have more fun in bed?

[Guest]

Okay, I've got to disagree here. Don't ever slip viagra to anyone. It has some terrible side effects, and is only used for people who have serious problems. I've seen it, so just a warning.

 

[Luv2PleasureF]

Okay, I've got to disagree here. Don't ever slip viagra to anyone. It has some terrible side effects, and is only used for people who have serious problems. I've seen it, so just a warning.

Agreed. Just to be clear, the first suggestion I made was serious - the second was in jest.

 

[Guest]

Agreed. Just to be clear, the first suggestion I made was serious - the second was in jest.

Hey, Doctor Luv!

I miss you already =(

 

[silverwhisper]

saldne, luv2: sorry guys, as i'm new, i wasn't aware you were involved. my bad.

ed

 

[Guest]

saldne, luv2: sorry guys, as i'm new, i wasn't aware you were involved. my bad.

ed

Nah, why would you say it like that? Isn't it fun to be bad?

No worries: really =)

 

[silverwhisper]

[chuckles]

you know, i post on another discussion forum that uses the same forum software and i keep looking for smileys that are used there that aren't in use here. although the happy banana's an old fave...

ed

 

[Guest]

I'm looking for advice on how to get my husband revved up in bed. He's more than a bit of a limp noodle. He is working on initiating sex more often, but seriously, if I didn't initiate it would be once a month or less. Then in bed, he's very mechanical. I was just reading a thread in the cafe about what men should not do in bed, and the nots are his playlist. Very little kissing, 8th grade kind of breast touching and the moment I am wet enough for intercourse he's in there (unless I tell him I'm not ready yet and then he gets all pouty). The other thing he does is once we get started he rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his head. Umm...hello? I'm not servicing you, you don't get to just lay there completely still and have me "perform." (Again, if I ask him to touch me or try to playfully put his hand on my breast he acts like I slapped him or something). He doesn't seem to have a lot of concern about my pleasure or even a good feel for if I'm enjoying it. I don't even really enjoy sex with him, I love him and want to do it because it damn well seems like practice should help!

Things used to be better, he was more into it and actually verbalized his desire for me to enjoy lovemaking. After we were married (like a month!) it all went to hell. Part of me thinks he's picked up this porn mentality that I'm supposed to please him or something (and I have reasons to believe that). I've tried to educate him that porn sex is pretend sex (you know, like how Kermit and Miss Piggy aren't real, they're puppets) and get him to cut down on the porn, but I still believe that that mentality is there.

I just want him to act enthusiastic about sex even if the technical aspects are not his strengths. It's no fun making love to a limp noodle.

I love him and won't leave him, but you know, I'd enjoy sex with someone who acted like they wanted to have sex with me. Lately, I find that I get excited when a man flirts with me at the grocery store or at a bar or whatever. It never really had that effect on me before.

Any advice? I'm trying hard to just pump up the excitement on my end (without faking it) hoping that he'll reciprocate but I'm not having much luck so far.

Hia girlfriend! I apologize for not coming in to give some decent advice instead of messing around with my SO here.

I was with a man for 5 years that never satisfied me. Thank God we weren't married, but boy, do I feel for you! I was once married, and went through a lot of hell and it was so hard to finally make the break. As you say, you love him and want more attention, satisfaction which is not too much to ask. When married/commited we are to seek out each others pleasures. Shame on him! Being married makes it more difficult (IMO) And if it was great only up to a month after marriage, I'd be very frustrated and furious!!

I don't blame you for getting excited at those guys at the grocery story. Hell, you're not getting anything at home! It would make me feel very insecure and unloved. I was there, girl. That's why I occasional lifted up my shirt to get a rush as the truckers went "hoot, hoot" when I wasn't sexually satisfied. <grins at myself> It kept me happy at the moment.

If he says he loves you and is willing to try, really communicate your feelings about the situation in how it hurts you. I would like to recommend reading sex books or magazines together. I'm not saying porn, I'm talking new positions and such while in bed together. You get to lay and giggle, getting aroused reading the material together.

Hope this helps, hon. Good luck! If he was cheating on you, I'd say leave the selfish pig. Sorry, had to be honest. You should both be giving equally.

