Happly Married...

[littlecordelera]

I have to disagree with you. I think it is our very natural state. Every culture has adopted it as the normal.

I know it looks that way from our perspective, but that is because we Americans are not very well educated.

There are whole provinces in China in which monogamy would be considered weird. It was not even considered in Polynesia until the Europeans arrived, and to this day, it is still not widespread. In much of southeast Asia, it is not practiced, and in Cambodia, teenage girls are built "love huts" so that they may experiment with their sexuality. Once they are married, they rarely remain monogamous. There isn't a single indigenous tribe in South America that practices monogamy. It is also not popular with the Inuit or peoples in the region of Siberia.

Monogamy appears to be a creation of the very paternalistic Abrahamic religions. There is no evidence to suggest it is a natural state, and if you think about it, polygamy makes sense. Every species is driven by nature to procreate. That much we do know.

It can be scary to think that your loved one desires someone else, but that only happens if we believe that the result of that desire will take something away from us. It might, but if it does, then the relationship was probably not worth keeping.

 

[ConflictedOne]

I know it looks that way from our perspective, but that is because we Americans are not very well educated.

There are whole provinces in China in which monogamy would be considered weird. It was not even considered in Polynesia until the Europeans arrived, and to this day, it is still not widespread. In much of southeast Asia, it is not practiced, and in Cambodia, teenage girls are built "love huts" so that they may experiment with their sexuality. Once they are married, they rarely remain monogamous. There isn't a single indigenous tribe in South America that practices monogamy. It is also not popular with the Inuit or peoples in the region of Siberia.

Monogamy appears to be a creation of the very paternalistic Abrahamic religions. There is no evidence to suggest it is a natural state, and if you think about it, polygamy makes sense. Every species is driven by nature to procreate. That much we do know.

It can be scary to think that your loved one desires someone else, but that only happens if we believe that the result of that desire will take something away from us. It might, but if it does, then the relationship was probably not worth keeping.

Yeah, you mention some real "A" LIST countries there...cough.

Just look at the animal kingdom where monogamy is most prevalent...

It's one thing to crave your kinks but don't go around acting like they are the NORM...

As with ANY other forum dealing with any other interest or hobby, the general population is not nearly as engrossed with the subject as the forum members...

 

[littlecordelera]

Yeah, you mention some real "A" LIST countries there...cough.

Just look at the animal kingdom where monogamy is most prevalent...

It's one thing to crave your kinks but don't go around acting like they are the NORM...

As with ANY other forum dealing with any other interest or hobby, the general population is not nearly as engrossed with the subject as the forum members...

So a society's adherence to monogamy is a function of economic strength? Maybe so. Just look at how exceptionally monogamous we Americans are.

There are some animals that live monogamous, but they are a very small minority, and if you look at our closest relatives, the primates, none of them are monogamous. In fact, very few mammals are monogamous.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Yeah, you mention some real "A" LIST countries there...cough.

Just look at the animal kingdom where monogamy is most prevalent...

It's one thing to crave your kinks but don't go around acting like they are the NORM...

As with ANY other forum dealing with any other interest or hobby, the general population is not nearly as engrossed with the subject as the forum members...

Well actually the societies mentioned by LC are all fairly good examples of peaceful, happy people with a high quality of life and limited interest in killing or imposing their views on others. Maybe they are too busy fucking and enjoying their lives to be concerned with how many TVs or cars they don't have.

Obviously that is simplistic but then so is the proposition that what constitutes an 'A' list country is determined by the G8 or how much shit they consume.

As for what our culture has adopted as normal, look a little deeper. Up until a few decades ago it was widely accepted that a lot of married men were not monogamous and that is still the case in many latin countries. And who do you think all those men were banging.....all single women? LOL. Don't confuse the fact that society tells us we are supposed to be monogamous with that actually being the case.

I am not making the case for what should be the NORM. I don't even know why that matters. I don't give a shit if 99% of people disapprove of my lifestyle - it is none of their fucking business and I don't feel one iota of compulsion to conform.

Entering a monogamous relationship involves giving up sex with others. Most people see sufficient benefit in a committed relationship for this to be an entirely worthwhile compromise, but it is a compromise nonetheless. Those of us who don't choose monogamy experience our own compromises and trade-offs, but having to reconcile marital happiness with a lack of sexual opportunity is not one of them.

 

[Pink_Milkmaid]

Hey Milkmaid, I want a hug too. I promise I'm not sticky or anything.

