Head-hopping

[Bramblethorn]

In this chapter though, it's told strongly enough from Nikki's pov, and I didn't think the short detours into the other heads added much.

That reminds me of something else I was going to say: for me, head-hopping tends to work better when the author commits to it. Alternating perspective for the whole scene can work, keeping it entirely in one perspective can work.

But if it's 95% from one perspective and just occasionally detours into one of the other characters, that often feels like an accident - like the author was trying to write single perspective and slipped.

 

[NotWise]

I read the story, and actually read it with some interest because your writing style is very different from my own.

As far as I'm concerned, what you're doing isn't head-hopping. You're writing in third person omniscient. A lot of your story is narrative about a character's internal dialog. Your narrator tells us what Nikki thinks, then switches to telling us Karol's point of view near the end of the first scene because Nikki's asleep. After the scene break there's a fairly plain switch between telling us what Nikki's thinking to telling us what Anya's thinking, but after that your narrator switches fairly freely between Nikki and Anya and it flows fairly well.

If you stay so dependent on narrative then you probably don't have a real choice but to have your narrator switch sides. As an alternative, you could tell more of the story with dialog and your third person narrator won't be so busy. Your call.

 

[PennameWombat]

Whoops! Here it is: https://www.tahlianewland.com/writing-in-third-person-intimate/

That’s not the reference I had in mind, although it is a good article, thanks, it was Mercedes Lackey on a Quora answer. Which doesn’t really add anything to what you posted, beyond that I slightlay misquoted the statement. Her discussion meshes with the link’s, but does state using a page break, but also calls what I described as “passing the ball”, as a specific variant of third person intimate. I know I’ve seen another article, but my Google-fu is weak tonight. But she also said something to the effect of it can go wrong quite easily.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

I definitely do not write these in first person. First-person head-hopping would be really jarring and I can't imagine that being pulled off well.

If anyone would be kind enough to look at this and tell me if my way of doing it isn't too disruptive, I'd really appreciate it (and any other feedback would be welcome as well).

Red Sparrow Ch. 03

Hmm.... this was the first story I put up here, didn't have any complaints about head hopping.

Walker Brigade - Book of Incidents my editor at the time couldn't wait to get the next section.

It has been edited and fine tuned since then, but it still the same story(s)

 

[thomas1965]

My thoughts about head-hopping and POV switch - what I have learned so far.

Head-hopping is when you reveal the thoughts of the non-POV character. It's normally a no-go for editors in publishing companies.

POV switch is when you narrate the scene from a different POV. This is fine when the POV switch happens at a diferent scene. A scene normally changes when time or location changes.

From a professional editor:

 

[KeithD]

The head-hopping voice, third-person omniscient is known in the industry as the lazy writers--and readers--preference. It lives in the land of telling rather than showing. A lot of readers don't want to invest more mental time than this in their reading, though, so it endures. While continuously popular with British readers, American publishers tried stamping it out in U.S. publishing in the years around the turn of the twenty-first century, but I think they've given up on that push, with the lazy American reader ignoring them. Not that there's anything wrong with wanting your reading just to wash over you with little mental investment on your own part. It would be a natural trend with how the world has been going of late.

 

[LargoKitt]

I find it quite disconcerting to have the narration change POV, especially without a transition or preface. To jump straight from, "I couldn't wait to put my hot hands on her ass." to "I wonder if he is going to put his cold hands on my ass like he did last time." is a neck twister. Maybe lead with, "Jayme and Jayne had very different impressions of their night in the treehouse." Then intersperse with lines like "Jayne, meanwhile, was almost falling asleep."

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

My first post in the forums... hi everyone.

I've been writing a long time now, I've written multiple novels (not erotic) and plenty of smut in private. When I write smut, though, I tend to let myself off the hook for certain 'writing sins' I wouldn't otherwise tolerate in my published work, or in work I am workshopping/critiquing. One of the things I let myself do is shift perspective on what is happening between characters.

