Have you ever been betrayed?

[Liana26]

I feel like the only thing I can do right now to ease my pain is to drink and smoke. T lied to me. He's been lying to me for months. And I feel like throwing up. I gave him everything, even my virginity. And he lied.

I know I'm being very vague right now and I'm sorry. But I just can't repeat the lie. I guess I can't ask for advice because no one knows what the problem is. But has anyone you loved ever betrayed you to the point where you just want to run away and never come back?

 

[Netzach]

In a word, yep. Big time.

And I've fucked people over too, in my day.

This too shall pass, you will be ok. Just not now. Sucks hard.

 

[serijules]

In a word, yep. Big time.

And I've fucked people over too, in my day.

This too shall pass, you will be ok. Just not now. Sucks hard.

What she said

 

[Killishandra]

I'm not feeling good these days either. I wish I were a drinker or a smoker.

Big hugs to you, Liana.

 

[~Elizabeth~]

Yes and it really does hurt.


Sorry for you pain, hon. Hope it gets better soon.

 

[SteamyChik]

Big hugs and warm thoughts.

There is just something about being in a BDSM relationship that hurts so much worse than vanilla when there is a betrayal. All the thoughts and fantasies, fears and feelings are exposed way more I think.

I'm so sorry you have been hurt. Do the things that comfort you and try to take it 1 minute at a time, then 5 then 30. Then an hour and a day. You will get through it and it is ok to hurt for now.

 

[Sex & Diamonds]

Unfortunately, it happens to most everyone at one time or another.

Hurts like hell.

 

[jasonlf]

I feel like the only thing I can do right now to ease my pain is to drink and smoke. T lied to me. He's been lying to me for months. And I feel like throwing up. I gave him everything, even my virginity. And he lied.

I know I'm being very vague right now and I'm sorry. But I just can't repeat the lie. I guess I can't ask for advice because no one knows what the problem is. But has anyone you loved ever betrayed you to the point where you just want to run away and never come back?

Babe, just try to look on the bright side of things.

You have lots of straight up, honest people here for you on lit, to be your friend and help you out.

Some people are shitty, but even more people are awesome. Too bad you got tied up with the latter :/

 

[graceanne]

I've never loved anyone who hasn't betrayed me at some point. I suck at who I choose to love.

I'm really sorry, hon. Wish I had some smart, wise words to make it all better. *hugs*

 

[thelovemaker]

Babe, just try to look on the bright side of things.

You have lots of straight up, honest people here for you on lit, to be your friend and help you out.

Some people are shitty, but even more people are awesome. Too bad you got tied up with the latter :/

yeah, too bad you got tied up with the awesome people...(!)

 

[TaintedB]

Oh shut up you! We all know what he meant, Cluless Alt-Wonder! Why not go vent your 13-year-old putrid bile on somebody who actually deserves it, assuming you're not too yellow to do so. :/

Ahem! (straightens skirt) In answer to your question, Liana, yes it's happened to me over and over again. There was once or twice where it didn't happen, however. This kind of thing does hurt, and can hurt for a long time, but when it's eventually number and hurts less, you find you've learned something from it usually, something that keeps you safer 'next time around.

 

[kerker_miester]

I feel like the only thing I can do right now to ease my pain is to drink and smoke. T lied to me. He's been lying to me for months. And I feel like throwing up. I gave him everything, even my virginity. And he lied.

I know I'm being very vague right now and I'm sorry. But I just can't repeat the lie. I guess I can't ask for advice because no one knows what the problem is. But has anyone you loved ever betrayed you to the point where you just want to run away and never come back?

Yes it hurts it hurts bad. I am sorry you had it happen it is sad that people for one reason or another feel it is better to lie to one they supposedly love. It happens that way some times. I wish you all the best may you find the truth and trust you need.

 

[Guest]

 

[CutieMouse]

I'm so sorry, hon.

Don't hide from things- drinking is only going to make it harder later on. Face stuff, find your power, journal if it helps, and make a plan for your future. In my experience being proactive about the hurt helps more than wallowing or hiding from it.

 

[Feelfreetotouch]

It will always hurt

When people tell you it will get better, they are telling you only part of it. Yes it gets better but it will always be a source of sadness. The only thing you can do is go out and live for yourself, do what makes you happy.

 

[Liana26]

Thank you so much, everyone, for the support. I really appreciate it. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart (at the risk of sounding cliched). But I have another question.

Did any of you forgive your betrayers?

 

[graceanne]

Thank you so much, everyone, for the support. I really appreciate it. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart (at the risk of sounding cliched). But I have another question.

Did any of you forgive your betrayers?

Most of the time. For several reason.

1)It makes me ill to carry grudges. Quite often I forgive someone even if they don't ask, cause they aren't worth the amount of pain they are giving me. Like my dad. He's never apologized for abandoning me and Miss, but being angry isn't hurting him, and it does hurt me.

