here we go

[strange_daze]

Hello! Noob writer here. I've enjoyed hundreds of stories on literotica over the past year, but I felt slightly guilty that the exchange was one-way. After all, I can't abide free-loaders! So, I decided to put finger to key and submit the results.

I've begun a story called Dark Tidings, about evil, corruption, and degeneracy--a few of my favorite things! Chapter One is posted, and Two is in the queue. It is a lengthy story (perhaps 15000-20000 words when the dust settles), and will certainly take me months to finish at my snail's pace.

My goal is to entertain people as I have been entertained. If I can accomplish that, I'll be satisfied.

Happy Holidaze!

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=342875

 

[Singularity]

Luring the Reader In, or Not.

Hello, strange_daze. Contratulations on having the courage to ask for constructive feedback on your first submisison. It shows that you want to work on, and improve, your skills.

One of the themes you see often in new-writer feedback is that the opening to the story has to create the 'hook' that entices the reader to go beyond the first several paragraphs, and make it to the end of the story, instead of back-clicking.

And this is where you planted your own first speed-bump.

Hi, all! This story has been bouncing around my head for a while. The first chapter is not very sex-y. That comes later. I'll continue on with it if there is interest. Thank you for reading.

You tell us that Chapter One is not going to be erotic, and that you haven't decided whether you are going to continue the story to Chapter 2, where, presumably, it will be more to most readers' liking.

This tells me, as a reader, several things.

First, that I'm not likely to be in for anything hot.

Second, that you don't have a commitment to your story, or your characters, to want to complete it. Why should I, as a reader, want to invest my time in something that the author isn't likely to complete? Authors write for the readers, of course; and without them, most of us wouldn't do very much of it; but if the author is only going to finish a story if he or she gets rave reviews and plaudits from the readers, then your audience is not likely to want to invest anything of themselves in your characters, either.

Third, it makes it look like you don't have a good plot or direction for the story to take. I've made the mistake of posting several chapters to a story where I've had a good, general idea of where I wanted it to go, but without a firm outline or enough detail to make the plotline stick. When I got to writing the later chapters, I really regretted putting the first couple ones out there. I found I really wanted to go back and change some things in the early part, based on what I found I wanted to do with the characters, later on. I know it's a lot harder, but since that experience, I've ALWAYS written all the chapters before I posted the first one. That way, I don't end up painting myself into a corner. I use chapters as a means of breaking up a long story into readable bites, rather than as checkpoints to decide whether to continue or not.


Now, on to Chapter 1.

Your writing is good. The descriptions and the way you paint a scene are well done, overall. The first bit, before the group arrives on the street where Dark Tidings is located, is not as strong as the rest of the piece, and it doesn't flow as smoothly. I think you need a little more, in the initial scene in the apartment, to flesh things out a bit. You've got the backstory in the second scene, but I'd consider moving some of that up.

The other thing that bothered me was how easily Katie accepted the deal from Callyx. I don't understand why she is the only one with 'nothing to lose' as you put it. I don't see it as being realistic that she accepts the deal, before she asks anything about it. That part lost me.

Now, as to the Big Question: Having read to the end of the chapter, am I interested in reading Chapter 2? Yes. But I am not sure how many random passers-by will make it past your initial disclaimer and the first scene to reach that point.

I hope this helps.


S.

 

[mjl2010]

Well you grabbed my interest.

And this is going to take months because? I think not. Sityour ass down, get writing and finish this. 22000 words? Deserves more like 75,000.

A nice start. Well written and worth reading. If you follow through, this is one your fans will be begging for more chapters Long after you are done and sick of it.

Now don't disappoint us, post successive chapters here so we know when they are in.

MJL

 

[sr71plt]

One of the themes you see often in new-writer feedback is that the opening to the story has to create the 'hook' that entices the reader to go beyond the first several paragraphs, and make it to the end of the story, instead of back-clicking.

And this is where you planted your own first speed-bump.



You tell us that Chapter One is not going to be erotic, and that you haven't decided whether you are going to continue the story to Chapter 2, where, presumably, it will be more to most readers' liking.

Oh, Lord, yes. Nothing scares off potential readers faster than beginning by telling them the reasons they may not want to read the story.

 

[strange_daze]

I hope this helps.


S.

Absolutely it does! Thank you for taking the time to critique my story. Much appreciated. I'm removing that disclaimer, since a) I intend to write it whether there is interest or not, and b) it does me no favors. My original intent was to warn those who seek instant gratification, but there's plenty of that to be had around literotica. I'm sure they'll manage.

Your other points are well taken. I tend toward impatience sometimes. Well, all the time. I think it probably shows in my writing and posting habits. Thus is my struggle. I was thinking, perhaps, of contacting an editor for a little perspective.

 

[strange_daze]

Deserves more like 75,000.

MJL

Eep. That's a lot of words. I think I would have to chain myself to the desk to make that happen. ;D

I'll do my best, though!

 

[Singularity]

75,000

is not that many words, once you get going. 8,000 words (the way MS counts them) is about 20 MS Word full pages of 12-point font, for me. So, if MJL is right, you've got less than 200 pages to do, in total.

Seriously, don't fret the word count. Write well, and flesh out the characters and the story (without running-on about trivialities, of course) and it will move itself along. If you find yourself struggling to write, simply take a break and give it a rest. There's nothing worse than forcing yourself to write when you aren't ready to say anything. That's a sure way to shovel out drivel.


S.

 

[mjl2010]

is not that many words, once you get going. 8,000 words (the way MS counts them) is about 20 MS Word full pages of 12-point font, for me. So, if MJL is right, you've got less than 200 pages to do, in total.

Seriously, don't fret the word count. Write well, and flesh out the characters and the story (without running-on about trivialities, of course) and it will move itself along. If you find yourself struggling to write, simply take a break and give it a rest. There's nothing worse than forcing yourself to write when you aren't ready to say anything. That's a sure way to shovel out drivel.

S.

Yep. Not that many.

I was trying to be encouraging in a rather brutish Neanderthal way. I'll be better next time.

Now tell him to get busy.

MJL

 

[strange_daze]

Thank you MJL and Angel for the encouragement! It means a lot. I've submitted Chapter 2, and Chapter 3 I'm writing presently.

Oh, and btw, I'm a her. ;D

~SD

 

[mjl2010]

Oh, and btw, I'm a her. ;D

~SD

That's ok, We won't hold it against you.



MJL

 

[aussie_101]

v good so far

Hi strange_daze!

Loved the start - nicely written, well-drawn characters, easy flowing dialogue. My one trouble (which may stem from me possibly being dense ) is that I found the reference to Katie's transsexualism ambiguous. Did that mean she's a girl who dresses as a guy, or vice versa? Vice versa seems more likely, as she obviously prefers to be called 'Katie', but I struggled to find confirmation. Perhaps it becomes clearer later in the piece, in future chapters?

Anyways, I agree that you'll easily maintain a strong legion of fans should you keep writing to this standard. I'm hooked and I want to read more from you - please be sure to let us all know as further chapters become available!

Cheers.

 

[strange_daze]

Hi, Aussie! Thanks for the kind words. Katie is a male-to-female transsexual, which is something I'll be exploring in later chapters. I purposely glossed over it in the first chapter, because I want people to see who she is before they see what she is. However, her unique status affects her motivations, and consequently the choices she makes, so it will become a recurring theme as the story unfolds.

Oh, and I'll post in that announcement thread as each new chapter shows up. =)

~SD