Have you ever???(2)

[dkak001]

I guess I'm posting this here because it's the only place I feel safe to ask this... (I don't think the general board would understand...)

Have you ever had to give up an opportunity to do something in life that you have always wanted to do, out of respect for friends or family, or of someone else that you care about? Anything? Not necessarily sexual, just anything in general?

What sucks is that I have a perfect little life. I have everything I want, and I am completely happy. I am living my dream. I have more than I should have, in terms of health, in terms of happiness, in terms of family, in terms career. More than any person could dare wish for. (I wish you all, the ability to achieve that level of success in life.)

But, out of the blue a friend has offered an opportunity to me, to do something that I love, and have always loved doing. But, because of where I am, I have to pass this opportunity by. I just have to let it go. It is by far the most agonizing thing I have ever had to do. Even copious amounts of alcohol can't dull what I'm feeling right now.

So, I ask you all to tell me your story. Have you ever had to give up something in life that you have always wanted to do?

 

[bigdirty24]

Life is short

I usually dont write dudes but I saw this and had to write. I will say this I have not given up much. Life is short man you have ot live it to the fullest. I mean if it is something illegal or a risk of life or limb then that is one thing. But I will say this I am at a time in my life where I could die tomorrow and be happy. I don't know your situation but is there anyway to go back and do it? Maybe you don't want to but as I said life is short and you should take advantage of that time and get that expierence.

 

[littlesquirt]

I guess you would have to ask yourself if doing this thing would ruin your perfect life in any way?

would doing it later keep you awake at night with guilt? If someone found out would it change your perfect life?

If it won't really affect your life then go for it.

but if there is a chance it might......why risk it?

 

[dkak001]

I guess you would have to ask yourself if doing this thing would ruin your perfect life in any way?

would doing it later keep you awake at night with guilt? If someone found out would it change your perfect life?

If it won't really affect your life then go for it.

but if there is a chance it might......why risk it?

I'm young. Yet in life I've accomplished almost everything that I have ever wanted to do in life. If I were to die today, i would have no regrets. I have never done anything ethically or morally that I regret.

As such, If I were to take this opportunity I would let everyone who could be affected know about my decision. So guilt would not be an issue. But by doing so I could ruin my career, the financial future of my life, my retirement, and the stability of my wife's and daughter's and unborn child's life. The monetary gain is virtually worthless and not even the point. Everything is perfectly legal. In short, I have everything to loose yet almost nothing to gain. But for financial security and to keep everything I've worked for thus far, I give up the opportunity of a simple, single dream.

For a single dream that's basically worthless, would you give up the sort of life that many people only hope for?

(Sorry I can' be more specific, as many people could be affected. )

 

[x_ShimmeR_x]

Here's my completely insignificant opinion.

I'm 25 years old, and I am far from being in the stable position that you are in. I've gone from having everything in the world, to losing it all, and to slowly working to gain it back -- where I'm at now. I've made some really, REALLY bad decisions, I've disappointed myself and other people more times than I can count.

But beyond hurting some people that really care about me, I have no regrets. I've lived life. I will never be one of those people who suffers from a midlife crisis because I never got to do those things.

My advice to you is that if you have an opportunity to experience life, you need to take it. Material possessions and stability ultimately will not make you happy. They are good things to have, don't get me wrong, but they aren't going to fulfill you forever.

 

[hoodooman]

that's the problem

To get what you want, but lose what you have. Haven't you ever wanted something special, wonderful and exciting, only to get it and experience a little disappointment?

I have. The thing is, there's no crystal ball for the future. If what you passed on was really your destiny it will draw you to it like a magnet. If it is just a "want" it may fade like a nice dream.

There were a few things I heard as a kid that confused me. "You want to eat your cake and have it too", "your eyes are bigger than your stomach", "reach into my pocket and ....."

Ok, that last one was to make myself chuckle....but that's the issue...drive yourself crazy with riddles or take the risk and pay the price. That's the answer...if you're willing to pay the price by risking what you have, you'll find out if "grabbing the brass ring" was the right thing to do.

Even if you lose what you had and don't get what you wanted, it still may have been the right thing to do because you'll have learned something important for the rest of your life.

 

[bi golly]

I usually dont write dudes but I saw this and had to write. I will say this I have not given up much. Life is short man you have ot live it to the fullest. I mean if it is something illegal or a risk of life or limb then that is one thing. But I will say this I am at a time in my life where I could die tomorrow and be happy. I don't know your situation but is there anyway to go back and do it? Maybe you don't want to but as I said life is short and you should take advantage of that time and get that expierence.

This is the narcissistic view. There is nothing in the statements above that speak to character.

While the questions about illegality and undue risk are good, what about trust? Are you breaking trust that others have in you? Respect? Will others respect you for doing it? Are you being honest with the people you expect to be honest with you?

