Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships

[Eilan]

I should have posted this back when there was a thread on HT that touched on this issue, but I didn't. I've been thinking about it ever since, though, because I'm obsessive that way.

What are the characteristics of a healthy relationship?

What are the characteristics of an unhealthy relationship?

What relationships, both healthy and unhealthy, have served as models for your current and past (or future) relationships? Explain.

By "relationship," I mean romantic relationship, as opposed to a friendship, though I think that some of the characteristics of healthy/unhealthy relationships would apply to friendships as well. I anticipate that the answers to the first two questions will be pretty similar.

I'll add more questions if I think of them.

 

[midwestyankee]

One of the first requirements for a healthy loving relationship is honesty. Without honesty, trust is almost impossible. And I'm not sure how well love can work if there is no trust.

No doubt others will have plenty more to say, but I wanted to give this a start.

 

[Munachi]

i'd say, some type of balance...

 

[Guest]

 

[Bandit58]

Respect, for yourself and your partner, and their feelings and opinions, which may not be the same as yours, but they are entitled to them as you are.

Honesty

Trust

Communication, and not being judgmental.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I think it's really important to learning how to best communicate with each other when there are issues - communicating clearly, but without judgment and accusation, maybe with a sense of humor.

I have one good role model type marriage among my friends. They seem to share a feeling that they are 'in it together' and are true partners in the sense that they are there to help each other through life no matter what happens. While they have all kinds of job and step-family, extended family responsibilities, the bottom line for them is that they are all about each other.

Bad role models - too many of those. Let's stick with my parents, aunts and uncles. They're all still married to their spouses, but the culture is such that the men generally are the authority and decision-making figures and the moms are the housekeeping/kids caretakers (even though all the ladies work outside the home too). I'm not knocking a traditional marriage set-up, just the huge amount of control the men exert - their word is law on everything. NOT a partnership, in my view.

 

[EJFan]

i agree with the rest of the "good" points... respect, honesty, understanding, etc.

i think the WORST thing you can have in a relationship is that self-imposed pretending to be someone you're not. i think that you have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with an SO... that means knowing yourself first. if you don't know yourself (you're attitude, personality, habits, tolerances) then you can't possibly know what will make you happy in a relationship.

i could go on and on about a relationship model from my past, but i won't. suffice it to say that a very close friend had parents who were just spectacular people both within and outside the bounds of their marriage.

 

[silverwhisper]

eilan queried
what are the characteristics of a healthy relationship?

to me, a healthy relationship is one in which good communication takes place and the people within make a commitment to communicate well, not just one party.

eilan queried
what are the characteristics of an unhealthy relationship?

IMHO, an unhealthy relationship is one in which a commitment to honest communication does not exist.

eilan queried
what relationships, both healthy and unhealthy, have served as models for your current and past (or future) relationships?

let's just say that i've had relationships in the past in which a commitment to honest communication did not exist on both sides of the equation. i'd prefer not to say more beyond that.

ed

 

[phoenix1224]

Healthy: Love, honesty, trust, respect, commitment, communication, comprimise.

Unhealthy: The lack of one or more of the above.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Other things that make a relationship unhealthy:

Belittleling the other person, or their views, wants, needs.
Lack of support during a crisis
Lack of joy and excitement when something good happens (e.g., getting a promotion and having your SO ignore your accomplishment)
Not planning enough uninterrupted alone-time
Taking each other for granted and forgetting what brought you together
Cheating, or other extra-curricular activities that make the other person feel insecure
Constant nagging
One partner's interests are subsumed by the other's (you have season tickets to every fricking baseball, football, basketball and hockey team in town, but when was the last time you went to see a show at the theater?)

 

[hogjack]

Healthy: Respect, compromise, compassion, humility...and sensitive nipples help.

 

[Eilan]

I don't have anything much to add to what people have said about healthy relationships.

I'd like to add using sex as a weapon/punishment/blackmail to the unhealthy list.

 

[hogjack]

I don't have anything much to add to what people have said about healthy relationships.

I'd like to add using sex as a weapon/punishment/blackmail to the unhealthy list.

Absolutely an unhealthy sign.

Plus, suggesting using a weapon for sex would be unhealthy. Way too kinky.

 

[phoenix1224]

Plus, suggesting using a weapon for sex would be unhealthy. Way too kinky.

No whips, floggers, paddles, leather straps, or hair brushes?

Man, I'm going to have to throw out a lot of stuff in order to be "healthy".

 

[Bandit58]

No whips, floggers, paddles, leather straps, or hair brushes?

Man, I'm going to have to throw out a lot of stuff in order to be "healthy".

I just wanted to say that the D/s relationship I'm in now is a hell of a lot healthier than my marriage was.

 

[bitslinger]

One partner's interests are subsumed by the other's (you have season tickets to every fricking baseball, football, basketball and hockey team in town, but when was the last time you went to see a show at the theater?)

I always wonder if Literotica boards fall into that category. I'd like to post more often, but I just can't see how to spend any more time here without it taking away from my wife and family. How do the regulars find the time to post so much (assuming they are in full time relationships)?

 

[Eilan]

I always wonder if Literotica boards fall into that category. I'd like to post more often, but I just can't see how to spend any more time here without it taking away from my wife and family. How do the regulars find the time to post so much (assuming they are in full time relationships)?

I tend to check in when the kids are in bed or doing things with my hubby.

 

[eudaemonia]

Other things that make a relationship unhealthy:

Lack of joy and excitement when something good happens (e.g., getting a promotion and having your SO ignore your accomplishment)

One of the best points I've seen in written literature about romantic love is, "Don't marry anyone who's not a friend to your excitement." That has always, always stayed with me. Even if you don't completely share in your partner's excitement, you're still giving them psychological visibility.

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

ditto what scalywag said. it's been a while since i've seen you. i hope all is well.

ed

 

[midwestyankee]

One of the best points I've seen in written literature about romantic love is, "Don't marry anyone who's not a friend to your excitement." That has always, always stayed with me. Even if you don't completely share in your partner's excitement, you're still giving them psychological visibility.

This makes sense to me. Unfortunately.