I write erotica primarily for my own edification, but publishing here I do want my work to be enjoyed by others, and I do seek honest productive criticism. I understand that "head-hopping" can be disorienting for some, depending on how it's handled. I guess what I'm curious about is, is it distracting from a sex scene where both* involved partners are having feelings and thoughts, or does it heighten the reader's immersion knowing what both* characters are experiencing?

For me, I think both* characters are feeling things at much the same time, and it's incredibly limiting for me to stick to one POV during a sex scene, since one* of the characters is going to be totally neglected if I'm being strict about POV. In a novel I would not head-hop at all, no matter what is happening, but then I don't write many sex scenes in my longer, more serious works.

Does anyone else worry about doing this? I'd welcome any feedback on my own stories on this issue—if I do it too much or if it's not as bad/distracting as I'm worrying over.

*(or more, as applicable)

It's not bad at all. In fact that's exactly what third person omniscient narration is supposed to do. It's only in first person that head hopping raises any eyebrows.

 

[KeithD]

It's only in first person that head hopping raises any eyebrows.

Head hopping isn't appropriate to third person limited (the narrator knowing/revealing the thoughts of one of the characters) either.

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

Head hopping isn't appropriate to third person limited (the narrator knowing/revealing the thoughts of one of the characters) either.

If you head hop it's by default no longer 3rd person limited. I thought that went without saying. Oops. (╯•﹏•╰)

 

[lovecraft68]

My thoughts about head-hopping and POV switch - what I have learned so far.

Head-hopping is when you reveal the thoughts of the non-POV character. It's normally a no-go for editors in publishing companies.

POV switch is when you narrate the scene from a different POV. This is fine when the POV switch happens at a diferent scene. A scene normally changes when time or location changes.

From a professional editor:

Jenna is informative, but also hilarious, I watch a lot of her videos

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I agree with much of what has been said, but here's how I see it. If the tale is centred on just one person, a masturbation scene perhaps, then the question is easy to answer. Just one person, just one POV.

On the other hand, with two (or more) people, a writer has the opportunity to put a lot more depth into a story - how two people feel, how two people perceive what is going on, the physical sensations of two people. The scope expands dramatically. You don't have to, of course, and I don't always, but the potential is there.

The trick is, to me, making the transitions obvious. If you can do that, 'head-hopping' can be very useful.

Oh, and a belated welcome to Lit, Nikki.

 

[NikkiSparrow]

Oh, and a belated welcome to Lit, Nikki.

Thank you.

 

[KeithD]

On the other hand, with two (or more) people, a writer has the opportunity to put a lot more depth into a story - how two people feel, how two people perceive what is going on, the physical sensations of two people. The scope expands dramatically. You don't have to, of course, and I don't always, but the potential is there.

Yeah, I think that's right. If you don't want to jolt the reader, you'd want to be doing this consistently through the work.

 

[TadOverdon]

If you're writing in third person there's no reason to restrict yourself to a single point of view during a sex scene, unless it pleases you to do so.

 

[KeithD]

A couple of decades ago mainstream American publishers went on a campaign not to accept head hopping (third person omniscient) for publishing as being lazy writing. They were all about showing. British publishers didn't follow suit. The dislike of it in U.S. publishing as largely loosened. Book editors still look for authors to avoid needing to do it, though.

 

[yowser]

A decent percentage of my tales involve bed-hopping.

 

[XerXesXu]

A couple of decades ago mainstream American publishers went on a campaign not to accept head hopping (third person omniscient) for publishing as being lazy writing. They were all about showing. British publishers didn't follow suit. The dislike of it in U.S. publishing as largely loosened.

Possibly, because there're no fewer opportunities to show rather than tell, in 3rd Person Omniscient, than in any other point of view. It's a separate art. 1st Person tends to compel showing rather than telling, but at the expense of sacrificing another, useful and creative, dimension of storytelling.

 

[KeithD]

Variety is the spice of reading.