Help!

[Doubledribble]

My sex life sucks. My significant other wants complete quiet and no lights on. If I moan it is a turn off to her. If I speak during sex sex it is a turn off. Christ, she separates sex from love completely and looks at it like just a biologic function. If I let myself go and take control...taste her and give myself what I need....kissing is done for the night

To me it is more...I want to express myself...give us what we need.

Suggestions wanted!

 

[Doubledribble]

Thanks to those who PMed.

 

[shywolf03]

I fill your pain sounds like I am in the same boat as you are. I wish you the best of luck man.

 

[RiverKnight]

Thanks.

I would love to find a woman who I could build a relationship with who respects each other's boundaries, yet wants to explore each other's limits....

Hope that makes sense.

 

[UselessDesires]

Thanks.

I would love to find a woman who I could build a relationship with who respects each other's boundaries, yet wants to explore each other's limits....

Hope that makes sense.

Very well said. I know exactly what you mean.

 

[RiverKnight]

Very well said. I know exactly what you mean.

If I may be so forward... PM me

 

[LadyVer]

The rules that govern daytime behavior should be dropped during sex. The end.

 

[silverwhisper]

DD, you have a choice before you.

if this relationship is important to you, you can see if she's willing to change her puritanic attitude towards sex. if not, well, you've got a decision to make. but if so, that's a damned good thing.

some people understand that sex is an important part of any healthy relationship. getting them to understand can be a challenge and you need to know whether or not there's a possible positive outcome there or not.

if this relationship isn't important to you, well, i'm not sure why you're in it.

ed

 

[Domesticity]

Don't marry her and have kids with her. Seriously, it won't get better. Bail now, make a clean cut. I wish I would have before I had kids and muddied everything up.

 

[Emerson40]

Mr. Dribble,

Are you guys married? Kids? Has this always been the case?

Did something happen that may have contributed to this?

I worked with a guy who voiced the same complaints. He neglected to mention she had caught him cheating on her. They stayed together for the sake of the kids, but the amusement park rides remained closed.

I'm not suggesting you cheated. Just asking if your situation has always been like this, or if some recent turn of event has lowered the temperature in the bedroom.

The rules that govern daytime behavior should be dropped during sex. The end.

Hey!

It's LadyVer!

 

[NippleMuncher]

Thanks.

I would love to find a woman who I could build a relationship with who respects each other's boundaries, yet wants to explore each other's limits....

Hope that makes sense.

This makes perfect sense, and it is not an unreasonable request of your S.O.

DD, you have a choice before you.

if this relationship is important to you, you can see if she's willing to change her puritanic attitude towards sex. if not, well, you've got a decision to make. but if so, that's a damned good thing.

Seconded! If she and the relationship is worth the lack of intimacy (not likely, no matter what else she's bringing to the table ), then you need to communicate your needs to her and react accordingly. If she's is amenable to change and works with you, keep her, if she's dead set against rectifying her fucked up attitude, then it's time to cut and run from this dead weight. You can guarantee that time, marriage, and children WILL NOT be the cure to this intolerable situation.

I'd also like to point out, that this is the same exact advice that a woman would receive if the tables were turned. Relationships are a two way street, paved with communication. If you've got good communication, then the street is smooth, if you've got crappy or nonexistent communication, then the street will be impassably bumpy, and lead nowhere but to heartbreak and despair.

 

[LadyVer]

Hey, Em! I love the pic. I may steal it!

 

[GrrlFriday]

Do you have any idea as to why she sees sex this way?

 

[tonguedancer]

My sex life sucks. My significant other wants complete quiet and no lights on. If I moan it is a turn off to her. If I speak during sex sex it is a turn off. Christ, she separates sex from love completely and looks at it like just a biologic function. If I let myself go and take control...taste her and give myself what I need....kissing is done for the night

To me it is more...I want to express myself...give us what we need.

Suggestions wanted!

I can understand your frustration. If you've talked to her about it and explained your position on it and she hasn't responded positively with some serious intention on at least meeting at a middle ground, then you have some serious decisions to make. How important is sex in your overall relationship with her? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life with frustrating sex? If not, then you may have to truly consider moving on.

