Have Y/you ever lost a "friend" because of the way Y/you live Y/your life?

[sub princess]

Hi.... tonight i had one of the worst endings of a "friendship" imaginable, and i feel deeply crushed.

OK, so here is the story.... i do not make it a point to tell everyone about my choice to live a D/s lifestyle, but there are a select few that i have felt comfortable enough to open up to. i have/ had a "friend" (i use parenthesis because i do not think he ever was now) who has been aware of the way i choose to live for sometime now, and though he did not understand it, he still remained a friend to me, or so i thought. Tonight he came out on the attack, saying things like ..."Doms are nothing but weak people who surround themselves with weaker people" .... and "you seem to have issues with men...the need to please them." Anyway, i would typically not make it a practice to explain myself to someone like this, but because he was a friend, i did. my explaination and reasonings seemed to only upset him more... when he finally got so pissed he said.. "the bottom line is this: its not my place to dictate your life or emotions..... but i do dictate my own.And now,i have no desire to know you any longer."

i felt betrayed somehow, and hurt to think that just because it didn't make sense to him, he couldn't agree to just disagree. And yes, i understand that if he were a true friend he would see that it is my choice, and that it is what makes me happy.


Has this ever happened to A/anyone here?

 

[FungiUg]

Losing a friend is always painful, especially one you trusted to understand, who instead turns on you and attacks.

I can't say I have had the same experience, but I did have something similar.

I went and saw a friend I had since high school, shortly after my marriage break-up. Now my ex-wife is gay, and yet when I needed just someone to talk to about going through all of the crap associated with a breakup, this friend attacked me, and made out like my ex being gay was somehow my fault.

So... suffice to say I have never spoken to him again.

And yeah, I was rather bewildered and hurt at the time.

 

[zanna]

Re: Have Y/you ever lost a "friend" because of the way Y/you live Y/your life?

Hi.... tonight i had one of the worst endings of a "friendship" imaginable, and i feel deeply crushed.

OK, so here is the story.... i do not make it a point to tell everyone about my choice to live a D/s lifestyle, but there are a select few that i have felt comfortable enough to open up to. i have/ had a "friend" (i use parenthesis because i do not think he ever was now) who has been aware of the way i choose to live for sometime now, and though he did not understand it, he still remained a friend to me, or so i thought. Tonight he came out on the attack, saying things like ..."Doms are nothing but weak people who surround themselves with weaker people" .... and "you seem to have issues with men...the need to please them." Anyway, i would typically not make it a practice to explain myself to someone like this, but because he was a friend, i did. my explaination and reasonings seemed to only upset him more... when he finally got so pissed he said.. "the bottom line is this: its not my place to dictate your life or emotions..... but i do dictate my own.And now,i have no desire to know you any longer."

i felt betrayed somehow, and hurt to think that just because it didn't make sense to him, he couldn't agree to just disagree. And yes, i understand that if he were a true friend he would see that it is my choice, and that it is what makes me happy.


Has this ever happened to A/anyone here?

i know what this is like, including someone who trashed me for my choices, said i was allowing myself to be abused, should not tolerate it, etc., and then they turned around, got married, and now engage in light D/s with their other half...now they want to come giggling to me and share their little adventures...and *now* it is all so cool in their eyes. i get treated very differently now for my choices. That hurt, still hurts.

And to take a different angle, it applies to online as well. i went to the same chat room for two years and was very accepted...right up until my choice for my life came out. Even after two years of talking to the same people daily, attitudes quickly changed. i don't fit in anymore seemingly anywhere, and that is hurtful, too. Most do not understand how/why i respond to things the way i do. They do not understand me or my relationship with Him. i do not have "friends" anymore, but a few acquaintences. i get very lonely sometimes. i miss having people to talk to, to laugh and cut up with, etc.

Somewhere in that, i had to decide that it was more important to be *me* than what anyone thought of me. i spent too many years knowing what my desires were and supressing them out of fear of what others would think. i am no longer willing to do that. i still go back to that room on the nights He is working, kids are sleeping, and i feel lonely. i usually end up not staying long, though. It does not take long to be reminded that i just don't fit in there anymore.

i am sorry you were hurt in this way. It isn't easy -- i keep wanting to say but...*i* have not really changed...the inner me is the same as before you knew this about me! This isn't fair!

