Heart vs. Head

[Denae]

This probably sounds naive or worse, plain stupid, but I am having (and have always had )a very hard time separating the two.

Any thoughts, ideas, expressions, comments, etc. would be appreciated.

Happy New Year to all.

 

[done_got_old]

This probably sounds naive or worse, plain stupid, but I am having (and have always had )a very hard time separating the two.

Any thoughts, ideas, expressions, comments, etc. would be appreciated.

Happy New Year to all.

Yes, it is difficult.........but if I had it to do all over again, I'd go with my heart.

In most cases I listened my brain and spent too much time debating the pros and cons of relationships. My brain almost always chose the mentally stable, well educated asshole. Sometimes I dated guys because it was socially acceptable to do so, while turning down the more exciting guy.

The problem is that we can't go back and relive our lives. We have to accept the decisions that we made and make the best of them. With that said.......if I had to do it all again, I'd probably make the same choices.

No help, was I?

 

[SweetErika]

I have trouble separating the two as well, though I don't think that's naive or stupid. Stupid is acting on just one without considering the other. For me, the worst effect has been turning my feelings into thoughts (e.g. I feel guilty, so I AM guilty), but I've learned to watch out for and not do that so much.

I think approaching situations logically and weighing the pros and cons is necessary to do the right thing, but listening to your intuition is important as well. In general, when I factor my feelings into a logical assessment, I find that I make good decisions, even if I can only judge them in hindsight.

 

[sweetgirl666]

Have a hard time too. I am slowly, slowly getting a bit better. It also depends on the situation. When I was in NYC I just wanted to have fun a few days and went out and just grabbed what I wanted.

Still, I regularly add too much heart and then get it broken. Especially as I often deal with a cultural gap being from Europe and living in the US.
Uh well, I should just give up sex

 

[done_got_old]

Have a hard time too. I am slowly, slowly getting a bit better. It also depends on the situation. When I was in NYC I just wanted to have fun a few days and went out and just grabbed what I wanted.

Still, I regularly add too much heart and then get it broken. Especially as I often deal with a cultural gap being from Europe and living in the US.
Uh well, I should just give up sex

Hell NO!

 

[warrior queen]

all my life i've gone with my head, not my heart.
and i've ended up 36 years old, miserable and alone.

from here on in, i'm going with my heart - passion, life and enjoyment of what i know can be achieved.

dull and stable versus unbelievably thrilling.
no contest any more.

 

[Cathleen]

Happy New Year to you too Den

The longest distance is from the head to the heart in my opinion. I survived many years because my head was in charge, I can't fault that now but I can bring those two areas closer together. I know somethings will require more brain power while others are a matter of the heart.

I suppose one of the best changes I've made is to become more patient. I am not nearly as implusive as I used to be, I take the time for things to settle inside. I use a sort of 'share - check - share' tool. I do some thinking and some feeling and with hope I will stay open for the next right action.

 

[SexyChele]

Hmmm...appears as though I've done just the opposite of most here. I've always listened to my heart, and now - at age 44, never married, no kids - I wished I would have kept my brain engaged.

When people hear about my life they tell me they are envious and wished they could have done what I've done. I've also known all the "thrilling" guys. Yeah, the ones who can make exciting sex? All the while fucking everything that moves, have no concept of what commitment means, and never quite got over the fact that 21 is a chronological age and usually people progress beyond it.

Now? I go in with my brain. I have a lot of excess baggage and trust issues, and that is difficult to lay at the feet of any decent person one expects to get involved with. I've now met a man who most might consider "boring" and I find him thoroughly exciting. He's there for me, he'll hold me when I cry at sappy movies, he'll take time out on watching football on Sundays to fix a gate and assemble a bookcase. After decades of being involved with men who made themselves scarce unless only sex - and that is ONLY sex - was involved, this man is a continual wonderment to me.

Sometimes I just want to kick myself for hours for bothering with those immature boys because my heart told me they were "fun", "exciting", "thrilling". I'll settle for what most people consider "boring" now. I'm too old to play the games that the "thrilling" guys love to play.

Learn to think before jumping, but enjoy what you have with all your heart. How do you do this? One, look at the guy and truly try to discern if your parents would approve. Then two, is this the man you would want to have his hands all over your daughter? Normally those two thoughts keep me in line, now. Before I thought it was a good thing to go against what my parents thought/liked. Yes, I know brilliant. The two people who loved me more than anyone in the world were only out to make my life miserable. (As you can tell I was fairly stupid when I was younger!)

 

[zhukov1943]

Don't stop listening to your "head" completely - or you'll end up with a really "exciting" guy who beats you when you're pregnant and then tries to seduce your sister because you're "too fat"...