 

[alaskabibear]

I have this philosophy about people and the things they do;

"Ultimately we all choose to do that which we desire the most."

It's really just that simple. (even when it doesn't seem that people are doing that which they most desire, analyze their actions and you will see that they are.)

Sounds like in your case that you have chosen to "stay on the course of safety in the known" as opposed to risking your families wellbeing. Just accept that as your choice and move on, it was your best choice and the one you most wanted to follow (or you would have done the other).

This is an interesting dilemma though. I was just the other day talking to a friend and we decided that it's a shame we only have the one life to live. I think we can all visualize, fantasize and dream of many other attractive lives that we would like to try. But alas, we have only the one....

 

[akade]

no regrets

my two cents and probably worth that much.....

life is too short not to live to the fullest.....i think by wiriting here you are demonstrating some cracks in the" perfection" of your life....and "copious amounts of alcohol" are not needed to complete an already rich life....

whatever it is you want to do, to be, to experience, this is the moment you are given.....Opportunity only shuffles his feet on the doorstep for so long after knocking....

LIVE!

 

[robbie_boy1]

...to thine ownself be true. we all have choices. good luck!

 

[dkak001]

...and "copious amounts of alcohol" are not needed to complete an already rich life....

Not needed. Only used to dull the inital sting of knowingly and willfully passing by an opportunity to do something I've been wanting to do for good bit of time. When Logic and Reason win out over dreams, the dream dies hard.

 

[dkak001]

Sounds like in your case that you have chosen to "stay on the course of safety in the known" as opposed to risking your families wellbeing. Just accept that as your choice and move on, it was your best choice and the one you most wanted to follow (or you would have done the other).

Very good points you make, and I agree with you fully. FYI, the decision was made long before I posed here. It was an easy decision to make, yet agonizing once it was made.


But again, back to my original question. Have any of you ever had to give up something for others in your life? (Where the decision is Logically easy, yet Emotionally difficult?)

 

[Snowman5933]

15 years ago I gave up an opportunity to become a U.S. Marshall. I've been married for 14 years and have never looked back.

Snowman

 

[warrior queen]

yes, i have.
and i've regretted it ever since.

 

[alaskabibear]

Very good points you make, and I agree with you fully. FYI, the decision was made long before I posed here. It was an easy decision to make, yet agonizing once it was made.


But again, back to my original question. Have any of you ever had to give up something for others in your life? (Where the decision is Logically easy, yet Emotionally difficult?)

Of course I have. I can't really envision that there are many people who have not "given up something for others". I think the few that might fit into the category of having never given up anything would be described as the worlds most selfish humans ever to walk the earth. And the thing about those people, pretty soon they don't have to worry about "giving up something for others" because there are no "others" in their lives.

Life is all about choices, decisions and compromises... there is no perfection, nor is there any paradise (except in our "dreams" - anyone who says otherwise is either a fool or a lier).

 

[Wolfman1982]

dkak001: you are saying it will affect many people, is in a good way ? or a bad way, like doing something completely stupid, like blowing yourself up because of the 12 pictures of Mohammed ?

if it is a positive karma, which is positive to people. And does not hurt any one, then do it. But if it is something fuckedup. Then stay the hell away from it. That is my way of thinking. But if you play it safe, then don´t do it. But this is a more puzzling post you made, than the opposite .

 

[none2_none2]

The following comments came from:
http://www.trivia-library.com/b/ori...ss-of-men-lead-lives-of-quiet-desperation.htm


The Saying: THE MASS OF MEN LEAD LIVES OF QUIET DESPERATION.

Who Said It: Henry David Thoreau

When: 1854

The Story behind It: American philosopher and naturalist Thoreau isolated himself at Walden Pond in Massachusetts from 1845 to 1847. His experiences during that time were published in Walden (1854), which Thornton Wilder called "a manual of self-reliance." In a well-known passage, Thoreau stated his purpose: "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation..." In the first essay, "Economy," Thoreau comments that most men are slaves to their work and enslaved to those for whom they work. He concludes: "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation...."

 

[none2_none2]

I felt like that last post was appropriate for the topic. I think everybody had regrets. The question is whether you can live with them or not. I have to admit that fear of poverty has always been a strong leach for me to reign in any tendency to do something too far off the path.

My life was full of regrets. Some were when I was a child and thus learned to accept that I made some poor decisions. Obviously they all don't entail $$$.

When I was about 5, my mother and some nuns climbed the steeple of our church. I was going to, but it was so dark, and i saw spider webs, so I chickened out . Unfortunately, the church was torn down before I was ever old enough to try again. I always regretted it, but don't dwell on it.

