Help advise pointers or where to find a source.

[bob03567]

Here is my perdicament. I had another idea for what I think would be a good storyline. So instead of writing the additional chapters to the stories I've already posted. I set them aside and jotted down my knew idea while it was fresh in my head. So far so good. Wrong..

After spending the entire night going balls to the wall on it. The story just flowed from my brain to my typing hands. I awoke this morning and read what I had typed and.... It sucks!!!!

Not the story itself but how I wrote what was taking place. This is the area I need assistance.

The story has a couple of strip dances and pole dancing parts in it. Now at the time I just typed away. Describing what I pictured in my minds eye. Well all fine and good until I'm seeing it's a lot harder than I thought.

Instead of being this sexy description as seen from the eyes of a watcher. It sounds like a person playing twister and he's telling the players where they have to place there feet and hands. Ug!

So here is what I was asking. Has any other aurthor come across this problem and how did they handle it. Or has a story with a good discription already been wrote that I might take a look at and learn how to describe what I'm trying to say better. Or even is there was a how to book or something that might be able to help me. I think even a book on pole dancing or strip dancing would be a great help since it would have to describe step by step what to do. I bet it would sound stearyl like my story already. But they might give a better breakdown on it.

One of my editors said maybe I should see if there was a female editor that might take a look and give pointers. Well I've been looking already. Not for this but for a female to fix my feeble attempts on describing lesbian scenes in my stories.

Thanks for reading

 

[PayDay]

This is what makes the writing readable.

Here is my perdicament. I had another idea for what I think would be a good storyline...
sucks!

Not the story itself but how I wrote what was taking place. This is the area I need assistance.

Instead of being this sexy description as seen from the eyes of a watcher. It sounds like a person playing twister and he's telling the players where they have to place there feet and hands. Ug!

So here is what I was asking. Has any other aurthor come across this problem...?

Most have.

and how did they handle it.

By trying harder, practice makes perfect, seriously.

One of my editors said maybe I should see if there was a female editor that might take a look and give pointers. Well I've been looking already. Not for this but for a female to fix my feeble attempts on describing lesbian scenes in my stories.

I think you would have a better shot paying a pair of erotic professionals enough bills for a 'special pair' lapdance, bringing a pad and pen along with you. Maybe even watch some cheesy softcore film, describing every ten seconds or so until it reads how you want it - at least until you get more betterer.

The only criticism I have on most of the Lesbian stories, is that the writers apply male/female roles to the characters. Just make them each their own person, and it will flow much smoother, it might even make it easier for you. Lesbians are independently thinking people with their own personalities, not just men without dicks.

Hope that helps.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

No. I don't think there's any way to describe a sexy solo dance. I noticed this some years ago, and have wondered about it ever since. I've kept an eye out for any successful examples of doing so in any author's work and have never found one. You can write sexy couples' dances, and you can write sexy lap dances, but whether it's a pole dancer or someone alone on a dance floor fully clothed, it's best if you don't even try.

The only way I've ever found to handle this is to avoid describing her actions and instead concentrate on the message she's sending. She can be daring the audience with her body, or lost in a trance of her own arousal, or moving her hips in a lewd simulation of sex. The main thing is to not concentrate on what she's specifically doing, but on how the protagonist perceives it. It's the message of the dance, not the dance itself.

When I came up against this problem I was trying to describe a girl dancing alone at a crowded party who caught my protag's eye. After trying all these ways to describe her movements with undulating hips and flexing thighs and lewd thrusts, I abandoned that approach and just said something about how she was dancing alone and oblivious to the crowd, eyes closed, lips parted, moving in a way that told anyone who was watching that she was fantastic in bed and didn't give a damn who knew it.

 

[PayDay]

I can do it, maybe...

No. I don't think there's any way to describe a sexy solo dance. I noticed this some years ago, and have wondered about it ever since. I've kept an eye out for any successful examples of doing so in any author's work and have never found one. You can write sexy couples' dances, and you can write sexy lap dances, but whether it's a pole dancer or someone alone on a dance floor fully clothed, it's best if you don't even try.

Hmmm, now I think I have to at least try for myself

I thought about describing a scene with a single pole dancer most of the day (thanks OP...), and I came to about the same conclusion as the Doctor. The description has to be a mental mirror of the physical dance, as the words neccessary for the physical motions are just not at all sexy.

I believe it goes: "This thing reads like stereo instructions."

I still think the OP should go for it.