(((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Pink_Milkmaid]

So a society's adherence to monogamy is a function of economic strength? Maybe so. Just look at how exceptionally monogamous we Americans are.

There are some animals that live monogamous, but they are a very small minority, and if you look at our closest relatives, the primates, none of them are monogamous. In fact, very few mammals are monogamous.

You can argue that monogamy isn't natural, and I would agree with you. But the problem is that in the US, there ARE a lot of cultural pressures to adhere to that norm, and ESPECIALLY as a woman, it's very hard to say "This doesn't work for me" or "I don't believe in this." People expect horny men to bitch about monogamy but women are supposed to be the ones upholding the "Standard" not craving a way out from it. And really, the issue for most of us on this thread is that it doesn't matter what WE believe about monogamy--we're married to partners who believe in and are committed to that ideal. And you can't will another person to change that belief and years and years of conditioning, even if your arguments are very logical. My spouse understands totally that monogamy isn't natural and that people are probably naturally polyamorous. This doesn't stop him from idealizing monogamy and wanting that for us. So it's not really a matter of "accepting that humans aren't monogamous"--it's a matter of wanting to make one's spouse/partner happy within the social construct that elevates monogamy above all else.

 

[Kitschshaman]

I think it is possible to be happily married and still be sexually frustrated. Frustration can happen for many reasons where no one is at fault and the reason to marry someone isn't just to have sex anyway, it's to have a life partner that you can live with ...

 

[SlutAddicted]

You can argue that monogamy isn't natural, and I would agree with you. But the problem is that in the US, there ARE a lot of cultural pressures to adhere to that norm, and ESPECIALLY as a woman, it's very hard to say "This doesn't work for me" or "I don't believe in this." People expect horny men to bitch about monogamy but women are supposed to be the ones upholding the "Standard" not craving a way out from it. And really, the issue for most of us on this thread is that it doesn't matter what WE believe about monogamy--we're married to partners who believe in and are committed to that ideal. And you can't will another person to change that belief and years and years of conditioning, even if your arguments are very logical. My spouse understands totally that monogamy isn't natural and that people are probably naturally polyamorous. This doesn't stop him from idealizing monogamy and wanting that for us. So it's not really a matter of "accepting that humans aren't monogamous"--it's a matter of wanting to make one's spouse/partner happy within the social construct that elevates monogamy above all else.

I think you are correct. Picking up on your point as well as my own we all make compromises in our relationships. Some we know about up front and others materialize over time. Whether any one of those compromises leads to unhappiness or is a deal breaker depends on the magnitude and importance of the compromise as well as the other factors in the relationship. Of particular importance is the question of why is one aspect of the relationship unsatisfying. Are my expectations out of line or is she not trying?

One of the things I find about sex is the degree to which the outcome seems to be driven by the less engaged partner. In most other aspects of marriage we expect to have to meet in the middle but often not when it comes to sex. I don't expect to get everything I want - but full denial and I am made to feel like a dirt bag? That is not acceptable not just because of what I want but because it demonstrates a fundamental selfishness on her part.

 

[Pink_Milkmaid]

I think you are correct. Picking up on your point as well as my own we all make compromises in our relationships. Some we know about up front and others materialize over time. Whether any one of those compromises leads to unhappiness or is a deal breaker depends on the magnitude and importance of the compromise as well as the other factors in the relationship. As it relates to sex is it a matter of frequency, quality, variety? Where does sex rate on the priority scale relative to other more positive areas?

One of the things I find about sex in particular is the degree to which the outcome seems to be driven by the less engaged partner. In most other aspects of marriage we expect to have to meet in the middle. Maybe I don't want to visit her parents as often as she would like.....but I'll still do so more often than I would like and am nice about it. Of course I don't want to paint that room but I'll do it for her. But if a guy wants more sex and she isn't in the mood ......no compromise AND you are a dirt bag for wanting more OR maybe if you jump through hoops she'll consider it. Really I spent all day painting that room a slightly different hue of white when I was definitely not in the mood but suddenly not being in the mood is a legitimate reason to not won't suck my dick for 10 minutes. If we are married that doesn't make you a good girl, it makes you fundamentally selfish?

That for me is an important threshold. Is your spouse trying and engaged but not as enthusiastic as you? Or are they simply checked out or dismissive? I don't expect to get everything I want - but full denial and I am made to feel like a dirt bag? The fundamental selfishness of myopia of that approach becomes more important than just getting laid or not.

