help me find my sanity

[PleasurePuppy]

I've been a slave for almost two years. I love it, I wouldn't give it up for anything, but there was a point when I'd dred seeing my master. During that time, he would want anal randomly. I can't handle it. I really started fearing the idea so mch it was making me sick. So, my master, after I broke down sobbing, decided that anal would no longer be a problem. He promised that there would be no more talk about anal. That didn't happen. Now it's been at least six months since the promise, and I thankfuly haven't had to deal with it, although the topic has come up several times. Anyway, my master has decided that he wants anal and is no longer satisfied without it. He gave me three weeks (two weeks as of this post) to find someone to replace me for anal. I bring this up because I need some ideas. I've already posted an add through this site and in several interest rooms on ALT. I have two weeks, and I can't handle it. If you have any ideas of where else I could go, I'd be extremely greatful.

 

[A Desert Rose]

You have to find someone he can assfuck? Is that what this is about?

and you don't like it, why?

I'm just curious... not being sarcastic or anything.

 

[Ishmael]

Maybe I've been here too long.

10 posts and in here searching for an anal surrogate?

Does anyone else have a problem with this?

Ishmael

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Exogenous]

I've been a slave for almost two years. I love it, I wouldn't give it up for anything, but there was a point when I'd dred seeing my master. During that time, he would want anal randomly. I can't handle it. I really started fearing the idea so mch it was making me sick. So, my master, after I broke down sobbing, decided that anal would no longer be a problem. He promised that there would be no more talk about anal. That didn't happen. Now it's been at least six months since the promise, and I thankfuly haven't had to deal with it, although the topic has come up several times. Anyway, my master has decided that he wants anal and is no longer satisfied without it. He gave me three weeks (two weeks as of this post) to find someone to replace me for anal. I bring this up because I need some ideas. I've already posted an add through this site and in several interest rooms on ALT. I have two weeks, and I can't handle it. If you have any ideas of where else I could go, I'd be extremely greatful.

Referring to the statments I bolded: if he promised that the issue of anal would no longer be a problem then why is it still a problem? The topic has come up several times. Then he was not initially honest with you or himself. Seems he's changed his mind and it is an issue, after all.

Hopefully two people in any relationship can accept or work around limits. Although limits are not always "hard", those that are "hard" should be accepted, and folks should move on.

There are so many aspects to a relationship for both to enjoy and nurture. Compromise, on either part, is not out of the question. It comes down to "what's it worth to you?" "You" being either Dom or sub. If something is an absolute "must have" by one or the other, then it will be a continuous rift, leading to break-up. If it's something that "I'd like, but it's ok if it doesn't happen or work out", then be honestly accepting of that and continue appreciating what you both bring to your relationship.

(edited for spelling errors.)

 

[northwoods_sub]

Maybe I've been here too long.

10 posts and in here searching for an anal surrogate?

Does anyone else have a problem with this?

Ishmael

Well, just because she hasn't posted here before doesn't mean that she is new to the lifestyle. If her story is true, and I am giving the benefit of the doubt, she is probably posting everywhere, at any site, to find an answer to her problem.

(sorry the grammar and punctuation is atrocious but I am in a bit of a hurry.)

 

[myinnerslut]

i'll vouch for her......

i know her, her story is real, she only has ten posts becuase she chose not to post on lit, but has been a lurker here for many months, she is an active participant in the lifestyle.

as far as ideas go, i could only think of collar me and alt as places to look.

 

[Ishmael]

i know her, her story is real, she only has ten posts becuase she chose not to post on lit, but has been a lurker here for many months, she is an active participant in the lifestyle.

as far as ideas go, i could only think of collar me and alt as places to look.

Very well. I'll go with that for now.

Seems to be a hard limit issue. Anal can be as much physical as mental and it happens.

It seems to me that the upcoming issue is polygamy and that's most certainly psychological. Or more precisely, an examination if the need for exclusivity exists or not.

Speaking for myself, one sub is enough to tax my available time. I'm not running a dog training kennel. Nor am I interested in doing so. Nor would I be interested in having the dog go fetch me more dogs. I have certain responsibilities, especially concerning my own desires and demands. My first responsibility would be to make sure the sub that wasn't suitable to my demands/desires had a good home to go to. Not to berate her for not exceeding her own limits. To do otherwise is to violate everything this board pretends to profess.

Ishmael

 

[Bandit58]

I've been a slave for almost two years. I love it, I wouldn't give it up for anything, but there was a point when I'd dred seeing my master. During that time, he would want anal randomly. I can't handle it. I really started fearing the idea so mch it was making me sick. So, my master, after I broke down sobbing, decided that anal would no longer be a problem. He promised that there would be no more talk about anal. That didn't happen. Now it's been at least six months since the promise, and I thankfuly haven't had to deal with it, although the topic has come up several times. Anyway, my master has decided that he wants anal and is no longer satisfied without it. He gave me three weeks (two weeks as of this post) to find someone to replace me for anal. I bring this up because I need some ideas. I've already posted an add through this site and in several interest rooms on ALT. I have two weeks, and I can't handle it. If you have any ideas of where else I could go, I'd be extremely greatful.