I'd say go for the heart-head "consensus".

 

[Denae]

I do appreciate everyone who has posted, or even read and not posted.

I remember an assignment that I had years ago where I had to make a list to show the difference between head and heart with my relationships. I couldn't do it and I still can't.

My head rules, I think.

 

[done_got_old]

I do appreciate everyone who has posted, or even read and not posted.

I remember an assignment that I had years ago where I had to make a list to show the difference between head and heart with my relationships. I couldn't do it and I still can't.

My head rules, I think.

You're not alone. I'd love to follow my heart, but pheromones
and sometimes hormones get in the way.

I'm much to logical to trust my heart, though that's what I want to do.

 

[boston_bbw]

I am all head.. too much so. Over analyze everything to exhaustion. I have also ended up 33, single, alone, and have never allowed hormones or heart to rule.. kinda wishing I could at times.. but just can't.

 

[asenath]

I am all head.. too much so. Over analyze everything to exhaustion. I have also ended up 33, single, alone, and have never allowed hormones or heart to rule.. kinda wishing I could at times.. but just can't.

Hehe. I kind of do that too.. except I always end up ignoring the common sense section of my brain.

 

[Denae]

I don't think I overanalyze. I disbelieve the heart.

 

[Bobmi357]

Follow your heart, but let your head do the guiding.

People often let themselves be ruled by one or the other, much to their regret. Find balance between the two and learn that sometimes they will not always agree with each other.

More importantly quite a few have posted that their now in their 30's and still single. I don't think this is a head/heart issue at all. More likely its an insecurity issue. If you want to fall in love, you have to open yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt. And you may get hurt, or you may not. But if you don't open yourself up to that possibility, you'll never know.

Like the lottery commercial says, you gotta play the game in order to win.

 

[shele]

Follow your heart, but let your head do the guiding.

People often let themselves be ruled by one or the other, much to their regret. Find balance between the two and learn that sometimes they will not always agree with each other.

More importantly quite a few have posted that their now in their 30's and still single. I don't think this is a head/heart issue at all. More likely its an insecurity issue. If you want to fall in love, you have to open yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt. And you may get hurt, or you may not. But if you don't open yourself up to that possibility, you'll never know.

Like the lottery commercial says, you gotta play the game in order to win.

I couldn't agree more..it took me a long time to stop thinking so analitacally about being in love and just let go and really love someone. I wish I figured it out 10 years earlier but finally at the age of 32 I think I have got it right and have been very happy for the last year. A nice balence between my head and my heart..not easy but it can be done. I wasn't getting anywhere thinking so logically..love isn't logical..you have to do what is right for you as you are the only one that has to live with whatever decisons you make.

 

[WarmVanilla]

I think if anyone comes up with a surefire method to balance head and heart, that person would be quite rich.

As most, I struggle with the balance. Unlike most, I tend to swing back and forth between the two extremes. One causes problems, so I overcompensate and head the other way. *sigh* At least I have people in my life who are very patient, which is a huge blessing.

 

[SexyChele]

Follow your heart, but let your head do the guiding.

People often let themselves be ruled by one or the other, much to their regret. Find balance between the two and learn that sometimes they will not always agree with each other.

More importantly quite a few have posted that their now in their 30's and still single. I don't think this is a head/heart issue at all. More likely its an insecurity issue. If you want to fall in love, you have to open yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt. And you may get hurt, or you may not. But if you don't open yourself up to that possibility, you'll never know.

Like the lottery commercial says, you gotta play the game in order to win.

Balancing is the key, I agree. But I disagree with the insecurity issue. In the past I opened myself up way too easily, way too fast. I was "falling in love" with all the wrong men, plain and simple. There was no "Oh, I'm so afraid to get hurt" until I'd been hurt so many times that I finally decided to swear off men in my 30s. I just figured I couldn't do this whole relationship thing right, so why bother.

It was until I was 40 - and that means almost 6 years of no dating, no sex - before I was willing to take the plunge. And once again I chose the wrong man. Fortunately, I was able to extricate myself quickly and we ended up being great friends. When I met my current S/O, I was really leery. Plus, he is so the opposite of what I've been attracted to in the past.

Turns out, this one was the best thing that happened to me. And it only happened when I was able to keep my heart from getting all wrapped up in emotional bullshit and stand back and really look at what this guy could and could not offer. My brain understood this was a man I could count on and who was relationship-minded, even if my heart was telling me he wasn't the "exciting, fly-by-night boys" that make one's life a whirlwind. However, my heart did follow my head and I realize each and every day what a gem this man is.

