with while we were sleeping together gave it to him.. anyways. That's my add on.

 

[jezbel]

ATTN: The culture or.. whatever the Dr. took from one of my sores was positive for herpes. Also my fwb has it. My ex swears on his sister he was tested recently (blood sample) and was clean but I'm going to try and get actual proof of that. Then again we didn't sleep together after the beginning of January, so its not likely my herpes and outbreak were from him.

As far as i know, it can only be detected in a swab sample, not a blood test. It is a virus of the skin, not of the blood. So even if your ex had a blood test, it might not necessarily check for genital herpes. Also, I just looked at the NHS website, and it says that "Genital herpes can be diagnosed more easily and accurately when the infection is still present, so you should seek medical attention as soon as you develop symptoms." So he may carry the virus, but if he is not suffering from an outbreak, then even a swab might not pick it up.

EDIT: Also, you can catch the virus, but not develop symptoms for it until a while afterwards, so it doesn't matter how long ago you slept with your ex, you could have still got it from him: It is entirely plausible that he might have it, and he has a responsibility to make sure he is checked out for sure, so that he can take precautions not to infect anyone else if he does.

 

[SweetErika]

As far as i know, it can only be detected in a swab sample, not a blood test. It is a virus of the skin, not of the blood. So even if your ex had a blood test, it might not necessarily check for genital herpes. Also, I just looked at the NHS website, and it says that "Genital herpes can be diagnosed more easily and accurately when the infection is still present, so you should seek medical attention as soon as you develop symptoms." So he may carry the virus, but if he is not suffering from an outbreak, then even a swab might not pick it up.

EDIT: Also, you can catch the virus, but not develop symptoms for it until a while afterwards, so it doesn't matter how long ago you slept with your ex, you could have still got it from him: It is entirely plausible that he might have it, and he has a responsibility to make sure he is checked out for sure, so that he can take precautions not to infect anyone else if he does.

Not true. I knew I'd seen it on the STD panel part of my lab sheets, so I double checked, and HSV can indeed by diagnosed by bloodwork. With blood, they test for the HSV antibodies, not the virus itself (as is the case with a culture of a suspicious sore/lesion), and they can diagnose whether it's Type 1 or 2 (there are usually fewer outbreaks with Type 1). Click me.

And IIRC, people usually develop some symptoms shortly after infection, even if they're only cold- or flu-like. It's much like HIV in that way. If you're prone to viruses, allergies or catch it during cold/flu season, it can easily go undetected. Plus, some people just never notice symptoms and carry it without getting sores.

You are correct in saying it's often not included in a standard STI panel, though I think that's changing.

 

[bailadora]

Acyclovir has to be taken much more frequently, but it's pretty cheap. It might be something to talk to your doctor about if costs are a concern.

I did a quick check and it's on Walmart's $4 prescription medication program. $4/30 day supply, $10.00/90 day supply (200 mg tablets). So Aellio, if there's a Walmart in your town, that might be another alternative.

I would say go to workers norms (I don't know what it's called in the US) and see what can be done cuz there's no way he can do that.

I think the US equivalent is called Human Resources. Normally that'd be good advice but IIRC, she works at a small, family-owned business and the owner tends to be judge and jury in those situations. Not much as much room for recourse in that case.

If the pills are smaller I think I can handle that but if they are as big as the pills I am currently taking. Well, I just learned how to swallow pills which I did with a tiny (compartively-like asprin) pill called Zithromax I think. Then I had a mini freakout about the new ones since they aren't chewable/breakable pills/tablets. But the first one went down with milk, the second and third with a bit of effort water.

Try taking your pills with applesauce. My 84 year old grandmother has to take what seems like a gazillion pills a day and she used to have problems getting them down. The OT she works with suggested the applesauce and it's done wonders for her.

 

[SweetErika]

I did a quick check and it's on Walmart's $4 prescription medication program. $4/30 day supply, $10.00/90 day supply (200 mg tablets). So Aellio, if there's a Walmart in your town, that might be another alternative.

Yeah, that could be an option, depending on dosage and such.

I'm boycotting Walmart after taking a closer look into its practices, so I don't consider it an option for me, personally. Plus, even when I did shop there, I found the pharmacy to be more trouble than it was worth, most of the dosages weren't on the $4/10 program, and there are other stores here that have similar programs. Still, Walmart has taken over just about every area, so it might be an option for Aellio, depending on what her doctor prescribes.

 

[Aellio]

Jezz-I am aware of that already. I told him that, he doesn't believe me so I guess we'd just have to wait and see if he ever shows any symptoms or has an outbreak to know for certain. I know he got a test as well, like the swab type, but I'm not sure if he got the results for that or not since he had already gotten blood work done and his doctor had said he could test for it with blood.

Baila- There is one Walmart nearby my house, yes, and I know of their pharmacy and prescriptions. I'd have to see what the prices are here, but that sounds like an option depending on what the doctor prescribes. I know my fwb goes through Walmart and will be taking the regular ones, so I'll talk to him about it.
Also, that worked for one pill, its just applesauce is slightly expensive but I'll look into trying to get some more if I have to continue taking pills though I may not take pills for this all the time, just whenever I get outbreaks.

