Happily married?

[lilpriss]

Fact or fiction?

I'm so over hearing about people who are miserable with marriage... what the hell happens??

Who is happily married and what do you do to keep it going strong?

I'm single and it seems that every guy I date is damned and determined NOT to get married because they don't want to get TRAPPED or they don't want to be miserable... blablabla

I want some inspiration here.

 

[dclabrecque]

I'm happily married, and if you asked my husband, he would say he was too. We are each others best friends, and neither of us likes to be alone. We spend as much time together as possible - most evenings, and almost all weekends. We have always agreed on money issues, and had few disagreements about child rearing when we had kids at home. I trust him explicitly and he does me also. I entered marriage forever. We have been married 31 years, and were together 3 1/2 years before that - all of my adult life.

 

[cactiphile]

HAPPY HERE, at least with being married as work sucks.

Although its often repeated and more likely ignored
I put our successful marriage down to communication.
We tell each other how we feel, and if somethings
bothering either of us etc. Keeping stuff hidden
from each other is a deathnell to happiness.

Anyway only got 10 years under our belts
so long way to go. But marriage can work.


c.

PS We only got married because of tax benefits!
(which they promptly took away 2 years later)

 

[fhswarrior]

Not anymore

Glad that you started this thread, because I have wrestled with this issue for a few years now.
From a MALE perspective, I fail to understand why any guy would feel trapped in marriage unless he and you failed to share the same interests. Assuming that you do, there is no reason why a guy should feel TRAPPED, in my opinion. That seems to me to be a major cop-out.
And I have been married for 29 years with my best friend, too. Unfortunately for the past 7 years or so, my wife and I do not share the same interest in intimacy any more. She has no interest in intimacy, although she will tell anyone that I am a fantastic lover who satisfies her greatly. However, for her, that need is about 6 times a year, seriously. And I have far greater needs than that. So.........round one of counseling did nothing, will try to get her to round two.
Share all the same interests and the relationship should last forever.

 

[FFhotwife]

MEEEEEE...

My husband and I are extremely happy. We have been with each other for 15 years and married for 9. You need a solid foundation before any marriage will work. We are very open with each other. We still find time for us even though we have 3 young kids. We try new things to make the spark still there. All relationships have there rough times-we certainly did, but we always, always said we still loved each other-no matter what was happening. A marriage is something you always need to work at. We are actually celebrating our 9 year anniversary today!!!!! Can't wait until tonight!!!!!!!!!

 

[Guest]

 

[peachykeen]

Happy in the main. We have our issues from time to time but at the end of the day, he is my best friend, and he is a good man, and I adore him.

 

[sheheri*]

Okay, now wait a minute!

If you had asked me even two years ago if I was happy in my marriage, I would have said blissfully so. I met and married a wonderful, ingelligent man when I was 18... he was my best friend, and we were so much alike that we could finish each other's sentences. 5 years later, when our daughter was still pretty young, we were still just as in love, and our marriage was going strong. Maybe a year later is when everything changed... my husband had a psychotic break.. and is now a Type Two Bi-Polar. I now have two children, and a third, my husband, most of the time as well. Only he has a driver's license, and access to my bank account, so he has the ability to do much more damage to our lives than the children ever could.
Not every marriage falls apart because people don't want to be trapped, or because their spouse is a controlling, ball-breaking bitch.... sometimes it is a downward spiral that neither party has the ability to stop.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I'm a single guy...I want to get married someday. I can't imagine feeling trapped or miserable in marriage.

 

[Maiden-hunter]

VERY happy
and oddly enough We have very little in common intrests
ie. I love Rock music she hates it. and we like to hear what the other has been up to did I see a good band, meet old mates ect

but we hold no secrets between us, talk a lot and both have indipendent intrests so I do my thing She dose her thing
and we get together in between

13 years wed and still going strong

 

[sheheri*]

I'm a single guy...I want to get married someday. I can't imagine feeling trapped or miserable in marriage.

When you are married to the right person, Johnny, it completes your life. It doesn't ruin it. Maybe some day, I'll find another wonderful man to share my life with. Actually, I found one, but he lives in Arkansas. Such is my luck....

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

When you are married to the right person, Johnny, it completes your life. It doesn't ruin it. Maybe some day, I'll find another wonderful man to share my life with. Actually, I found one, but he lives in Arkansas. Such is my luck....

I know the feeling...

I get so frustrated with my married friends sometimes. They have what I want, someone to share their life with, and almost all of them take it for granted. I can't imagine loving someone enough to marry them, and then treat them like anything other than the most important thing in my life. When you get to do that, to share joy and happiness for a lifetime, why would you feel trapped or miserable?

 

[peachykeen]

Re: Okay, now wait a minute!

If you had asked me even two years ago if I was happy in my marriage, I would have said blissfully so. I met and married a wonderful, ingelligent man when I was 18... he was my best friend, and we were so much alike that we could finish each other's sentences. 5 years later, when our daughter was still pretty young, we were still just as in love, and our marriage was going strong. Maybe a year later is when everything changed... my husband had a psychotic break.. and is now a Type Two Bi-Polar. Basically, he's crazy. I now have two children, and a third, my husband, most of the time as well. Only he has a driver's license, and access to my bank account, so he has the ability to do much more damage to our lives than the children ever could.
Not every marriage falls apart because people don't want to be trapped, or because their spouse is a controlling, ball-breaking bitch.... sometimes it is a downward spiral that neither party has the ability to stop. I am now separated, and my husband is continuing to refuse treatment, and self-destruct.... without destroying me in the process.