When I was 7, my grandpa died. (My household consisted of my mother, grandmother, and grandfather.) They didn't tell me that he was terminal, so I thought he was just sick. I was at the neighbors and learned to ride a bike the day he died. It is a big regret that I didn't go in his bedroom and hug him or at least say hi. This may sound silly, but it is a big regret. I simply don't dwell on it.

When I went to college I switched to computer science as my major as I was afraid I would starve with a fine arts degree. I don't know if I regret it or not. I really don't know what my life would have been had I stayed in the fine arts. I don't think it would have been that great a life. So perhaps it was a "shallow" decision, but I can live with it.

Not that many years ago when my grandmother was still alive, I had to deal with her declining health. My mother wimped out on helping her more. I was doing a lot of important travel for my job, and just couldn't drop everything at a moments notice. So the decision was made with out my input -- they forced her into a nursing home. There is a LOT more to this story, but it would be to long to clearly explain. However, just know that she ended up in as nice of a nursing home as I could find (as if any are really that nice), but it wasn't where she wanted to be. How her last four or so years of her life were handled I will regret until the day I die. I don't dwell on it constantly as that is mentally unhealthy. I live with it, but if there was anything I could change it would be this. But In all honesty, I don't know what I should have done. One could say I should have taken care of her myself. However, I'm not in the medical field and I would have had to continue to work. Also, I had my own personal problems struggling with very strong depression over a really bad breakup in a relationship. In fact it was that depression which probably made me avoid dealing with the problem BEFORE my options were limited.

I have another iffy regret. I had always wanted to have kids. I'm gay and infertile, so it would have a chunk of money, but I could have done it. (This isn't about having designer genes. Its a long story but there were reasons [maybe good or not so good] that I didn't want to go the adoption route.) I'm in a good relationships now with someone who has grown kids and doesn't have any interest in children at this point in his life. I may or may not have been a good parent, but this is something I'll never know. Given the hurdles I would have had to go through to have kids, I figured the big man upstairs probably doesn't want me to have them. So it is a disappointing regret, but I don't dwell on it.

These things I mentioned above are the major regrets I think of at the moment over my life time.

I would say for anybody who is young, that your early years are the time time to take risks with what you want to do in life. You CAN make money again. The main thing I wouldn't give up is any family you have. Unless you were destined to build the next pyramid or some other man-made wonder that has you destined for the history books for eons to come, you will never find anything more important or rewarding than having the people that you love being around you and having them be happy and healthy. There is no amount of money, power, fame, or any other human desire that can come close to replacing loved ones in your life.

 

[dkak001]

yes, i have.
and i've regretted it ever since.

That's too bad. And it must really suck!

dan

 

[i8k4u]

Not too late?

I hope I am not too late to get in on this discussion as it is the most interesting thread I've seen here. This really gets down to nuts and bolts and I applaud dkat for having the stones to even bring it up.

Life is regret. Life is also fulfilment. Life is choice and life is compromise... one way or another most people learn to balance these seemingly opposite effects. That doesn't make any of it easy nor does it drown the pain.

Fourteen years ago my son was murdered in an act of senseless barbarism fueled by misplaced anger. For years I regretted what I saw as my failure as a parent. After all, had I done a better job then he would never have found himself in that place or time. With the passage of time and a LOT of soul searching I have come to realize that I was the best parent I knew how to be, better than most - or at least many - I think, and that he made the decisions that led to his death.

Life is regret: No parent should outlive their child.
Life is fulfilment: We had him for nearly 18 years and never stopped loving him. Not for an instant.
Life is choice: He made his choices, consiously or not; chose the friends that led to that place and time, chose the behavior. It sickens me, even today, that those choices led him where they did, but they were his choices.
Life is compromise: At nearly 18 it was time for us to let him spread his wings and begin to find out who and what he was. It is always one of the hardest things we do as parents to let go enough to see our children blossom, or not as the case may be. It is, at best, a compromise between our need to protect them and their need to find themselves.

We all have regrets. Some are just more permanent than others.

 

[Ray Roberts]

Wasted Opertunity

Yes I am guilty of passing over a marvelous opertunity that I have forever regreted. I was mid tweniteis married to a beautiful women with two young kids. We were at a house party where one of my wifes friends became over friendly with me sneeking the odd snog and felling everywhere, with both involved and yes I was as horny as! anyway about half an hour later my wife comes over to me and asks me to do her a favour. Her friend had a migrane and she asked me if I would drive her home, and yes it was "her" Of course being the gentlemen I readily agreed. We drove nearly in silence and I really thought she must be ill however once at her house she insisted I come in for coffee after being so godd to take her home. In the kitchen she said you see to the coffee while I just go to the bathroom. Well upon her return I nearly dropped the pot she came through the door stark naked - and this was one beautilful woman with an hour glass figure. "I'm all yours" she said slinking over to me. My head was racing this married woman who's husband I regularily played golf with and her as my wifes best friend it was all too much. Sorry I said I can't do this its all just to close for comfort.

