SparxXx
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2006
- Posts
- 363
Hello
I have a story which I sent to couple of editors, but I haven't received the edits back for quite a while. I give respect to those who were willing and I understand if they had real life matters to attend to. Anyways for any editors or authors out there I have my story pasted below. I'll appreciated it if you can take the time to edit and provide constructive feedback.
I need some encouragement!
Thank you
“Joshua, you want me to get you some coffee?” Shawn stood there with two mugs in his hands. “You know you’re going to need it.”
“Alright whatever… but remember to mix in five packs of sugar.”
Shawn frowned shaking his head. “I keep telling you. Asking for five packs will be like asking for no packs one day.”
Shawn turned seeing someone sitting on a chair on the other side of the glass door. Shawn moved the mug from his right hand to his left while heading towards the door. He twisted the knob opening the door to a hallway. Shawn slipped outside and closed the door behind him.
He gave a wide open mouth yawn, blinking several times. He looked to his right and saw a woman with curly blonde hair done up into a bush.
He shrugged his dark eyebrows. “Hi! May I help you with something?” asked Shawn politely.
The woman stood up straightening her black coat. “Oh hi! My name is Christina and I’m here for an interview with Mr. Richard Allen.”
“You can try his office a few doors down from here.”
“I tried his office already. Someone by the name Brian told me to look for him here in this room.”
“Well…Mr. Allen was supposed to meet up here but he hasn’t arrived yet. If you want I can tell him about your interview when he gets in.”
“You’re so sweet. Thank you sir.”
“May I get your last name please?”
“It’s Madison. If he can’t have the meeting today, tell him I’m open for re-scheduling.”
“Alright then…Oh wait! There he is right now.”
“Where!”
“Right behind you.”
Christina spun her head to the delight of seeing a short bearded Mr. Allen walking into his office. Her deep blue eyes being fixed on him for several seconds until he vanished from her view.
“That gentleman I saw going into his office…is he Mr. Allen?” asked Christina turning her head back facing Shawn.
Shawn nodded his head smiling. “Yup! But hurry before he leaves for his morning coffee.”
“I’m on my way! And thank you again sir.”
Christina turned her slim body a full one-eighty before stepping her right heel forward.
She froze and brought her eyes back at Shawn. “Oh and by the way, may I get your name?”
Shawn smiled and seemed happy she asked. “Call me Shawn.”
Christina smiled. “I hope we’ll meet around here again Shawn.”
Shawn nodded respectfully and watched as the tall, young lady tapped the hard ceramic floor with her heel until disappearing without a trace into the fourth room from where he was standing.
“What a nice lady,” Shawn whispered to himself.
“Are you going to get that coffee anytime soon?” yelled Joshua from inside the room after seeing Shawn moping around in front of the door.
Shawn sped off to the workers lounge after tittering at his co-worker through the glass door.
“Hello sir, I’m here for the interview you promised,” said Christina with her soft toned voice.
“You must be Christina. Please take a seat and make yourself comfy,” said Richard hanging his long, grey coat on a stainless steel hook behind his desk.
Christina pulled a chair that was adjacent to Richard’s and sat across the desk opposite to where Richard was about to sit. She wondered her eyes around the small room as Richard pulled out a mug from his desk drawer.
“Wow! You’re one educated gentleman sir,” praised Christina. “I like that.”
“Thank you. I did spend half my life studying.”
Christina smiled. “Good for you sir. Your certificate collection proves to me that you’re living prosperous. Like my mother always says, study now and your future will be great.”
Richard gave a chuckle. “You think!”
Christina laughed courteously with her eyes squinting by confusion.
“Anyways I’ll be right back. I need to get my morning coffee. Would you like me to get you a cup?”
“No thanks. I had some before coming here.”
“Alright. Be back in five.”