It is most important to be you. It takes a lot of strength. Remain true to yourself, choices, and needs, even though sometimes that is not always the easiest path to walk.

zanna

 

[sub princess]

Losing a friend is always painful, especially one you trusted to understand, who instead turns on you and attacks.

I can't say I have had the same experience, but I did have something similar.

I went and saw a friend I had since high school, shortly after my marriage break-up. Now my ex-wife is gay, and yet when I needed just someone to talk to about going through all of the crap associated with a breakup, this friend attacked me, and made out like my ex being gay was somehow my fault.

So... suffice to say I have never spoken to him again.

And yeah, I was rather bewildered and hurt at the time.

Hi, and thank You for sharing..... between what You went through with Your friend, and what i went through.. the expression 'with friends like that, who needs enemies' comes to mind. That is terrible that Your friend couldn't be supportive when You needed them most.

How in the world could Your friend think that Your ex being gay was Your fault? i mean i personally do not think that being gay is a choice You make, or something one just "decides" to be... it is part of someone from birth i think, and unfortunately society forces some to never really see that, or deny it until they are in a situation, like a marriage, where by finally 'accepting' that they are gay, they must now hurt someone else.

Again i am sorry for what You went through, but as i think i have now learned, somewhat painfully, a true friend likes U/us for W/who W/we are, and can be supportive even when they don't agree, or understand U/us. Makes me take a lot of stock in who my "real" friends are now.

 

[sub princess]

Re: Re: Have Y/you ever lost a "friend" because of the way Y/you live Y/your life?

i know what this is like, including someone who trashed me for my choices, said i was allowing myself to be abused, should not tolerate it, etc., and then they turned around, got married, and now engage in light D/s with their other half...now they want to come giggling to me and share their little adventures...and *now* it is all so cool in their eyes. i get treated very differently now for my choices. That hurt, still hurts.

And to take a different angle, it applies to online as well. i went to the same chat room for two years and was very accepted...right up until my choice for my life came out. Even after two years of talking to the same people daily, attitudes quickly changed. i don't fit in anymore seemingly anywhere, and that is hurtful, too. Most do not understand how/why i respond to things the way i do. They do not understand me or my relationship with Him. i do not have "friends" anymore, but a few acquaintences. i get very lonely sometimes. i miss having people to talk to, to laugh and cut up with, etc.

Somewhere in that, i had to decide that it was more important to be *me* than what anyone thought of me. i spent too many years knowing what my desires were and supressing them out of fear of what others would think. i am no longer willing to do that. i still go back to that room on the nights He is working, kids are sleeping, and i feel lonely. i usually end up not staying long, though. It does not take long to be reminded that i just don't fit in there anymore.

i am sorry you were hurt in this way. It isn't easy -- i keep wanting to say but...*i* have not really changed...the inner me is the same as before you knew this about me! This isn't fair!

It is most important to be you. It takes a lot of strength. Remain true to yourself, choices, and needs, even though sometimes that is not always the easiest path to walk.

zanna

Thank you, and i can relate in many ways to what you have said. This was not the first time that i have found myself explaining one of my decisions to a 'friend', and then came to realize that our friendship was, for them, based on the contingency that i be the person they wanted me to be, rather than the person that i actually am inside. The way i look at it, is that my friends are my friends, i like them, warts and all... i accept them for who they are, and hope for the same in return.

As i mentioned in my response to FungiUg i believe that people are born gay, and that it is not something one just wakes up one day and decides to be. i think this also holds true for living a D/s lifestyle... i didn't choose to be a submissive or slave, it is just another part of me, i believe it has always been a part of me, and i know it always will be. Yes, i 'denied' and suppressed it for a long time, but that waasn't really being true to myself, and i will not live a lie just to perpetuate someone else's ideal of what 'i should be', or how i should live my life. Though i may now use more caution in showing the 'real me' to someone... it is unfortunate, but a valuable lesson learned.

i accept the loss of my friend, sadly, but i will move on and embrace T/those that truly are friends even more, for understanding, and accepting me for who i am.

Thank you again for writing....

 

[Ms_Lilith]

First off, I'm sorry that he felt the need to quit the friendship.

