Hello and Help

[ReverieStill]

Hello everyone...I was on the boards quite a lot over the summer but left due to a privacy issue (I'll spare the drama) but I'm back with a similar name. (see pic to freshen the collective memory)

I haven't written fiction since June, but now that I am writing again I miss lit to much to stay away. You will always be a place for me to ask and find inspiration.

A question for the straight men in particular (though several of you write so well it doesn't matter what group you identify with): why would a man take a girl's virginity and then avoid her for weeks on end? My character is NOT a heartless scumbag, but it is important to my plot that he blows her off and falls in love with her later. I think the obvious would be guilt or another commitment, but I'm trying to go a little deeper.

Thanks!!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I think virgins are highly overrated for a lot of men, and a lot more trouble than they're worth. The idea of being a woman's "first" is awfully old-world, something I associate with middle-aged men and teen-aged girls. It might very well be that either he doesn't know she's a virgin when they go to bed together, or he has a change of heart afterwards.

Because virgins have no sexual experience, they're not very good lovers. And then, because the deed is such a big deal to them, they can get very emotional about it, and if a guy's just looking for casual sex, that can be a lot to handle.

It really depends on whether he knows beforehand or not.

 

[Vermilion]

Hello everyone...I was on the boards quite a lot over the summer but left due to a privacy issue (I'll spare the drama) but I'm back with a similar name. (see pic to freshen the collective memory)

I haven't written fiction since June, but now that I am writing again I miss lit to much to stay away. You will always be a place for me to ask and find inspiration.

A question for the straight men in particular (though several of you write so well it doesn't matter what group you identify with): why would a man take a girl's virginity and then avoid her for weeks on end? My character is NOT a heartless scumbag, but it is important to my plot that he blows her off and falls in love with her later. I think the obvious would be guilt or another commitment, but I'm trying to go a little deeper.

Thanks!!

It could be that he feels guilty or ashamed, or how about a sense of tremendous responsibility -- did he know that she was a virgin when he slept with her? This is kind of crucial. Also - what kind of experience was it? If he felt that he hadn't given her as good an experience as he could then I suppose he might justify it to himself that it would be better to avoid her and let her move on.

ps- welcome back

x
V

 

[Tarakin]

Alcohol could have let him take her virginity, or maybe he had feared he had hurt her. In both cases shame could have driven him away from her.


Welcome back, Reverie

 

[ReverieStill]

Would he ever stay away out of fear? Like fear of falling in love too much or is that too girly of an emotion to give to a man? the virgin part is less central than the fact that she had a meaningful experience and never heard from him again. I'd prefer it not to be a first time story, but it's a period piece and for the time and place I don't know she could have not been a virgin.

 

[Vermilion]

Would he ever stay away out of fear? Like fear of falling in love too much or is that too girly of an emotion to give to a man? the virgin part is less central than the fact that she had a meaningful experience and never heard from him again. I'd prefer it not to be a first time story, but it's a period piece and for the time and place I don't know she could have not been a virgin.

Yes, he absolutely could be scared. Mens' emotions are felt in exactly the same way, they just might express them slightly differently. Or he could stay away because he doesn't want to hurt her chances of marrying someone more 'suitable' (you say it's a period piece. What era are we talking about here?)

x
V

 

[ReverieStill]

Good point! That would work nicely. I have this thing about nontraditional male characters but they need to be believable to others besides me.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

He's afraid of falling in love. *sniffle*

 

[ReverieStill]

Do you think? Do men think that way? I mean, I think that way, but I am sooo girly when it comes to love; not cool at all.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Do you think? Do men think that way? I mean, I think that way, but I am sooo girly when it comes to love; not cool at all.

Plenty of men do, sure. It's more about how they express what they think, in my experience, that makes a male character more or less believable...

Just dont give him too many sentences of dialogue. That's the biggest flaw I see in women writing men; overly talky.

 

[ReverieStill]

I'm actually not having any external dialogue. It's only her perspective and her thought process. Not sure if it will work, but I've committed to the idea. I am afraid dialogue will kill it, but I do need motivation. I suppose at some point he will need to speak. Bleh.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Perhaps a conflict of emotions paralyzes him. This might be especially true if he were a period intellectual, upper-middle class, terribly responsible and all around self-inflicted "hero". Such men probably still exist but I imagine that they are much rarer these days, especially that last part. For an example, you have historical records of men who insist that before one can marry his true love, a chap "must" have $500 (the price of a new home in those days) in the bank to prove his worthiness. Needless to say, this could put off the wedding for years!

 

[Guest]

Let the writing direct the story, then.

See where her thoughts take her. If he's going to avoid her for a few weeks anyway, you don't need to write his thoughts or dialogue.

It sounds like an interesting story!

Welcome back!

 

[ReverieStill]

Yes! he is a scholar and not the type to abscond with the heroine. Too logical and cerebral. (aside:I love how everyone is so helpful here.)

I can not keep my tenses straight...it's supposed to be dream-like but I keep mixing up "then" and "now" which is bad, I know...and I think it isn't period-like at all, because I know too little about 18th C Scotland, which is also why I am avoiding dialogue like the plague...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Eighteenth Century? Age of Enlightenment? Oops, your character's personality sounds more nineteenth to me. Male-female relationships weren't so responsible a hundred years before because there wasn't much in the way of a middle class and the aristocracy was much more free and easy.

 

[ReverieStill]

you pick the century and I'll be agreeable.

 

[ReverieStill]

Further background....this is an "assignment" and has to be done quickly, thus the lack of research I am putting in. I just want to focus on the emotion, the passion and sort of let the rest slide. But I can't write anything at all if it doesn't make sense in my head, even if all the details only remain in my head. The requirements were a romantic story with a kilt and a long flowing white nightgown, but you know how it goes, the story goes where it wants to go and the writer is merely along for the ride....

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Nineteenth makes more sense. The rise of the middle class at the beginning of the industrial revolution brought with it the preeminence of middle class values. They considered the working class thoughtless and the aristocracy heedless. Women went onto a pedestal because their "better natures" were needed to keep the ravening males in line. Are you beginning to see your hero's dilemma? He's "ruined" the woman he loves and is almost mad with conflicts. He wants her but she's spoiled but it's his fault so he doesn't deserve her but he wants her . . .

I'm sorry but men can actually get like this. Really we can.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm actually not having any external dialogue. It's only her perspective and her thought process. Not sure if it will work, but I've committed to the idea. I am afraid dialogue will kill it, but I do need motivation. I suppose at some point he will need to speak. Bleh.

You'd better stop overthinking this, and put your quill to parchment, m'dear!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

then the kilt fits in perfectly because during the 18th cent, tartens were illegal but with Victoria's building a castle in Scotland so Albert could go stalking and bird shooting, all things Scots because quite the rage. Yeah, 19th.

 

[ReverieStill]

Yay! it's like I actually know what I'm doing.

thanks so much, really.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Good luck, Raven. Don't forget to post the assignment after it's graded.

 

[ReverieStill]

yes, Sir.

 

[ReverieStill]

One more thing...

Can flesh be goose bumped and simultaneously have a bead of sweat roll down it?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Can flesh be goose bumped and simultaneously have a bead of sweat roll down it?

When flesh goose-bumps, it contracts. That's what makes the bumps, as atavistic need to make all your hair stand up so you look bigger. It also closes the sweat glands. You'd have to be hot and sweaty from the weather first and the get a sudden chill, I think.