((hugs)))

 

[Luv2PleasureF]

[chuckles]

you know, i post on another discussion forum that uses the same forum software and i keep looking for smileys that are used there that aren't in use here. although the happy banana's an old fave...

ed

Yup, same here.
My honey says I'm "Nana happy".
But he's just so cool. Um, it is a "he", right? I don't see any boobs, so...

 

[Guest]

Yup, same here.
My honey says I'm "Nana happy".
But he's just so cool. Um, it is a "he", right? I don't any boobs, so...

(@) (@) <---suck my tits

 

[silverwhisper]

luv2: yeah, i'm also going w/ male. cuz, you know, when the sex is indeterminate, it's what we do in this wacky language. :>

ed

 

[Luv2PleasureF]

(@) (@) <---suck my tits

Any time, baby... any time at all!

 

[Guest]

What a dick! Porn schmorn- nothing is better than the real thing.

TAKE THE POOR BLOKE TO SEX CLASS, or purchase some goodies from the sex shop to rev up his appetite.

If its porn he wants- you could attempt to do the whole dress-up thang. It might even encourage his lazy paws to touch you (shock horror!)

Or....

Maybe you could starve him sexually, and see what happens and how long it takes him to come crawling back.

You may have to seek alternative means of pleasure for the sex-famine- but hey, batteries are fun!

There's something wrong with these two statements, "miss_kate"

1. What a dick! Porn schmorn- nothing is better than the real thing. 2. You may have to seek alternative means of pleasure for the sex-famine- but hey, batteries are fun!

Sounds a bit twisted.

Please help me. I get confused often

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Psia, what's happened since you started this thread???

 

[Psia]

Hi!
I did post this and then run away. Well, last night we had pretty good sex, it was the first time in a looong time that we've had sex at all. I think part of why is was good was that it's been a while, but I was also a little more assertive about what I needed. As I reflect on all of this, I think the piece I might not be seeing is how stressed I am about finishing my dissertation. I might be a little over-critical here, even though things are not where I would like them to be.

I agree that porn sex is real sex in the sense that they are real people actually having sex. But in most of the porn I've seen, it's not the kind of sex that happens in the real world. For instance, I don't think my next dinner party is going to turn into a wild orgy with naked bodies fucking all over my living room. Nor do I plan to bring in another person or do anything like that. The enthusiasm of porn can be real, but the situations are often silly.

Oh, and the thing about slipping viagra was a complete joke. I don't think any responsbile adult would actually do that. And if they did, they'd be a complete asshole.

There were some other things I wanted to comment on but I need to go back and re-read a few posts...

I love hearing what you all have to say, though!

 

[Psia]

I went through some stuff like you're describing with my wife some time back. The simple truth is that as soon as you started downplaying his "porn sex" desires you stomped on his ego and choked off his sex drive at the same time. Men who are into the adventurous sex that they see in porn do not view it as just fantasy. If we can see another living man doing it, then we know it's possible, and probably fun. If we see another living woman doing it, then we figure that we can probably do it with our significant other as well.

Basically, as soon as you took away his fantasies of really enthusiastic, no holds barred, monkey lovin', sweat drippin', bodies pumpin', twistin' and contorting and no holes off limits sex, all you left him with for options was what you're currently getting.

Why should he be enthusiastic about sex with a woman who is more willing to dismiss his fantasies than embrace them???

You had some good points, and I need to think about it, but I think that he does not need to believe that he can have anything he sees in porn. I didn't dissmiss the fantasies, I've even asked him to share them but he basically has nothing to say. I'm an adventurous gal, and I've made it clear that I'll do just about anything except having sex with someone other than him. I didn't tell him he can't fantasize about it or role play with it, I'm just wanting him to enjoy his porn and enjoy me too. If the porn was giving him ideas and he was acting on them, it would be one thing (a good thing!). But I think it was distracting him.

I see things in porn that I like. I'd love to get it on with two big muscular men with enormous cocks. I just saw a few construction workers today that made me salivate. But I'm not so caught up in the fantasy world that that I can't enjoy sex with the one person that I married.