Terrific points. And yes, it does suck that the less engaged partner holds all the chips so to speak. It really, really sucks. Sometimes you can talk and communicate and work out some sort of compromise, but it doesn't mean that compromise will be happy and joyous and everything you wanted. (For us, lit is the compromise. It doesn't mean I'm not still very, very, very frustrated and I agree with everything you said. It sucks that I have to be all grateful for something as simple as lit/chatting). The difference between dismissive and enthusiastic is as vast as the ocean, but sorting it out isn't always easy, especially if the other person sees themselves as being engaged. Marriage is complicated stuff.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Absolutely.

I edited my point while you were responding for any other readers who lose the thread of my comment compared to the version that as imbedded in your respond.

I think most partners think they are engaged but one or both are fooling themselves. It seems like we close our minds to various possibilities over time. Men ignore the likelihood that a woman's sexual desire will grow over time. Women ignore the fact that men want them to keep doing the stuff they did when we were dating. Both are stereotypes of course but the point is to see your partner and yourself honestly not based upon what you expected or others told you to expect.

As a man I would say..... If your mom or your friends led you to believe you could dole out a couple dozen blowjobs to seal the deal then shut off the tap, they were wrong. I didn't agree to that and their opinion means nothing to me.

Likewise, guys your wife isn't going to stay young and naive. She might even get freaky. You signed on to try to keep up.

 

[Pink_Milkmaid]

Absolutely.

I edited my point while you were responding for any other readers who lose the thread of my comment compared to the version that as imbedded in your respond.

I think most partners think they are engaged but one or both are fooling themselves. It seems like we close our minds to various possibilities over time. Men ignore the likelihood that a woman's sexual desire will grow over time. Women ignore the fact that men want them to keep doing the stuff they did when we were dating. Both are stereotypes of course but the point is to see your partner and yourself honestly not based upon what you expected or others told you to expect.

As a man I would say..... If your mom or your friends led you to believe you could dole out a couple dozen blowjobs to seal the deal then shut off the tap, they were wrong. I didn't agree to that and their opinion means nothing to me.

Likewise, guys your wife isn't going to stay young and naive. She might even get freaky. You signed on to try to keep up.

I don't know any women who approach oral sex as a husband-getting bait--I think that both stereotypes are unfair, but I see this attitude on here a lot that partners who no longer want sex must have been "tricking" the other into marriage. That's not what's really happening I don't think--I don't think women are going "oh thank god, now that I've got a ring, I can be done with sex." I think kids in particular change EVERYTHING for a lot of women and women have a hard time making sex and their sexuality a priority in the context of a complicated adult life. I have no idea why I'm different, but I do think it's unfair to talk about "bait and switch" or "tricking." It has a lot more to do with our cultural conditioning that mothers/older women/professional women/church women/community-driven women shouldn't want the same sex they did when they were younger. And hormones and all that play a huge role too.

As for me, I don't think I "tricked" him by not revealing I was freaky nor do I think he tricked me by getting a lower sexual desire than he used to have. It just is what it is. But, YES, partners SHOULD try to keep up with each other. Unfortunately that sort of effort seems few and far between.

 

[littlecordelera]

You can argue that monogamy isn't natural, and I would agree with you. But the problem is that in the US, there ARE a lot of cultural pressures to adhere to that norm, and ESPECIALLY as a woman, it's very hard to say "This doesn't work for me" or "I don't believe in this." People expect horny men to bitch about monogamy but women are supposed to be the ones upholding the "Standard" not craving a way out from it. And really, the issue for most of us on this thread is that it doesn't matter what WE believe about monogamy--we're married to partners who believe in and are committed to that ideal. And you can't will another person to change that belief and years and years of conditioning, even if your arguments are very logical. My spouse understands totally that monogamy isn't natural and that people are probably naturally polyamorous. This doesn't stop him from idealizing monogamy and wanting that for us. So it's not really a matter of "accepting that humans aren't monogamous"--it's a matter of wanting to make one's spouse/partner happy within the social construct that elevates monogamy above all else.

I agree. In my original post, where I used the word "you," I was thinking "people." But you are correct, it would require both partners to understand that monogamy is not reasonable.

 

[switchersm]

Do you think it's possible to be happily married but still very frustrated with your sex life?

