Have you ever wanted to dope slap a family member?

[oggbashan]

Age brings changes

My parents were used to travelling and meeting people from my countries, races and religions. They treated all of them with equal politeness including the assholes who can occur in any society.

I can remember a dinner party they hosted where choosing the food was a nightmare because of the dietary restrictions imposed by religion and culture in such a mixed group of guests from Commonwealth countries. They had to have a buffet from which the guests could choose their own food.

Fish and rice seemed to be acceptable to almost everyone.

After my mother died my father's views began to change. While he would still treat everyone he met with scrupulous politeness he started making ethnic generalisations that he would never have said in his 60s or 70s. If he made a remark about Afro-Caribbeans I would point out that he knew at least five individual Afro-Caribbeans and liked and respected them. His response would be 'Well, I didn't mean them, but most...'

He had two mixed-race great-grandchildren. He loved them and looked forward to their infrequent visits. He followed their educational progress with keen interest. Despite that he would moan about 'mongrels polluting inner cities' even though he knew that three of his granddaughters were working with ethnic minorities.

If he had read biased tabloid newspapers I might have expected some change. He didn't. He read quality newspapers and if we were discussing a neutral subject such as aid to developing countries he could talk about the personalities involved with no hint that any one was better or worse than another by cause of race, religion or nationality.

He just voiced these racist stereotypes from time to time. Why? I don't know. The father I knew in his 50s, 60s, 70s, or early 80s would never have said or even thought such rubbish. His actions and interaction with people he met gave no hint that he had such views.

He would also pontificate about the degeneracy of modern youth while excluding his children, his grandchildren, his great-grandchildren and the care staff who looked after him.

Is it a function of extreme old age that when you start to lose your short term memory you also acquire stereotypes as a shorthand method of expressing yourself? I don't know. It worries me that I might get like that if I live to his age. I try hard to remember that I was young once, that I did some of the things that modern youth are condemned for, that I met many people in their own countries and they accepted me for myself as I accepted them as they were.

My daughters bring friends to visit. They never have to check whether their friends would be acceptable. I would be horrified if they thought they had to. I might be able to list the nationalities of the visitors we have had but why should I? They came as friends and needed no other designation.

I hope I can retain the capacity to see stereotypes as the lies they are.

Og

 

[SensualCealy]

You mean we can only pick one? Damn!

Lets start with the brothers, my oldest brother thinks he is cool when making wise ass remarks about ethnic people different from us, until one day my daughter pointed out that his lips were rather large and his nose rather big! Did I correct her, absolutely not, she was only 8 and was making a valid point.

Second brother, works in a large city and works and deals with every walk of life in his profession. HE is the worst! My mom always sticks up for him and says he works with it and sees what others do first hand. Well Im sorry, just because he runs into a few that may have different up bringings then himself doesnt give him the excuse to use them as the poster people for their race. He is married to a chinese lady who is increadibly racist herself.

The third, well he just has to grow up, doesnt know when to make some statments, specially around my in laws who are very old fashioned. Jokes about sex and very grown up ideas come out at family functions etc. I finally had to tell him the last time he was over for my birthday that there was a time and a place for everything and this was not the time for those kind of comments. Then explained that it makes me look bad and feel uncomfortable infront of my inlaws.

My Dad, well there is just no excuse other than ignorance!

My inlaws, well they grew up in the old days were white folk were superior, too bad they havent realized with an East Indian neice, and a chinese lady in my family that white folk arent the only ones in this world.
In more than one occasion I had to step up to the plate and say, "Not around the kids, or lets change the subject , this isnt appropriate around our children."

I know a few white folk that Id rather have dragged over hot rocks and glass before Id pick someone of a different ethnic background!

Im glad that our kids rarely see the colour of peoples skin.
C

 

[LadyTigeress]

In an odd twist, I find myself in a piece of quandry.

You see, my husband is Eastern Indian, with that beautiful dark skin. He's the lightest-skinned person of his family, however still incredibly dark. When I go to where he is from, it is often days (and on occasion a week) before I'll see another caucasion woman. I have gotten awkward stares, and a couple of times felt fairly belittled at some of the commentary made toward me.

It's interesting, both he and I thought he'd be facing more racist issues when he moved in with me, but I see more of it when I go to his place of orgin (although not from his biological family who seem to have accepted me without problem).

LT

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Have you ever wanted to dope slap a family member to just wake them the hell up?

My parents were down. As we were driving through certain parts of West Palm Beach my father made several comments which brought it home once again just how bigoted he is. (Thankfully he didn't make these types of comments in front of my friends kids.) Here is a man who is widely traveled, highly educated, and has on more than one occasion risked his life in the defense of others who were not neccasarily of his race or religeon. Even with all of this he just can't or doesn't want to break the old way of thinking he was raised with.

I have never been so close to slapping him along side the head with a 2x4 to wake his ass up. (My wife sensing what I was about to do stepped in before I rattled my fathers cage. He later appologised but still.)

Cat

You're describing a family trait there...

There are several members of my extended family that has stopped talkig to other parts of the family because of things like that.