Sweet Erika-Yeah, it was included for me obviously since I knew the symptoms. However I'm not sure if was included in 2008 when my fwb last got tested, though obviously he should have had a outbreak before this.. maybe if he had. However, it seems like right now he's going through an outbreak as well and it seems like its his first.. I'm not sure though. Like .. my symptoms hit before his so..I guess its still up in the air whether I got it from my ex or not.

 

[SweetErika]

Jezz-I am aware of that already. I told him that, he doesn't believe me so I guess we'd just have to wait and see if he ever shows any symptoms or has an outbreak to know for certain. I know he got a test as well, like the swab type, but I'm not sure if he got the results for that or not since he had already gotten blood work done and his doctor had said he could test for it with blood.

Baila- There is one Walmart nearby my house, yes, and I know of their pharmacy and prescriptions. I'd have to see what the prices are here, but that sounds like an option depending on what the doctor prescribes. I know my fwb goes through Walmart and will be taking the regular ones, so I'll talk to him about it.
Also, that worked for one pill, its just applesauce is slightly expensive but I'll look into trying to get some more if I have to continue taking pills though I may not take pills for this all the time, just whenever I get outbreaks.

Sweet Erika-Yeah, it was included for me obviously since I knew the symptoms. However I'm not sure if was included in 2008 when my fwb last got tested, though obviously he should have had a outbreak before this.. maybe if he had. However, it seems like right now he's going through an outbreak as well and it seems like its his first.. I'm not sure though. Like .. my symptoms hit before his so..I guess its still up in the air whether I got it from my ex or not.

I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but do some homework on acyclovir pricing (different strengths and number of pills), then take that into your doctor to see what s/he can prescribe to help you minimize your costs.

Here, applesauce is like $2 for a big jar, and we have a very high cost of living. I think I just bought 4 huge jars of unsweetened, ORGANIC Tree Top for $10 at Costco. Now you don't need that amount unless you use it for other things (like I feed it to our baby and use it as an oil replacement in baking), but it shouldn't cost much if you get the cheapest jar of unsweetened stuff (vs. the single-serve containers).

Did you and your friend both have a blood test to see which type of HSV you have? If so, that could be a clue right there. And, like the link I posted before said, it's good to know what type you have because it may give you some clues what to expect, and could be good info for future partners. So, if you haven't had it typed, ask for that next time you have bloodwork.

And it could be that he gave you the virus through shedding, you started having an outbreak, then that brought on his outbreak because he had contact with your infected area. He also may have had at least one outbreak before, but it was mild or mistaken for something else, so he forgot or never noticed. It doesn't really matter though, since you both have it, right? IOW, what's done is done, and it doesn't make a difference who gave it to whom.

 

[knifeheart]

Not true. I knew I'd seen it on the STD panel part of my lab sheets, so I double checked, and HSV can indeed by diagnosed by bloodwork. With blood, they test for the HSV antibodies, not the virus itself (as is the case with a culture of a suspicious sore/lesion), and they can diagnose whether it's Type 1 or 2 (there are usually fewer outbreaks with Type 1). Click me.

HSV can be detected by bloodwork, yes, but according to my on-campus RN the test is very expensive which is why most free clinics and doctors tell you to wait until you're showing lesions. Cheaper to swab them directly.

 

[SweetErika]

HSV can be detected by bloodwork, yes, but according to my on-campus RN the test is very expensive which is why most free clinics and doctors tell you to wait until you're showing lesions. Cheaper to swab them directly.

Colonoscopies and mammograms are expensive too, but responsible medical professionals don't tell people to wait until they're showing signs of cancer to have those tests.

I've never heard any responsible medical professional suggest waiting to get tested for STIs until symptoms are present. With HSV especially, that's tantamount to telling people to go out and spread the virus because they're asymptomatic because it can be spread by skin-to-skin contact, not just bodily fluids, like HIV.

IOW, what you're saying doesn't make any sense.

 

[knifeheart]

Colonoscopies and mammograms are expensive too, but responsible medical professionals don't tell people to wait until they're showing signs of cancer to have those tests.

I've never heard any responsible medical professional suggest waiting to get tested for STIs until symptoms are present. With HSV especially, that's tantamount to telling people to go out and spread the virus because they're asymptomatic because it can be spread by skin-to-skin contact, not just bodily fluids, like HIV.

IOW, what you're saying doesn't make any sense.

I went for a routine STD screening; they screened for chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV and something else. I made it a point that I wanted to be tested for herpes as well just to know if I was asymptomatic but they said that since I had no history of lesions or symptoms, they had nothing to test and no real reason to do so (none of my partners exhibited symptoms either). They did say that if I wanted to pay the few hundred bucks to run the blood test for the fun of it they would do it, but it was too expensive and we agreed it didn't make any sense to do so.