hard limits and why?

["angel" eve]

what are your hard limits and why are they hard limits for you?

is it that the idea is a turn off? morally repulsive?

what hard limits that you could never have imagined crossing, have you crossed?
what made you choose to cross that limit? and was it a good experience when you got past it?


i know in a number of threads we've discussed practices that come up as hard limits for a number of people, but i'm wondering if there's a pattren to this. and what peoples reasons are for setting these limits.

my girl says she'll try anything twice. just to make sure she isn't missing out on anything. the catch is it has to be discussed first, and she may not be ready for it yet. she won't really put down hard limits except no children, no animals (they aren't able to concent, so play with them is banned by SSC anywayz) and no scat as it's as good as asking to get really sick as far as she's concerned. then follows a long list of soft limits to be discussed, negociated, and waiting until time has past and enough other experiences have paved the way for the next step.

how do others feel in this regard of limits.

 

[Quint]

Your girl is braver than I, Eve! I'm kind of, ahem, a baby when it comes to certain degrees of pain, and so several of my semi-hard limits are simple intolerance to abuse. Fisting comes in here. I say this is a semi-hard limit because limits based solely upon physical things can conceivably be changed. Just not now. And really, I don't think I could ever derive any sort of pleasure from anal fisting, so that's a harder limit than vaginal.

I say "no children," but then I have to specify that I mean no CHILDREN. I'm only 19. If I met a 17-year-old girl who had the maturity to cope with our kind of sexuality, I could bring her in without much of a qualm. But maturity is the crucial element.

Scat is a pretty instinctive no. I don't think about it. I have no desire to think about it. Not even in my fantasy life does it appear, and that's a lot more inclusive than my real life will ever be. (Hey, unless you know a good centaur in the area...)

So right there I have a mixture of pure physical inability, mental unease, and emotional revulsion. That's a pretty good assortment, don'tcha think? Not much of a pattern.

Oh yeah, and no midgets. Sorry, Lance!



Edited to add: no family members, no "recreational drugs" or cigarettes. Didn't even think of those, or I would've stuck them in. It's funny...we're seriously talking about fireplay right now and I know I'm gonna get burned, perhaps repeatedly. I'm cool with that, in a terrorized kinda way. But cigarettes? Fuck no! That shit's bad for you!

 

[gumbie]

my hard limits

No Minors, No Scat, No Recreational Drugs, No Smoking, No Red Showers (the only blood i want to see is mine!)

Limits i thought were hard but weren't:
Golden Showers (not as bad as i imagined, but drink water, not alcohol)
Large Dildoes (exercises help keep me tight)
Knife Play (WOW! what a rush!)

Others to be discussed: Branding, fire play, Gangbangs of 6+

 

[lilfrk]

No minors, no animals, no family members, no scat. Pretty standard hard limits I think for pretty standard reasons.

My odd hard limit is no gags. As I've said before and probably will a bunch more times in the forum. I have asthma and I can't imagine playing bound and gagged and have an asthma attack. It's a good way for me to end up dead. So we just don't go there.

The rest is all up for discussion and then we'll take it from there.

 

[SierraMoon]

My hard limits are short and very simple...

NO scat (at all.. very very hard limit)
NO children (another vv hard limit)
NO bad hygiene (nothing worse than a smelly person)

other than that, i will discuss with my Dom the semi hard limits, and may or may not agree to them....

 

[MzChrista]

No Kids. No animals.
I aint nuts about scat but its not a hard limit.
Same with blood.
One personal hard limit is I will play with guys and I will play with couples but I dont have sex with women for men to watch. thats personal I dont share that with the boys.

 

[artful]

Hard Limits

No animals
No men-(strictly het here)
No minors
No scat
No relatives
No blood play
No topping from the bottom

(just can't handle those)

For ME,...they are the "Seven Deadly Sins"!

 

[SexyChele]

No scat - unhealthy and simply revolting to me
No minors - absolutely NOT into kiddie play
No animals - again, revolting to me
No knives - don't feel like being the holiday roast to be carved up
No large gags - for physical reasons (TMJ)
No hoods or other full/partial head covering - due to claustrophobia (blindfolds are acceptable)
No blood - unhealthy and revolting to me

 

[WillowPuss]

My hard limits:

No children - no way not no how. That would not only be criminal it would be inhuman.

No animals -

No scat - the thought just revolts me.

No blood - I just have a vision of something going wrong and having to come up with a plausible story for the hospital, and as I am a dreadful liar ... no, lets not go there.

No humiliation - I am just not emotionally strong enough to cope with this. Even after 30 years I still have problems with name calling and sarcasm.
Even when in mails and posts and I am pretty sure it is not directed directly at me, it still causes me problems. I am getting better, maybe one day I will be at a place where I can downgrade this to a semi-hard limit.

 

[Trainerman]

If you really want to know

My hard limits are pretty standard I think:-

No scat
No animals
No children...in fact no participation by anyone who is not actively wanting to do so (note the difference between that and "willing")
No blood

and at present watersports (golden showers) are a pretty hard limit too. I don't think that will change, but to give a true answer, this one is not quite as revolting as the above.

That concludes the voting from this tiny corner of England.

And hey...lets be careful out there !!

Dave

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Oh mercy, I've been thinking about this one since I first saw it, thinking it might be faster to list things that weren't hard limits...lol.

Ok seriously now...

NO children or relatives. (seems fairly standard around here)
NO animals.
NO scat or pee...just not a turn on and I'm not sure its healthy.
NO blood at all....that includes knives, needles, and anything else that takes my blood....no thanks.
NO making me play furniture...I physically can't do this with my back problems.
NO humiliation....I'm not strong enough for it.
NO drugs...just doesn't seem safe to me.