Secondly, yes, I've lost a friend to my choices... not necessarily BDSM, because just about anyone who is close with me knows SOMETHING about my involvement in it (I see no reason to hide). But I have lost friends to my choices about sexuality in general... I used to be very 'pure' and very Christian, and when I decided that that was no the lifestyle for me, I lost quite a few people who I'd been friends with since like, kindergarten. They just didn't understand how I could change, how I could 'turn my back on' all the beliefs that I had previously held.

They didn't understand that now I was just discovering life for myself, without the blinders that the church had put on me, and they didnt understand how there was a world outside the blinders.

It was really sad.. I got called all kinds of names, and .. well... let's just say that they've found their way in life, and I've found mine. And we have found our own happinesses.

 

[psiberzerker]

I've lost freinds, and "Freinds" over various fascets of my lifestyle untill I stopped hiding things. I came out of the various closets years ago to discover that I was loosing only potemntial friends after the people I knew and didn't approve dropped off. THe wway I see it, those people didn't know the real me if I had some horrible secret they couldn't deal with. They don't like the real me, so fuck it.
Your freind stuck around long after he discovered who you where which puts it on him. You where open about it, so the only secret being kept was his discomfort with it. I guess there's the difference between being a freind, and being had as a freind. Secrets are what end relationships, not the truth.

 

[sub princess]

First off, I'm sorry that he felt the need to quit the friendship.

Secondly, yes, I've lost a friend to my choices... not necessarily BDSM, because just about anyone who is close with me knows SOMETHING about my involvement in it (I see no reason to hide). But I have lost friends to my choices about sexuality in general... I used to be very 'pure' and very Christian, and when I decided that that was no the lifestyle for me, I lost quite a few people who I'd been friends with since like, kindergarten. They just didn't understand how I could change, how I could 'turn my back on' all the beliefs that I had previously held.

They didn't understand that now I was just discovering life for myself, without the blinders that the church had put on me, and they didnt understand how there was a world outside the blinders.

It was really sad.. I got called all kinds of names, and .. well... let's just say that they've found their way in life, and I've found mine. And we have found our own happinesses.

Thank you for posting, and for sharing your experience. i am sorry to hear that your friends couldn't accept your evolution and discovering of yourself... it is sad that some people can only accept us so long as we fall in line with what they believe in.

i am glad that you have found your own happiness, and have remained true to yourself. It is terrible to lose a friend, especially if the reason is merely a difference of opinion. And that "holier than thou" attitude your 'friends' took with you is weak, not only because of your lose, but because they themselves are closing their minds and their hearts to the opportunity of maybe discovering themselves a little bit better.

Thanks again for posting... and BTW, i have always enjoyed your Avs, very nice......

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Thank you for posting, and for sharing your experience. i am sorry to hear that your friends couldn't accept your evolution and discovering of yourself... it is sad that some people can only accept us so long as we fall in line with what they believe in.

i am glad that you have found your own happiness, and have remained true to yourself. It is terrible to lose a friend, especially if the reason is merely a difference of opinion. And that "holier than thou" attitude your 'friends' took with you is weak, not only because of your lose, but because they themselves are closing their minds and their hearts to the opportunity of maybe discovering themselves a little bit better.

Thanks again for posting... and BTW, i have always enjoyed your Avs, very nice......

I understand WHY my friends decided to no longer continue the relationship.. they just couldn't agree with my lifestyle choices, becdause they thought I was sinning... and they didn't want to be around an influence like me. Which is fine. I used to be that way.. and then I opened my mind a whole bunch. To each his/her own, and to them, their faith was very important.

And thank you...

 

[sub princess]

I've lost freinds, and "Freinds" over various fascets of my lifestyle untill I stopped hiding things. I came out of the various closets years ago to discover that I was loosing only potemntial friends after the people I knew and didn't approve dropped off. THe wway I see it, those people didn't know the real me if I had some horrible secret they couldn't deal with. They don't like the real me, so fuck it.
Your freind stuck around long after he discovered who you where which puts it on him. You where open about it, so the only secret being kept was his discomfort with it. I guess there's the difference between being a freind, and being had as a freind. Secrets are what end relationships, not the truth.

Hello psiberzerker, and thank You for Your post. i completely agree with You, and i too hate living a lie with those i do not feel comfortable enough with to share such a major part of the real me. Unfortunately i had a hard time saying 'fuck it' with him, because he has been such a good friend on every other level. But since he leaves me no choice, i must simply move on, knowing that though i will miss him, i live my life as i have chosen, and those that don't understand, or disagree with it have the choice as to whether or not they want to be a part of my life. A simple case of 'you can please some of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time' i guess.

