Help: Girl's First Orgasm

[burningeye]

Hey people,

I've been reading the literotica forums for a long time, but I finally wanted to ask advice for this issue:

My ex has never had an orgasm. She's a 21 y/o girl, healthy and she's not on any medications.

We were together for almost two years, and she never had an orgasm. I had tried everything I could think of to get her off, to no avail. I like to think that I know what I'm doing - I've never encountered this with any other girl and it really bothered me. Eventually I didn't think about it and just guessed that she 'wasn't ready' but it still bothered me and was one of the reasons that I broke up with her.

We never communicated very well and I think that it may have just been a trust issue, except that she's been dating another guy for over a year and they have regular sex and, according to her, still no orgasms.

I recently hooked up with her again - I think I had a bit of a "one more chance" mentality, but again, nothing. That was the first time I really went to work on her g-spot, but again, nothing. I'm at my wits end. I feel really bad and want to help her out, I'm out of ideas - I'm ready to listen to you. Help!

 

[Eilan]

Does she masturbate? Perhaps she needs to figure out what she likes on her own so that she can communicate it.

 

[burningeye]

Does she masturbate? Perhaps she needs to figure out what she likes on her own so that she can communicate it.

unfortunately, no, she doesn't =(

she doesn't touch herself at all, actually

even in the shower, she uses a washcloth

 

[blondi84]

Hmm, if she is so uptight that she cant even have skin to skin contact in the shower, I think that maybe she has bigger problems than not being able to cum.

 

[Emerald Eyed]

Did you try oral sex? Or something besides massaging the G spot?


Clit massaging?

I agree, she sounds uptight and might not be enjoying the experience.

 

[amasterfound]

sounds like she may need to see someone to talk about why she can't touch herself at all. That is probally the reason behind why she can't. She doesn't feel comfortable enough to let go.

 

[AvaAdore]

sounds like she may need to see someone to talk about why she can't touch herself at all. That is probally the reason behind why she can't. She doesn't feel comfortable enough to let go.

I used to have a similar problem. Until I could make myself orgasm, nobody else could.

Tell her to go for clitoral stimulation. Worked for me. To date, I have only orgasmed once from purely vaginal stimulation.

 

[SweetErika]

Is she still with her boyfriend? If so, given her issues with letting go, how likely do you think it is that she'll do it while cheating on him?

I think you'd be most helpful by pointing her to some good resources on her body and sexuality. Lit is great, as is Clitical, The Sex Project, Babeland, and MANY other sites and books. You may also suggest she try a vibrator. After that, it's up to her to work on her mindset and learn what feels good.

Trying to get her there is a fantastic goal, but people have to take responsibility for their own pleasure. If she's unwilling to do that, NO technique in your arsenal is going to help. Furthermore, if you're overly focused on your partners' orgasms, they're likely to feel pressured and not have them, or fake it for your benefit, and you'll be setting yourself up for A LOT of frustration and break-ups in the future. Pleasure, not orgasm should always be the goal.

 

[silverwhisper]

a master found quoth
sounds like she may need to see someone to talk about why she can't touch herself at all. that is probally the reason behind why she can't. She doesn't feel comfortable enough to let go.

ditto, that. burning eye: look, there's all sorts of non-physical reasons that could explain this. that, coupled w/ the communication problems you described, are leading me to a conclusion that i don't like.

ed

 

[burningeye]

thx

thanks to all for the responses

SweetErika - i agree with what you said

i've tried to get her to open up about the issue but its difficult for her to talk about. i'm not sure it would help to get her books or point her towards websites, though, just because i think she's naturally disinclined to think about it.

i agree that it's unfair to put a lot of pressure on her to orgasm and the LAST thing i want is for her to start faking, but remember that part of the problem is that i put zero pressure on her for almost two years, and still nothing.

yes, i have tried lots of clitoral stimulation... only recently was she comfortable with me going down on her, and i think that was actually a big step for her.

also, i agree that pleasure should be the goal - not just orgasms, but i think that it's hard for a relationship to work without that physical connection. i think that applies to Her, regardless of whether its me or her current boyfriend.

 

[JoAnnNAndy]

Hmmmmmm....

Hello,
Is there any chance that she raped as a child? The reason I ask is becuse I had a girlfriend that acted pretty much the same way. And if it did happen, its more than likely she won't tell you. I found out about my girlfriend's rape after dating her for a year............... by her mother.


Hopefully wrong,
Andy

 

[silverwhisper]

that's the unpleasant conclusion i reached as well.

ed

 

[SweetErika]

i've tried to get her to open up about the issue but its difficult for her to talk about. i'm not sure it would help to get her books or point her towards websites, though, just because i think she's naturally disinclined to think about it.

No, I doubt it will. "You can lead a horse to water..." and all that. I was just suggestion you say, "Hey, if you're interested, there's X, Y, and Z out there, and I'm fairly certain they'd help you," but then leave it alone.

i agree that it's unfair to put a lot of pressure on her to orgasm and the LAST thing i want is for her to start faking, but remember that part of the problem is that i put zero pressure on her for almost two years, and still nothing.

No, zero pressure has not been the problem; the issue is that she doesn't want to, and that has to change in order for it to happen. It sounds like you're really itching to take some responsibility for this, and you could if you hadn't tried, but since you have, it's not your fault.

 

[burningeye]

Hello,
Is there any chance that she raped as a child? The reason I ask is becuse I had a girlfriend that acted pretty much the same way...


Hopefully wrong,
Andy

she did hint - once - about a very unpleasant former boyfriend... i wouldn't be suprised at all if there had been an equally unpleasant sexual experience, even if it wasn't rape/sexual assault

i hate assholes =/

 

[Sexy Sandy]

she did hint - once - about a very unpleasant former boyfriend... i wouldn't be suprised at all if there had been an equally unpleasant sexual experience, even if it wasn't rape/sexual assault

i hate assholes =/

Ok, that could be the problem. Does she mind that she can't orgasm? May be a good question to ask? I was with a bloke for a year and didn't reach orgasm, he tried everything, and he was lovely, but for some reason I couldn't. So I faked it, for him. He never knew.