Here's to you, Abrahams of the world
- Thread starter blobfish
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How could I not start with the father of it all, Abraham? Like Cher and Oprah, he needs no last name. He was history's first playa, having conceived a child with his servant. Well, his wife was barren, right? Wrong! In fact, Sarah gave him a son named Isaac. Great kid. Abraham was going to sacrifice Isaac! Ouch! But he didn't, so he's still cool. He was also the first guy to chop off the foreskin, an event which is depicted in the artist's rendering below.
We all know who's coming next.
Without this guy, we'd have slavery and no West Virginia. If you don't know who it is, his name was Abraham Lincoln. He was our Jefferson Davis. As soon as he was elected, America was plunged into a civil war. His wife was crazy, all but one of his children died young, and he was killed during a moderately humorous stage production. Other than that, he was a pretty lucky guy. He was also maybe gay.
Without this guy, we'd have slavery and no West Virginia. If you don't know who it is, his name was Abraham Lincoln. He was our Jefferson Davis. As soon as he was elected, America was plunged into a civil war. His wife was crazy, all but one of his children died young, and he was killed during a moderately humorous stage production. Other than that, he was a pretty lucky guy. He was also maybe gay.
Our last entry is (was?) a man known for his life in front of the camera, but Abraham Zapruder achieved immortality for his work behind it. He is best known as the only person to film the John F. Kennedy assassination in its entirety. His famous film has done more to prove nothing than anything until the CERN hadron collider.
Don't adjust your sets, folks, because this fellow's yellow skin has more to do with his cirrhosis than the color of your television screen. It has nothing to do with his Asian heritage. I mean, seriously, have you ever seen an Asian that was actually yellow? Why do people even say that? Anyway, Abraham "Grampa" Simpson apparently served in World War II with Mr. Burns. That would suggest that their close in age, even though it's usually implied that Mr. Burns is much older. Then again, Homer and Marge now gave birth to Bart in the '90s, so who the fuck knows? Groening is always pulling the rug out from underneath his fans, so he can just change anything at any time. "Hey, thanks for watching since 1989! Now fuck you!"
Last but not least, I give you Abraham a Sancta Clara. Not to be confused with his uncle, Abraham Megerle, Sancta Clara was an Austrian divine born in Kreenheinstetten. In 1662, he joined the Discalced Augustinians, eventually becoming a prior provincialis and definitor of his province. Due to his power in the pulpit, he was appointed imperial court preacher of Vienna in 1669. The world lost a star when he died in his beloved Vienna on December 1, 1709.
He was truly a credit to his given name.
He was truly a credit to his given name.
parodyluvr75
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That is pure fiction!
M
miles
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John Abraham - Atlanta Falcons.
TonyClifton
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keestone75
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THen we have Abraham-Hicks entity http://youtu.be/a5ZeYGWS3zw
keestone75
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parodyluvr75
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I thought you'd like him, he could probably use a chair leg well.
That's Gaye.
If he would decapitate Angel, I'd be a fan.
parodyluvr75
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I guess now would not be the time to mention you look like a young Angel....
I hope you're referring to some type of seraph, and not the television character portrayed by David Boreanaz.
If you are talking about the TV character, I grudgingly thank you for the sickening compliment.
parodyluvr75
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Would you you prefer Spike?
Yes, but only barely. His accent was awful.
I like dogs with people names. My cat, Scott, hates them.
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