Richard left the room with his man of the century mug. The room had no windows whatsoever. Christina sat there thinking that if it weren’t for the open door dragging in the light from the hall and that single light bulb on the ceiling this room would be pitch dark. She spotted a large mirror leaned vaguely on the wall to the left of her which showed a reflection of the hallway which included the area where she met Shawn. Christina lifted herself off her chair and pressed on the solid door until only a narrow line of light from the hall seeped through the door. She stood in front of the large mirror adjusting the black clip that held her firm bush of thick, curly hair. She undid the single button on her black collared blazer and took it off placing it neatly on her chair. She made sure all the buttons from her stomach; up on the curve shaped nicely along her breasts; and to her neck collar of her pearl long-sleeved shirt were securely done. Christina twirled around facing her back to the mirror to check for any imperfections on her blue-striped pants. She noticed one end of her pants was folded upwards and took note of that as she guided her eyes up her slacks to scan for anymore flaws. She bit her bottom lip after getting a faint jolt down her body when her eyes fixed themselves on the shape her pants created along her ass. Christina, who tempted, placed one palm on her right butt cheek. With so much lust she smacked her cheek and began circling her palm smoothly around the cheek while faintly closing her eyes and breathing deeply a couple of time through her mouth before smacking it one last time and removing her palm. Christina was thankful nobody was able to see her. She bowed over down to the end of her pants to fix up the fold.
“Whoa!” exclaimed Richard barging into the room with a mug full of hot coffee witnessing a woman in a bent over position. He couldn’t help but notice a tattoo exposed on Christina’s lower back as the shirt she wore was trivially slipped up her back.
“Oh!” Christina getting startled by the sudden cry out. She elevated herself back up without even fixing the fold. “Sorry about that sir. I was just trying to fix up my pants. I want to look perfect for my interview.”
Richard laughed. “Don’t worry. You look awesome!” Richard placed his hot mug on top of a magazine and dropped onto his chair. “Okay let us make this quick cause’ I have a meeting to get to. May I please see your resume.”
“Just a minute sir,” said Christina grabbing her coat.
“Take your time…oh yeah and Christina, can you also close the door behind you before taking your seat. Thank you.”
“Here! Five sugars pack coffee like you told me,” said Shawn putting a smoking mug beside Joshua’s arm.
“Thank you. Has Mr. Allen arrived yet?”
“Yeah…but he’s having an interview with this woman by the name Christina. I met her a while ago. She seems quite intelligent.”
“Christina eh? I hope she has luck like the many other women working here,” smiled Joshua.
Shawn chuckled taking a sip out of his mug. “So how’s the new wife going along? No problems yet right!”
“Nah, but give it time. Once the sex is done, it’s all hectic from there. Anyways I need some fifteen copies of this document for the meeting.”
“I’m on it.”
Joshua passed over the document to Shawn titled the credibility of service while taking a taste of his coffee.
“Also tell Krista if you find her to bring her butt in here right now.”
“Alright but don’t blame me if she starts to flirt.” Shawn smiled putting his mug on the elongated, marble table.
“By the way, great coffee Shawn. I like how you added five packs of sugar,” chortled Joshua leaning back against his chair with both hands behind his head.
“I told you you’ll like it.”
“Well…not really but whatever.”
Shawn walked out the door leaving Joshua to relax, but to his luck his phone rang. He flipped open the slim mobile and positioned it on his ear.
“Hello?”
“Hi Joshy, it’s me!”
“Oh hi Michelle, what’s up?”
“I was wondering if you’re busy tonight.”
“Around what time?”
“Like after nine-ish.”
“Well…I get off work at five-thirty today, so I guess I’m free for tonight.”
“Oh really! Because usually you don’t get home after eight.”
“Yeah but today I don’t have to work overtime.”
“That’s great Joshy. That gives you before time to relax.”
“I guess.”
“So we set for tonight?”
“Yeah but what’s the plan?”
“I thought we could have a night out at the coastline. Just you and me. I hear there’s a full moon tonight”
“Sounds good.”
“Great! I guess I’ll see you soon. Take care hun. Bye!”
“Bye.” Joshua closed shut the phone and placed it on the table. He tilted his head down gradually moving his head closer to the table and slammed his upper forehead onto it.