 

[FungiUg]

Hi, and thank You for sharing..... between what You went through with Your friend, and what i went through.. the expression 'with friends like that, who needs enemies' comes to mind. That is terrible that Your friend couldn't be supportive when You needed them most.

I prefer "with friends like that, who needs enemas?"

Sadly, people are judgemental. Politics, religion, racism, bigotry -- they're all excuses that we use to build our own mental image of ourself by putting other people down. Kiwis are terribly judgemental (although no longer as racist as we once were, thankfully!), and very harsh on each other. Ah well.

How in the world could Your friend think that Your ex being gay was Your fault? i mean i personally do not think that being gay is a choice You make, or something one just "decides" to be... it is part of someone from birth i think, and unfortunately society forces some to never really see that, or deny it until they are in a situation, like a marriage, where by finally 'accepting' that they are gay, they must now hurt someone else.

Well, nothing is ever simple and straight-forward. First, I think he was disgusted that I could knowingly "let" her have an affair with a woman in the first place. (I've never been possessive, so that didn't bother me at all. It was only when she decided she didn't want me that it hurt.)

Also, my ex had a good sex life (compared to some)... and even after we broke up because she was gay, she still occasionally wanted sex with me. Personally, I believe she is/was bi-sexual, but leaned more towards women. I know she was way more excited by sex with women than she was with me, but I also remember how turned on she used to be when we were first discovering sex together. (Yep, the old romantic lost our virginities together thing.)

Anyway, in a way, my ex did "choose" to be gay, rather than bi-sexual. I had discussed the idea of threesomes with her, and she was disgusted. So partly, we broke up because of her sexual closed-mindedness. In fact, when we broke up, I remember her telling me I was a pervert! If she only knew. Chuckle.

The really ironic thing about my break up is that the woman who my ex had her affair with, and who (sucessfully) tried to break us up so she could be with my ex (only to be dumped by my ex three months later) turned up on the local BDSM group e-mail almost a year ago now, confessing to be a "bottom". Yes! So I wasn't the only "pervert" in my ex's sex life.

Anyway, back to why my friend thought this was my fault. He in his past had experimented with sex with men (several of my male friends are gay or bi... sadly, never been tempted myself.) However, he made a choice to marry into a heterosexual monogamous relationship. And looking back now, I think he was feeling somewhat frustrated by it. And... he wasn't willing to admit that. So because he made the choice to stay in a heterosexual relationship and not "stray", he would naturally feel that other people could do the same. And if my ex wasn't making that choice, then it must be my fault.

Okay, so I still fail to see the connection. I know what was going on for him, and I understand his frustration at his own choices... but I still don't understand why it was my fault. Six years later, and that memory still smarts.

Again i am sorry for what You went through, but as i think i have now learned, somewhat painfully, a true friend likes usfor who we are, and can be supportive even when they don't agree, or understand us. Makes me take a lot of stock in who my "real" friends are now.

True friends are precious. Treasure them!

 

[sub princess]

I prefer "with friends like that, who needs enemas?"

Some of us like a warm soothing enema-- lol Oh, i did not just say that!

Sadly, people are judgemental. Politics, religion, racism, bigotry -- they're all excuses that we use to build our own mental image of ourself by putting other people down. Kiwis are terribly judgemental (although no longer as racist as we once were, thankfully!), and very harsh on each other. Ah well.

Yes, i agree.. it would be nice to think that instead of focusing on O/our differences, W/we could just simply look at the one thing W/we A/all have in common-- W/we are A/all human, W/we A/all make mistakes, and none of U/us are perfect. But sadly i don't think W/we will ever see such enlightenment from the masses.

Anyway, back to why my friend thought this was my fault. He in his past had experimented with sex with men (several of my male friends are gay or bi... sadly, never been tempted myself.) However, he made a choice to marry into a heterosexual monogamous relationship. And looking back now, I think he was feeling somewhat frustrated by it. And... he wasn't willing to admit that. So because he made the choice to stay in a heterosexual relationship and not "stray", he would naturally feel that other people could do the same. And if my ex wasn't making that choice, then it must be my fault.

i think what it all boils down to is the qualities and attributes that P/people take fault with in O/others are usually the very things that T/they see in T/themselves and hate. It sounds to me that Your friend felt that You should somehow hold Your ex hostage, preventing her from being gay, because he himself was not able to, or would not allow himself to be gay or bi.

