her first time

[wonderwhy]

i met a lovely women a couple of days ago and we really hit it off.
recently she invited me to her house and has told me shes a virgin and wants me to be her first.
and i'm rather old school in that department and i want it to be perfect for her, too many people end up regretting there first time, god knows i do.
so i was just wondering.

what would you suggest for making it really mean something?
making it really special and ensuring theres as little pain on her part and as much pleasure as possible?

 

[amy711]

I am still a virgin too, so I was trying to think of what I would want. I think be very gentle, but don't lose your enthusiasm and passion. Even though it is in effect all about her for that moment, make sure she doesn't feel as though she has to perform for you, so she doesn't feel obligated to orgasm (of course if she is able to, great).

 

[wonderwhy]

i have already told her that if she ever feels uncomfortable or wants to stop she just has to say. ive made it clear that she will be in total control of everything.
i was thinking if she went on top, she would be in charge of how deep, hard and fast she wanted to go and could stop whenever she wanted.
i want it to be all about her

 

[Monazwx]

i want it to be all about her

That is so sweet! It's gratifying to see that you want to be such a considerate and caring lover. HOWEVER, you met her a couple a days ago, and she wants to have sex wtih you already? This sounds very odd. How old are you both? I don't mean to be nosy but . . .

 

[califwineguy]

I dont want to sound like a prude, but if you both truly want it to be special and a lifelong memory, why dont you tell her thanks but advise her to wait until she gets married. Then it would be a truly special moment that she would be sharing with the person she would spend the rest of her life with. I assume that you are not a virgin and she seems to sound as if her virginity means something to her...

If you suggested this, you would come off as a hero and she would always respect you. Whatever you decide to do, it sounds as if you are thoughtful enough to be considering her feelings before your own, and that is certainly commendable...

 

[wonderwhy]

we're both 18 and no need to apologise, yea couple of days is a bit odd but how many of us lost it drunk at a party? i will deffinatly ask her why she is so keen though.
i must say that i have developed extremely strong feelings towards her in this time and visa versa
at my own risk i will suggest waiting for her to get married but i have a feeling she will laugh... and hard
and no i am not a virgin.
but like i said i will ask her why she want it to be me and i have already told her that i would love to get to know her better and have told her that in three weeks if she still feels the same then it would be an honour.
maybe im just sexy? im joking guys.

 

[Eilan]

FWIW, I should think that it's possible for losing one's virginity to be a lifelong positive memory even if the relationship itself doesn't last. Not that anecdotal evidence is an argument, but I lost my virginity to the man who's now my ex-husband about a year before we were married, and while my memory of the physical experience isn't positive, the mental/emotional connection before, during, and afterward more than made up for it.

 

[wonderwhy]

yea i really want it to be a positive memory
so tell me
what did he do?
why do you remeber it as being a pleasurable experience?

 

[AmbrosiallyAmorous]

I agree with Calif and I was just as curious as Monaz. I find it odd that she has held onto for virginity this long to then meet someone and in two days want to give it away. *shrugs*

I lost my virginity to my very first bf of six years and I was younger than you when it happened ... however, we were together for almost two years prior to having sex with one another.

Okay now enough of my two little rusted pennies. Since you are asking I will answer. In order for it to really mean something and I do mean REALLY. A little more time should be involved. Not only will this experience possibly be uncomfortable to her; she is giving away something that is special. If I were in her shoes and you told me that you felt I should wait, I would consider that a very sweet, respectful and special gesture. I would remember you for that.

Now if her reaction is different or if you truly do not want to suggest that then I would say take it slow. What worked for me, was fourplay ... Which took place for quite a long time. He fingered me one finger at a time until I was comfortable with all of them. After that it all just fell into place. I didn't feel any pain at all. The rest should all be on you. Whatever you feel should be done with someone you consider special, then do it ... If that means go all out then by all means have it.

 

[wonderwhy]

thankyou very much, i will strongly suggest that she waits then.

 

[SweetErika]

I don't think there's any need to suggest she wait until she get married, especially since a lot of people who do that end up completely unhappy with their sex lives and partners.

What you might suggest is that you two wait until you know each other a bit better. You don't need to be in love, but sex is often much better when there are real feelings and intimacy, which comes with time and shared experiences. I doubt it would hurt to have fun, fool around and really get to know each others' hot and cold spots for a few months. Her first time will be much better for it, and so will your time with a first-timer.

There are some great tips on first times in The Blank Manual sticky thread at the top of the main How To page. Make sure you don't forget the basics, like having both latex and non-latex condoms and a good, non-irritating lube (avoid KY Jelly [it's not a sexual lube] and things that contain alcohol, preservatives and other chemicals; NEVER get spermicidal lube or spermicidally lubed condoms, as many people are very irritated by Nonoxonyl-9, which is actually a detergent, and it can cause major inflammation and burning). Silicone is condom-safe and often a good choice as long as you're not using silicone toys, and you can probably pick up a few sample/pillow packs at your local sex store.