“Does this stupid machine ever work! I have a coffee that’s getting cold,” shouted Shawn as he continually tapped the start button on the photocopier.
“Hold on reckless rodent,” Brian patted Shawn’s shoulder showing him a key. “The copier needs to be unlocked before it could even start copying.”
“My bad,” apologized Shawn grabbing the key from Brain and inserting it into a keyhole located on the control panel.
Brian laughed and then brought his head a couple of centimeters beside Shawn’s. “Hey, did you check out that blonde. I told her to wait by the meeting room.”
“Who…Christina?” asked Shawn pushing the start button.
“Is that her name? Wow! What a lovely name. And face!”
Shawn smiled at that comment.
“Hey Shawn, what do you think are my chances with this woman?”
“I don’t know. Don’t ask me.”
“Why not!”
“Because it’s up to Mr. Allen.”
“That bald freak.”
Shawn laughed. “Yeah.”
“Well he better hire her or I’m a pop out his tires,” joked Brian.
“You do that Brian. You do that,” tittered Shawn.
Brain laughed alongside his co-worker knowing that his gag was foolish. “Okay Shawn, I’m off to the meeting room.”
“Go ahead. Joshua is the only one in there right now. And oh yeah before you go, look for Krista and tell her to go with you.”
“No problem. I saw her smoking at the parking lot when I went out to get my folder. Knowing her she’s still down there smoking her fifth cigarette.”
“She seriously needs to stop with that filthy habit,” said Shawn taking hold of the fifteen copies and stacking them up neatly.
“Try telling her that. But what’re you gonna do,” shrugged Brian turning his body tapping Shawn on his upper arm and walking away.
Shawn flipped open the copier and grabbed the original document, placing it on top of the stack of copies. He slid his fingers through his black hair from the front to the back and adjusted his plain white tie before heading back to the meeting room. He saw Krista in a long furry brown jacket entering the branch but not without seeing Brian hurrying himself in front of her. Shawn stepped through that hallway but stopped when he saw a woman come out a room.
“Hey Shawn!” softly exclaimed Christina recognizing Shawn standing in front of her.
“Hey Christina! How did it go?” asked Shawn.
“Mr. Johnson!” interrupted Richard as he came out the room. “Don’t you have to be somewhere right now.”
“Yes sir. Sorry sir,” apologized Shawn.
“So move along Mr. Johnson. Me and Christina here have some business to be taken care of.”
“But sir, what about the meeting. It starts in ten minutes.”
“Don’t worry Mr. Johnson I’ll be within five.”
Christina shrugged and smiled at Shawn who returned the favor by smiling back. Shawn shifted himself forward but not without noticing something odd about Christina which he seemed to not have noticed before. He became aware that the three buttons from the top of her pearl shirt were undone revealing the lifted, pressed together breasts she had. The last time someone looked that inappropriate in office was Alyssa Sims. Richard had no tolerance whatsoever with women or men who dress inappropriately to work, however to Shawn it seems Richard hardly sees that Christina is displaying unacceptable cleavage to a working environment. What also caught Shawn’s eyes was that her curly bushed hair was now down to her shoulders.
“Alright I’ll see you soon sir. See you soon too Christina,” said Shawn trying to pull his eyes from Christina’s chest.
“See you Shawn,” smiled Christina.
Shawn walked down the hallway with his mind boggling with that image of Christina. He stood in front of the meeting room door and could see that all everyone except Richard had arrived ten minutes before time. Shawn took a deep breathe and twisted the knob.
“Good we’re set,” said Joshua after seeing Shawn come in with the documents. “Now all we need is Mr. Allen to turn up.”
“I bet he’s doing that Christina woman right now,” joked Brian seated next to Joshua.
Shawn’s head twitched after hearing what Brian said. He questioned himself asking if that is actually what is happening right now or if it already had happened in his office after seeing Christina in that state.
“Brian!” yelled Joshua irritated. “Watch what comes out of your mouth!”
“I’m just saying,” shrugged Brian. “I apologize.”
