Brunne-
Going to try and give my take on this, it may be true, it also could be way off. I don't know how long ago you are talking but thanks to the net and its large 'virtual community' and the number of people who now explore kink play/bd-sm, etc, it is a bit of a different world. 30 years ago when I started out (or from what I know if it from people who really were involved) it was still very much a small world of people into this stuff, and there was some stuff that today looks weird, for people who actually came together, there often was more formalism for lack of a better word. BD/SM communities tended almost to be like small bands of brigands in effect, I guess a motorcycle gang would be sort of analogous (and to this day some S/M , leather groups use bike terminology, like runs and so forth). They had elders and if you became part of that group there were protocols of training and other jazz..there was this whole "old guard" mystique that still drives me personally up the wall.....
I think what happened was that as people got into Kink who had access to information, who had groups like TES and Black Rose to learn from without the formalism of the old 'groups', with the net and the ton of books that have come out in the past 20 years or so, that old style of formalism to a large extend died. Doesn't mean there are a-holes out there telling you that there are '10 rules of submission' and 'a sub has to learn the 10 postures of submission' and other dogma you need to learn to be 'real', but a lot of people ignore them. In some ways it is quaint, but in reality because the people doing this stuff are more diverse, there just isn't a need for that kind of formality or rigidity. I was never lifestyle to the point that some were/are, I didn't go to the conventions and live my life around this stuff (I was lifestyle in other ways, least for a while), but I have had a lot of friends who were and they lived their lives they way they wanted and the only thing they ever did with me was answer questions about things like safety, or make suggestions in bringing along a non kink spouse into this stuff, but there simply wasn't any of the "you have to do this to be real", the people in question I am talking about are well known in BD/SM circles around the country, and if they ever heard someone say those kinds of things they would probably ream them.
It is a lot more freewheeling then it was and quite honestly, IMO, it is a lot healthier then it once was because it is diverse, because it ranges from people who do this for a bit of fun to people who take it lifestyle to living in D/s relationships and so forth. It could be that you were used to something different and therefore it is disconcerting a bit (understandable), but my take is you hang around long enough, you will find people who 'fit' your zone of comfort.
Going to try and give my take on this, it may be true, it also could be way off. I don't know how long ago you are talking but thanks to the net and its large 'virtual community' and the number of people who now explore kink play/bd-sm, etc, it is a bit of a different world. 30 years ago when I started out (or from what I know if it from people who really were involved) it was still very much a small world of people into this stuff, and there was some stuff that today looks weird, for people who actually came together, there often was more formalism for lack of a better word. BD/SM communities tended almost to be like small bands of brigands in effect, I guess a motorcycle gang would be sort of analogous (and to this day some S/M , leather groups use bike terminology, like runs and so forth). They had elders and if you became part of that group there were protocols of training and other jazz..there was this whole "old guard" mystique that still drives me personally up the wall.....
I think what happened was that as people got into Kink who had access to information, who had groups like TES and Black Rose to learn from without the formalism of the old 'groups', with the net and the ton of books that have come out in the past 20 years or so, that old style of formalism to a large extend died. Doesn't mean there are a-holes out there telling you that there are '10 rules of submission' and 'a sub has to learn the 10 postures of submission' and other dogma you need to learn to be 'real', but a lot of people ignore them. In some ways it is quaint, but in reality because the people doing this stuff are more diverse, there just isn't a need for that kind of formality or rigidity. I was never lifestyle to the point that some were/are, I didn't go to the conventions and live my life around this stuff (I was lifestyle in other ways, least for a while), but I have had a lot of friends who were and they lived their lives they way they wanted and the only thing they ever did with me was answer questions about things like safety, or make suggestions in bringing along a non kink spouse into this stuff, but there simply wasn't any of the "you have to do this to be real", the people in question I am talking about are well known in BD/SM circles around the country, and if they ever heard someone say those kinds of things they would probably ream them.
It is a lot more freewheeling then it was and quite honestly, IMO, it is a lot healthier then it once was because it is diverse, because it ranges from people who do this for a bit of fun to people who take it lifestyle to living in D/s relationships and so forth. It could be that you were used to something different and therefore it is disconcerting a bit (understandable), but my take is you hang around long enough, you will find people who 'fit' your zone of comfort.