Well the shit hit the fan talk about a woman scorned she now became the vixen throwing things at me yelling at me to get out with comments like "you stuck up bastard" being thrown my way as well. I left in a hurry and went back to the party. Later I compounded my mistake by telling the wife, she was furious went round to their house and had a slanging match. They never spoke to each other again. My says she knows where it all started because they were discussing sex and she told her we were at it three times a night whereas her friend was most dissatisfied with her three times a month and a husband who was really uninterested in sex. Wow that made my decission all the worse! how I wish I could have been more prepared for a situation that doesnt happen all that often.

I have always kicked myself over that night and never had another opertunity, with her at least, and I have been long time divorced and on to my third wife but we can't get everything right.

 

[axiomargon]

Someone told me to think about these things as a "strategic loss" -- sometimes you have to give up something in order to be happier in the long run.

On the flipside, people often though tend to overestimate the risk of doing something and so they think that it's "not worth it". It's important to keep perspective that a lot of things you value a lot in life aren't necessarily as valuable as you think. So the risk is might be lower than you think. People realize this later and then regret things ("I should have taken the chance").

My family could never understand who I really am (partly because of a complicated sexuality) and it's a strategic loss to live a life less free than I would like it to be, because in the long run other factors I gain are much more worth it. I recently had to turn down a very promising relationship possibility with a guy (I'm a bi male), because he was too close to family. Maybe I'll regret it later, but I doubt it.

On the other hand, I do plan on quitting my job within 2 years and spending a year travelling alone in asia to learn a few languages and make new friends. I'll lose stability in my career path and I'll lose money, but "it's worth it and life is short".

Hope you made the right choice =)

 

[timewarp69]

Well, I just want to say one thing. I'm mainly speaking of straight relationships, but much of this also applies to gay and lesbian relationships.

It seems that a lot of guys settle for being in relationships where the woman will not do half the things the guy fantasizes about. Of course, some men are this conservative, too, and won't even eat a woman out. So that goes both ways. Me personally?

FUCK settling down with someone who is not sexually compatible, and sacrificing my fantasies, like many do. I think both romantic and sexual compatibility should be of importance, since we only live once, as far as anyone knows for sure. Settling down with someone with more inhibitions than me is a no go. It's more than just sexuality. I have a very liberal life philosophy and i just don't think i have much in common with people who are too sexually conservative and boring......or religious or status quo thinkers....etc etc.

It would be a "sacrifice" for me to put myself into that kind of a relationship scenario to begin with.

 

[hatsandbats]

Giving up something

" Not a day goes by that a man doesn't have to choose-Between what he wants,and what he's afraid to lose"Robert Cray,Consequences,from the album Midnight Stroll.Miles Davis once said"All we have is what is"We'll never have what ought to be,what should be,what might be.I think an affair would set me right,when the reality is it would destroy me,and I would end up reflecting my own shortcomings on my long-suffering mate.You're cheating on me, aren't you!Tell the truth!I would think it about her,because I know it about me.Just one time,and I'll be like the army,all that I can be.Nope.The phone would ring,and I would panic.It would destroy the peaceful,boring life that we have worked so long for.Maybe there's a little more to life than just what I want.Most sane people know the difference between right and wrong,and there are a lot of things that are legal,that aren't right.The big trick to the knowledge of right and wrong is applying it before the fact,instead of after,as in "Damn,I wish I hadn't done that"Problem is,we got right,we got wrong,and what do I want to do?That third one is the killer,and it is only through unselfish service to others that I can escpe my own self-centered demise.

 

[mikaq]

Have you ever had to give up an opportunity to do something in life that you have always wanted to do, out of respect for friends or family, or of someone else that you care about? Anything? Not necessarily sexual, just anything in general?

What sucks is that I have a perfect little life. I have everything I want, and I am completely happy. I am living my dream. I have more than I should have, in terms of health, in terms of happiness, in terms of family, in terms career. More than any person could dare wish for. (I wish you all, the ability to achieve that level of success in life.)

But, out of the blue a friend has offered an opportunity to me, to do something that I love, and have always loved doing. But, because of where I am, I have to pass this opportunity by. I just have to let it go. It is by far the most agonizing thing I have ever had to do. Even copious amounts of alcohol can't dull what I'm feeling right now.

So, I ask you all to tell me your story. Have you ever had to give up something in life that you have always wanted to do?

It's a matter of values we appreciate in our lives.

We are happy and with us our families and friends...
Why do anything to disturb or destroy that happiness?

Choose wisely and live happy!

Sometimes it's not easy, but it is the best way.

I think...