I have a story which I sent to couple of editors, but I haven't received the edits back for quite a while. I give respect to those who were willing and I understand if they had real life matters to attend to. Anyways for any editors or authors out there I have my story pasted below. I'll appreciated it if you can take the time to edit and provide constructive feedback.
I need some encouragement!
Thank you
“Joshua, you want me to get you some coffee?” Shawn stood there with two mugs in his hands. “You know you’re going to need it.”
“Alright whatever… but remember to mix in five packs of sugar.”
Shawn frowned shaking his head. “I keep telling you. Asking for five packs will be like asking for no packs one day.”
Shawn turned seeing someone sitting on a chair on the other side of the glass door. Shawn moved the mug from his right hand to his left while heading towards the door. He twisted the knob opening the door to a hallway. Shawn slipped outside and closed the door behind him.
He gave a wide open mouth yawn, blinking several times. He looked to his right and saw a woman with curly blonde hair done up into a bush.
He shrugged his dark eyebrows. “Hi! May I help you with something?” asked Shawn politely.
The woman stood up straightening her black coat. “Oh hi! My name is Christina and I’m here for an interview with Mr. Richard Allen.”
“You can try his office a few doors down from here.”
“I tried his office already. Someone by the name Brian told me to look for him here in this room.”
“Well…Mr. Allen was supposed to meet up here but he hasn’t arrived yet. If you want I can tell him about your interview when he gets in.”
“You’re so sweet. Thank you sir.”
“May I get your last name please?”
“It’s Madison. If he can’t have the meeting today, tell him I’m open for re-scheduling.”
“Alright then…Oh wait! There he is right now.”
“Where!”
“Right behind you.”
Christina spun her head to the delight of seeing a short bearded Mr. Allen walking into his office. Her deep blue eyes being fixed on him for several seconds until he vanished from her view.
“That gentleman I saw going into his office…is he Mr. Allen?” asked Christina turning her head back facing Shawn.
Shawn nodded his head smiling. “Yup! But hurry before he leaves for his morning coffee.”
“I’m on my way! And thank you again sir.”
Christina turned her slim body a full one-eighty before stepping her right heel forward.
She froze and brought her eyes back at Shawn. “Oh and by the way, may I get your name?”
Shawn smiled and seemed happy she asked. “Call me Shawn.”
Christina smiled. “I hope we’ll meet around here again Shawn.”
Shawn nodded respectfully and watched as the tall, young lady tapped the hard ceramic floor with her heel until disappearing without a trace into the fourth room from where he was standing.
“What a nice lady,” Shawn whispered to himself.
“Are you going to get that coffee anytime soon?” yelled Joshua from inside the room after seeing Shawn moping around in front of the door.
Shawn sped off to the workers lounge after tittering at his co-worker through the glass door.
“Hello sir, I’m here for the interview you promised,” said Christina with her soft toned voice.
“You must be Christina. Please take a seat and make yourself comfy,” said Richard hanging his long, grey coat on a stainless steel hook behind his desk.
Christina pulled a chair that was adjacent to Richard’s and sat across the desk opposite to where Richard was about to sit. She wondered her eyes around the small room as Richard pulled out a mug from his desk drawer.
“Wow! You’re one educated gentleman sir,” praised Christina. “I like that.”
“Thank you. I did spend half my life studying.”
Christina smiled. “Good for you sir. Your certificate collection proves to me that you’re living prosperous. Like my mother always says, study now and your future will be great.”
Richard gave a chuckle. “You think!”
Christina laughed courteously with her eyes squinting by confusion.
“Anyways I’ll be right back. I need to get my morning coffee. Would you like me to get you a cup?”
“No thanks. I had some before coming here.”
“Alright. Be back in five.”
