Hard Limits

[A Desert Rose]

What process (if any) do you as a Dom/mes use to determine the hard limits of your submissives?

This is an important topic to me as a submissive. I had hard limits and I believe no one would at this forum would find them unreasonable. However, my previous Dom had NO respect for them. (The major reason I am now Dom-less.)

I would be glad to innumerate them, if anyone is interested but my hard limits are not really germaine to my thread question.

I appreciate your input and as always, Eb you are a true gem to me. Thank you.

Rose

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Master and I both completed checklists, then sat down together and compared them. I was pleased to discover that almost every hard or soft limit I had was shared by him. There were some limits that he had that I didn't honestly, which also surprised me a bit.

Anyway, in answer to your quesion, for us the discovery was made through thorough communication with written backup.

Great thread.


dixi

 

[A Desert Rose]

Thank you Dixie

I appreciate your voice on my thread. And your input is invaluable to me, especially considering you walk the walk daily in your life.

Rose

 

[WillowPuss]

I know you addressed your question to Dom/mes ... but do you mind if I join in?

Similar story to dixi's (another similarity, dixi!) - Robuck and I printed off one of the many on-line playlists and filled them in before comparing them.

Both our hard and soft limits were almost identical.
Some of those soft limits have now disappeared - the hard limits (bar one) have remained unaltered.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Love your input Willow

I know you addressed your question to Dom/mes ... but do you mind if I join in?

Similar story to dixi's (another similarity, dixi!) - Robuck and I printed off one of the many on-line playlists and filled them in before comparing them.

Both our hard and soft limits were almost identical.
Some of those soft limits have now disappeared - the hard limits (bar one) have remained unaltered.

And I find it interesting that both you and Dixie's posts are so similar. Speaks to the compatibility, level of understanding and committment that you both have with your Doms.

Thank you Willow,
Rose

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Thanks for your kind words ADR. Means alot to me.

And Willow, sometimes I wonder if we were supposed to be twins or something...hehe. Robuck and Master as well. Dang it really amazes me how much we have in common. Of course when you get to threads ahead of me, you sure save me some typing....~smiles~

to you too.
dixi

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have a requirements list, that I give to each prospective submissive to petitions to talk to me.

I then have them complete the Interactive BDSM Checklist and email it to me.

I also send them a copy of the link that gives definitions of the activities mentioned on the checklist cause who remembers the $500 words on that thing anyway?

All that is used as a basis for discussion.

Ebony

What process (if any) do you as a Dom/mes use to determine the hard limits of your submissives?

This is an important topic to me as a submissive. I had hard limits and I believe no one would at this forum would find them unreasonable. However, my previous Dom had NO respect for them. (The major reason I am now Dom-less.)

I would be glad to innumerate them, if anyone is interested but my hard limits are not really germaine to my thread question.

I appreciate your input and as always, Eb you are a true gem to me. Thank you.

Rose

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Re: Re: Hard Limits

I have a requirements list, that I give to each prospective submissive to petitions to talk to me.

I then have them complete the Interactive BDSM Checklist and email it to me.

I also send them a copy of the link that gives definitions of the activities mentioned on the checklist cause who remembers the $500 words on that thing anyway?

All that is used as a basis for discussion.

Ebony

Ebony, I have a question if you don't mind. Which interactive list do you use? The one we used was at Soul's Haven, and it allowed us to compare our lists side by side. Plus it gives those definitions when you mouse over the words....Anyway, just curious.

dixi

 

[spankableBelle]

Another submissive point of view...in part similar to those already offered...

i recently filled out a BDSM checklist with One and we found, too, that our hard and soft limits were very close...and with further discussion found that our understanding of one another's needs and wants and desires were highly compatible...afterall, communication is what is necessary for this to work, for anything to work actually...

my hard limits are hard...now...will they change with time, with growth in my submission, perhaps...should they be honored, oh yes...without question yes they should...

i had a conversation with said One the other day regarding limits...i read on another message board where in the very beginning of a relationship, the Dom and the sub agreed that theirs would be a monogamous relationship, no swining, no sharing, nothing...two years into the relationship, the Dom changed His mind and rather than discussing changing their agreement, He decided that He was going to share her with others...she said no, she didn't want that, and wanted to stick by the original agreement...He listened but still maintained that He was going to share her...when i asked the One i've been speaking to about it, if she could still say no, as it was a limit for her...He said yes, an agreement is an agreement and a hard limit is a hard limit...

my own thoughts are that no one has the right to change that limit or run right over it as though it didn't exist...afterall, where's the consent in that? i think that as time goes by and relationships deepen that perhaps these checklists need to be re-done, and limits re-evaluated...people grow and change...communication...communication...communication!!!!!!!

i've rambled, haven't i? i'm so sorry...

belle

 

[spankableBelle]

Re: Re: Re: Hard Limits

Ebony, I have a question if you don't mind. Which interactive list do you use? The one we used was at Soul's Haven, and it allowed us to compare our lists side by side. Plus it gives those definitions when you mouse over the words....Anyway, just curious.

dixi

i know you didn't ask me...but we used the one at Castle Realm...

(scampering back to the corner)

 

[A Desert Rose]

Another submissive point of view...my own thoughts are that no one has the right to change that limit or run right over it as though it didn't exist...afterall, where's the consent in that? i think that as time goes by and relationships deepen that perhaps these checklists need to be re-done, and limits re-evaluated...people grow and change...communication...communication...communication!!!!!!!

i've rambled, haven't i? i'm so sorry...

belle

Absolutely. Problem I had was my Dom NEVER agreed to respect my hard limits. And thank you Belle for your input too.

Rose

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Hard Limits

i know you didn't ask me...but we used the one at Castle Realm...

(scampering back to the corner)

It is the same one. Thanks spankableBell, no need to scamper to the corner, we are all equals here. LOL

Ebony <thankful for the help, I so tired...>

 

[Ebonyfire]

You are correct. I did not go into detail, cause it is Friday, and I tend to not want to post long answers cause I am pooped.

To me, re-negotiation is a given.

EB

Another submissive point of view...in part similar to those already offered...

i recently filled out a BDSM checklist with One and we found, too, that our hard and soft limits were very close...and with further discussion found that our understanding of one another's needs and wants and desires were highly compatible...afterall, communication is what is necessary for this to work, for anything to work actually...

my hard limits are hard...now...will they change with time, with growth in my submission, perhaps...should they be honored, oh yes...without question yes they should...

i had a conversation with said One the other day regarding limits...i read on another message board where in the very beginning of a relationship, the Dom and the sub agreed that theirs would be a monogamous relationship, no swining, no sharing, nothing...two years into the relationship, the Dom changed His mind and rather than discussing changing their agreement, He decided that He was going to share her with others...she said no, she didn't want that, and wanted to stick by the original agreement...He listened but still maintained that He was going to share her...when i asked the One i've been speaking to about it, if she could still say no, as it was a limit for her...He said yes, an agreement is an agreement and a hard limit is a hard limit...

my own thoughts are that no one has the right to change that limit or run right over it as though it didn't exist...afterall, where's the consent in that? i think that as time goes by and relationships deepen that perhaps these checklists need to be re-done, and limits re-evaluated...people grow and change...communication...communication...communication!!!!!!!

i've rambled, haven't i? i'm so sorry...

belle