help!

[morganm223]

Ok here's the deal. I am dating a guy for the first time in 3 years. I've only had sex about 4 times in the last 3 years. My new bf is really into sex but I am not. I want to be though. I don't want to lose him because of this. Does anyone have any tips for me? I like sex but its hard for me to get off. Any tips to get me in the mood?

 

[CWatson]

As a virgin myself, I haven't a lot to suggest in terms of practical measures. But what I would say to you is that you need to talk to him about this. Tell him the truth--that your sex drive is lower than his, and that he should prepare to be patient with you. Express also your desire to raise your sex drive, and then talk to him about how the two of you could accomplish this. Anything that pushes the two of you apart can also draw you together. Instead of your low sex drive being an obstacle that he has to fight you over, turn it into a goal, a mutual goal, that you two want to achieve together.

And, if your having a low sex drive is really truly a deal-breaker for him, then broom the little fucker! You deserve someone who loves you for who you are, not just for whether you give out the poon, and you know it.

 

[morganm223]

That is great advice! Thanks!

 

[NippleMuncher]

I like sex but its hard for me to get off. Any tips to get me in the mood?

Can you get yourself off without someone else in the room? You don't have to answer this out loud, but you do need to answer this to answer your own question. You might not get that into sex because:
1. You don't know what it takes to get you off, thus, you can't express to your lover what they need to do.
2. If you don't know what it takes to get yourself off, then you may feel insecure about sharing yourself and expressing what you need to achieve orgasm.
3. Inexperience or bad experience can cause stress which can dampen or delete sexual response and desire. Go slow, relax, and communicate with your lover that you need to go slow and carefully.
4. You may in deed have a low sex drive. This may or may not be caused by health issues. You may want to consult with your doctor.

 

[infinity706]

Ok here's the deal. I am dating a guy for the first time in 3 years. I've only had sex about 4 times in the last 3 years. My new bf is really into sex but I am not. I want to be though. I don't want to lose him because of this. Does anyone have any tips for me? I like sex but its hard for me to get off. Any tips to get me in the mood?

Well, if it's something you really want, you can force your sex drive up barring some sort of physical condition. You don't have to be aroused. You can go look for porn, flirt with people, shop for sexy clothing, or whatever you know turns you on anyway. Sex is one of those things like drugs that the more you do it, the more your body wants it. (of course, the chemicals the body releases during sex are the same ones it does when you do drugs, only in smaller amounts) If you continue forcing yourself to get aroused for a few weeks or months, you'll probably turn into one horny little thing. I've even tried it myself when my 'sex drive' was low. Well, low by my standards.

Also, something that should help physically is Viagra. Yes, the same drug guys take. It doesn't work for 'sexual dysfunction' in women but it does get you physically pumped up. If the issue is low sensitivity, inadequate blood flow, or something, it'll work wonders. A lot of doctors won't prescribe it to women, though, so if you think it might help you, you'll have to send your boyfriend to get it and give it to you.

 

[newbiebabe]

Good Advice!

CWatson and NippleMuncher have given you very good advice. Always, always talk to your partner! Sex is something that should draw the two of you together. You may be experiencing low drive because you have not met that right person yet who just rings your bells for you... ya never know. Also take heed of the advice to know yourself and what turns you on. This is very, very important.

I learned both of these things much later in life and I tell you had I known them earlier... things would have been much different.... and much more satisfying!

 

[emap]

OK one of the best ways to enjoy sex more and have more orgasms, is to stop worrying about orgasms. Enjoy sex for what it is, a time to have your boyfriend right there not going anywhere and expressing his love and attraction for you in one of the few ways men will actually do it voluntarily.

Sex isn't a race, it is an exploration of your body with alot of nice feelings along the way. If you can relax and enjoy the journey you will find the orgasms, or they will find you it's hard to tell.

That said, get to know your body, figure out what feels nice, what feels totally awesome and what makes you dry up and say get off me you asshole. Well the last one you probably know already. Get to know your mind, or well what you find totally awesome gets you wet and ready, read the stories on literotica, it's not just a forum you know. Figure out what you really want, you don't have to tell your guy, you just need to keep it in mind when he wants you bad and you want to let him have you but aren't really feeling it. When that happens, think of the story or movie that gets you totally ready for a hot fuck and well bam your in the mood like he is.

Probably best to not tell him you have problems with orgasms, guys blame themselves and suddenly stop working which they blame you for and well it gets ugly. Instead don't lie and be honest, if you don't get off and he asks, tell him no but it's OK I loved the time we had, or not if you didn't. He probably won't wig out and he will try harder to give you the big O or three. Also keep in mind not all women orgasm like women.

It is known for a woman to only orgasm maybe once a day, but is fully capable of having sex more often. Some women are like men and one orgasm then done for a while or the day. Some women can orgasm like nobodies business and have 4 while he is inserting. There is no right way to be in relation to orgasms, there is how you are and how other women are. Worrying about other women's orgasm abilities will only decrease your own.

 

[morganm223]

All very good points. I have had some bad experiences in the past that make me weary to give myself 100% to him, but I know he's different so im gonna be honest with him. :]

 

[subwannabe]

I assume you already know that most women can not get off from regular sexual intercourse. Clitoral stimulation has to be involved. I am really amazed at all of the women who claim they have never or almost never had an orgasm and just assumed they should have one while fucking a guy. It just doesn't happen that way.