Richard left the room with his man of the century mug. The room had no windows whatsoever. Christina sat there thinking that if it weren’t for the open door dragging in the light from the hall and that single light bulb on the ceiling this room would be pitch dark. She spotted a large mirror leaned vaguely on the wall to the left of her which showed a reflection of the hallway which included the area where she met Shawn. Christina lifted herself off her chair and pressed on the solid door until only a narrow line of light from the hall seeped through the door. She stood in front of the large mirror adjusting the black clip that held her firm bush of thick, curly hair. She undid the single button on her black collared blazer and took it off placing it neatly on her chair. She made sure all the buttons from her stomach; up on the curve shaped nicely along her breasts; and to her neck collar of her pearl long-sleeved shirt were securely done. Christina twirled around facing her back to the mirror to check for any imperfections on her blue-striped pants. She noticed one end of her pants was folded upwards and took note of that as she guided her eyes up her slacks to scan for anymore flaws. She bit her bottom lip after getting a faint jolt down her body when her eyes fixed themselves on the shape her pants created along her ass. Christina, who tempted, placed one palm on her right butt cheek. With so much lust she smacked her cheek and began circling her palm smoothly around the cheek while faintly closing her eyes and breathing deeply a couple of time through her mouth before smacking it one last time and removing her palm. Christina was thankful nobody was able to see her. She bowed over down to the end of her pants to fix up the fold.
“Whoa!” exclaimed Richard barging into the room with a mug full of hot coffee witnessing a woman in a bent over position. He couldn’t help but notice a tattoo exposed on Christina’s lower back as the shirt she wore was trivially slipped up her back.
“Oh!” Christina getting startled by the sudden cry out. She elevated herself back up without even fixing the fold. “Sorry about that sir. I was just trying to fix up my pants. I want to look perfect for my interview.”
Richard laughed. “Don’t worry. You look awesome!” Richard placed his hot mug on top of a magazine and dropped onto his chair. “Okay let us make this quick cause’ I have a meeting to get to. May I please see your resume.”
“Just a minute sir,” said Christina grabbing her coat.
“Take your time…oh yeah and Christina, can you also close the door behind you before taking your seat. Thank you.”
“Here! Five sugars pack coffee like you told me,” said Shawn putting a smoking mug beside Joshua’s arm.
“Thank you. Has Mr. Allen arrived yet?”
“Yeah…but he’s having an interview with this woman by the name Christina. I met her a while ago. She seems quite intelligent.”
“Christina eh? I hope she has luck like the many other women working here,” smiled Joshua.
Shawn chuckled taking a sip out of his mug. “So how’s the new wife going along? No problems yet right!”
“Nah, but give it time. Once the sex is done, it’s all hectic from there. Anyways I need some fifteen copies of this document for the meeting.”
“I’m on it.”
Joshua passed over the document to Shawn titled the credibility of service while taking a taste of his coffee.
“Also tell Krista if you find her to bring her butt in here right now.”
“Alright but don’t blame me if she starts to flirt.” Shawn smiled putting his mug on the elongated, marble table.
“By the way, great coffee Shawn. I like how you added five packs of sugar,” chortled Joshua leaning back against his chair with both hands behind his head.
“I told you you’ll like it.”
“Well…not really but whatever.”
Shawn walked out the door leaving Joshua to relax, but to his luck his phone rang. He flipped open the slim mobile and positioned it on his ear.
“Hello?”
“Hi Joshy, it’s me!”
“Oh hi Michelle, what’s up?”
“I was wondering if you’re busy tonight.”
“Around what time?”
“Like after nine-ish.”
“Well…I get off work at five-thirty today, so I guess I’m free for tonight.”
“Oh really! Because usually you don’t get home after eight.”
“Yeah but today I don’t have to work overtime.”
“That’s great Joshy. That gives you before time to relax.”
“I guess.”
“So we set for tonight?”
“Yeah but what’s the plan?”
“I thought we could have a night out at the coastline. Just you and me. I hear there’s a full moon tonight”
“Sounds good.”
“Great! I guess I’ll see you soon. Take care hun. Bye!”
“Bye.” Joshua closed shut the phone and placed it on the table. He tilted his head down gradually moving his head closer to the table and slammed his upper forehead onto it.