True friends are precious. Treasure them!

i can count my 'true' friends on less than two hands, but every O/one of T/them is definitely precious to me...

Thank You again for posting, and though W/we haven't been introduced, i am s.p., and i look forward to seeing You on the boards.

 

[FungiUg]

Some of us like a warm soothing enema-- lol Oh, i did not just say that!

Didn't hear a thing! Honest! (Starts rummaging in his toy bag.)

i think what it all boils down to is the qualities and attributes that P/people take fault with in O/others are usually the very things that T/they see in T/themselves and hate. It sounds to me that Your friend felt that You should somehow hold Your ex hostage, preventing her from being gay, because he himself was not able to, or would not allow himself to be gay or bi.

Yeah, that's the only theory I could come up with that worked. I'm not into forcing myself into people though. If my partner doesn't want to be with me, then I don't want the partnership. I want to be desireable, "want to" rather than "have to." I love to be loved. Simple really. So no way I was going to "force" my ex to stay.

Personally, I think anyone who has to rely on "trapping" a partner is pathetic.

 

[sub princess]

Didn't hear a thing! Honest! (Starts rummaging in his toy bag.)


Yeah, that's the only theory I could come up with that worked. I'm not into forcing myself into people though. If my partner doesn't want to be with me, then I don't want the partnership. I want to be desireable, "want to" rather than "have to." I love to be loved. Simple really. So no way I was going to "force" my ex to stay.

Personally, I think anyone who has to rely on "trapping" a partner is pathetic.

Oh the toy bag!!!!


Yes, i think short of maybe chaining her to the wall (hmmm, doesn't sound bad to me), there is no way to make someone stay. And in the long run, though You may miss her, at least You can be involved with honest relationships in which You know the person is there because they want to be with You, and only You.

Trapping someone is pathetic.. it's starting a relationship or continuing one based on deceit.. that can never last.

 

[FungiUg]

Oh the toy bag!!!!


Yes, i think short of maybe chaining her to the wall (hmmm, doesn't sound bad to me), there is no way to make someone stay. And in the long run, though You may miss her, at least You can be involved with honest relationships in which You know the person is there because they want to be with You, and only You.

Trapping someone is pathetic.. it's starting a relationship or continuing one based on deceit.. that can never last.

Well, chaining to the wall is fine, so long as the person chained wants to be there! My room in the place I am living (with friends) is basically under the house, and we call it the dungeon... so never know, my flatmate might be okay about adding a few interesting items to make it into more than just a dungeon in name. (He owns the place.)

"Troll! Troll in the dungeon! Just... thought you'd like to know."

I am amazed at the number of people that lie to get into a relationship. I mean, they even lie about what they look like, what they weigh and so on. Totally wierd.

 

[ownedsubgal]

bumping this one back up, because unfortunately i've had this experience (losing a so-called friend because of my lifestyle)...

i've never been the type to have many friends. one or two at any given time at most. my last two years of high school, and after college, one of my few friends was a girl i'll call u. u and i realized early on we had very different fundamental beliefs and values, but it was nothing that prevented us from being friends, enjoying each other's company, laughing and talking together. until, i discovered that i was a submissive, and began exploring the lifestyle. anytime i would tell u. about some new experience i had had, or some discovery i had made regarding my submissive nature, it would quickly become a one-way conversation. she obviously wasn't interested. so i stopped sharing so much with her. we grew apart a little. then, i meet Daddy, fall in love with him, become his slave. u. and i grow further apart. she's reluctant to meet Daddy and definitely doesn't want to hear anything about our relationship. then Daddy and i move in together. one weekend, i invite u. to our home, it will be a sort of sleepover like we used to have so often in high school, and Daddy has made arrangements to stay elsewhere for one night, so she won't be uncomfortable. still, i want her to meet Daddy, and he wants to meet her, so he goes alone to pick her up from the train station, and i am hoping that after seeing him, talking to him, she will realize what a wonderful person he is, or at least realize that is not the abusive monster she thinks he is. well, it doesn't work. somehow seeing Daddy only made her more sure that i was in some twisted, abusive relationship...that i was being brainwashed by this "horrible man". our sleepover was distant...i had her sleep in a room on the opposite side of the house, and bedtime came early. in the morning, she wanted to leave right away, and alone. at that point i was glad to see her go. but it was clear i had lost a friend, or what i thought was a friend, forever. i tried calling her a few times after that, but it soon became clear that she never made any effort to reach ME. so i decided not to call anymore. and big surprise...i never heard from her again. all because she couldn't understand this lifestyle, couldn't see anything in it except ugliness and horror stories.