Balance is certainly important. But I think what truly works is head first, then heart. Thinking with one's heart before engaging the brain is a recipe for disaster!

 

[mcfc2134]

I would say that I'm probably in one of these heart vs head situations at the moment.

I'm only 21, and you probably think that its too young to be thinking this way, but I'm torn over whether to go with a girl or not because I know that I dont want anything serious from it and I dont wanna hurt her. She knows the situation and she says she's fine with it. She's younger than me, and I dont wanna feel like I'm taking advantage.

It is like my heart is saying go for it and show her a good time (well I'll try!), where as my head is saying not to do it because it could hurt her emotionally - and I don't wanna do that.

You do probably think I'm too young and should be going out gettin some all of the time but hey, thats my contribution!!

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Every time I've ever had to make a choice between two men I've made the wrong choice. And I've tried using my head. Then I tried using my heart. Now I simply don't make the choice - I'll just keep both of them. Much easier! Problem solved!

 

[jacuzzigal]

all my life i've gone with my head, not my heart.
and i've ended up 36 years old, miserable and alone.

from here on in, i'm going with my heart - passion, life and enjoyment of what i know can be achieved.

dull and stable versus unbelievably thrilling.
no contest any more.

I SO relate to this. I've spent the last year and a half really reexamining and changing my life to listening to my heart more - and it's made all the difference. Finding a balance between my heart and my head is a consistent struggle but it's worth it.

 

[Cathleen]

I'm having a bit of a struggle with the head and heart right now. It feels like there isn't a sense of power within me at the moment. I am trying to listen to both places, and what I have found is that neither is really taking the lead so to speak.

I wonder if I'm forcing something as much as I wonder if I'm being passive. There are times I'm not feeling a sense of myself in a particular relationship, there are questions I want to ask, need to ask but then I can't find the strength to ask. It seems neither the head or heart wants to take the lead. It seems the head wants to just make the answers up for him - I'm throwing in his towle for him, instead of letting him make his own decision. I'm trying to let things ride without running - if that makes sense. Staying in the game but not intentionally throwing the game.

I need to find my voice on this one without defending my life or making a resume out of it either. It is like being patient but moving forward at the same time - kind of confusing to me.

 

[jacuzzigal]

I'm having a bit of a struggle with the head and heart right now. It feels like there isn't a sense of power within me at the moment. I am trying to listen to both places, and what I have found is that neither is really taking the lead so to speak.

I wonder if I'm forcing something as much as I wonder if I'm being passive. There are times I'm not feeling a sense of myself in a particular relationship, there are questions I want to ask, need to ask but then I can't find the strength to ask. It seems neither the head or heart wants to take the lead. It seems the head wants to just make the answers up for him - I'm throwing in his towle for him, instead of letting him make his own decision. I'm trying to let things ride without running - if that makes sense. Staying in the game but not intentionally throwing the game.

I need to find my voice on this one without defending my life or making a resume out of it either. It is like being patient but moving forward at the same time - kind of confusing to me.

(((((((((((Cate)))))))))))

Sometimes the way to find your voice is just to listen. There will come a moment when you will know what to do, whether your heart or head can take the lead, if you give it time and listen. Sending you warm feelings of clarity....

 

[SweetErika]

I'm having a bit of a struggle with the head and heart right now. It feels like there isn't a sense of power within me at the moment. I am trying to listen to both places, and what I have found is that neither is really taking the lead so to speak.

I wonder if I'm forcing something as much as I wonder if I'm being passive. There are times I'm not feeling a sense of myself in a particular relationship, there are questions I want to ask, need to ask but then I can't find the strength to ask. It seems neither the head or heart wants to take the lead. It seems the head wants to just make the answers up for him - I'm throwing in his towle for him, instead of letting him make his own decision. I'm trying to let things ride without running - if that makes sense. Staying in the game but not intentionally throwing the game.

I need to find my voice on this one without defending my life or making a resume out of it either. It is like being patient but moving forward at the same time - kind of confusing to me.

I don't know Cate...the only thing that helps me when I feel like that is to write my thoughts and feelings down, no matter how crazy or conflicted they seem. I ask myself questions, and write the answers, which usually leads to other thoughts and feelings that are at the crux of the issue. An outside perspective usually helps too.

 

[ksmybuttons]

I set my boundaries from the head and then let the heart roam within them. I think of self esteem coming from my head. It protects "me" in my interactions with others.

It goes so far beyond just "love" it enters into almost everything we do in our lives. If we only follow our heart we become enablers and subjugate our own needs and health to others. Then it affects are self esteem.