“Does this stupid machine ever work! I have a coffee that’s getting cold,” shouted Shawn as he continually tapped the start button on the photocopier.
“Hold on reckless rodent,” Brian patted Shawn’s shoulder showing him a key. “The copier needs to be unlocked before it could even start copying.”
“My bad,” apologized Shawn grabbing the key from Brain and inserting it into a keyhole located on the control panel.
Brian laughed and then brought his head a couple of centimeters beside Shawn’s. “Hey, did you check out that blonde. I told her to wait by the meeting room.”
“Who…Christina?” asked Shawn pushing the start button.
“Is that her name? Wow! What a lovely name. And face!”
Shawn smiled at that comment.
“Hey Shawn, what do you think are my chances with this woman?”
“I don’t know. Don’t ask me.”
“Why not!”
“Because it’s up to Mr. Allen.”
“That bald freak.”
Shawn laughed. “Yeah.”
“Well he better hire her or I’m a pop out his tires,” joked Brian.
“You do that Brian. You do that,” tittered Shawn.
Brain laughed alongside his co-worker knowing that his gag was foolish. “Okay Shawn, I’m off to the meeting room.”
“Go ahead. Joshua is the only one in there right now. And oh yeah before you go, look for Krista and tell her to go with you.”
“No problem. I saw her smoking at the parking lot when I went out to get my folder. Knowing her she’s still down there smoking her fifth cigarette.”
“She seriously needs to stop with that filthy habit,” said Shawn taking hold of the fifteen copies and stacking them up neatly.
“Try telling her that. But what’re you gonna do,” shrugged Brian turning his body tapping Shawn on his upper arm and walking away.
Shawn flipped open the copier and grabbed the original document, placing it on top of the stack of copies. He slid his fingers through his black hair from the front to the back and adjusted his plain white tie before heading back to the meeting room. He saw Krista in a long furry brown jacket entering the branch but not without seeing Brian hurrying himself in front of her. Shawn stepped through that hallway but stopped when he saw a woman come out a room.
“Hey Shawn!” softly exclaimed Christina recognizing Shawn standing in front of her.
“Hey Christina! How did it go?” asked Shawn.
“Mr. Johnson!” interrupted Richard as he came out the room. “Don’t you have to be somewhere right now.”
“Yes sir. Sorry sir,” apologized Shawn.
“So move along Mr. Johnson. Me and Christina here have some business to be taken care of.”
“But sir, what about the meeting. It starts in ten minutes.”
“Don’t worry Mr. Johnson I’ll be within five.”
Christina shrugged and smiled at Shawn who returned the favor by smiling back. Shawn shifted himself forward but not without noticing something odd about Christina which he seemed to not have noticed before. He became aware that the three buttons from the top of her pearl shirt were undone revealing the lifted, pressed together breasts she had. The last time someone looked that inappropriate in office was Alyssa Sims. Richard had no tolerance whatsoever with women or men who dress inappropriately to work, however to Shawn it seems Richard hardly sees that Christina is displaying unacceptable cleavage to a working environment. What also caught Shawn’s eyes was that her curly bushed hair was now down to her shoulders.
“Alright I’ll see you soon sir. See you soon too Christina,” said Shawn trying to pull his eyes from Christina’s chest.
“See you Shawn,” smiled Christina.
Shawn walked down the hallway with his mind boggling with that image of Christina. He stood in front of the meeting room door and could see that all everyone except Richard had arrived ten minutes before time. Shawn took a deep breathe and twisted the knob.
“Good we’re set,” said Joshua after seeing Shawn come in with the documents. “Now all we need is Mr. Allen to turn up.”
“I bet he’s doing that Christina woman right now,” joked Brian seated next to Joshua.
Shawn’s head twitched after hearing what Brian said. He questioned himself asking if that is actually what is happening right now or if it already had happened in his office after seeing Christina in that state.
“Brian!” yelled Joshua irritated. “Watch what comes out of your mouth!”
“I’m just saying,” shrugged Brian. “I apologize.”
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