i have no friends now that i had before entering the lifestyle. too many of those with vanilla ways and beliefs just don't wish to understand and don't wish to tolerate.

 

[hurtme]

I'm sorry for you loss...losing a friend is never easy. Losing someone you considered a close friend, someone you shared a part of yourself with, it will always hurt a little, at least for me it does.
I have lost friends for a lot of reasons. I knew a girl, i grew up with her, best friends since kindergarden. When high school came around, she wanted to be popular, and i was quite content as my status as "the wierd girl?". So i continued to get wierder, dressing in all black, nose always buried in a book, didn't talk to anyone, got various percings and had oddly colored hair, and she, other hand, went to soccar games and sat in a clique at lunch and so on...and finally I told her that i thought i might be bi, and that was the end, she couldn't accept that i was trying to discover myself in some unconventional ways...and she didn't want to understand.
I lost a very good friend of mine when I told her that i had decided to dedicate myself to Wicca, when she was not christian, but still stunk in the mindframe. My relationship with my "sister" is forever changed, because i told her i enjoyed the BDSM lifestyle. She is not blood, i have known her since i was three, so basically, I can never remember her not being in my life, her child is my god(dess?)daughter. Now however, she will never be as comfortable with me as she once was, we lost that bond, beucase she didn't want to understand, and this is a woman who is not afraid of odd things, things that are a little different, but she shocked me when she said flat out, "I don't want to know, don't tell me anything, i am not, nor will i ever be interested". I don't make friends easily, i am not much of a "people person". Mostly because i don't trust easily, and i am always waiting for the knife in the back that invaribley comes with each friendship i make. I don't lose them well either, or easily...I will fight for a friendship, but some aren't worth saving...If we only knew that before we started it though...

 

[Hajar]

This is going to sound really bad, but I have very little friends, in fact I have three and that includes my husband.
I've lost so many in the past year, thru moving and marriage and I've been hurt so much my "friends" that I no longer trust people with my emotions, I refuse to become attached to any one.
I know the pain of losing some one you've trusted with your friendship, trust and love for years over things that there is no control of.
I lost a friend recently because I got married, I had no idea that she thought of me as, the dumpy fat friend (there's a colour problem in there too, but only someone black would get it)
She was angry that I found someone first, and that brought out other problems she had with me (my family having money etc), I loved her like a sister, supported her daughter like she was mine, infact she lived at my home for some time, and I never knew.
This was how she thought of me, and she wasn't the only one, I was dumb not to see I guess, these were all people (females) that I knew for years, and now I just have even more issues with trusting people

I'm sorry for everyones lost, but just look at it as a lesson in life, I do

 

[hurtme]

hmm, i knew there was a reason why all my friends are guys! Come to think of it, every female friend i have ever had who i considered a *close* friend...has stabbed me in the figurative back, some of them multiple times if i was dumb enough to continue the friendship. the sister i mentioned in the other post...amazingly beautiful, but aside from that, amazing with people, able to please a crowd, gets along with everyone, willing to temper herself so as not to offend other people....growing up...I saw how we were different, i don't care to speak differently or act differently just because someone might get offended, i refuse to not share an opinion just because it is controversial, i don't really have a lot to say if i don't know someone so i am always quiet and probably considered snobbish at first meeting, and after i do get to know someone, no topic is scared, no subject taboo..which bothers people...so anyway, growing up i had this horrible "sidekick" complex, she always put me in that place to her...and i really started to believe it...it took many many years, and my very best friend in the entire world who continually told me what a beautiful girl i was, then woman...and who always made me feel so intelligent, and insightful, and astute...to make me realize that the only thing in the world keeping me down was her attitude, and since i called her on it, she has taken to calling "us" the two most beautiful women on the planet....not somethign i agree with, but definately a nice change...and my friend, the one that made me realize what i was doing to myself...a man, like most of my other friends, because women are evil...
my point about that whole thing was...damn i can't remember it now, but it was going to be really good about how much some people suck...