I'm curious as to how he goes about anal with you. Does he take things slow and use lube or does he just shove it in and cause you pain and bleeding? If the latter it's no wonder you don't like it

I was introduced to anal slowly and gently.....and that was at the age of 43 and after a traumatic experience more than 20 years before. I'm still a little apprehensive about it but that just seems to put me in a more submissive frame of mind, and once we get started I really enjoy it.

My feeling is, if he needs anal so much, then he should be the one looking for someone to do it - I'm sure it affects your self esteem having to look for your "anal replacement".

 

[catalina_francisco]

Very well. I'll go with that for now.

Seems to be a hard limit issue. Anal can be as much physical as mental and it happens.

It seems to me that the upcoming issue is polygamy and that's most certainly psychological. Or more precisely, an examination if the need for exclusivity exists or not.

Speaking for myself, one sub is enough to tax my available time. I'm not running a dog training kennel. Nor am I interested in doing so. Nor would I be interested in having the dog go fetch me more dogs. I have certain responsibilities, especially concerning my own desires and demands. My first responsibility would be to make sure the sub that wasn't suitable to my demands/desires had a good home to go to. Not to berate her for not exceeding her own limits. To do otherwise is to violate everything this board pretends to profess.

Ishmael

For the most I have to agree with all you've said. I get the feeling this is a Dom on self absorbed ego overload and sensitivity deficiency. If I were the salve in this situation I would also be concerned about health related issues, if not emotional ones. Perhaps I am just getting old and am fortunate enough to have a Master who can be a bastard, but will always give fair warning and discuss andcertainly not demand I go out searching for someone to replace me in some way. If there is something I can't do and it is important enough to him for me to change that, we work on it together for as long as it takes, not send for replacements or stand ins.

Catalina

 

[M's girl]

If this had not been posted in BDSM everyone would have given her the advice to leave the selfish bastard she can probably never trust if her life depended on it. But since he hides behind the whole BDSM-scene and calls himself a 'dom' all of a sudden this behavior is condoned, except for the changing of mind and promise maybe, and still everyone is looking for a way to help her make him happy while she should discard herself? That is sick.

 

[His_pita]

If this had not been posted in BDSM everyone would have given her the advice to leave the selfish bastard she can probably never trust if her life depended on it. But since he hides behind the whole BDSM-scene and calls himself a 'dom' all of a sudden this behavior is condoned, except for the changing of mind and promise maybe, and still everyone is looking for a way to help her make him happy while she should discard herself? That is sick.

Yup, that was my initial feeling on the OP's post as well. Reading stuff like this pisses me off to my core. Here she is doing her best and for whatever reason she can't handle anal. I get that! She confesses to her Master and he promises that it won't be an issue. Then suddenly it is an issue and it's up to her to find an anal replacement. That is bullshit! I would be so livid that the relationship would be in serious danger if my dom didn't change his thinking and apologise for being such a selfish bastard.

If there is something I can't do and it is important enough to him for me to change that, we work on it together for as long as it takes, not send for replacements or stand ins

Exactly!!

 

[PleasurePuppy]

Thank you all for your help, although, as a few of you states, there's probably not much help to be had at this point.

As to whyanal bothers me so much, there is and never was any prep for it. I tried to deal with it, which in theory is all that can really be asked. But it got to the point where I'd feel dizy and nervous before hand and sick during. That's when I gave up.

To those who felt that my position here was not high enough I guess, I apologize. My reason for posting was to simply to find some other places to look. I asure you, everything I've said has been truth.

Thank you all again, I'll start posting on those sites today.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[ecstaticsub]

I totally agree with the advice CM has given you. When I first met my Dom I knew he was very very interested in anal. I had very little experience with it and it wasn't very enjoyable. So he emailed me links to read, lists of books to read (which made me feel better knowing that he had read these himself) and ordered me to start buying buttplugs, starting with a small size for a short time span to larger plugs for longer times.

It's a win-win situation--I now look forward to anal sex and look at it as a reward for good behaviour instead of being nervous and afraid.

Not thinking about your anal health makes me wonder if he puts your safety first with other types of activities?

 

[Krinaia]

Geez.... these sorts of questions are why I dislike "the lifestyle" ... i agree with some of what was said earlier, he's using the "lifestyle" as a means to be an asshole jerk and get what he wants without having to give much in return. he sounds like the worst kind of sadist.

My concerns are - he's using you in the worst way and can you really allow yourself to be used in this way without damage to your self? and are you willing to allow this damage? if you are, why?

My second is that he probably DOES NOT want to use protection with who ever you find and three weeks is not enough time to insure you find someone who is disease free.

Not all stds show up in the testing - hpv for example. Men cannot be tested for it and if she has it and you haven't been vaccinated, he could give you hpv which casues warts or worse cancer.

