having some trouble

[shysexkitten]

PLEASE I NEED YOUR HELP!!! ~~~Ok so i have been have some trouble bringing myself to orgasm when i am masturbating. During sex or other contact with my boyfriend i am able to orgasm but when ever i woujld like to do it myself i can get right to the point and then nothing happens. This is quite frustrating and upseting. PLEASE help me what is wrong with me.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Nothing wrong with you, a lot of women have difficulty bringing themselves to orgasm.

First off, relax. Second, toss society's ideals out the window. It is generally bred into us that it is normal for men to masturbate, but not for women. For goodness sakes, what bunk, eh?

So once you've relaxed and tossed out crappy ideals, maybe invest in a good lube (I find that I REALLY enjoy running my finger over my clit when it's all lubey), and maybe buy yourself some erotic novels. I know that I am able to masturbate the LONGEST and most successfully when I am reading a novel.

Also, invest in a good toy... some people like vibrating eggs, other, jelly dildoes, other, vibrators, etc. Find what you think you like (based on what your bf does that you like, or just be experimental), and with some lube, spend time learning how to use that toy to your advantage.

Use your imagination.


And finally, learn your body. Just touch yourself, not necessarily to bring yourself to orgasm, and not even necessarily sexually... often, I find my own hands running over my stomach, or over the side of my breast, or over my bare arms, or something... it isn't a sexual thing, but a comfort with my body.... learn your body, and learn it so well that touching yourself.. any part of your body... seems commonplace, and welcome. And then go from there, increasing the titillation in your erogenous zones.


There is nothing wrong with you, you just need to work a little harder than some women... and like I said.. learn yourself.. what works for other women might not work for you...

 

[DDebby]

Vixen
very well said

 

[Etoile]

As usual, I have to ask - are you on any medications that might cause this? Antidepressants are notorious for having effects on orgasm (not always libido, as is widely reputed).

 

[shysexkitten]

ok so i have done everything except a vibrator in the book to bring myself to orgasm. Ive read novels, stories, used a dildo, watched movies. I am just a hopless case? i get so close and then nothing its so depressing and yet i am fine orgasming during sex and other stimulation with my boyfriend. Why cant i just do it myself ?

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I think it's a psychological thing... you get so close and then nothing.. perhaps it's a feeling of guilt over sexually pleasuring yourself, or something like that that society has bred into you. Were you raised in a religious household? Sometimes that has an effect. I'd go to your doctor, and then maybe get some counselling. It's probably something completely sub-conscious that just needs to emerge.

 

[DuckLover]

i get so close and then nothing its so depressing and yet i am fine orgasming during sex and other stimulation with my boyfriend. Why cant i just do it myself ?

Do you ever help your bf finger you to orgasm? Or mutually masturbate? You might consider trying to masturbate to orgasm with his help, then just with him in the room, maybe then just on the phone. My thought is that perhaps you can "wean" yourself off needing your bf in order to climax.

Good luck!

 

[BlueElf]

Yep

I think it's a psychological thing... you get so close and then nothing.. perhaps it's a feeling of guilt over sexually pleasuring yourself, or something like that that society has bred into you. Were you raised in a religious household? Sometimes that has an effect. I'd go to your doctor, and then maybe get some counselling. It's probably something completely sub-conscious that just needs to emerge.

I agree with vixenshe - I don't think this is a physical issue as much as it is a psychological issue. Maybe you subconsciously feel that alone sex is wrong but that sex with another is okay - thus you are more uninhibited with him and can orgasm.

BlueElf

p.s. none of this means there is anything "wrong" with you - it's a natural roadblock that many deal with

 

[shysexkitten]

thank you so much for your help! i do think that my problem is some what in my head. i alsoi think that i need to stop and relax and try to enjoy myself maybe then it will happen. again thanks for everyones help

 

[Color Me Crazy]

Hey Shy--

During my first few months at trying to bring myself to orgasm, I failed terribly. I don't know how this will or could apply to you, but for me, I couldn't, and still can't bring myself to orgasm, or even get sexually aroused for that matter, if I use my own fingers. Fingering myself does absolutely for the ol' libido. Touching my clit... same thing. Nada there, either.

But, when I use a vibrator and hold it against my clit and clit alone, I orgasm in less than 3 minutes usually. I've never cum from actual penetration ('course, I'm a virgin, so that's probably not uncommon-- haha), but when I focus on my clit it always hits the spot.

Maybe if you tried using something to masturbate with besides your fingers you'd get a lot farther? That was the case for me. Try just focusing on your clit-- avoid penetration. If that works, branch out from there. Baby steps, Bob. Baby steps.

Just something to consider.

 

[shysexkitten]

I DID IT!!!!!

It feels so good now i dont feel so horrible anymore thanks everyone for all your help

 

[Lust Engine]

I DID IT!!!!!

It feels so good now i dont feel so horrible anymore thanks everyone for all your help

Woo hoo! Congrats on having that oh-so-gorgeous feeling that we all crave!

Nothing wrong in feeling that great!