Everybody has a different level of how important various things are in life whether it's travel, food, financial security, sex, religion, etc. If you have a partner that's seriously off the mark from what's important to you, you need to move on before it's too late. There's an old saying that nobody can change another person who doesn't want to change. If you think you will change someone, say after you marry them, you're in for a big disappointment and lots of frustration.

 

[imrhapsody]

Please talk to her about things. Marriage therapy is not just for people who are married. Does she fit every other part of your life? Has she undergone any traumatic experiences? Been raised in an ultra Christian household? As a women, and one who enjoys sex, I will tell you it took me a while to let go and it took a good partner who was basically a positive cheerleader to help me.

I am so sorry for you, but I also know that there is help ( other than Lit) before you leave the relationship. If indeed other things are in a good place, seek help from someone who can help her...counseling.

. COCK_STAR It's time to dump the dead fish. You know it. I know it. We all know it. Have some fun with it first though... She deserves a surprise facial.

Fucking asshole, people that say things like this are what cause women to be frigid. Moron!

 

[imrhapsody]

You are dilusional. This broad is the definition of a dead fish. Life is short. Why waste your time? I may be an asshole, but I am an asshole that has great sex daily. Honey, there are broads out there that just don't have it in them to satisfy a man. I say, leave those women for men that aren't into sex... It's time to move on dude. There are billions of other women out there... And remember, the worse you treat them, the more they are going to want to make you happy. Women love assholes, it's in their DNA.

Not worth it.

 

[loveroflove]

some women are like this, I am quiet and I don't like certain things but see if you can go slow with her she might be into it but not quite sure on how to not express it...some women *like myself!* do not make sounds because they find it a turn off because we are so in tuned to our sensory feelings that out side disturbances such as sound and light are a major turn off...now on the other hand I will give a bj and he can talk all he wants *more like moan!* and I am fine with it in the middle of the day! but I will not let him return the *favor* because it embarrasses me and it is the middle of the day and to much sensory overload for my singlemidedness...if she comes for you and she likes you and you like her talk to her about it and see if she will open up a bit

 

[HussarVanburen]

A pity Cockstar's post was deleted, 'cause you really are dealing with a frigid bitch.

You have two choices.

You can go down Cockstar's idea, and dump her for something a little less frozen. (The surprise facial, however, would be a great idea. A nice send off, to say the least.)

Or you can do it my way: She's your woman. You tell her what -you- want and make her obey. Fuck, listen to Immanuel damn Kant, who is not a sexual tyrannosaurus by any means:

"[...]for first you make great concessions to your wives, and afterward you complain when they drive you mad."

These are the only two rational choices you have. Otherwise, enjoy having a droopy dick for the next howeverthefucklong you guys last.

 

[zerologic]

Find your self a new girl dude or sit down and talk to her about it

 

[Primalex]

I would love to find a woman who I could build a relationship with who respects each other's boundaries

Each other's? You don't seem to have much respect for her boundaries.

 

[Noor]

I think you need to find out what is really going on, could have nothing to do with sex with you..

I get distracted easily and sensory overload sometimes but luckily I like hearing my lovers and have had those are good at pulling my attention back.

I often use mask/blindfold during phone sex so the light doesn't distract me. I am comfortable wearing earplugs in the evening so I don't hear my neighbor.

In bed I usually have a sheet or something over me, esp my feet, to cut distractions.

What do you say when you speak during sex? Some guys things that can be turn offs to some women. I don't like being referred to as a Cunt or Slut, that would turn me right off.

 

[Ellafun]

My sex life sucks. My significant other wants complete quiet and no lights on. If I moan it is a turn off to her. If I speak during sex sex it is a turn off. Christ, she separates sex from love completely and looks at it like just a biologic function. If I let myself go and take control...taste her and give myself what I need....kissing is done for the night

To me it is more...I want to express myself...give us what we need.

Suggestions wanted!

Thanks.

I would love to find a woman who I could build a relationship with who respects each other's boundaries, yet wants to explore each other's limits....

Hope that makes sense.

I hope that you will start with open communication with your SO.

speaking of Open Communication...why are there two of you??

 

[NightL]

chicken or the egg?

Thanks.

I would love to find a woman who I could build a relationship with who respects each other's boundaries, yet wants to explore each other's limits....

Hope that makes sense.