Hard Limits ...

[DVS]

OK, so I'm sure this has probably been discussed ad nauseum on this board, but I honestly dont have the patience to sift through all the old posts, so here it goes again....

I would like to get some other opinions about the definition of 'hard limit' vs. 'soft limit'.

IMO a 'hard' limit is a line that will NEVER be crossed, not for any reason and would never require the use of a safe word to avoid. If the line is crossed or attempted this would signal a lack of respect on my partners part, and most likely end the association as that person obviously cannot be trusted.


Conversely, a 'soft' limit is a line that is blurry and open for interpretation or coersion/manipulation. This would be more of a preference than a limit per se.

I would be very interested in hearing opinions on this subject from both the Dom and sub pov.

I don't know what the hell this thread has sunk to, but just let those posters do their thing. Actually, this is suppose to be the serious forum of the two BDSM forums, but it seems nobody cares about that, any more. The playing around forum is the Cafe.

As to your questions about limits, you understand it quite well. Sure, other people will have their own opinions on it, just like anything else, and that's OK. Just like some people like SS&C and some like RACK for how it's worded. They both mean relatively the same thing...play safe.

Hard limits are just that...hard. Set in stone and not to be moved. Soft limits are more flexible and possible to be moved, but I feel the submissive must agree to it, before hand. I think they weren't put down as limits, if they were to be tested without some talk beforehand.

Maybe there should be another group and call them thresholds or something similar. Thresholds would be similar to soft limits but thresholds could be tested without the submissive's consent beforehand.

Thresholds could be just areas of interest for the sub, but they have never tried it before or something they'd maybe like to try if the time, place and person doing the Domming was just right.

Soft limits should be things that the sub is afraid of, or things they are concerned about...maybe a level of pain or something they've experienced before and weren't that sure they want to do it again. Maybe they had a bad experience the first time. Still, with enough coaxing and some talk about it before hand, they might consider it again. So, soft limits are still limits, but they are not set in stone like a hard limit is.

Hard limits will be something like golden showers, or scat or maybe sex with animals or children. These are all hard limits of mine, by the way. I will never, NEVER consent to trying any of these things.

I'm a Dom, but if I were a sub and my Dom tried to get me to change one of these hard limits, I'd totally lose respect for him and trust for him would be gone.

Soft limits would be something I'd like to talk about too, before someone attempts to test them. I don't see it as a deal breaker if someone tries testing one once without talking before hand, but once is all I'd think was OK. Once bitten, twice shy and all that. If a Dom doesn't get the hint pretty damn soon, I don't think I'd be trusting him with my safety.

 

[Etoile]

I don't know what the hell this thread has sunk to, but just let those posters do their thing. Actually, this is suppose to be the serious forum of the two BDSM forums, but it seems nobody cares about that, any more. The playing around forum is the Cafe.

You're very sweet to give a heartfelt answer, DVS, but I meant what I said 100%. I hold no truck with someone who not only fails to look in the library, search the forum, etc. but then freely admits that she is too impatient to bother and we should all therefore indulge her by rehashing the topic.

I think a lot of posters felt the same way, which is why the thread went the way it did.

 

[DVS]

You're very sweet to give a heartfelt answer, DVS, but I meant what I said 100%. I hold no truck with someone who not only fails to look in the library, search the forum, etc. but then freely admits that she is too impatient to bother and we should all therefore indulge her by rehashing the topic.

I think a lot of posters felt the same way, which is why the thread went the way it did.

I agree with you, to a point. Sometimes it seems people don't even look at what's out there before they post. And I don't hold posters responsible for having a little fun, but when the OP asks an honest question, no matter if they should have used the search or not, I'll give them an honest answer.

Have you seen the library, lately? All of the graphics were on photobucket or something, and now they've been removed. It's not the easiest thing to search on, these days. I used to send people there quite a lot, but I've stopped sending people there to look for their answers.

And why should we treat people so, just because they don't or can't work the search engine. I don't use the search engine that much, and I'm a computer person. Sometimes I have to figure it out all over again, when I do use it. It's not that user friendly, if you ask me.

Oh, it might work great, if you know the ins and outs of it. But if you're like my sister, good luck on that. When I tried to explain computer things to her she'd always say she's getting a headache. I don't hold that against her, though. Aside from that, she's an OK person...well for a sister.

Still, no harm no foul. It just sometimes reminds me of when I was bashed here myself, when I'd been posting for just 2 weeks. Trust me, it's not a fun experience.

 

[FurryFury]

LMAO!

I think I love you now!

Yes!!! The sequel! JMohegan and midwestyankee in... Die Hard (Limits) 2.

It's the feel-good manipulation-assfuck buddy movie of the year.

This film has not yet been rated.

 

[FurryFury]

Hi.

I'm a sub and I'd agree with your basic premise here. However, I'd also say that if someone crossed a Hard Limit of a sub that they were also not trustworthy.



I'll add that a hard limit can soften over time and be crossed. Communication is what makes the difference about this.

For instance if Ass fucking was a HARD LIMIT of mine but over the years it became something I was intrigued with and then obssessed by And
the same for my husband but we never communicated about it, that's a tragically lost opportunity.

If on the other hand he crossed that hard limit simply because he wanted to knowing it was a hard limit of mine, I'd consider that a rape. I'd lose trust in him.

OTOH, if we talked about it and found out our hard limit had softened, well dayum, that's some potentially good stuff there.

So once a hard limit is NOT always a hard limit.

Loss of trust is tough to recover.

Communication is key.

