heart breaks

[ivantheterrible]

damn, i let it happen again.
to confess, i never fell in love with my exwife. we were more like fuck buddies who happen to be married. it was easy to leave her.
i fell in love for the first time long ago. and she disappeared out of my life 25 years ago. and then she came back in it this year. and i knew i still loved her. but things change. shes a city girl now and has been far too emotionally damaged in the past and trusts no one. and my heart was broken by her twice in a lifetime.
i told myself i wouldn't let it happen again.
then i got to know a lady almost 16 years younger than myself. she is sweet, kind, and caring. she got me back on a horse after not being on one since the early 80's because i was almost paralyzed by one. we talked a lot, hung out, and i looked into her eyes one night and fell in love. but it is not meant to be.
the hard part is we see each other regularly since i help her with horses, and we go riding a lot. and shes a neighbor.
sigh...................
my heart gets me hurt way too much.