 

[Mr Blonde]

Honestly, who still hangs out with people you knew in high school?

Friends drift in and out of life. I have never lost friends because of something specific but I have had many changes where I just outgrew people. Sad to say, it is usually me moving on with things....

But don't you meet new people to take their place?

 

[hurtme]

hmm, i still hang out with two people i knew in high school...i guess admitting that i am not the bouncy blonde with a bubbly personality might make me less than cool...but when have i ever cared about that? I don't make friends easily, or often...I am not a mutant or anything, i am just one of those people who is happier sitting at home with a good book and a warm bath, or hanging out with a few close friends than going out and attempting to meet new people... i have been let down one to many times to have great hopes in that department...

 

[sunfox]

I have two friends that I've known since we were all three years
old. Twenty four years later, we're still as tight as we were then.

We're different people, but we've never allowed that to get in
the way of the friendships we share together.

I agree, friends do come and go. But the true ones, well.. time
apart, and miles apart, don't really matter when you're real
friends, I think. And I like to think that no matter what I did in
my life, or the choices I made.. those two friends, and my other
close friends, would respect me for them, and still love me.

 

[MissTaken]

I have two friends that I've known since we were all three years
old. Twenty four years later, we're still as tight as we were then.

We're different people, but we've never allowed that to get in
the way of the friendships we share together.

I agree, friends do come and go. But the true ones, well.. time
apart, and miles apart, don't really matter when you're real
friends, I think. And I like to think that no matter what I did in
my life, or the choices I made.. those two friends, and my other
close friends, would respect me for them, and still love me.

Nice post, sunfox.

I don't "come out" to everyone I know, but there are a select few that know or have some idea.

They either love me for who I am and not what I do behind closed doors or they can take a hike.

Isn't losing a friend over D/s like judging your friend for how they fuck? How they show love to their partner? And who is best to judge us based on our intimate relationships? No one, as long as we are healthy, happy and safe.

Right?

Hell, sex without condoms is far more dangerous than many BDSM activities.

And I didn't read all of the thread as I haven't had enough coffee yet. I hope my post isn't too far off topic.

 

[Princessintrng]

Losing Friends

I only call 4 people friends, everyone else in my life is an acquaintance, of those 4, 3 know the lifestyle I choose and don't seem to have a problem with it. Now my family is a completely different matter. My oldest daughter (22) is upset that I won't become a christian, my mother is upset that I won't get married and settle down and my sisters are upset that I don't want anymore children :shurgs: I guess you can't please everyone, but I am happy in my life and my life choices and as it says in one of my favorite songs "I no longer justify reasons for the way that I behave, I offer no apologies for the things that I believe and say, and I like it that way" I only hope that my family can find happiness inside themselves because I believe that is why they try to trash my life, they aren't happy in their own.... Just my 2 cents worth.

 

[ZenDragoness]

Friend?

This is for me an interesting and saddening thread. I am still not sure, if i lost my oldest friend, but i has to with BDSM. We know each other since we are 10, so 28 yrs is a really long time.

He always had problems with my bf*s, but miracously my husband was to his liking, in fact he was really fond of him.

2,5 yrs ago i left my husband and man of 14 yrs, after an agonising year for the three of us, to be with my (now) second husband. In the time i would have needed him the most, my friend? came up with things like, i love you, but i love also your husband.... He did not helped me or supported me in any way. BDSM played a role, cause my ex-husband had times where he was able to accept, that he is also one of "us", but there were other times, when he denied it. It had something to do with shame and his being afraid and that we were not exactly on the same place in the spectrum.

As i told my friend, that i never expected to fall in love again and that this feeling is stronger, than anything i have ever experienced before, he told me: This is a phase and it will end, especially the bdsm aspect of things i am not seeing in proportion.

We accompanied each other through so many hard and difficult times in the many yrs our friendship lasted, but i can not forget the way he behaved. We phone and see each other, but i think i will break the contact. If he had ever apologized or something like that......

My ex-husband and i are on fairly good terms btw.

ZenDragoness
PS i know in a buddistic sense my feelings leave a lot to be desired, but i am never claimed to be enlightened