And even a condom doesn't protect you fully with that because a condom doesn't cover his balls or scrotum while he's fucking some other girl up the ass - and the one time I had anal sex there was a lot of prep and lube and i still bled a little - it was nice but that little bit of blood let me know how dangerous it could be unprotected.

So is he, in asking for this, looking merely to please himself without concern to what he might be exposing you to? Are you willing to risk your health and sanity and relationship to find him a fucktoy when he isn't willing to work with you to teach you the pleasures of anal sex?

and if you're dumb enough to pursue finding someone for him - you might also try bondage.com but you have to pay for that site - but i would rather suggest you use it to find a new lover entirely for yourself and put this "dom" out at the curb for garbage collection

 

[SubKekiLee]

For me, anal was a hard limit but MyD told me he did want to pursue it so he thoughtfuly started very small and a little at time until we have progressed to where we are today... I still havent had anal sex with him but he knew my fears of the anal sex in the begining due to an ex boyfriend who couldnt take his time and scared me to death. about 6 years ago and now with the toys ive had some intense orgasms..... It has been amazing,, thats what it is about.

as for my advice Id agree with CM dump him and protect your sanity if he doesnt care about you or your well being... he isnt the master for you.. .

 

[Homburg]

What happened to "If we break our toys, we don't get to play with them any more"? "Master" should not equate to "utter jackass" IMO.

 

[catalina_francisco]

If this had not been posted in BDSM everyone would have given her the advice to leave the selfish bastard she can probably never trust if her life depended on it. But since he hides behind the whole BDSM-scene and calls himself a 'dom' all of a sudden this behavior is condoned, except for the changing of mind and promise maybe, and still everyone is looking for a way to help her make him happy while she should discard herself? That is sick.

I didn't, but I also keep in mind that if she is a slave on the same set of agreements as I am, it is part of accepting what choices he makes and working with them as best she can. That is why I always caution people to think very long and hard before taking the step to give up all rights...it isn't a walk in the park and anyone who goes into it thinking it is going to be will be sadly disappointed at best. Unfortunately too many people treat it like a little bit of kinky fun you can switch on and off when it suits you, but in many M/s relationships that is the whole point, it is not a game and you don't get to choose when to switch it off or walk out the door because things aren't pretty and fun anymore. It also isn't mainstream so I don't think we can apply mainstream rules and understandings to the equation 100% as it just is not the same sort of relationship, it is D/s.

Catalina

 

[LittleJade]

If this had not been posted in BDSM everyone would have given her the advice to leave the selfish bastard she can probably never trust if her life depended on it. But since he hides behind the whole BDSM-scene and calls himself a 'dom' all of a sudden this behavior is condoned, except for the changing of mind and promise maybe, and still everyone is looking for a way to help her make him happy while she should discard herself? That is sick.

I still think he's a selfish bastard. He didn't keep his word, and now he's devaluing his slave. It's bullshit.

 

[Homburg]

It also isn't mainstream so I don't think we can apply mainstream rules and understandings to the equation 100% as it just is not the same sort of relationship, it is D/s.

I agree, but I would think that no-prep anal sex would come under the heading of "medically inadvisable". Sure, a lot of what we do is likewise inadvisable medically speaking, but rectal damage is a bit of an extra concern due to chances of wounds going septic.

I guess for me it is one thing to cause harm, and another thing entirely to invite infection.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I agree, but I would think that no-prep anal sex would come under the heading of "medically inadvisable". Sure, a lot of what we do is likewise inadvisable medically speaking, but rectal damage is a bit of an extra concern due to chances of wounds going septic.

I guess for me it is one thing to cause harm, and another thing entirely to invite infection.

While it may cause damage, it also may not and unless there is a disease involved it is not going to be life threatening. I know it seems horrific to some to consider it without any lube or preparation, but to tell the truth I was introduced to anal in just that way in my vanilla days and when a tiny 17yo, and the guy was hung like a horse (and that ain't an exaggeration....I have yet to find another to match his size or come close), and I suffered no damage or long term issues because of it. It didn't kill me, it even became pleasant once I relaxed a bit, but others may have different experiences. As to infection, that can also happen easily from any broken skin due to flogging, caning, whipping, or even rope burn...it is a risk we take every day and yes, I know something have increased risk but I also think we sometimes are quick to judge without first getting all facts, and also with a semi-mainstream mindset involved due to the emotions raised.

Bottom line is many an Owner who accepts a slave without limits will not expect to have to go by all the ultra caring and considerate ideals 24/7. I don't know if this is a no limits arrangement, but if it is, it is not that shocking or unusual. Also we only have one side of the situation, and a very brief description at that, so I get wary on calling a PYL a heartless bastard based on that limited information. I could be wrong, but I get the feeling the slave is young, in which case I think I can understand some of her issues in dealing with it.

Catalina

 

[CutieMouse]

*****