Soft limits are fun to violate and/or let go of with the right person and communication.

Hard limits can be a real kick in the head to violate and let go of with the right person and communication.



BTW, if thread high jacks are a hard limit of yours, you will have a lot of issues around here. Please don't take it personally when it happens. It happens on nearly every thread.

OK, so I'm sure this has probably been discussed ad nauseum on this board, but I honestly dont have the patience to sift through all the old posts, so here it goes again....

I would like to get some other opinions about the definition of 'hard limit' vs. 'soft limit'.

IMO a 'hard' limit is a line that will NEVER be crossed, not for any reason and would never require the use of a safe word to avoid. If the line is crossed or attempted this would signal a lack of respect on my partners part, and most likely end the association as that person obviously cannot be trusted.


Conversely, a 'soft' limit is a line that is blurry and open for interpretation or coersion/manipulation. This would be more of a preference than a limit per se.

I would be very interested in hearing opinions on this subject from both the Dom and sub pov.

 

[FurryFury]

DVS?

*Bats lashes and smiles demurely*

Are you sure, really, really sure, that if I begged you, really, really, begged you like a horny, anal, slut, that you wouldn't / couldn't pee in my ass after you fucked it?

I don't know what the hell this thread has sunk to, but just let those posters do their thing. Actually, this is suppose to be the serious forum of the two BDSM forums, but it seems nobody cares about that, any more. The playing around forum is the Cafe.

As to your questions about limits, you understand it quite well. Sure, other people will have their own opinions on it, just like anything else, and that's OK. Just like some people like SS&C and some like RACK for how it's worded. They both mean relatively the same thing...play safe.

Hard limits are just that...hard. Set in stone and not to be moved. Soft limits are more flexible and possible to be moved, but I feel the submissive must agree to it, before hand. I think they weren't put down as limits, if they were to be tested without some talk beforehand.

Maybe there should be another group and call them thresholds or something similar. Thresholds would be similar to soft limits but thresholds could be tested without the submissive's consent beforehand.

Thresholds could be just areas of interest for the sub, but they have never tried it before or something they'd maybe like to try if the time, place and person doing the Domming was just right.

Soft limits should be things that the sub is afraid of, or things they are concerned about...maybe a level of pain or something they've experienced before and weren't that sure they want to do it again. Maybe they had a bad experience the first time. Still, with enough coaxing and some talk about it before hand, they might consider it again. So, soft limits are still limits, but they are not set in stone like a hard limit is.

Hard limits will be something like golden showers, or scat or maybe sex with animals or children. These are all hard limits of mine, by the way. I will never, NEVER consent to trying any of these things.

I'm a Dom, but if I were a sub and my Dom tried to get me to change one of these hard limits, I'd totally lose respect for him and trust for him would be gone.

Soft limits would be something I'd like to talk about too, before someone attempts to test them. I don't see it as a deal breaker if someone tries testing one once without talking before hand, but once is all I'd think was OK. Once bitten, twice shy and all that. If a Dom doesn't get the hint pretty damn soon, I don't think I'd be trusting him with my safety.

 

[DVS]

DVS?

*Bats lashes and smiles demurely*

Are you sure, really, really sure, that if I begged you, really, really, begged you like a horny, anal, slut, that you wouldn't / couldn't pee in my ass after you fucked it?

Seriously, I don't know. Sure, I'd really like to please you but (1) there is the physical thing - it really hurts to pee when you're hard and (2) I do have a problem with golden showers.

But, if you were to ask me in a really, really, REALLY nice way, and offer your bound and gagged naked body for my pleasure (like that's going to happen any time soon , although it does make me all hot and all) I might give it a try. Oh and no, Batting your lashes and smiling demurely won't cut it.

The golden showers I'm against is external to the body. Yes, I think that's icky. Sorry to disappoint, if you thought I was all kinky and all. Now, I do have some pretty kinky ideas to do with your bound (and gagged) body, in return for that very large favor. But, because none of it will ever happen...

EDIT:
OK, I'll give you an idea. I'd like to see you dance for me. Now if you've read one particular story of mine, you might get an idea of what I'm talking about. I've got to stop now, because I'm making myself horny.


See, BBWSubGrrrrl, we negociated a hard limit. Don't think it will ever happen because she's married and lives several states away. It would be quite a thrill for me, though, if she came knockin' at my back door. I'd make her whimper and beg...oh and dance. LOL. Whoowee!

 

[FurryFury]

Love the way you think!

Seriously, I don't know. Sure, I'd really like to please you but (1) there is the physical thing - it really hurts to pee when you're hard and (2) I do have a problem with golden showers.

But, if you were to ask me in a really, really, REALLY nice way, and offer your bound and gagged naked body for my pleasure (like that's going to happen any time soon , although it does make me all hot and all) I might give it a try. Oh and no, Batting your lashes and smiling demurely won't cut it.

The golden showers I'm against is external to the body. Yes, I think that's icky. Sorry to disappoint, if you thought I was all kinky and all. Now, I do have some pretty kinky ideas to do with your bound (and gagged) body, in return for that very large favor. But, because none of it will ever happen...

EDIT:
OK, I'll give you an idea. I'd like to see you dance for me. Now if you've read one particular story of mine, you might get an idea of what I'm talking about. I've got to stop now, because I'm making myself horny.


See, BBWSubGrrrrl, we negociated a hard limit. Don't think it will ever happen because she's married and lives several states away. It would be quite a thrill for me, though, if she came knockin' at my back door. I'd make her whimper and beg...oh and dance. LOL. Whoowee!