I would say yes, if the frustration leads not to a totally sexless life. In my personal situation my beloved wife and I have no intercourse since nearly three years. In our long relation we always had very intens sex and fucking. But for a serious reason my wife cannot have intercourse and also have no orgasmns. So "only" blowjobs and handjobs were possible. My wife was in real fear, that I could leave her. I told her that I love her not only for fucking and she shouldn't bother about it. But she often brought it up. Of course there was frustration on both of our sides. So I thought about it and made a decision. I told my wife that I would live as chaste as she, or nearly as. I suggested to wear a chastity device permanent to to give her the total control over my orgasmns. My wife asked me if I were mad or silly, but I answered that in this way I would like to live my submissive tendences more than so far. I argued that I would really want her to prevent me from jerking and cumming as long as it would be in her mind.. that would keep me often very horny, especially when we cuddle nude, what we do every day. That could be an interesting game for both of us and help to prevent sexual frustration. after a long discussion she decided to give it a try. To shorten the story, I wear three metal chastity devices since more than two and a half years. we change the model every two days to prevent pressure marks. Opening is every morning for clean my cock under her supervision. It's not a cuckold life but it contains some elements of cuckolding. I have become very focused on my wife. We cuddle a lot and I care for her with compliments, kisses, massages and pamper her in many ways. She on the other hand teases me a lot with words and also her body and laughs about my "poor small cock that cannot become stiff in its cage ". once or twice a week she opens the cage and brings me to the edge and than mostly stops. cumming is very seldom and she reduces it more and more. She also gives me a serious spanking every sunday. I had asked her if she would give me a regulary spanking. She tried it and I must say that has awoken a real devil inside her we both didn't know. she spanks my ass ruthless and without mercy. She has a lot of fun to beat my bare buttocks with a riding crop, a cane and a thick wooden stick. It has become a real passion of her. We have found a way to have sex together,in a very special way of course.We have decreased sexual frustration to a very low level, so that it does not violate our relationship.

 

[SlutAddicted]

I don't know any women who approach oral sex as a husband-getting bait--I think that both stereotypes are unfair, but I see this attitude on here a lot that partners who no longer want sex must have been "tricking" the other into marriage. That's not what's really happening I don't think--I don't think women are going "oh thank god, now that I've got a ring, I can be done with sex." I think kids in particular change EVERYTHING for a lot of women and women have a hard time making sex and their sexuality a priority in the context of a complicated adult life. I have no idea why I'm different, but I do think it's unfair to talk about "bait and switch" or "tricking." It has a lot more to do with our cultural conditioning that mothers/older women/professional women/church women/community-driven women shouldn't want the same sex they did when they were younger. And hormones and all that play a huge role too.

As for me, I don't think I "tricked" him by not revealing I was freaky nor do I think he tricked me by getting a lower sexual desire than he used to have. It just is what it is. But, YES, partners SHOULD try to keep up with each other. Unfortunately that sort of effort seems few and far between.

Fair enough. I was sort of using the short form versions of what I was thinking. I agree that few if any people intentionally "trick" someone into marriage with forethought to change the deal afterwards.

I understand that as life moves forward, career and kids and many other factors consume more of our time and energy and the frequency or intensity of sex may decline. That isn't what I am talking about though. I am talking about using those factors as an excuse to stop trying and hiding behind those female cultural influences that say you shouldn't have to. No that isn't bait and switch, but it is changing the deal after the fact - as a practical matter the only difference is forethought. As a mature man I should expect to have to defer to the other priorities in my wife's life and support her along the way. But I should also be entitled to expect her to keep trying and not take my sexual needs off the priority list altogether.

From the guy's point of view, we tend to fixate on some very narrow views of how sex is supposed to work and the respective roles. Especially as young men we sometimes see our partner's sexuality in fairly one-dimensional terms and only in relation to our needs. Bluster aside many of us aren't equipped to communicate with and accept a fully formed female sexual being and end up hiding from our own insecurities and letting her down. Again the switch in attitude isn't intentional or planned, but the impact is more or less the same. And it comes back to the same issue - he can't magically make things perfect but he can keep trying rather than hiding.

 

[Pink_Milkmaid]

Fair enough. I was sort of using the short form versions of what I was thinking. I agree that few if any people intentionally "trick" someone into marriage with forethought to change the deal afterwards.

