Help. An inexperienced older guy and a much younger woman whos into fetish/BDSM.

[human_male]

Edit: Thanks for the replies folks. I was actually quite relieved when the post plummeted into oblivion because it occurred to me that she might actaully read it. She knows about Lit and it wouldn't be hard for her to figure out who it was. So I've deleted the post. But thanks for the replies.

And I've calmed down a bit now anyway. A week ago it was all new and "whoa!" huge and I made too much of a thing out of it. I should just relax and take it as it comes and see what happens.

We've chatted on the phone and she asked me to meet her for lunch. We did that and it went really well I think. She's just like a normal, very smart and articulate young woman. Hopefully she'll want to take things further. I guess I'll see.

Someone has kindly PMed me about this and I've been talking to them about it. I'd rather do that than post anything personal on the board so if anyone has more insights or suggestions I'd be grateful for you to drop me a PM.

Thanks again.

 

[JMohegan]

Are you interested in participating on the Top side, the bottom side, or both?

 

[karma9]

Your story is too long.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I've been following your exploits for a while, Human Male, and I must say: you don't do anything halfway! It's all or nothing.

 

[PaganKinktress]

I wouldn't be super worried about the age difference at this point. You're just friends with this girl and there's nothing wrong with having friends of all ages. Makes for much richer experiences in life...that's my belief anyway.

As far as experience goes...well, essentially at the moment, you're going by what she's told you. She may be well versed in the fetish and BDSM scene. But you're probably not going to know for sure until you meet her in person. If you do decide to meet her and she turns out really experienced, then cool. It could be quite exciting and hot to be "taught the ropes" (ahem) by a younger girl. From what you've described about the girl, it sounds like she is looking for play partners and friends. I wouldn't expect that she's going into this with designs on securing a relationship just yet.

I guess what it comes down to is, what do YOU want out of this? Are you looking to make friends in the kink community? Do you have a genuine desire to explore kink and BDSM? Or (and please don't take this the wrong way) did you join the fetish networking site as a way to meet partners for sex? The most important thing at this point in time is getting a handle on what is motivating you.

If you truly are seeking to explore the wonderful world of kink but are simply shy and intimidated by meeting this girl out for the 1st time, why not look into your local area for munch dates and gatherings? Get to know some other folks in the kink community...get more comfortable in social, non-play settings first.

Most importantly, take your time! There's no need to rush. Figure out what your interests might be and what you hope to experience. Get to know other like-minded people in your area. And if things with that girl do evolve beyond something casual, enjoy every yummy moment!

 

[redroserecords]

I would bet serious money that you will not like to hear this but honestly, being desperate does not sound like the best reason to base any decision on.

When in doubt, leave it out - but that is just my feeling.

I truly believe that in our guts/hearts/instincts we all have the very best answers to our own questions. I have also found that talking them through with family/friends/virtual strangers can help in bringing forth and facing that inner knowledge.

It is my hope that whichever approach you decide to follow in getting to know this new potential friend, the thoughts stirred by this thread will be helpful to you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

When you say she emailed you...

How does she know you?

How do you know her?

people who seems to good to be true often are.

 

[human_male]

I've been following your exploits for a while, Human Male.

I was hoping everyone would have forgotten about me by now.

I must say: you don't do anything halfway! It's all or nothing.

I don't understand.

 

[human_male]

I wouldn't be super worried about the age difference at this point. You're just friends with this girl and there's nothing wrong with having friends of all ages. Makes for much richer experiences in life...that's my belief anyway.

As far as experience goes...well, essentially at the moment, you're going by what she's told you. She may be well versed in the fetish and BDSM scene. But you're probably not going to know for sure until you meet her in person. If you do decide to meet her and she turns out really experienced, then cool. It could be quite exciting and hot to be "taught the ropes" (ahem) by a younger girl. From what you've described about the girl, it sounds like she is looking for play partners and friends. I wouldn't expect that she's going into this with designs on securing a relationship just yet.

I guess what it comes down to is, what do YOU want out of this? Are you looking to make friends in the kink community? Do you have a genuine desire to explore kink and BDSM? Or (and please don't take this the wrong way) did you join the fetish networking site as a way to meet partners for sex? The most important thing at this point in time is getting a handle on what is motivating you.

If you truly are seeking to explore the wonderful world of kink but are simply shy and intimidated by meeting this girl out for the 1st time, why not look into your local area for munch dates and gatherings? Get to know some other folks in the kink community...get more comfortable in social, non-play settings first.

Most importantly, take your time! There's no need to rush. Figure out what your interests might be and what you hope to experience. Get to know other like-minded people in your area. And if things with that girl do evolve beyond something casual, enjoy every yummy moment!

Hello and thank you for your reply. It's really thoughtful and helpful.

Yes you're right, all I'm going on is what she's told me. I haven't met anyone else or seen anything for myself.

What I want out of it is to explore a genuine curiosity in kink and BDSM, to make friends, and partially to meet partners for sex yes, but only if there was a friendship or connection there too. Generally just to broaden my horizons. I've lead a very sheltered life sexually and I feel like my life is passing me by. Am I wrong in pursuing this for that reason?

From what she's told me she's not interested in another boyfriend, and I'm not hoping for a relationship with her. I'd be happy just being friends, but what I'm hoping is that we can be more and have a FWB thing or a play partner. As you say it would be quite exciting and hot to be taught the ropes by a younger girl.

She asked me to meet for lunch, and we talked for a long time and it seemed to go really well. She seems like a very nice young woman.

I'm taking the approach of being patient and wait and see what happens. I realise that this isn't a romance and she isn't going to be my girlfriend. But I'd be disappointed if this all just fizzled out. So is there any harm in just seeing how it goes do you think?

 

[human_male]

When you say she emailed you...

How does she know you?

How do you know her?

people who seems to good to be true often are.

I joined a kink social networking site a placed an add looking for friends. She responded.

 

[human_male]

I would bet serious money that you will not like to hear this but honestly, being desperate does not sound like the best reason to base any decision on.

When in doubt, leave it out - but that is just my feeling.

I truly believe that in our guts/hearts/instincts we all have the very best answers to our own questions. I have also found that talking them through with family/friends/virtual strangers can help in bringing forth and facing that inner knowledge.

It is my hope that whichever approach you decide to follow in getting to know this new potential friend, the thoughts stirred by this thread will be helpful to you.

I hear ya. Food for thought.

Totally agree, talking through these things helps enormously. It's great getting other peoples feedback and being able to benefit from their knowledge and experience. That's why I posted the question. I have friends and family but I didn't feel comfortable talking to them about this. For one reason is if things went well she'd probably have to meet them and I respect her privacy.