There are other things that are soft limits that I just haven't decided on yet, so I won't list those. I'm thinking I've forgotten some from my hard list tho....I'm serious its pretty long.

dixi

 

[Dr. B Evil]

I'm going...

...to have to agree with Dixie on this one. She pretty much covered things.

Thanks D!

 

[Daddyslilpet]

You are most welcome, anything to help out....~smiles~

dixi

 

[tassie]

kids/scat. yuk.

i like to lie in bed with my rats running under the duvet but i dont think thats a sexual thing, they just tickle! otherwise no animals either!

not keen on hoods, tried it, got scared.

but i like to be suprised! try me...

 

["angel" eve]

now the questioner answers her own question

i thought to wait awhile on answering, to let people take the thread in whatever direction it is heading first.

Nothing that SSC prohibits.
Therefore: no minors, no animals, and no one who isn't actively willing.

-no relatives (it haden't even crossed my mind as a limit, it is so repulsive to me)
-no scat (it's not sanitary)
-no bloodplay, i'm not to willing to have sex while i'm bleeding naturally let alone on purpose, and as i've been suicidal during certain points of my life it's a place i really don't think i'm safe to go (unsafe for my mental state)
-no branding (repulsive to me personally)
- any marks that will last more than a few hours need discussed FIRST, not just once and then it's okay, i mean before any play that it could occur. i suppose that makes it a soft limit but i include it as a hard limit because if it isn't discussed and it isn't completely accidental i will have HUGE trust issues later.

most things else i guess i will consider, if it's talked about, maybe or maybe not with my girl (i mean piercing is to be done by professionals... etc etc)

i can't say i've actually changed my hard limits.
although i have such an array of soft limits and repusive thoughts that have become natural and very enjoyable to me, it seems i've changed my entire view of sexuality. previous NO's were:
-female, female
- 3 way
- anal
- spanking
- serving
- medium beating
- minor humiliation

 

[SpectreT]

On the "NO" list.......

- Minors (Legal reasons for mature late teenagers, moral and aesthetic reasons for anyone 16 or under) (As we're presumeably all real people discussing RL, Skin-to-Skin encounters, I assume they're on everybody's list; In short: DUH!)

- Fecal and/or Urine play. I have a certain suspicion that it's unhealthy... besides, it just kinda squicks me.

- Blood (Hadn't even thought of this, but now that it's in my head, uhm.... eeewwww.)

- Family members. (Have you seen anybody in my family? Eugh.....)

- Men. I've got enough sex and sexuality issues without throwing a real, flesh-and-blood cock into the mix. Maybe, someday, but right now.... no. (Could be habit-forming, and where do you find a 12-step program to break a cock habit? (Don't answer that, MzC..... ))

- Anything that I feel is a potential emergency-room risk, so that lets out cutting and burning for the most part. Branding is definitely a "no way" kinda thing, too....

- Anything that I feel risks damaging mine or my partner's public persona. (That's where I define humiliation; the Public vs. the Private.)

I know, that makes me "Boring" as far as kinks go, but I more than make up for it in personality!

 

[WillowPuss]

I just thought of another hard limit for me ...

Roman showers.
ewwwwww yuk!

 

[CarolineOh]

I just thought of another hard limit for me ...

Roman showers.
ewwwwww yuk!

It just goes to show, when you think you've covered all the bases, someone will think up something new!

 

[Guest]

 

[CarolineOh]

Pardon my ignorance... what's a Roman shower??

According to MzChrista, Roman showers is a form of humiliation scene in which the Dom vomits on the sub.

 

[Guest]

 

[CarolineOh]

Oooookay, add that one to my hard limits list

Thanks, Caroline

I suspect a number of people will be editing their lists.

 

[SierraMoon]

According to MzChrista, Roman showers is a form of humiliation scene in which the Dom vomits on the sub.

ok.. yep... adding that one to my list.. eeewwwww!!!

 

[kayte]

According to MzChrista, Roman showers is a form of humiliation scene in which the Dom vomits on the sub.

Another list undergoing an edit. Sheesh.

 

[Hecate]

Uhm - ok ... I guess it is just fair that a Domme adds her limits too - since, yes, indeed, I do have those myself!

first: the "generally obvious" like no kids, no animals and nothing else that can't explicitly give consent (which means drugged or drunk or otherwise consent-handicapped people)

second: all digestive materials inside me or my play partner will remain inside during play! (if those things want out I am sure my sub can take care of this without involving me or me without involving my sub!)

third: public outing of our "kink" in a way that might be damaging to status, career or other social structures for me or my sub.


Basically a "soft limit": all that I feel is damaging to my play partner mentally or physically will not happen - exclamation mark! (I am supposed to know my subs better than they know themselves and if I am supposed to be responsible for their well being then I will make that kind of decision. All may be subject to discussion and negotiation, but if I decide something is wanted for the wrong motives or my sub is not yet ready for it, then it is not done!)


edited to add the "WHY":

I decided that those things will under no circumstances be enjoyable for me - either because I find them repulsive from an intellectual or a more basic physical point of view.

All in all, sexuality and life in general are still supposed to be enjoyed, and as much as I like a good challenge there are just barriers where I think all efforts of overcoming them may not result in any enjoyable outcome for me, so I simply stake out the "comfort zone" and spend my time with the pleasure bits instead of the icky stuff I see no real reason doing in the first place.