I understand that as life moves forward, career and kids and many other factors consume more of our time and energy and the frequency or intensity of sex may decline. That isn't what I am talking about though. I am talking about using those factors as an excuse to stop trying and hiding behind those female cultural influences that say you shouldn't have to. No that isn't bait and switch, but it is changing the deal after the fact - as a practical matter the only difference is forethought. As a mature man I should expect to have to defer to the other priorities in my wife's life and support her along the way. But I should also be entitled to expect her to keep trying and not take my sexual needs off the priority list altogether.

From the guy's point of view, we tend to fixate on some very narrow views of how sex is supposed to work and the respective roles. Especially as young men we sometimes see our partner's sexuality in fairly one-dimensional terms and only in relation to our needs. Bluster aside many of us aren't equipped to communicate with and accept a fully formed female sexual being and end up hiding from our own insecurities and letting her down. Again the switch in attitude isn't intentional or planned, but the impact is more or less the same. And it comes back to the same issue - he can't magically make things perfect but he can keep trying rather than hiding.

It's not just women who use priorities as a reason to explain wanting sex less--I get that excuse a lot and get a bit of guilt that I prioritize sex pretty highly in my life. I think that's really at the heart of a lot of these discrepancies. One partner's priorities change while the other's doesn't. Or both's priorities change but in opposite directions.

 

[SlutAddicted]

It's not just women who use priorities as a reason to explain wanting sex less--I get that excuse a lot and get a bit of guilt that I prioritize sex pretty highly in my life. I think that's really at the heart of a lot of these discrepancies. One partner's priorities change while the other's doesn't. Or both's priorities change but in opposite directions.

Very true. I am engaging in the same kind of stereotyping I find so frustrating aren't I? As a guy I am used to my sexual desires being disapproved of - it sucks but is not unexpected and doesn't set me apart from other guys.

I expect that you are much more exposed to the notion that you aren't supposed to want more sex and that makes you a bad girl, somehow separate from the rest. When you talk about guilt is that your own internal perspective or feedback you get from others?

 

[Pink_Milkmaid]

Very true. I am engaging in the same kind of stereotyping I find so frustrating aren't I? As a guy I am used to my sexual desires being disapproved of - it sucks but is not unexpected and doesn't set me apart from other guys.

I expect that you are much more exposed to the notion that you aren't supposed to want more sex and that makes you a bad girl, somehow separate from the rest. When you talk about guilt is that your own internal perspective or feedback you get from others?

Feedback from others. And a bit of internal guilt. But you try being on a girl's night out and everyone starts bitching about how much their husbands want sex (this happens, sad but true) and you be the ONE person who suggests that maybe they try to find the fun it or gives suggestions for compromise OR even worse, confess that you wish you had that problem. There's a lot of side eye. And in a few cases, I've noticed that friends that I've confessed to are no longer comfortable with me talking with their husbands. Even more side eye. Like I'm some oversexed husband stealer. And within my relationship, there's definitely some guilt I get there too--like there's other more important things I should be worrying about.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Feedback from others. And a bit of internal guilt. But you try being on a girl's night out and everyone starts bitching about how much their husbands want sex (this happens, sad but true) and you be the ONE person who suggests that maybe they try to find the fun it or gives suggestions for compromise OR even worse, confess that you wish you had that problem. There's a lot of side eye. And in a few cases, I've noticed that friends that I've confessed to are no longer comfortable with me talking with their husbands. Even more side eye. Like I'm some oversexed husband stealer. And within my relationship, there's definitely some guilt I get there too--like there's other more important things I should be worrying about.

That sucks. No matter how much you try to resist it those judgments seep in and create that internal guilt. Sometimes the feeling guilty for wanting more is more distressing than the original dissatisfaction.

 

[Madmar]

Feedback from others. And a bit of internal guilt. But you try being on a girl's night out and everyone starts bitching about how much their husbands want sex (this happens, sad but true) and you be the ONE person who suggests that maybe they try to find the fun it or gives suggestions for compromise OR even worse, confess that you wish you had that problem. There's a lot of side eye. And in a few cases, I've noticed that friends that I've confessed to are no longer comfortable with me talking with their husbands. Even more side eye. Like I'm some oversexed husband stealer. And within my relationship, there's definitely some guilt I get there too--like there's other more important things I should be worrying about.

Yeah, such a conversation doesn't go well for me once I start suggesting that they better step it up or their husbands will be stepping out if they haven't already. Doesn't make it right but I can see what's going to happen. And anyway, why would anyone want to deny themselves feeling good?