2)They're important to my life, and they are really truelly sorry. Like K, for cheating on me.

Just remember, forgiving does not mean forgetting, or allowing them to hurt you again. When I was 14 a girl I knew, and didn't like, came up to me and told me she wanted to make up, could we go somewhere and talk. I agreed. As soon as she got me alone, another girl who hated me came out from behind some bushes, and beat the shit out of me. I have forgiven both of them, but if they came up to me again and laid that line on me, I wouldn't go with them. I'd say, whatever you have to say can be said here with everyone watching.

Also, in T's case, you need to think about whether you think you can learn to trust him again. If not you need to end the relationship, because it's not going to work out, even if you've forgiven him.

 

[jasonlf]

If I may be practical, drinking will not ease your pain, it will only delay it

Wise words.

 

[Guest]

 

[h_i_s]

With the exception of the relationship between my Master and i ... i've been betrayed, cheated, and lied to over and over again in relationships with every man i'd been involved with prior. Unfortunately ... i can also say the same for some of my more immediate family members. It really fucks with a person's sense of trust in general, and can lead to episodes of deep dispair.

It sucks. It hurts. ... and no one deserves that type of treatment from anyone. Since we can't change the behavior of others, when they won't change on their own ... the only two solutions i've known when i have found myself in relationships with these types... is to walk away ... and stay away, or .... accept.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you, Liana26.

 

[Summer_Jasmine]

Liana I am so sorry you are going through this.

Yes, over and over again I have been betrayed. Unfortunately it is how much of the world seems to work. Have I forgiven? Yes. Does that mean I still have a relationship with the person? In most cases no. I can forgive but I cannot always forget and move on.

I am dealing with a lot of betrayal in my life right now so unfortunately I can empathize way too much. Hang in there, it will get better and stop feeling like a knife going through your heart. hugs.

 

[Netzach]

Thank you so much, everyone, for the support. I really appreciate it. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart (at the risk of sounding cliched). But I have another question.

Did any of you forgive your betrayers?

All of them.

I don't speak to them anymore or have anything to do with them, but I wish them well with whatever they are doing and I harbor no hate.

 

[Softouch911]

Liana, you don't deserve this and, though I don't know exactly what you mean by betrayal in this case, I can't believe you did anything at all to deserve it.

The fact is that no one believes themselves to be a bad person, yet some people -- for a huge range of reasons -- go through life hurting everyone they contact.

Yes, as everyone has said, it will help you immeasurably when you get to the point you can forgive them. And you can only keep yourself safe by refusing to forget, as others have also said.

The saddest person I know is a woman who was hurt a long time ago, very badly, and refuses to trust again. Don't be like her.

 

[FurryFury]

Hi Liana!

You sweet girl!

*hugs*

You are getting lots of love and good advice! Heed it, feel it, soak in it. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Yes I have been betrayed, a lot. Guess what? As terrible as it is? Really finding someone who does love you? Is worth the pain of discovering and letting go of the losers!

Forgiven them? LMAO! Um, yeah one or two sure.

Some however? I will fucking dance on their graves!!! Mark my words. I owe it to me! I am dead serious.

No one thinks they are a bad person? *shrugs* Respectfully I'd have to disagree with that statement.

I think what was meant by that comment was that the ass holes who should feel that way because they are bad people. They usually have rationalized their own behavior to think otherwise. If not they'd realize what shits they are and do us all a big favor by taking themselves out! (As in fucking die already if you can't act human.)

No, no, it's the rest of us who question ourselves. Some of us take on their sins as if they were in fact our sins. We get totally messed up wasting years of our lives and hating ourselves. We think we are bad people who do bad things. (Thanks Pink.) Not that I would no anything about that sort of thing. LOL.

*smiles*

Sweetie, don't let this happen to you. Remember you did your best. You gave everything you had. Work through it. Take little simple but hard baby steps. When you have a bad day, hour or minute, and you have to take two steps back realize you are just human and doing your best.

You can come out of this stronger and yes, ultimately happier someday.

*hugs*

Fury

 

[Liana26]

Again, thank you so much everyone for the support. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

T's sister and I (the older one, not the younger one, who despises me for those of you who haven't read my "I hate this bitch" thread) had a talk last night and she explained a lot of things that she would know as his sister and confidante that might've lead up to the lie.

Then I called T, and we talked like we did before I found out the truth. See, after I found out, every time we talked it was all "How could you do this to me?" "I'm so sorry," etc. etc. But this time it was just "Hey sweetie, how was work?" "Fine, how are you and your family?" And while I don't think I'll make my final decision until I come back from Austria (leaving on Saturday for a month to study German... being far far away usually helps me clear my head), I did realize how much I really love him and miss him.