Wow, that's really heavy. You sure have a lot on your plate. Good luck to you.

 

[sheheri*]

Things are working out... it's okay! my main

 

[sheheri*]

woops, technical difficulties. My main goal is to be happy and healthy, which I am. All is good.

 

[drew62]

I wish I could say that Im happily married, but I'm not. I guess the best word to describe it is content. I can deal with what is going but dont really want to. The one and only reason I havent bailed on this marriage is because my wife got pregnant on our honeymoon. She is so moody that I sometimes cant stand it.
I saw it coming before the wedding but thought it would get better.

I know if we got a divorce that she would move back to where she grew up and I would never see my daughter again. At least this way I get to see my daughter and she her grow up.

Its a bad reason to stay married, but my wife is wonderful person and we get along great. Its just that I dont really truly love her.
That love belongs to a woman I lost contact with a long time ago.

I get some enjoyment from coming into Lit and seeing all the sexy women and their pics, and having fun with others. The way I see it, its all harmless fun.

Just thought I would add my 2 cents to the discussion.

 

[Noor]

Re: Okay, now wait a minute!

5 years later, when our daughter was still pretty young, we were still just as in love, and our marriage was going strong. Maybe a year later is when everything changed... my husband had a psychotic break.. and is now a Type Two Bi-Polar. Basically, he's crazy.

I am sorry to hear that. That also happened to a close friend of mine, actually both of them were freinds, after 16 years of marriage, and he is gone. The person he was just no longer exists. They are divorced now. He is out there somewhere, untreated, sometimes he calls their child on certain day of the week, sometimes not. He went through their savings and ran up huge debts too before he left.

 

[lilpriss]

Well this is refreshing! Good to see that there is a good number of people who are happy.

Sheheri, I'm sorry for your pain, some things we can't control, that's for sure. And Drew, I applaud the commitment you have to your child at least.

I guess I'm in a similar boat with Johnny Mayberry, I want to get married and live happily ever after. It just seems that so many are against the whole thing. I hear things like, "are you happy? or married?" all the time... and I see the youngish (28 - 40) married guys coming into work and you can tell they've been having marital problems, by their actions and how they talk. I swear, there only seem to be 2 men in my office who adore their wives. It's disheartening at times.

My parents have been blisssfully married for 38 years and I was starting to think that they were a freak of nature...

Glad I was wrong.

Thanks guys I needed to see this.

 

[Tx girl]

Ok i admit it! I'm happily married, going on 6yrs. We've actually been together almost 10. I can't really say what it is we do to keep it going so strongly. We're just happy, if that makes sense. I love spending time with him and as far as i know him with me. (atleast he better!!!) I think i actually just got lucky with him. I can seriously and honestly say that i can count on one hand how many big arguements we've had. Don't get me wrong we have disagreements. But as far as being really pissed off, it dosent happen that often.


I guess all i can say to give you hope is this.... Don't lose hope, because the minute you stop looking is the minute you'll find true happiness and someone worth giving your heart to.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[James G 5]

Marriage. Bah. An outmoded insitution designed to enforce property rights & keep women chaste and under the control of a husband once they left their families.
Now a feverently embraced home for the equally obscene and outmoded concept of monogamy.
Both ideas go against reason, emotion, and biology.
No wonder they both fail so often and so many are miserable in them.

As for "trapped" people feel that way because society "expects" them to be married and in some jobs and positions advancement for one umarried is tough. Plus divorce generally favors women to a man's detriment, and we DO actually care about the kids who will be (most of the time) cruelly ripped from us if we flee an awful siutation.

IMHO, of course


And yeah, I'm bitter, but it doesn't make my comments invaid.......There's a saying from the "Principia Discordia": "Do not discount the truth of these teachings because I am mad; I am mad because they are TRUE."

 

[cherrylips_au]

I have a happy marriage sure we have our moments but overall I wouldn't change anything.

He's my best friend and we tell each other everything.

We also work hard to keep each other happy.

We don't take each other for granted and are both flexible and open minded.

 

[carrie-on]

I have been married for almost 28 yrs and we are very happy. He is the bestest friend I have and we are always open and honest with each other. There is not a thing that I have done that he doesn't know about,including coming here to Lit. Oh sure, we have had our rough times, everyone does,but through talking about it and working together as a team,we have overcome them.
One of the main things is to communicate.

 

[pw27]

Dh and I have been married 3 1/2 yrs(dated for 9mths). We are happy and have good communication between us. I truly believe I just got lucky in finding my husband, sure we've had problems but every relationship does. We always work things out because we truly love each other. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my husband and he for me.

Don't give up there is someone out there.

 

[The_old_man]

My wife and I have been married for 53 years, parented three children, and are now great grandparents. Mabe we have been lucky, mabe we've done something right.

We have had some bad arguments, but have never carried them over to the next day.

Recently I compared marraige to a three leged stool.

leg1: commitment! Each must have the happyness and wellbeing of the other as a prime objective. No ifs, ands, or conditions.

leg2: respect! both must respect the integrity of the other personality. Accept them as they are! Suport them in thier goals. Laugh WITH them, and at YOURSELF.

leg3: Forgivness and forgetfulness!!! Never carry resentment!

Sex, when shared is great. If not shared, do it yourself. Never sneek outside of the marrage. I joke with her that "IT" is her toy. If it woun't work, use one of the others she has. When she wasn't receptive ( problems with the kids, or at work) I "Did it myself." That is how I started writing sex stories, to help me get off. Now she writes them too.

Act like you are still dateing!