Then avoid alcohol and drugs completely (if you NEED something to relax, you shouldn't be doing it), practice good hygiene and safer sex, relax, focus on her pleasure w/o pressuring or getting hung up on her orgasm, and have fun!

 

[wonderwhy]

hmm yea getting to know each others hot spots sounds like a very good idea
thanks

 

[ccgd]

I don't think there's any need to suggest she wait until she get married, especially since a lot of people who do that end up completely unhappy with their sex lives and partners.

Q4T

What you might suggest is that you two wait until you know each other a bit better. You don't need to be in love, but sex is often much better when there are real feelings and intimacy, which comes with time and shared experiences. I doubt it would hurt to have fun, fool around and really get to know each others' hot and cold spots for a few months. Her first time will be much better for it, and so will your time with a first-timer.

Great advice.

There are some great tips on first times in The Blank Manual sticky thread at the top of the main How To page. Make sure you don't forget the basics, like having both latex and non-latex condoms and a good, non-irritating lube (avoid KY Jelly [it's not a sexual lube] and things that contain alcohol, preservatives and other chemicals; NEVER get spermicidal lube or spermicidally lubed condoms, as many people are very irritated by Nonoxonyl-9, which is actually a detergent, and it can cause major inflammation and burning). Silicone is condom-safe and often a good choice as long as you're not using silicone toys, and you can probably pick up a few sample/pillow packs at your local sex store.

Then avoid alcohol and drugs completely (if you NEED something to relax, you shouldn't be doing it), practice good hygiene and safer sex, relax, focus on her pleasure w/o pressuring or getting hung up on her orgasm, and have fun!

What she said.

 

[EjAcKuLaToR]

My take on this situation is completely different. A lot of women claim that they're virgins when they're not. I have had 2 such experiences in my lifetime. What I suspect is happening is that this woman likes the guy a lot, and wants to have sex with him. She probably thinks he's relatively inexperienced and she thinks that if she claims she's a virgin that he will plan out their first get together and make it really nice, sweet, and special.

Think about it like this. If she didn't proport herself to be a virgin, she'd just be your average horny girl who wanted to screw an average horny guy after having dated him for 3 days. Not near as special now, is it?

Give the girl a break. Assume she's a virgin, but don't bank on it. Make the first time with her special (you should want to do that anyway). You (the guy) be on top...be a MAN. That's what she wants. Let her "pull you into her" if you want. That way she can control the depth of penetration etc...but she still gets the experience of being taken.

Have a good time and my opinion is do NOT encourage her to wait until she's married. That's turning down some p@ssy...ONLY a woman would suggest something as lame as that (no offense ladies, but GEEZ...we're guys).

Have a great time with the girl. Be a gentleman. Be attentive and sweet and considerate (the way you should be anyway). Be responsible. Be in control of yourself. Be "PROTECTED". You may not know everything you need to do, but at 18, you're a man operating in a man's situation. So, step up to the plate and take control and make sure the lady has a perfect time.

Jack

Sorry to differ with you ladies on this one. I do respect your viewpoint, particularly when yourselves and everyone else is a little surprised that she's a virgin and wants to give it up within a couple of days of dating this dude. In my opinion, she's hasn't lost her mind, but she's already lost her virginity and for whatever reason she thinks that she is a better "sell" to this guy if she's "new".
Cheers.
Jack

 

[Aleksandra]

I agree with everyone who said it was odd that she found the man she wants to give herself to in just a matter of days. That sends the message that she is possibly lying about being a virgin, is lonely and in the midst of that loneliness loosing all reserves for the one thing she made a point to hold onto, or perhaps for the sake of argument really does feel like you are the one for her first time.

In any case, your best bet is to not only prepare yourself for a good, passionate yet gentle night but also for the inevitable attachment and intense feelings involved with sex for the first time. This paired with your very brief relationship may lead to a bad start for the both of you. Her feelings for you will be clouded with the moves you will both make too fast. She must ask herself if she is ready and you must ask yourself if you are ready to be her first.

I also agree with EjAcKuLaToR about the position for a couple reasons. First a girl does want to be taken that first time, go for old fashioned missionary. Second, while every girl's experience varies, I can say that mine was uncomfortable and painful and there would have been no way I could have been on top. In essence it is like making her generate the pain and discomfort she is feeling, she should only have to relax and get through it.

Besides all that.... use a good lube, cheap shit is shit. Wherever you do it make it comfortable to all the senses. And finally be as communicative as possible because when it really comes down to it if there is something bothering her chances are she wont come out and say it. Read her facial expressions.

Best of luck!