 

[Pink_Milkmaid]

Yeah, such a conversation doesn't go well for me once I start suggesting that they better step it up or their husbands will be stepping out if they haven't already. Doesn't make it right but I can see what's going to happen. And anyway, why would anyone want to deny themselves feeling good?

This!!! When someone says sex feels like a chore, i am always flabbergasted and trying to brainstorm how they can like it more but many simply aren't interested which sucks.

 

[heatseekher01]

So I'm wondering -- perhaps out loud -- how people with a zany perverted self end up being married to people who don't also have a zany perverted side?

Well i'd guess that many don't know they have a 'zany perverted side'. Isn't it fair to say that like many things that some folks are happy to unwrap a few new layers as they explore/go through life, whilst some are content with 'where they are' or what they know.

Over the years i've bought the majority ( by a mile ) or the toys that we have, whilst the ones that Mrs H has bought have tended to be pretty run of the mill/tame - from girlie lingerie/toy parts. Why?Because whilst she appreciates the end result, the how, the why, the journey to explore doesn't occur to her whatsoever. She doesn't even know what half of them are called - i swear she called the Hitachi a Suzuki once.

In our case we were well matched for sex and still are, it';s just that unwrapping a new layer doesn't occur to her. Whereas for me, i want to keep sexploring to see how or whether its possible to have more fun & pleasure. There's no way that we knew how our personalities would vary in this respect 27 years back!

 

[Pink_Milkmaid]

Well i'd guess that many don't know they have a 'zany perverted side'. Isn't it fair to say that like many things that some folks are happy to unwrap a few new layers as they explore/go through life, whilst some are content with 'where they are' or what they know.

Over the years i've bought the majority ( by a mile ) or the toys that we have, whilst the ones that Mrs H has bought have tended to be pretty run of the mill/tame - from girlie lingerie/toy parts. Why?Because whilst she appreciates the end result, the how, the why, the journey to explore doesn't occur to her whatsoever. She doesn't even know what half of them are called - i swear she called the Hitachi a Suzuki once.

In our case we were well matched for sex and still are, it';s just that unwrapping a new layer doesn't occur to her. Whereas for me, i want to keep sexploring to see how or whether its possible to have more fun & pleasure. There's no way that we knew how our personalities would vary in this respect 27 years back!

SO TRUE. Not everyone wants to grow in that area and that's not always readily apparent in the early years and it's no one's fault, although I would say that those who aren't open to growth are maybe missing out, but that's their choice.

 

[danielle140]

I am very happily married , Hubby likes to share me so I have a wonderful marriage and a lot of sexual excitement .

 

[rainsol]

I am very happily married , Hubby likes to share me so I have a wonderful marriage and a lot of sexual excitement .

I bet you do.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Yeah, such a conversation doesn't go well for me once I start suggesting that they better step it up or their husbands will be stepping out if they haven't already. Doesn't make it right but I can see what's going to happen. And anyway, why would anyone want to deny themselves feeling good?

I think that women are, quite rightly, resistant to the notion of being subservient to their man. And obviously our society does have a history of sexism that gives rise to this legitimate consideration.

However, sometimes it feels as though the notion of male sexuality has become inextricably associated with sexism. That isn't fair. A man expecting a woman to do as he says because that is her place is deeply sexist. But a man expecting his partner to be aware of and responsive to his needs is entirely appropriate and natural.

Pop culture presents the notion that the sex a woman wants is appropriate and healthy. And to the degree that a man wants more, that incremental frequency or variety is dirty and wrong. It is a self-justifying premise that gives women the latitude to simply dismiss their man's needs as invalid. Obviously that is a gross oversimplification and certainly does not represent everyone's opinion or experience. But that ready made rationalization is prejudicial to men.

A man whose SO is feeling sexually unsatisfied can dismiss her needs simply by attaching the slut label to her.

However, there is one key difference. The woman who isn't attending to her man's sexual needs will more than likely get plenty of sympathy and support from other women. Not so when the roles are reversed. As a man, just try telling your friends that your wife wants too much sex - they may judge you inadequate or volunteer to fuck her for you but they aren't going to rally around the notion that women shouldn't want so much sex. As a man you won't be given the latitude to simply ignore her needs and feel justified in doing so. Some guys neglect their wives anyway but not with the support and encouragement of our society.

I don't know what all that means. For women "not getting enough" it is tough to speak out. For men "not getting enough" you can speak out all you want but nobody is listening.