 

[PertPerth]

That is so sweet! It's gratifying to see that you want to be such a considerate and caring lover. HOWEVER, you met her a couple a days ago, and she wants to have sex wtih you already? This sounds very odd. How old are you both? I don't mean to be nosy but . . .

That's exactly what I was thinking! I just remember back to my first time...he was so nice to me at the time...then dumped me two weeks later. I really regretted it. I still do!

In any case, lots of lube - I suggest silicone based - and be gentle.

 

[wonderwhy]

i don't want to be a bastard, i was raised my my mum as how she likes to say a millenium child.
so i like to think im pretty pro feminist and have turned down alot of girls i thought i might hurt (much to my regret many a time!) but thats just my morals.

and like i said, we are continuing to meet but i have told her to wait a month.

as for the position i had though her on top would be best, so thanks for pushing that silly idea out of my head! and ill be sure to get some decent lube.
my biggest fear is hurting her more than necessary i have alot of female friends who regret or hated there first time.
which is why im so keen to make it a good experience for her.

 

[SweetErika]

as for the position i had though her on top would be best, so thanks for pushing that silly idea out of my head!

Maybe her being on top would be best for her. Maybe she wants you to be on top. Maybe she'd prefer that no one be on top. Ask her what she thinks would work best for her when the time comes, rather than listening to a couple of strangers on the internetS who like to generalize about what all women want.

 

[infinity706]

Maybe her being on top would be best for her. Maybe she wants you to be on top. Maybe she'd prefer that no one be on top. Ask her what she thinks would work best for her when the time comes, rather than listening to a couple of strangers on the internetS who like to generalize about what all women want.

That's a good point. Of course, if she really is a virgin, there's a good chance she doesn't know enough to have an opinion on her favorite position. I have a feeling, she's a horny chick that's wanting a good fuck, but is calling herself a virgin because she's worried about being called a slut. I'm sure there are some, but from my experience, any woman that's a virgin would probably be quite a bit unlikely to want to fuck after 3 days. Usually, the ones that would do that know exactly what they like. They haven't gotten it in a period of time, though, and are missing their favorites.

 

[WriterDom]

Maybe her being on top would be best for her. Maybe she wants you to be on top. Maybe she'd prefer that no one be on top. Ask her what she thinks would work best for her when the time comes, rather than listening to a couple of strangers on the internetS who like to generalize about what all women want.

I don't think she'd have any way of knowing what position would be better.

But with her on top I guess she'd have more control over how deep and how hard.

 

[littleangryfly]

My first time was on top - I wasn't ready, it hurt like hell, and I felt very exposed and 'out there'.

I wished afterwards I'd asked for old fashioned missionary so I could have laid back and relaxed through the pain, but I was too shy to.

My experience doesn't mean your girl will want to be on her back, on all fours, or hanging from the light fitting - it MIGHT mean she will be too shy to take charge and show/tell you what she wants, and you will need to be extra careful to ask her, go very gently, and stop to change position if she changes her mind about what is comfortable for her.

 

[wonderwhy]

ok thank very much littleangryfly
i will hold that in mind.

 

[EjAcKuLaToR]

You (the guy) be on top...be a MAN. That's what she wants. Let her "pull you into her" if you want. That way she can control the depth of penetration etc...but she still gets the experience of being taken.

I said the above. In retrospect, maybe I was a little hasty in my comment. I think it would be WISE to allow her to choose what she feels is most comfortable to her. If she tries it with you on top and seems to be having a difficult time, then stop. Give her a break and ask her if she would like to try it on top. (OR THE OTHER WAY AROUND with her starting out on top). I agree that maybe it should be her choice.

If you do this, then be cognizant of the fact that she shouldn't be forced to stay in that position. Ask her how it's working out for her and offer to do it other ways...be sure to take breaks if she wants to.

Jack

 

[Eilan]

Have a good time and my opinion is do NOT encourage her to wait until she's married. That's turning down some p@ssy...ONLY a woman would suggest something as lame as that (no offense ladies, but GEEZ...we're guys).

Unless I'm misreading the comments, it seems to me that the only person who came right out and suggested that wonderwhy's "friend" wait until marriage is someone whose handle is califwineguy (post #5).

 

[Anomily]

If I may add my voice to the girl or guy on top debate, my first time I was on top and I wouldn't have had it any other way. At least, in retrospect I'm glad that's how it went. We tried at first with him on top, but we had the added difficulty of both being virgins, so he couldn't quite figure out where it was supposed to go or how to get it in, lost his erection twice, and we ended up giving up and trying again a couple days later. That time, I got on top, guided him in, and was able to control the speed and depth. Having that control allowed me to relax and breathe through everything. It still wasn't that fun, unfortunately, but I don't think anything could really have made it better. For some girls the first time just sucks, physically speaking. It was still emotionally great because at the time, I really cared about the guy. Now I know he's an ass, but I still don't regret anything.